Welcome to the two seventeen Recovery Broadcast. If you don't make mistakes, you won't learn. With your host Corey Winfield, you.
Know how you know fish as bad as you can't put it on pizza and special guests.
Justin Burke I said something about that to our master radio broadcaster and he said that he didn't hear nothing.
And Mitchell O'Brien, I think to introduce people, you should tell them a little bit about at a little bit about ourselves. Got your ass.
It is the sixth of August twenty twenty four. My name is Corey Winfield, I'm.
Justin Burt, Mitchell o'l O'Brien.
Welcome to the two seventeen Recovery podcast. I'm going to get deep in recovery today. Mitchill had quite a day yesterday. I want to talk to you about that. Justin had a weekend that it was a little stressful. It was a weekend and had a morning today. I was thrown away my box because I had protein bars. Then I'm eating and the box was empty, so I throw it away. But I don't just throw it away because that takes up too much space. So you gotta break it down,
fold it up. Well, that brought me back to a time when I lived in Arkansas and I used to break down my cases and I would think like, oh, okay, I'll put them in the trash that way and save room because down there you didn't have deposit. You still don't and so you just throw your cans away. Yeah, they call themselves the natural state, Like that's not natural Natty ice, Milwaukee's Best ice. Yeah, it was gross, man, Like the first few are just difficult. But I use
them as chasers anyway, so it didn't matter. But it was gross. But I used to break it down, man, break the boxes down. And then one more one time I realized, because you see my trash and you just see and the outside it'd be like Milwaukee's Best Ice and then just nothing but cans like like falling out
of it, you know, And it was bad. So I remember one time I was just like, oh, maybe I'll break the box down and rip it like open, to turn it inside out so that you just see the brown and not the actual crap that I was drinking. And this time too in Arkansas, like you couldn't you could not have a lid on your trash can. I know that makes no sense because like dogs and animals or raccoons and neighbors will just come rummaging through your trash. I've seen it and the els this one guy, I'm
looking out there, nothing good in there. And yeah, so you couldn't have a lid on it. If you had a lid on it, they wouldn't touch your trash can. And finally they barely passed this vote of let's have a trash can with the lid on it and that the truck can actually pick up right, like they were old school in it. Man, And this is twenty eleven, twenty twelve.
The guy riding on the back.
Yeah, like actually physically grabbing the trash can, and I mean it barely passed. Like people were pissed, I have to put this out by the road now, and like I was like, yeah, hell yeah, and you can put your trash and nobody knows what's in it. Maybe that's why they were mad. They're like, I don't want to see what my neighbor's throwing away over there so I can ride later. I don't know when they're not thrown away its condoms. I don't think they saw those in Arkansas, but we.
Just did say it was a natural state.
I'll tell you what, man, one day, I'm going to get into the Arkansas stuff like after, but I'm gonna have to have some good therapy set up before and after.
Yeah, it was very traumatic.
I was kind of going over my little I call it something else, but my little people biker gang that I saw down there, And it was the craziest because it was like it wasn't even it was like mini bikes, man, and they had them like painted up like Harley's and like.
That's awesome for them.
Yeah, and I made some jokes that it was very insensitive, but at the time it was funny, I think, But yeah, age some jokes. And then when I was in a treatment the last time, we had this guy who was.
A security gardener who was going to tell everybody what was going on.
Well, they had these things called room checks that they started because this chick from like downstate wanted to hook up. She was knocking on all the guy's doors. So then they were like, oh, my gosh, there's women sneaking into men's rooms. So then they started doing these room checks. Well, my friend Rob, who was in two seventeen at the very beginning. Obviously he was in the same room obviously, thank you. And they came in and he was like
pissed about it. He's like, no, I'll be sleeping, nobody's coming in checking, you know, Da da da da. So I said, Rob, stop being so angry. Let's have fun with this. And so we set up this whole skit where this other guy who I'm not going to mention, was in the bed too, and I jumped in the bed and we were looking at magazines and we were acting like we were doing Rob a favor, you know what I'm saying, like one on inside and like the covers were moving, and he comes and he beats on
our door. And he had told us earlier like I have a cute so I'll open it if you don't answer it. So we're just waiting for him. He beating on and he's like, I'm going to.
