Ep 17: The Player

Novel. This show contains adult material and swearing. You have been warned.

I watch some very very supreme porn was and it's like they're good films.

They're good quality of film.

And that's why you're an irrelation man, I'm savagely.

Are you bored of modern dating?

Meeting the same people from the same apps in the same bar You've only chosen because it's close to your house and you can make your usual quick getaway. It's time to change the narrative on how we find love. It's time to start looking for love in all the wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure, only picking people who are the total opposite of my type. And after twenty eight of the dates in two months.

Will I find that special.

Someone or well, this experiment proved that I should just give up on dating altogether.

It's time to find out.

I'm Grace Campbell and this is twenty eight dates later.

Hi, Ros, I just.

Want to say I am drinking your diicoke, so I made up.

You're going to work. Nothing makes you burke like diicoke, but.

I'm just rubbing it in your face, so you know.

I actually I am so tired today and I actually when I saw you open the bottle before we start recording, I was like, I would love nothing more.

Do you know when you just like want to be injected with Dike, Like, honestly, shoot me up.

It's like, great, says your show sponsored by diaicoke, and you're just not telling me I didn't sponsor. Sorry, you went on a new date this week? Was it a friend of a friend?

This was somebody that Yeah, so someone I know works with this guy and I had been shown for the butts on second such a lady.

Sorry, Oh fucking hell.

I had been shown a picture of him, very good looking, and I was told that he works in a finance department and he is a bit of a player, is what I got. Told that he goes on a lot of dates.

Okay, yeah, well look he's met his Maxton.

That is that is true?

Yeah, I agreed, you cannot be a HYPOCRISTI the.

Con right for me.

The reason why it wouldn't maybe work out with me and someone who like is a player is because, well, Ross, I am one as well.

You'd be playing each other.

We'd be fucking giving each other st d no oh good, but no, it is is a it's a thing where it's kind of like, can both of you be like that, like at the beginning of relationship or does one of you need to sort of like calm the other one down.

Well, okay, I've got a few points too, right.

Number one, I think a big kind of dating a player is if you're someone who's not a player yourself, like, for example, my experience of dating players.

It definitely can kind of affect yourself esteem.

Hear about it, and you kind of feel like maybe you're second choice or you're just in this rotating pool of other people. But number two, like, as adults, should you probably look, I can be totally wrong here, but should you not kind of tell the other person you're dating if you are fucking around, because we're all adults and we all need to make sure of our sexual health.

Yeah.

I do think it's just about being really upfront.

And I think the problem in dating is that there are so many men, and I do think specifically men do this more than women, who will say that they are not a player and then sort of start seeing you and law you into this feeling that you're getting into a relationship and it's becoming a sort of commitment territory.

And then they're like, bad, I'm not looking for a relationship.

And that happens to me, It happens to my friends, it happens all the time, and so yeah, i'd rather probably know earlier on if they are a player. But I am quite negative inherently about a lot of men. So I'm like, I feel like after a while you find out that they've been shagging around, even if they didn't say it.

So like, what was he like? This player guy?

What was his name?

His name was Ben?

I don't know a lot about you. That's time, and I did that on purpose. It's when I turned up.

I didn't want to know everything about you, so they.

Keep it blowing.

I didn't want to know everything about it, just sort you're gonna know today this week.

I haven't even asked you. What did he look like?

He had like like longish hair, like how do I describe it? Like you probably could have put into a ponytail, but maybe not, but like that length.

He had a face? What did it look like? Okay, let me find a picture one second.

Oh yeah, he does have a face. Ben is God. Yeah, that's he has a really nice smile.

He had a good smile.

Yeah, he looks really nice. He looks you know what, just from that photo, he looks really friendly.

That was the vibe.

And I think that's the thing about dating that is key is someone that puts you at ease straight away.

But obviously, like so many people like can't do that.

So that's why dating is like a bit of a gamble, because sometimes you go on a date and you're like, whoa, I feel so out of thoughts.

But he put me straight away.

I've was a tattoo of.

You.

It's a power boy.

That's so cool.

Yeah, I've got matching with my best friends.

Yeah, saying do you have any I have one. But it's just a it's just an hour glass.

What does that mean?

It's just when people lay, I can show them, you know. No, it's just it's just like I don't know, it's just like life.

Sure.

I guess it says life.

Sure, it's like life short. It's just like an hour glass.

What is an hour glass?

An hour glass?

No?

Oh, why gosh, show tattoo. Please take your top of.

Grace. I'm horrified. You don't know what an air glass is.

No, I know, I know. It's my stay school education.

I actually think I have one right here.

No, because you know what confused me. See, I know what that is.

When I've got ship to do, I'll put this on and like I've given myself like two minutes to get this like tiny task on.

