Ep 11: The Guy Who Cheated Death

Novel.

This show contains adult material, references to drugs and swearing.

You have been warned, Like, can I just say I love when people talking about going to sex, praide and stuff. I'm so interested, But like, I can't even go to a buffet where there's loads of people because I'm like, oh fuck, jooms.

Had around me.

I'm a savage.

Are you bored of modern dating?

Meeting the same people from the same apps in the same bar You've only chosen because it's close to your house and you can make your usual quick getaway. It's time to change the narrative on how we find love. It's time to start looking for love in all the wrong places. I'm going on a wild dating adventure, only picking people who are the total opposite of my type. And after twenty eight of these dates in two months.

Will I find that special someone?

Or well, this experiment proved that I should just give up on dating altogether.

It's time to find out.

I'm Grace Campbell and this is twenty eight dates later.

Hi, Roz, how are you doing a little bit tired?

Yeah, but I'm hoping to get a lot of energy. Neil, listen to your next date.

You will get energy from this date.

I'm great to have a question. Hey do you meet this guy?

We like we'd followed each other on Instagram and then I'd seen that he'd been in like a life changing accident that had sort of sort of changed the trajectory of like what he've been doing. And he has this French bulldog called the Duchess, which is like all over his Instagram, and I've sort of found him quite fascinating. I sent him his profile to one of my friends and he was like, this is just going to be a joke's date, Like he looks like a lot of farms.

So we went to this pub in Camden and.

His dog, the Duchess, I must say there before she was the Duchess and Eddie, my dog, like got on so well in this pub. And the dogs were pissing everyone off because they were just like like your dogs, like playing everywhere, like knocking people's drinks over, like we just letting them off the lead and they were just like running around the pub playing. So everybody was really pissed off. But I did love straight away that he had a dog.

Oh, I'm so happy to having nice.

Time Duchess, Ducheit's come here please. Yeah, I sound like a madman taking around for a wolf.

I kind of got used to. She walked to hill.

And she's fine, and it's got really impressive when they do.

Then another dog comes along, which is fair enough.

I'm like that be ye.

Running across the.

Field for God's sake. Oh, she's just a little up on the floor, beautiful contemplating. Do I do I clean it up?

Now? Wait for her to eat it. She might eat it having my dog eat it.

No, no, no, absolutely not no, that would be really bad.

Yeah, yeah, sorry, his laugh, his laugh.

And also, what do you see he sounds quite old.

He was, he was older, he was like in his forties. Yeah, he had two kids.

Yeah, okay, And I love how the dog got sick and he's like, should I clean it up?

Like, yeah, dude, you're in the dog and pop Rose.

The dog was so sick like it was a lot of sick. I was a lot of sick.

Like the Doges and Eddie had been playing for ages and then the dog throws off, and I like picked Eddie up. So I'm not laying because you know what, dogs like, they're sick here. So I was like, absolutely fucking not and then the dog ate the sick Well least he didn't have to clean it up.

That's true.

That's true, So make me likewise sick thinking about it.

I know, a green flag for you is someone who has a dog and who loves their dog as much as you love Eddie. So I think them all together. I met a girl yesterday.

I was on the tube and I met this girl and she had a dog with her and I had Eddie and we got talking and I was like, oh, like your dog, like she had a Red Setter and she was like, well, like this is actually my boyfriend's dog. I've got an alsatian. I was like, oh my god, you've both got massive dogs, Like that's man. And she was like, well, we actually met on a dog walk, like we were both walking our dogs, and then their dogs started playing and that's how they met. And now

So you went on a date with this guy because you're really intrigued about his life changing story, So like, I want to know what happened, like what, like.

Okay, so I think we should just play the clip where he talks about it.

It's quite a long story though.

So I had a big accidents year.

Oh no, cut long story short.

Came home and I was like fucking raw, and I went and took a swig of bottle of water that I thought was what It wasn't war, it was GHP, and well he put me over for twelve hours.

Did you have a whole swig?

Yes, thirty forty meals of it where it's usually people do like one.

Minute at the time.

Twelve hours later at five in the morning, Saturday morning, wake up? Can wear my phone out?

Safe?

Used the jibs, fucked my head, basically crawled down in the street to get help, and no one was stopped. They thought I was a whino.

So I was dressed like this and I was like, I need help.

