Ep 27: The Guy Who’s Always High

Novel.

This show contains adult material, references to drugs and swearing.

You have been warned.

I will say, I don't know if I want to see pictures of someone's bumhole and I've.

Just met them. Yeah, I have a question. Was it Harry? It was Harry?

Yeah?

Oh?

No, Gray.

Having me I'm a savage?

Are you bored of modern dating?

Meeting the same people from the same apps in the same bar You've only chosen because it's close to your house and you can make your usual quick getaway. It's time to change the narrative on how we find love. It's time to start looking for love in all the wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure, only picking people who are the total opposite of my type. And after twenty of these dates in two months, will

It's time to find out.

I'm Grace Campbell and this is twenty eight dates later.

Grace, I was so you managed to squeeze in another date this week? And am I right? And saying I was got a little lake run down? Yeah, he's high. He's been briefed as.

The guy who is always high, right, which I think is gonna be the name of this episode, Grace.

Have you ever dated someone that is always high?

Yeah? Really?

Yeah?

Yeah yeah yeah.

I mean I've dated like a stoner for ages, and it was just like what am I doing with my life? Because dating someone who has stoned all the time is so stressful. He was so bad at like you'd forget plans that we'd make all the time. He was late to everything, oh my god, which isn't like all stoners are like that, but he was like high all the time, so obviously he was forgetting everything.

I would not be able to deal with someone like that. I don't think i've gone it with someone who's been stoned all the time. I will say I'm the most naive person when it comes to drugs.

You probably just didn't know, honestly.

Like sometimes I'll be out with people and I'm like, God, wasn't the mad last night? And They're like yeah, uh, they were after their tits on coke and I'm like what.

Everyone was? It was everywhere and I'm like what I missed?

What?

And I know I am like this, Like I feel like I was so sheltered from a growing up that, like I have no concept of knowing if people.

Are high or on drugs or not. That's so funny. Yeah, but I feel like it's also because you.

Have so much energy when you're out, so you may not notice. But I've grown up around a lot of druggy people with my The first guy that I was like ever in love with was like a coke addict. And it was horrific because I'd be like, that's what we'd be like at a part and he'd be like, no, I can't.

Go home, like I'm not gonna be able to sleep, and I'd be like, I'll just go house.

Then when go back to my house and he would just sit there taking coke till like eight in the morning.

That's crazy. Yeah, Oh my gosh.

I've actually thought maybe I need to be with someone who's like sober or like sober adjacent, like someone who's like more on the side of being sober than being a drug addict.

Yeah, someone's normal.

I loved this day, Like, I actually had such a good time. He was like a raging party animal. So when he found out about the podcast and like going on a date with me, his initial sponsors he wanted to take me to the ballet and take mushrooms, like take me to the ballet, and the date for the.

First date, I got three tickets to the ballot, so I was, do I, I've just got a few.

Friends in there.

My mum, if she found that out, would be like, can you go.

Out with as long as you thin mushroom shouldn't come along?

Maybe you and my mom. She's never done dream before, but like.

The first time I did, like I can't lie, I fucking ship myself because basically I went and I just I took lords of this. I took like chocolates, I took dry, I took fucking liquid and I got there. It was the knock Cracker I started, but it was tickets to a dress rehearsal, Like I don't fucking clue what dress rehearsal is. So I'm sat there and starts like the special effects were amazing. So I was like, I fucking have lords. So I ate a full chocolate,

But were you on your oas you're not?

Did he just say that he would love to take your mom to the ballet and give her shrooms?

Yeah, so my mom has never done shrooms, and I've thought she would enjoy it. Actually agrees, have you done shrooms? I love streams. I've got a mushroom tattoo.

I've actually never I'm fucking hell, I'm soaving it. Like, I've never done streams, and it's probably the one thing I'm like, oh, i'd be interested in because so many people are like, it's amazing.

You have to be in the right mindset you do.

And the first time I took shrooms, I was in a really bad mindset and I shouldn't have done them because I was like in a bad way. I was in a bad period in my life and it sent me west. But I now will only do streams if I'm like in a good way and I do more like mushroom chocolate or like mushroom oil, which is what he was saying that he would give my mom is like some chocolate, and I feel like my mom would actually like it.

She would never do it.

