Ep 18: The Couple

Novel.

This show contains adult material and swearing. You have been warned.

Well, if I was in a freesom or a woresome moment, I feel left out, I will.

Leave Like Wait, I'm the mascot on the side watching the game. I'm the war boy and they're all playing sport and I'm watching and it's reminding me.

Of secondary school again.

Me, I'm a savage.

Are you bored of modern dating? Meeting the same people from the same apps in the same bar You've only chosen because it's close to your house and you can make your usual quick getaway. It's time to change the narrative on how we find love. It's time to start looking for love in all the wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure, only picking people who were

It's time to find out.

I'm Grace Campbell and this is twenty eight dates later.

Hi, down, what have you been up to? What have I've been doing this week? What? To be honest, I have just been dissociating. Oh that's fun. Yeah, Wait to tell me about the date.

Okay, the day I went on this week is a first for me because this was a date with a couple, and I've never been on a date with a couple and they were like ten years apart.

Wait, how did you meet on Field?

Well, okay, I have used Field, and I think it's never done any good for me.

It's kind of like what Field is.

Field is a bunch of really boring straight men who say they're head for flexible, which actually makes no sense. Head to flexible just means you're willing to have a threesome with a girl, or you're willing to have a threesome with a guy who needs to be attractive.

But his dick needs to be smaller than yours, Right, That's what I think it means.

There's all these like bland men and these gorgeous queer people that they're with, and I'm like, how does this work?

Like I would love to like maybe just a reflection of.

The fucking world, Like unfortunately, like what men will do, which is what was the case for this couple. Basically, they were a couple and had been together for a couple of years, and it was painfully obvious to me that she was less invested in opening up, opening it up and having other situations with other couples, other people. Right, And he was really quiet as well, like he didn't really say much, Like it didn't quite all match up.

But this honestly to quote, and I can't giving me up to it the hard situation.

Yeah, it was.

It was a bit like he was quite creepy, I'll be honest. And I thought that from the moment I met him. It was triggering, not my non star. I didn't think he was a nonce.

It was triggering my just.

You're a creepy man, And if I met you in most context, I would think.

That, Yeah, yeah, even if you're my friend's dad.

It's giving, like magician exactly, it's giving, Like wearing eyeliner fully around the eye does not make you more sexually ambiguous.

Exactly, it just makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. Yeah, and you're looking at me too much. Yeah, you still probably secretly have like a Lost Profits tour t shirt. Hi, So how long have you been together? You in a bit, what is your relationship if you had to define it, mostly monogamous, Okay.

Yeah, and then you go on field to meet a third or other couples.

But yeah, okay, and was it that from the beginning.

Or it's what I wanted from the beginning?

Okay, yeah, I.

Don't know, doubt Yes, I mean it's what I wanted, That's what I wanted.

But also like there was things about like him that just gave me the ick. He's just gone through a divorce, discussing I'm.

Drinking, but he like, okay, what is this a Sex and the City reboot?

Yeah?

Exactly.

He was like ten years older than her, but basically had known that he wanted an open relationship when he got with her, but she didn't, and then after like.

Well that's shady, Like if that's what you want, it needs to be on the profile. It needs to be said at the beginning, right, Like you can't kind of like let someone in and then go, oh, by the way.

Well exactly, which is why there are benefits to like apps like Field, because you can make it really clear that that is what you're looking for and are interested in, and then people can decide, like from the get go if they're going to be into that.

Because I guess also the good thing about fluidity, which I don't think people like think about, is that if you're open and you want things to be fluid, then

But yeah, but those things are only achievable if both people have the capacity to.

Like community walk. Yeah.

But I guess what was kind of but not like sad sounds a bit patronizing, but I enjoyed the company of more.

Of the Alice the girl.

But what A felt a bit sad was it did feel like this was a situation that had been thrust upon her, like once she'd fallen in love with someone. Yeah, which is just like not really, it's not really ideal.

I do think then until you're able to be alone, you can't maybe someone else.

I obviously disagree with that well, because you've never been by yourself. But really I.

Was looking forward to her and then you came along among no way, yeah, just out of a ten year marriage.

No, no, the marriage is not my fam. I mean, it's not giving me goodvibes. I think as well.

I basically think that's the sign of someone who's quite unthrapized, is being like, yeah, I've never been alone.