I was like, call me an ambulance like that.

Genuinely, no, that's mad.

I cannot imagine a world in which someone's saying, can you call me an ambulance?

I would have liked me an ambulance.

And I'm shouting across the road at people as well, because I could walk my leg didn't work, got help. Eventually got to the hospital. I was like, can you help me? I think I'm fucking dying. And this older guy coming and he was like, oh, just add his coffee, you know what I mean, first job of the day. He was like, unless I operate on you in the next couple of hours, you won't make it.

That was the life changing moment.

We were right, so I need you.

So basically to GB, Jeeves is what it's like known like recreationally, but it's a version of ruth Lynn, like that ruth Lyn, not what's.

Rufie's Rufie's at the date rape plug. Yeah, yeah, that's what Jeeves is.

Jesus is the state rope drug or people take it like how people take value and like people take it as a drug like a recreational drug.

Okay, okay.

I was like, our great's red flag, he's got red free read like knowing.

The hangover, Like that's what they take, like in the hangover, and then that's why they they all give themselves state raped drug and then they go about have this crazy night fall asleep, don't remember any of it. So people like I used to live with someone who took jeeves like, it's like, it's not just a date rape, it's like a drug. It's like, you know, not like acid, but

Can you come right now? And the guy just didn't come, so he was I was like, that's why. I was like, are you still friends with that guy?

Like that guy like you could have died, yeah, and he didn't come and help you, and they apparently friend said he thought it was a joke.

Oh my god, like sorry. When he first was saying GHP, I was like, what is that? And then you explained. I was like, that's a red flag that he has that in his fucking thriage pre mixed. But I didn't realize it was like quite a.

Yeah, yeah, Jesus, I don't think he had it today rape, but I think he had it for fun.

Oh my god, that is crazy.

Yeah, it's mad.

I know obviously it's quite crazy story.

But like you see, you guys do seem to get on like really well, like you're obviously getting into deep conversations straight away.

Yeah. Well, I feel like.

I've seen about this on his Instagram, but I wanted to know what it was because when somebody says that near death experience, you're like, God, it could be anything, you know what I mean Like that, I feel like any near death experience is interesting.

It's always gonna be an interesting story. But that was the story.

I was not predicting that he'd overdosed by accident on Jeeves.

Honestly, when I first heard it, I was like, so, I accidentally was leaving the house one day with loads of stuff in my hands and I saw like a breath freshening spray I have one or whatever, and I grabbed. I just grabbed the spray and I went twice in my mouth. I was like and I was like, spat it. I was like, oh, what, that's so gone off? I looked at it and it was my dog steroid medication I'd askedently spray into my mouth.

And I was like, oh my god.

So like I ran to the sink and I started like washing my tongue.

It's like your tongue is so absorbent, like and I was like, oh.

Shit, like this stuff is so strong you literally have to wear gloves putting it on your dog.

And I was like, oh fuckd Like what did you fit? What did your tongue feel like?

I was like, I'm going to start foaming at the mouth and like pass it. It's gonna be like fucking Darwin way to die, like the worst way to die, Like such a silly little bit. So I rang my cousin who's a vet, and I sent her a phone and I was like, listen, am I going to die? And she was just like, look, it's a really strong steroid, and like there's loads of other ingredients, but like none of them are going to kill you.

They're not talk like wash your tongue really well.

And she was like I don't know what the side effects will be, but like I don't think you're fine.

I slept all day. I fell asleep. I I was so drowsy.

It was like he was like I took sleeping tablet, I could not wake up.

Oh my god, that's mad.

Yeah, so that shit can happen.

No, one hundred percent, one hundred percent. But I guess like, yeah, you just have to be so careful. But you also, is heally.

Shouldn't have GHB like hanging around now for it? No? Is that sure? What if one of his kids came in and drank it?

So any what did he do for work? Like what I want to know? More?

So, I retrained as a day trader, always fascinated by the whole Wolf for Wolf Street, right okay, And I was like, I'm a wanker. I know I can't be a wanker, so let's just yea yeah, So I retrained him. There we which was mixed success, and for the last six months now, I've got very big on the weird in FLGBTQ scene. So I was dating a trans girl for a long while.

I'm still very good.