Open the door. We're just like, get ready, get ready.
And he opens the door and there we are and just like just yeah, to the extreme of it, you know, with the noises and the acting. And he's like, what the you know, and so he leaves and then he was and he said something else and he came back and he said something and then Rob was just pissed, and so Rob goes out to the balcony and he's like leaning off at yelling at the guy, and the guy was like, yeah, well, don't don't f with me.
You know, I'm your worst nightmare.
And I'm like, WHOA, Like, buddy, you don't know what my worst nightmares? And I'm still I get out. I'm I'm like, you don't even know my worst nightmare is. I was like, you know what. I was threatened once by the electric company and they said they're going to shut my shit off and they did, and I'm scarred from this, you know. I was like, I don't respond to threats well and I'm going crazy. And then so we filed a grievance on them, and at that time
this place, I think they kind of cared. But the HR lady met with me and my friend Lance, who was working downstate for a little bit. They called me in and Lance was like intern guy just just kind of stepped into the role of like, let me in turn under this HR lady and it's like, so what happened? And then I went through the threat thing and then I was like and then you know, I was like,
how do I know that. I didn't use this word, but a little person biker gang isn't going to kidnap me, hold me in their basement and start doing sexual things to me for weeks and then no one knows, and I'd start just this elaborate story about how this little person biker gang was going to do bad things to me. But it all goes back to the Arkansas story of watching these people. Not these people, but the group of gentlemen. I think one thing they didn't have was a woman
on the back. That would have been sweet. That would have been that they could have souped up their minibikes to be even badasser and I think I have a full sized woman on the back.
The way that your brain was working so complex at this point in your sobriety, that was a good sign. Yeah, that's where I'm going with That was a good sign.
I think his brain's always worked like that.
I don't know, you know, you lose a little function there when we're in the heaviest parts of it.
So yeah, imagine when I could have been huh, you know that there's that whole little comedian guy.
I can't think of his name right off him something. Yeah, and you're telling us that story of the apple one. No, when he was trying to go over the baby gate.
And he was like was his arm up, like let me up, help me out, just like you know this gate.
It's hard to look sexy when you need help.
Yeah, but not a mini bike look sexy as hell, especially if we have it looking like a hardy now. But yes, yesterday, Mitch, you had quite the day. You had like four people you took to or from treatment, like you were just bam bam, bam bam. You're driving all over northern Michigan, and I could kind of tell when you came back to work you had like this. I was gonna say it like justin but I won't
have like this aura about you. And I think that is from the recovery coaching that you were doing on the way, because when I was talking with a gentleman that was here and we were kind of talking about recovery stuff, and you just like jumped right in like yep, I've been talking about this all day, you.
Know, like this fresh time, you know.
But that's that's the that's the kind of aura that that you had going you know, and it was just like this this vibe you're giving off and you just seem like you accomplished a lot. Like you when you went home, I think you felt damn good about yourself.
Felt tired, yeah, and damn good about yoursel I mean it was a good war out, Like I accomplished stuff that day. I went home and I earned my rest, you know. But I'm glad it looked like that because I was. I walked in here feeling just like mentally drained. Yeah, like I used it, you know, didn't lose it. I used it, So it'll drain you. It really will. And a lot of people don't understand that. And a lot of people are like, I.
Want to be a recover coach, Like okay, that's cool, but take that time for yourself, you know, like have that time to to just come down for a minute, you know, and get back in your own life and things you got going on. They say, you know, gratitude lists are great, you know, even to this day. Know if you had to grab a pad of paper and write ten things you're grateful for and just think, wow, like these things wouldn't be possible if I wasn't in recovery.
You have to remember that.
But yeah, like a lot of people too, will take on other people's problems. You know, they don't know how to deal with that. And you know, oh, this person's living in their storage unit. You know, we got to do something about it. Well, what we can do about it is what we can do about it, you know, like you can make effort to do something about it, but it's not always going to work out. You can't always help that person immediately. But there's some steps that
you can take to maybe speed up the process. And you know, an hour here is an hour here, you know, like an hour that the person doesn't have to stay in the storage unit, you know longer. Then that's good. Yeah, you know, and some people will just laugh at it. Oh that's funny. I don't know who would, but.
Yeah, sensitive person.