Well yeah, I mean as someone who has. But I okay, So I used to always think that, like, you know, you can't love somebody else to love yourself whatever.

That phrases, well choose life.

Yeah yeah, but like it's a thing of like being, like you have to like yourself, right. So I didn't date for like a long ass time because, like I guess, as a person, I was trying to figure myself out more and.

Like like who I was more.

But then the most I learned about myself was when I started dating people. I mean, so I think it's like a it's a paradox.

Of like you can't rely on being. I do.

I agree with that, but I think because I've been someone who's been so codependent in relationships, and that wouldn't have happened if I'd have been more happy with who I was. It's not necessarily about being like happy on your own. It's just about being happy with yourself so you don't need somebody else to help regulate your emotions, which is like why people are so desperate to like being relationships, because they need someone else to make them feel like validated all the tea.

But also I feel like plot twist, no one's happy, Like you've heard it here first, Like either you like your work's going well, so you're upset about your personal life, or like the opposite way around, you know what I mean, Like I mean.

That, but that, but that is because I at the moment in my life feel truly, I actually feel really happy, and she lies.

They had basically as a couple.

The week before I met them, been on a date with another couple and it had just been like a first date. They hadn't like done a sex thing, but they were meeting up the next week after I met with them to go on a second date with this couple, and they had like pre booked babysitter the other couple had kids, and then also like a hotel room. So I was like really asking like loads of questions about what they imagined was going to happen.

I think I expected to be way more embarrassing at the beginning. It's just like you sit there with two strangers and you kind of know that I'm basically interviewing you.

It's two and two, So it's like, what if one person wants to do it and the other.

Person, what do you do? Exactly? Do you think you'll see them again? We have a second guy really.

Out for Jenna next.

Week, So can I ask when you go on this second date with this couple, what do you think could happen?

Well, we've we've been kind of sex stayed, so really anything anything.

But it's going to be like a foursome. I don't know. I don't know. I'm so stressed. Are you buy? Would you get with the woman? I would? Yeah, I've never done it. You would my preference as women? Yeah, but you would? You know?

Yeah?

Some? Oh so then it could go anyway?

Yeah?

Who's leading the sex day? Yeah? I see what's the WhatsApp group called? Yeah? Like, like, what's it called?

I reckon It's called Dinner Thursday the twenty second of March or.

Is it like a couple of keys trying to find one big bowl.

That's a bit long for like a WhatsApp group tail.

I think sometimes these things are supposed to feel exciting, do you know what I mean? Like you're supposed to open up your relationship and feel like in a space that you're comfortable and there's trust that this new er is exciting. But from the sound of it, it doesn't sound that. Like she said, I'm really stressed out by the situation.

What she said, which like I think was after this, was she was like, I think that maybe because basically the guy from the other couple was also Italian like her, And she said that him, her boyfriend, and the woman from the couple were both English and they were really similar. And she was like, I have a feeling that they're just gonna like really get on and me and the Italian guy are just gonna like sit there like talking

That gives me such a deep it.

Yeah, but also to know what sounds so much more sexy not the two Brits fucking Italians talking.

No, No, I mean that's hot to me. White.

I don't know, that just doesn't sound fun or like erotic, like when he said sexting, honestly, my full body, full body reaction goosebumps.

Also, how can you sex with a couple where like maybe like one slash poss two of the people aren't game, but.

Then exactly and it's also like, well, yeah, what are you sending?

That's what I mean?

But wait, I in terms of being part of a group that has become sextinc esque.

I recently this is so long.

I recently got messaged by this guy on Grinder who was like, Hey, I want to start a big group for tall gaze baby. It's a WhatsApp group called like two hundred gays mainly why embarrassing be course it would be, but like and it's like all these like soho gays. I feel like, though me saying this, they're going to find out they're going to get me, because.

Sometimes feel a bit like what is being said.

Well, baby, it's just people sending like real lame ass nudes like gays be gay in, Gays be gay in. They can't stop. Like it's just like it's like two o'clock in the afternoon on a Tuesday. I don't want to see like what looks like a dead hamster in a shape val it looks like a dead hamster and take a good nude.

If I was in a couple and we were meeting with another couple to figure out like whether or not we're going to have like a good fucking swinging party or whatever, all I would really care about is how much I'm attracted to them. Like I'm not really looking to go on like a holiday with them.

It's not like I'm interviewing for a job.

I would just need to assess do I fancy the guy and the girl? Do I feel comfortable with the other person getting with my partner?