I think she'd like it at the ballet, And I actually think she'd have liked this guy because he was so likable. But it was a yeah, he was He was absolutely gagging to say my mom's to ballet, like he wanted my mom to be there more than me.

Like, would that have been the strangest proposal first day She've ever been asked?

I mean maybe, like if I'd have gone on a date with him and we'd had mushrooms at the ballet, that would have been the maddest first day I've ever had him asking to do it with my mum.

I don't know.

I feel like I've been asked like so many weird questions on first days, But maybe I've just asked those words questions.

I'm not sure.

We were talking about him giving my mom magic mushrooms, and then he told me such a joke story about giving his parents space cake.

When I was.

Fourteen, I made my mom and dad's space cake, really I did, I And I told them I was like, I'm going to make dad's space.

Cake for his birthday and my mom and dad.

Were like shut up, no ing, and then did they have it?

And then like, I mean, mom was working on the tiller I was at the time, and I went over there.

I was like, so are you buying cake? And she's like, yeah, I'm making a space cake. She's like no.

I was like fucking up anyway making the space cake put the lord to hash in it. And then one night I think they ate it and they came up in their bedroom and like stupid o'clock at night, being like it's the best.

Ed. I was like, fucking god.

I love that. His parents sound kind of cute. They're cool.

I'm going to be like that, that's gonna be weird.

Did he say when he was fourteen he made his parents a cake?

He made space cake? Yeah? Fourteen?

Yeah?

Well yeah.

I mean it's jokes like I've tried to make my parents do mushrooms so many times and they would never. They would never do it. My parents are such squares, Like it's mad.

Have you ever tricked your parents? Have I ever drugged them? No? I don't. I don't think that would go well for me. I know, I think that's against the law.

I think I would get in a lot of fucking trouble and they would probably like go to the police because they are squares.

Oh my god.

So he told me this crazy story where he was at a festival and this is like a known thing that like if you want a drug to like go into a bloodstream or you put it up your ass.

So like, oh, do you know what a PingER is for us? No idea.

So it's like a pill, like an ecstasy pill.

Okay, So he was telling me that he'd put a pill up his bumhole.

I put a PingER up my ass for the first time. Best thing ever. I feel like a sixteen year old doing jogs for the first time again.

So how quickly you start?

Honestly within five minutes? Off me? Ted? So as a kid there, sorry.

Do you never get worried that you just out?

Oh no, because I've got everything said, there's nowhere I did.

Basically basically, the finger was blue up here, because like these pingures are like notoriously blue. Whenever we do them, we all get covered in blue. So anyway, the fingers blue. And then I was just like, what not, my arsehole looks like the smart So then that night, that's not that night MII pow went back to the mind to pick up some bits the tense, and I was like, Nick, can you do me a favorite? I just made friends this loud and You're just like, for you meet, do anything?

Is it really blue?

Oh my god?

You show me a picture of his arsehole and it was bright fucking blue.

Crazy.

Yeah, oh my, oh my god, that looks like a wuk D.

That is lad.

How has that happened exactly?

It's like a cosmic bud wall.

Well, that's amazing, thank you.

Yeah, first material.

I will say, I don't know if I want to see pictures of someone's bomb hole, and just I have a question.

I didn't like it. Yeah, I think my question might be too gross.

Go and ask it.

Was it Harry? It was Harry. Yeah.

I just didn't want to see it, but I wanted to see how blue it was. And I was like, look, I did not want to see his Yeah.

The question is obviously, putting a pill up your bomb obviously it absorbs faster, ready to get Yeah, you know that he.

Talks about it Oh, it was like I was sixteen again.

So it's like, do drugs if you take them for so long, is it like coffee where they just like they don't hit you or something?

Yeah?

Absolutely well, or even if you were like at a festival. This sounds like I'm a fucking connoisant. But even if you were at a festival and you were taking like quite a lot of pill, was like on the second or third day of the festival, like the pill would.

Stop effecting you. That's crazy.

So he would have probably been at a festival and been taking this pill, but then it stopped getting to him, so he put it up his arsehole and then felt like sixteen year olds felt like his first Hi.

So it's obviously people who take drugs consistently they need to do more and more for an effect. Like if you're having a cup of coffee. Once get used to you'd have more and more aware the gateway back.