Friends with us to work with her, and she gave me some jobs kind of like help me with my marketing, help me with my social amplification, help me kind of get more audiences. I just gave you a little bit of advice, and then after the accident, she was like, I still want to help you. So I'm redesigning her club underneath. So we're going to rebrand it. We're going to bring it out as a velvet speakeasy time rebuilding carpet. Oh god, you're not going to miss it.

There.

Dogs are going to be there. The dog is loved by everyone in there. And you can imagine like straight guy identifies straight slash kind of sections if you want to get into the midst of it. But straight guy with fucking dog.

Yeah, yeah, they are literally isn't he a bit of a ledger?

Yeah? I do really like the guy, like he's he's an ast legend. What's going and sexual?

Yeah? I actually asked him because I had no idea.

I've never heard that phrase guy sexual, minosexualosexual sexual.

I think it must be from Latin of going.

Yeah.

But yeah, it's essentially attraction to the female form. So I'm attracted to the boobs, the bar, everything, the fires, everything about women. I'm attracted to regardless of what.

The fuck is between the legs.

Okay, a connection with you, you could have a cop Yeah, I don't care.

I lock it up. I'm gonna do whatever with it.

He's like, I'm more attracted to you as a person than you as a physical being.

Well physical being, yeah, yeah, because that is.

What instinctively gives you. I discovered that I told everyone, and I went public with everything, and like all my mates know about me being into trans all all my friends kind of found out and it was a very macho kind of barbecue setting, and I was like, I'm not gonna lie anymore.

I'm not gonna learning more.

About in the thing, and so I just become brutally honest about everything.

To the poor.

How did that feel? I love him.

He's such a positive because also that's so yeah, like normal, like obviously the way he's saying it, You're like, yeah, of course, like yeah, that's what you are.

I don't even though, like there's a cool word for that guy.

I know exactically, but he obviously would have been someone.

I think he's so macho, like you've seen pictures of him, but he's like you can hear from his voice, like he's very like masculine, like quite a laddie, Like I can imagine what his friends are like. And so I love the idea of him just telling them at a barbeca and then all being like, oh cool.

He seems I really really like him, Like he's probably been one of my favorite so far, and that like he's just really honest, seems like such a genuine person. Obviously he's had this life changing incident, which like I don't know what he was like before, but he seems like he's just really happy in who he is and.

Never wants to hide anything about himself.

Yeah, And also I think it was a real like I would have met him out and not ever thought this was someone who would be like now working to like redesign and open an LGBTQ plus club, Like it's bad, like the way that I would have stereotyped him, I think. And it's just so fun when someone completely defies all expectations and it's just like a legend.

Yeah.

But we were talking about his club, and we were talking about sex parties, and because I think he was maybe saying that that's like something that they're into, and then I was telling him about the sex party that I went to where I famously had a terrible time. As soon as I got there, I was like, there's no chance now I'm going to get involved here, like maybe in another one, but at this one, I just knew I was.

So closed.

It was like a dungeon. Like honestly, the keys like sometimes you need to get yourself.

In the zone.

Yeah, do you know what I mean?

And you're in the moment, you're kind of like there's a connection there, it's all going good, and then.

You go.

Yeah and it's like fucking Nigel and he's like seventy five years old, fucking illnoise. Yeah, I've got food in your teeth? Jesus Christ? Is that a bid?

Or is that?

What is that?

Sorry?

The bit where he's like you can I join?

When I was at the freesome, yeah, there was just like I obviously didn't get involved, but there was this horrific moment where I was watching a freesome, like a really good and they were like having a great time on this bed and they just look like they're having the best time. And then this guy comes over and he like sits on the edge of the bed and he's like tapping them and has to be like can you let me in?

Can you let me in? And they're like looking at him like fuck off.

And then they're like turning back and joining, and then this guy's like edging in, edging it, like trying, and it was so sick to watch this guy like beg friend his way into a freesome.

So that's why when he said that, I was like, that's exactly it. Like that sort of bugged me out so much at a sex party.

Like, can I just say I love when people talking about going to sex praise and stuff. I'm so interested, but like I can't even go to a Buffey where there's other people because I'm like, oh fuck jeroms' like I like, I like, I like you to a Buffey breakfast.

I need to be the first one there.

Else I'm like, oh, people are pawn shit, like they're breathing on it, like you're kidding me out.

I like just being one to one with someone.