That's all I'm like thinking about. Wait, can I ask.

A question which maybe to be personal to me, but actually I think it's maybe universal. I feel like everyone's

Is like maybe like do you know what I mean? I don't know, there's like a vibe.

I was like, if it was happening, good for her, and I want that, Like I would love that, but like I feel like, is that a thing that like secretly cool?

Yeah? Yeah yeah, but like swinging in the middle age is very normal middle ages. Yeah, it's very normal.

Like swinging is very popular at the moment with middle aged people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I my parents have been propositioned to swing quite a lot, is it.

Well, yeah, political leaning exactly.

Well, I think the question I would ask the couple, like, I think simply, if it's about sex, you need to know that you're compatible in the bedroom. It's a hard situation because obviously things like grinding that Like I've spoken to people, but the first time we meet is in

Which is like run into the bathroom and getting changed. It's like that hello goodbye.

So like that's what I think about, like grinding self or even field, Like it's so upfront in terms of like what you like and what you want to do, but then also like so.

Much of that, but I'm feeling that doesn't quite tick off this thing of like it's about, yeah, am I gonna like have good sex with you? But also am I going to feel comfortable with your fucking my boyfriend in front of me?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah yeah, Like can I firstly assess how good you are giving head?

Is it better than me? Because it's better than me?

And let me just say absolutely that's this is like a parallel universe and that could possibly be situation because no one gives the old good block block through that I wasn't like I do.

Nobody finds that bean like down.

My friend told me the other day that he used to think that when he used to give head, like eating out. The phrase eating out confused him so much so he was like looking for something because he thought you meant.

To be getting like a bean, like a wait what, So.

He thought like eating out the goal was like you're getting something out.

Why Why does say that like it's given like Pokemon boarders.

No, I know, so he thought he was in this little mission of people trying to get something out, which I get is kind of misleading.

No, it's not.

No one has ever thought, oh, I'm going to go down and stone and get a little bean out of the person.

I love the idea that there is like a little bean in that way, but.

There's not the am I right always been when I was I saw sometimes to.

Yeah, famously very good at head. I know very well that has not giving me head.

I just have to No matter how many times you ask, I won't do it every time.

No, but I do know that you're you've made a woman come. Thank you. And if I die tomorrow, this is how I want to be remembered.

Yes, I never understood why people are like, I don't know why people are like, where is it like it's quite is it not quite obvious?

Where it is? Yeah? But people are you know, men and men, men and men.

And also I think people don't even know where they're looking at the beginning.

Well yeah, but it's also hard to look like you know, where you're looking is like.

A bean, it's like a jelly bean. If someone has pampas grass at their door, it's the international signal that they're a swinger. So it's the sort of way to tell when they're having a dinner party. Kind of like dogging exactly what is it?

Dog ill It's where you're like you're in the car and you flash the headlights a certain way to like signal to the other car to come over.

But so there's this like car park and Hams even.

I know two people who came to London to visit and they were just walking on through that car park. They got some of this guy and he was American and he was like, oh, I've come all the way over for this, and they were like, oh my god, we're this thing as well. And then he was like, oh, I mean like to come here. And then they were

Of people fucking yeah, we need to go.

My mom was once walking on Humpstead Heat and just suddenly it was in the like George Michael, you know the area yeah, and she was just like, I mean, nobody had any interest in her because she was a middle aged woman.

But it was really fun. But she still stayed for three hours. I mean she's still there now. This was yesterday. She didn't have a dog with her. How what a you're walking? Is your dad at a last?

I remember actually living just outside of cor in this little countryside town called bucks Well, and you could walk and like see people dogging quite a long if you wanted to, and it was quite fun.

But why is it called dogging?

I could never tell you, okay, because I've been sworn to secrecy by the community doggers. If I were to say, they'd come for me and then my family free, but then my family's family.

No.

But I think it's I would like to do more, Like I would like to go to more saunas.

I would like to like go and experience these things more.

But like what I've experienced so far is well, I have been cruised quite a bit, like in my life, Like in terms of like cruising is kind of like where you're on public transport or like walking through a park or something.

Can you have like long eye contact with somebody.

And then that's kind of like an instagator of being like I'm into you and then you can go have sex. Like I remember, actually I remember this happened to be on the bus once and it was really hot. But

No, I remember there. I am hold on in the full way of homophobia on my own. Yeah, and I was on the pavement.