I should get one of them. But what what confused me is the hourglass figure? Me too thinking what is our glass?

Well, when I first heard you talking about Aeroglass, I thought you were talking describing his figure, and I was like, okay, okay, he's gone Aeroglass figure.

Okay, okay, okay.

But that's so that's why the hourglass because it looks just like that.

What was it actually a nice tattoo?

It was no, it looked like it had been done like by a drunk person. Oh no, I say, very small. Like that's another thing that really gives me mick. Like I remember once I woke up with this guy and he was like, oh, I've got this tattoo, and you show me this tattoo on his back and it was his whole back was the face of a lion. But it was done so badly that the lion was like melting.

It was awful.

Okay, So overall, Ben really nice guy. He's really handsome, great smile, shit tattoos. Did anything else give you the yick?

No?

I didn't know it didn't because I love like on dates. I love talking about like crazy sex stories and stuff.

I don't know. It's always it's sort of how I break the eyes.

My classic eyes breaker on a day is talk about like, have you been to a sex party?

How many three soons have you had? Have you ever got them with a guy?

I've hissed the gub? Have you ever had a freezer? I've had a.

Would you ever have a freezer with another guy?

You know what?

Maybe? Probably? I feel like I'd be happening.

Then?

Have you ever enjoy sex party?

Did you?

Wow?

Tell me more?

Please more?

I love Berlin.

I love it so much.

I lived after six months, which one.

So it wasn't like a club.

It's just like a house.

Park, yeah, which is what I've had, Like the best kind of thing.

It was kidkat things, but it wasn't the hit.

It wasn't kick Yeah.

They were like over the walls sex toys everywhere.

The ratio was like a little bit strap. It was fun. It's quite dark.

You couldn't see anything.

I don't really see a lot.

My dream sex buy would be like I'm not a house buy and it's not sex fi, but it's house fight and then suddenly everybody starts getting with each other.

Because I used to think if I was gonna have a freeze, I wanted to be.

Two men because I love buying men like I love men getting with each other.

I do.

I watched loads of gay pors.

Yeah, but it's expensive.

I played fifteen.

Pounds a month. Yeah, I say that I pay.

That's wait, I stopping there. Fifteen pounds a month.

Yeah.

I watch some very very supreme porn was and it's like they're good films. They're good quality of films. They should be nominated for the fucking Okay, these are some good films.

You're like, you're like watching the like Kreme de la Creme, but like listen, fair play, ethical poor.

Exactly and paid properly, and everybody looks like they're having a nice time, and like.

Some people it's real sex.

They're like, you know, worried about their electricity gasps, you're worried about your porn bill.

No, I know, living here, I am. But the thing is a.

Question, is that just a flat rate or is that just because you have to last.

No, it's a flat rate. It's a monthly rate, which is.

More than you know, my now TV and my Netflix. But I feel it's worth it. Porn is a really big part of my life, especially when I'm single. Like, I get a lot of my sexual stimulation from porn.

So that's why you're an a relation coming on today.

Yeah, since I've got a dog, i'd want to play left which she's like a corker.

Okay, ask you something.

Yeah, it's a little bit weird. People had sex in your bed.

In your bed, I have, but I have only had the dog for three months.

But like, yeah, I have. I want to be honest with you. I had that four days ago.

Wow. Horrible. There's a lot to digest there.

I know.

I'm really sorry.

This is what I n I honestly when you brough off the dog. Then when he said I want to ask you something, I was like, I don't know where.

This is going. But I'm not I don't know where this is going.

I was glad it was just the dog happened to be in the room.

He wasn't happy about us.

He wasn't happy about.

That part to clarify something. I didn't have sex with my dog, knowing how something sex. She was like fast asleep and we were like also asleep, and we just sort of had like really cool she.

Was pretending to be asleep, grace.

She was like, oh gosh, she was like, just keep your eyes closed, don't look.

Yeah, and I'll now do it again. I felt really bad.

It was like the midde of that she was fast asleep and it had been snowing, so the guy like couldn't get home.

He was like stranded in my house.

Okay, sorry, back to there is a lot going on there.

Yeah.

I love how your thing was. My ideal sex party is just a house party. But everyone then I was like, that's not sex party, gracist. So he also seems like quite open minded.

Yeah, that's what I mean. But that's what I like.

I love like talking about sex and so like that's my dream chat on a first day because it's making it a bit more like interesting and steamy.

But then I'm getting a vibe of like what your dealer is.

I know.

I just liked that he was open, Like I just yeah, I love that.

Yeah, Like I actually thought it was really good how he was he seems quite curious when it comes to his sex life, and he's experienced a lot, and.