That's wild. Yeah, I know, I know, I mean, it's it's a great story.

Is that the craziest thing you've seen on a date? Somebody showing you a picture of their blue up bottle? It was it was definitely, Yeah, did they have to use flash because it was Derek Okay, where I'm just gonna mental image of this, So it was like a flash picture of an asshole that he'd probably not wiped because he was at a festival.

Oh no, great, true, I'm being for real. Oh Jesus, please tell me that was the worst thing he showed you and told you.

Yeah, he was like the gift that kept on giving. Everything he said was just like he had. He had actually had so many man stories.

Is I think I'm just really open, like anything can happen.

Yeah, I've got something.

Some fucking shit situations go on. I got tricked into a cookold ones.

What did you think you were doing?

So?

I think I met them on field and we'd spoken a bit and like the invitings on a few nights out whether partner was going to be there. But I didn't realize it's a cookold situation. I thought they just wanted a threesome and they get a text it like through it like eleven, I mean, are you free tonight? So I was like, actual, it is fucking I'll do it.

I'm just like, oh, fuck me. And then I get there and.

Then she's like, oh, don't worry, like my boyfriends at the shops. I've just seen him going fucking hide in the room out of the corner of my eye. I was like, what is going on? Anyway, We're fucking on the sofa. She's like, oh, can I get on top? I was like, of course can. So I jumped up, turns around with that I're on top, and he sat in the corner room wiped himself off.

No, but I didn't know what to do. So he's gone up and was like, oh, nice to meet you, min and just give him little fistbook. I'm not.

You really want to be.

I couldn't after that. It was expelled to me the room. I couldn't really keep it up to it in such a state. Yeah.

Anyway, Yeah, I'm sat on the sofa, so she's rubbing up it to me fiers and then he starts shaggling from behind, and the next thing and that I'm sat there, I'm like, let me take them sad Like there's a couple having sex on this, and then you do it this sat I was like, right, sound the couples having sex on top of us sick. The next one he pulls out me leg it's really warm. I was like, I think he's just.

Fun on me.

Like I had to use their exit strategy for me to get out because they were like, oh, we've got dinner at.

It, so I have to leave.

And I looked and it was like twenty past it, and I was like, guys.

I think you've got to go to dinner.

Oh ship, yeah, we do.

I was like, let me, Oh my god.

Sorry.

After start, I was like, what's the cockled? And then obviously it's like it's obviously when you're is.

When you are the person. So that if I had sex with your boyfriend and you watched.

Right, But like the fact that he came into this room and this guy was in the dark corner hiding.

That's fun.

Also the fact that then the couple started fucking on top of him, so then he was just the pillow for the couple and he wasn't even hard, he wasn't even involved.

They were just fucking on top of him.

Like, I like the fact that he's just like sitting there laughing about it, but also you can kind of tell that he's kind of like, ah, it's a traumatizing memory. I know.

I'm sorry. That sounded like like, am I wrong?

Noil am, I just like that's wrong, Like you need to let someone know if someone's watching you.

Yeah, kind of creepy like peeping town.

I mean, but I feel like that some people's kink, which is not cool.

No, some people like you know, fucking hell no. Sorry.

Now, if I went and I was having sex with someone, I turned around there was someone in the corners. I would run out there so fast and be like that time I saw a ghost, I.

Would use the lesson that I learned from one class of kickboxing, and I would just batter them the fuck Jesus.

He tells the story so well.

It's funny, but also at the same time you can tell he like at the time he was like what the fuck.

But it's It's really been so interesting because like I obviously didn't even know what cockold meant before I did this becass and then I've gone on dates with so many different types of like orientations of like dating and stuff, and like I've met so many people who've like been a cuckold or like, you know whatever, like had a cockold or whatever. I don't even know how you use

Look, as you know, I'm like fucking people like go for it, like do whatever. Happy, But it sounds like he had no fuck an idea what he was getting in for, and they didn't really let him know. If you're listening, let people know what they're up for. Yeah, quite literally, even.

When he's selling that story about the threesome cockold, he was like, I'd popped the viagra and then I was on my way and my heart started pulplting because I was on a calm down, So like he was already on a drug calmdown from the boy taking too many pins off his asshole. Now he's taken a viagra, so his body is fucked. Yeah, he's obviously a bit of a fucking wrackhead.