I just happened to pass by on the ones before.

Judge.

But like sometimes like that, when it again, like when it happens in a in a way that kind of is organic.

I guess that by that tracks on the street could be called organic. Yes, yes, so.

Might say it is the most organic that ever could be. But no, but like I agree that, like if it's not pushed upon me because I don't want to go to a space and not find anyone fit or like, well that's.

What I mean. It's the forcedness.

Yeah, are you jealous when he's getting with other people?

No? But because I chased hid. Yeah.

For me, jealousy is just like cancer and like everyone's jealous, Like I think everyone is, like saw just a big scale.

It's about how you deal with it, I think, Yeah.

And my jealousy was like brought the reins in on. It's like a few relationships to girls with someone who like slept with all of her friends, like all of them, but not only that, you know, fine with that, but they would talk about their encounters like openly, like they were young, Like I was probably like five years older than her. She was like twenty, so I saw her as they were just like immature. But like after we broke up, I was just like, why was I bothered by it?

Well, you know, they say a jealous in cancer. I wanted to and we'll get it. That's a mental statement.

Yeah, it is your eyes when he said it because I was like really confused.

I was like, wait, what, it's a big comparison. It's a big comparison. We raise awareness of jealousy. Please, yeah, jealousy. I'm sunging charity jealous Will they cure it? Why do they cure it? What is the cure? I'm just going to run this marathon. Why for jealousy?

You've got to combat jealousy somehow, Joe, what the big farmer?

Big Farmer's got the cure for jealousy? Does not give it to her. I had this friend Grace, and she was really jealous. I'm running this race behind.

The thing is I get if your partner like has slept with a lot of their friends. Like I've been in that situation before, and I've also been that person before and it definitely spikes feelings.

But it's kind of like what we talk about quite a lot.

But it's like it's just like your level of maturity and truly shut yes, yes.

Like I think like if you have especially if you're in an open relationship, like you have to have those things down or you just can't really venture into those into that space.

It's trust at the end of the day.

Even like with like my menstrual cycle, Like my feelings of jealousy like changed roout different times of the month. Because when I'm like on my period or coming onto my period, I'm like absolutely insane and I like do become quite paranoid.

And then like after my period, I'm like, oh my god, that was mad.

Yeah, but that's good, And do you communicate that thing? Yeah.

I always feel like I've got like a divorce woman inside of me because my mom like fan of divorce, like the hatred of men, and I feel.

Like I've got like a little divorce women inside of me. I just stop beating divorced women. You need to stop being divorcedomen. But it's so tasty and bitter.

I did think, like when you up, like I can hear like a shrieking, shrill noise coming out.

Do you say that to your dad? So what was it actually like going on a date with a couple, because that's the first time you've done that.

Yeah, I mean it didn't quite really feel like a day.

I just felt like I was interviewing them, to be honest, Yeah, like I didn't feel you know, I felt like I actually wasn't really what they were looking for in the sense that they weren't looking.

For a third.

They were looking for other couples, right, like in general. And then they were like going to sex parties where they were like, you know, finding thirds.

But I don't know if they were like actually like I don't.

Know if they'd had a threesome.

So I just felt like I was, you know, doing very much like what I'm going to do when I come to the dogging park and hamsterd Heath with you, just like asking questions and what.

Yah yeah yeah yeah, And actually from like listening to the electric energy from those clips on that.

Day, Yeah, I look forward to you being whilst I dog.

Yeah, yeah, I get deep dick dogged in hampsterdy Heath because I would just.

Say, there like cheering you on so much, like I was actually so proud of you.

Sometimes when you're trying to put a dick in your ask what you need is a cheer.

You do need someone to be like, yep, you got this.

Give me an out. I'll spare me. If you need it, I'll just spit someone got loose, I'll just driver next time.

On twenty eight dates later, can I just say if I was going on a date with you, I'd be nervous. Really yeah, that makes me so happy. I just I love the idea that I make man nervous.

Around for me, I'm a survey it can hurt.

It twenty eight dates Later is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio. For more from Novel, visit novel dot Audio. The series is presented by me Grace Campbell with help from Roz Pursu and Dan Whye. The producer is Diggory Way. The executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are mithillly Raw and Max O'Brien. Production management from Sharie Houston and Charlotte Wall. Willard Foxton is our creative director of Development.

Novel