He was younger than me. What ages he he was like twenty six.

Yeah, you know though, like like you do all that stuff and you're that kind of age in your twenties though.

Yeah, and then he like went on to say the dog came in when he was having sex four days ago.

So he's talking about how he was having sex with someone four days ago.

Yeah, see that does that bug you out?

That would bug me out. I'd be like, okay, that I feel of it.

I think it would bug me out if I was like I want you to be my boyfriend, but like ultimately I didn't feel that way, so I was like, I don't really mind it. And also the thing is, like I respect it because that's the kind of thing I would do, Like on a first day, I very much would be like, oh, yeah, I was like having sex yesterday, like because I'm just the worst, and I have like I'm very like unaware of like what is.

Like a boundary on a day.

So I don't really mind it because then it like licenses me to like talk about like all of that stuff and make them uncomfortable.

I'd be like, work, my very grace would be what kind of dog do you have? And then I'd like, what was her name?

Do you look like? I'm gonna go look her up on the Instagram.

And she's like, I know.

I was thinking, like, that's something that I think would put a lot of my friends off, because some of my friends have like real things of like if they're talking about like their ex like on a first day, I'm like, this is a bit weird. I just don't really care about that stuff. If like we've been seeing each other for months and you're like, oh, yeah, I had sex four days ago, I'd be like, what the fuck?

Yeah, But when you don't know someone, they owe you nothing.

And I know, I totally get where you're coming from.

I think that's something now I realized from you just saying it, that would turn me off instantly, and it's wow. I'd be like, you.

Knew you were coming on the stage four days ago, I think, And you know what's funny, I would have said I was very much like you that I don't really would not be jealous and secures unless I was seeing guy for a long time.

We decided to make it official, like whatever he does is his business. But actually when you said when he said that there.

I went, oh, but I think you have to like hear it in the context of like I've just been like talking asking him hout how many threeasons sad and like I feel like he wouldn't have done that if maybe he was on a date with you, because you're not like being like you can talk about this stuff for as I'm being like it's cool like everyone to talk about So I do you know what I mean? I think I think he wouldn't have maybe done that if you felt like it was going to be like jarring.

I've got something terrible to admit to you. I want to book a holiday.

And I was so confident that I go back with the girl that I didn't even learn the accommodation.

That's unbelievable. That's me, that's actually kind of swear. That's actually where though, where were.

You booked a holiday?

Didn't book accommodations? So I was like that, But.

Also can I just say, like that's bad game, because like you should book accommodation to be.

Like, come back to my hand, like it's kind of tramping.

It's kind of tramping.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because like I feel, how old were you?

How old were you last?

Serious?

I know you're joking, you're joking, you're like, well into your adulthood.

I was just like, you know what, like, I'm just gonna that's that's legend and such a legend.

I wasn't saying it for that. I'm telling you like that was a fucking stupid Yeah. I actually regret it.

But where did you sleep? Oh you found it? Okay, well done.

I know, I'm just saying it's a stupid, stupid pig to it.

I love how he started to telling the story like he's a legend, and instantly as he's saying it out loud, realizes that it's one of the dumbest things and he just comes across as such a cocky prick.

Yeah. It's actually really embarrassing.

It's so kind of embarrassing, so embarrassing, Oh my god, because that's another thing of him being like I'm such a lethario.

Does that bug you out? Would that put you off? With that story? Put you off? Yeah?

I'd be like I would be just I also think like for anyone who hasn't guessed by now, like by my accent, I'm Irish. Like the thing we fucking hate the most Irland is cocky. People who are cocky. I want to bring down a peg, do you know what I mean? So if honestly, if a guy came in was like I didn't even book accommodation holdgs, I'd go home with a girl, I'd be like, you're a little prick at no.

But I completely agree with that. But I think, like I just found it really funny. Like if I met someone on a night out in London and they were like, I'm just here for the weekend, I'm like, where are you staying and they're like with you, I'd be like, no.

It's not like shag for shelter, That's not what I'm doing.

Yeah, But I think it's because I talk about sex so much, and like my comedy persona Quils, like the men really like tell me stuff where they think I'm not going to judge them because they think I'm like non judgmental kind of vibe.

But then some of these things.

I'm like, I'm not sure that paints the best character description of you.

You are like coaxing the worst and like the deepest secrets and all their fancies out of them, and then you're like duber.

Yeah exactly, I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa.

And he's just and it's for listening to him raina back in and actually, like I actually think he's like digest seeing the fact a year later that it was a really stupid thing to do.

Yeah, I mean that's what was even funnier is that I thought it was like something he did when he was like nineteen, but it was like literally like last year.

I do have to say, like, to his credit, he's extremely honest.

Yeah.