Yeah. And when I went to.

The toilet during the day, when I listened back, you can just hear him laughing to himself and randomly talking to some other person walking past.

You're right, sorry, I just we're gonna make yourself love. How's your day going? We all do it. There's nothing wrong with laughing it itself. You know, I just got carried away.

How's your day being? He had a good day. Honestly, it's been fucking great. Like it's been quite chilled. And find the lisbon at four am this morning tomorrow morning. Yeah, it's fun working.

Haven't been listening.

I've been so many times now I can tell you everything you need to do.

Honestly, it's a lodge. Where are you from? I need hold such a special place in my life.

Oh my god, he's working mad.

I'm sorry. I love it when I'm on my own.

That's what I'm like.

Can I just say, like, obviously I'm only getting clips with this lad or whatever, but like it's kind of someone you'd like to have in your friendship group number one for the Wild Stories number two. You can just tell he's actually a really nice person.

He's lovely, like when he's like, how should I but my day's been great?

Yeah, pretty chill.

It's like you're talking to like no one like who you do. I can't even hear that voice.

For me if I ask myself what the fuck I'm doing? It means I'm doing the right thing. So I've got perhaps with me.

All the time, Like i'd be like, what am I doing? And I'm like na, na na.

If you got yourself what you're doing, that means you're doing you're living.

Yeah, And that's kind of my main gold and life. I just want to live on. I like to be a story. It is all one from life's done a fucking the hell of a story.

Honestly, we have different like our mottos are on the wrong side of scale. Like whenever I ask myself what the fuck am I doing, it's usually because I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? Like like something's gone wrong here and needs to stop.

I know he's like when he's.

In a bad situation, He's like, I don't know, is he expects write like a novel when he's ninety.

I can't relate. If I'm like, what the fuck am I doing?

I'm having a nerves breakdown, Like that's I need to be stable to function.

Do you have any life mottos?

You know?

Me wants to live by.

I'm vanilla as they come, and I work seven days a week and my only motto that I tell myself when I'm like bloody, like getting three air resleep getting off for work is just like it's an opposite to him. I'm like, I just want to work and become successful. So I'm like, short term pain, long term gain.

That's a good motto. That's a good motto.

Yeah, like his motto. That's so funny. What the fuck am I doing? It's like so the opposite, but like obviously, okay, he's a really I just tell he's like kind of like such a sweet guy, but he's definitely not someone for you.

But like, how who would you see him ending up with? To have that lifestyle?

And I've got friends who like have that lifestyle of like they're always out and like getting fucked or whatever, which some people have the constitution to be able to handle it. But in a relationship, then you need someone who's slightly antidote to that, who isn't also putting pills up their ass and taking pictures of their assholes.

Do you know what I mean?

You need someone who's a bit like what are you doing about?

Do you ever find that it's like the maddest people you know, like the people who like take a lot of drugs who were like have the wilder stories always end up being like a life coach or something.

Always always yeah, yeah, always yeah.

I just feel like we're going to come across him in ten years time. He's going to have like some like motivational podcast.

But you know what it is. It is because they've really seen some shit. Yeah, like when you've been when you've been like in that like going out a lot and like meeting like crazy fucking people, you've seen some shit and you've probably nearly.

Died a few times. True. I loved him.

We had a great time. I'm obsessed with the fact that he laughed himself and I went to toilet. He was probably laughing about like my VPL or the fact that I had a cameltoe.

But I loved him.

I probably wouldn't like date him again, but we've still got however.

Many more, well, you know, add to the guy who was always high. He was actually my favorite data.

Next time on twenty eight dates later, the.

Second we started speaking, I was like, we have to have sex, and I really want it to be today that we have said.

You sat down, You're like, how can this happen? I know I'm going to talk about my dog's square and another dog's face. Like dogs.

Around for me, I'm a survey can Hurt It?

Twenty eight dates later is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio. For more from Novel, visit novel dot Audio. The series is presented by me Grace Campbell with help from Rod Purcell and Dan White. The producer is Diggery Way. The executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are Mithillly Raw and Max O'Brien. Production management from Sharie Houston and Charlotte Wall. Willard Foxton is our creative director of Development.

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