I would find it very difficult, like not knowing someone and not knowing yet if they've washed or but that I am a germophobe, like in everything every sense, like with food, with everything, like someone touched me, even someone shaking my hand.

I'm like, oh, so then you would hate a sex party. It was disgusting.

It was disgusting. I think maybe in that case that you could have a threesome because then you've like vetted everywhere.

Yeah.

Yeah, And the point of a sex party is it's like there is people everywhere.

There are people. I remember when I went to the sex Fi.

I was at the bar and I was ordering a Gin and tonic and there was a guy sat on the barstool next to me at the bar, and then I turned and the guy sat on the bastle has like he's like on the edge of the bastle when one girl's giving him head and the other girl's like fingering his asshole at the bar next to me.

I was like, Oh no, it's Tomasa.

I also think that I like imagine being in a treesome and you're the one who's kind of like, who's sony getting edged out and you're like, oh, you're okay, you know what I mean? Like that?

Can you imagine? It's like did you watch Sex in the City.

Yeah, do you remember when Samantha's going out with that rich guy, Dick or whatever. His name is, a really rich guy, and then they have a threesome and the younger girl and the threesome's pushing Samanth off the fan. He's like pushing her out, and that's my worst time that I'll be at a threesome and that I actually like one of them and the other person's.

Like, exactly, gret you like being the center of attention.

I do so if I need, I need to be the main character. Yeah, you would like that.

Both of them like you, but don't like you.

They hate each other.

I loved this day. I had such a good time with him. He was just great, great vibes, like we had great fun. And then he told me a really funny story about how he's developed a technique for how he picks up girls when he's in America.

Go to a bar.

He's kind of scope out and make sure we were noticed, and they didn't know enough about us to loudly. You wait for the girl that you wanted to hit on, go to the bar, and then you quickly, following about two feet to the right or left of her, go order your drink really loudly, and it would get the.

Mad. It's mad. I don't want to We don't all move there.

In Vegasfielder, I remember getting called out for the first time about being English. So I was in this bar and you know, you get the typical kind of like can't hold his booze, American young, kind of like Jock, and.

He was like, your dog, your figures fuck. I was like, sorry, excuse me, excuse me. She grugs, my uncle.

And it's like your figures fun way putting the big exit on just you get the girl's attention. Then I was like, don't be so fucking hateful just because you're not.

Getting any.

That's like your man from Lovaccine.

I will say one percent.

But whenever I go to America, Roles, I'll literally go into whole food, so I'll be like, excuse me, hello, have you got any kombucher?

And then someone will be like, oh my god, are you from London? Like it's mad. It's mad. Really.

When I'm in America, I am put up so much, like I'm like, oh my god, hello, like the men that I shag in America, the levels of like tens out of tens versus the people I get here crazy and it's all because of my voice.

I don't know does the Irish accent make I think so?

But I think the Irish accent is so adored in England.

Really, see, like the accent now I love is a Scottish accent. If a guy comes around with a Scottish accent, I'm like, fuck Jesus, keep talking. So with this guy, would you see him again? Would you date him again?

I think I would see him again? Wow, I think I would.

I liked that our dogs got on, Like dating with the dog is really stressful because you like feel stressed that the person is annoyed about the fact that, like I want to take the dog see if the dog wants to go for a whe like do you know what I mean? Like the dog's kind of like, you know, she's very chill, but like she's there. So I just really liked that vibe.

I got on well with him. The chat was great. He was great.

I really liked his openness and willingness to talk about all of his life. I just thought it's so nice when you meet someone, especially a man who's maybe a bit more like Laddie Presenting, who's just so disarming and not intimidated to talk about certain things.

Next time on twenty eight dates later. Okay, the deadest clog I've ever heard of my life. Oh you sound Danish? He did sound Danish. Bro I mean, oh, my girls, ho's he around for.

Me, I'm a savage.

Oh my god, he can hurt it by.

Twenty eight dates later is produced by Novel for iHeartRadio. For more from Novel, visit novel dot Audio. The series is presented by me Grace Campbell with help from ros Pursell and Dan White. The producer is Degree Way. The executive producer is Claire Broughton. Our editors are Mythillye Raw and Max O'Brien. Production management from Cherie Houston and Charlotte Wall. Willard Foxton is our creative director of Development.

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