I also just think he had that he has that like confident vibe, which I like if like he tells these stories, but I knows it's funny, Like it's a bit like that's like what I'm like.

He is like the male version of you.

Yeah.

I feel like your conversation is when I go and I'm in London and I'm with you and you start telling me a crazy story and I'm like, what, Gracie, do you even get into that situation?

Okay, but hold on. There was also something else that was not amazing. Let me play this clip.

So for me, like the biggest lips test is if I'm with a girl and I want to.

Spend all day in bed with her, I fancy it.

But if I don't want to spend a day in bed with that, I probably don't fun I've had it.

But why I sapt the girl.

I chat ship.

I was like, look, I've got a workout in the morning. I've got spin class at nine am. I want you to I don't feel comfortable girl staying in my bed. And I told her that is that true? No, that's all right. She was like seven am, My cong go back. My friends were asleep, and I was like, oh right, fine, steak. You slept from seven to ten ten am.

I wake up. I'm like, look, I've got a workout class. You've got to go home.

I've got one near by home.

And I put in the message at you, but hey, really sorry, but I'm fancy.

I was so fun of me. It was actually like a legend you did it. I didn't know you did it. I was like, I got to kick her up, right, I said something like that, Oh.

My god, okay, I two things there. He was going to spin class. No, that I instantly I would just I would actually roll off my chair and leave. And number two, he called him, he called him to have legendary, which.

Is how I know now.

But that was also that he was telling that story because he thought it was going to make my dick hard, Like you thought I was going to be like, oh my god, just such a joker.

This is what I mean.

It's like the as a bravado that men like feel they have to do when they're around me, where they have to prove themselves.

So being like, you know, like I don't.

Know, I because it was funny, like what I said to that when he was saying that that's his litmus test is I have the exact opposite, where like when a man stays at my house past ten in the morning, it gives me the itch. I don't like people who outstay they're welcome. I think at the beginning, let's just keep it sweet like you don't, and then that makes me want to see you more, Whereas if you ever say you're welcome, then I'm like, oh get away, yeah, yeah.

I like no, marry, I actually think I'm the I'm like you the opposite to him, if I really like someone, or I don't. I don't like sleeping side anyone anyway.

Yeah, exactly, so exactly because it's so uncomfortable. I find it really unsettling, Like it takes me a while to sleep like calmly with a new person.

Well, at least you know his test.

Now, So if you do go on a second date and he he says he's go to the fucking spin class in the morning, you know it's game over.

Oh how dare he? Honestly, that as a constantus made me so high? What gives him the right?

Honestly, when I was listening to that, I was like, you know what, throughout the whole thing, I was like, hey, he's not for me, but like he's actually, you know, he's all right, and you know he's he's a good fun, he's honest, he's open minded.

But then that last bit, man, he's.

Just a bit of a Yeah, I do agree a bit too. He was a bit too sure of himself.

Okay, so after all of that, are you going to go on another date with him?

Well?

I think you for me off with it. No, I'm joking. I mean I think I would, but I think now I'm like, now I've listened back to that.

This is so funny about this concept of hearing myself on a day. It's like I don't remember any of that, and then now I've heard backfilm that is kind of it.

I got the dig a few times listening to that.

Now.

Yeah, that's this is why this is actually a really like destructive process because hearing it back, I'm like, Okay, maybe that wasn't as like great as I thought.

It was, but maybe I would.

I feel like that's like one of those dates where like if there hadn't been like a microphone and like a set of microphones on us, maybe we would have gotten with each other like there and then. But it's like it's a different concept when you're being recorded. Yeah, and I think we have another where I'll like, you know, have sex like well we're being recorded.

Yeah, No, that would be too fair. I'm not listening to that audio. I refuse to.

Okay, last question.

Is he the type of guy that you would not think of a long term relationship with He's just someone you'd have fun with, or is he someone you'd give a chance?

No, he's not someone I would have a long term relationship with.

No, thank god, right, okay, No, no, not happening.

No, he's not He's not.

Okay, Well, I look forward to hearing about next week to day.

Thank you me too.

It can only go up from here.

Next time. On twenty eight dates later.

We raised awareness of jealousy.

Please jealousy I'm starting.

When were they cure it?

When they cure it?

What is the cure?

I'm just gonna run this marathon.

Why for jealousy?

You've got to come back jealousy somehow, Aldo.

Me, I'm a savage.

Twenty eight days later. It is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio. For more from novel, visit novel dot Audio. The series is presented by me Grace Campbell with help from Ros Pursal and Dan Why. The producer is Diggory Way. The executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are Mithily Raw and Max O'Brien. Production management from Sharie Houston and Charlotte Wall. Willard Foxton is our creative director of Development. Novel