A d bag. Now the yesterday the rides were really good. One of them was a little bit of a struggle.
But what I tell myself at that point is I was that person at one point, you know, And because once you're doing certain people in certain states of mind or certain stages of sobriety or not sobriety, you're gonna not get as much of the recovery coaching through because they're not in a state of mind to receive it at all, you know, physically, their brain isn't gonna hear what you're saying, you know, So you know I'm saying
you know a lot because I'm trying to think about it. Obviously, I had a couple of really good ones yesterday and then one that was it was more difficult, but it was still rewarding because I needed a ride at that point at one you know, long time ago, and didn't get it. So I was able to give that to somebody and I enjoyed it. I slept damn good last night. But I remember those those days.
It was like that when I was on the road a lot, and I.
Just saw it in the yesterday and I was proud.
It's proud you remember your days on the road.
God, Yes, you know, five am getting up beating the sun up, not beating my son up, but beating the sunrise. That's him hanging out with Justin too long today now and Justin you had like a tough weekend man, Like you were telling me about it yesterday.
It was just like, yeah, it was I went to go do my endorsement training for my motorcycle class that I had to scheduled back in like March, and because they just fill up really fast, because there's just not enough classes to meet the needs of everybody that wants to take this class. And so I went to go take the class on Saturday, and it was in the heat, like it was hot, humidity, sun beating down on us
all day. We're on this in this parking lot. And the parking lot's all extra black too, you know, it wasn't one of the old dingy ones that it wasn't quite so black so it didn't absorb some heat.
So it was like sitting on that thing that they put the burgers on at the fast food restaurant to keep them warm.
Yeah, it felt like that, like like it was so hot, like our motorcycles were only like two fifties, just baby bikes really, and you could tell where the kickstand was already starting to go into the parking lot.
It was like melting.
Yeah, no, And it was just it was crazy how hot it was. So I get back to my mom's house, I'm sitting there my well, I'm gonna take shower. I'd go take a shower and I come back, I sit down at a little catch table for a little bit. I'm like, probably didn't go upstairs and just sit down and relax for a little bit. And then she kind of got pissy, like for unknown reasons, like and then started saying, while making all this food this weekend and
nobody would do it. I was like, Mom, I didn't ask you to do all this for me, Like you're doing this out the kindness of your heart, and you're trying to throw it in my face. And I kind of felt a little discouraged about it. And then I finally I was upstairs for about twenty minutes. I finally just went and sat outside. I'm like, fuck it, you know, at this point, why be comfortable. It kind of irritated
me enough. I almost left and just came back up here, but I didn't want to drive from Traverse City all the way back down there for my class on Sunday, right, and so I just went outside. I didn't really speak to her for the next two hours, and she came outside at one point and was like, you know, justin I understand you're tired. You've been out in the sun all day. He goes upside.
I didn't.
I didn't respond to her. I just sat there in my chair watched the Olympics off my phone because I heard the BMX bike races or whatever was really good this year, so I wanted to watch it. And so I just sat there and watched it off my phone outside in the heat. So what anymore that I was trying to prevent. And I'm a fat guy. I don't like the heat obviously, And so Sunday comes around and it's like this same thing, you know. It's like I
get back and I passed my class. I get back to the house and I'm like, I looked at the time, I'm like, you know, i'd really like to leave here by six o'clock. I want to get home by eight nine o'clock because I had to stop get mailed from my old roommates apartment. And I just sat there and I looked at the time. I'm like, what the hell
is she doing? Like really like what's going on? And it finally about six o'clock, she finally put the burgers on the grill man and I told her at that point, I was like, I'm eating and leaving since I'm done eating, Like I'm just not gonna sit here and hang out like I'm not. It's already past the time I wanted to leave. So I spent all weekend irritated to the max. And that's what it's like to hang out with people that still use substances. It just they don't care about
anyone else's time frame or schedule. Only personally care about is themselves. And it's really sad, you know. It's just it's heartbreaking to be like, you know, because if we're all sober and you said you had to leave at a certain time to go home and be with Parker, we'd be like, Okay, well we'll make sure it's done by then, you know, not at the time you gotta leave. Oh, we're just finally gonna do this. Well, deuces, I'm out of here.
You know.
It makes you irritated, it makes you pissed off, you know, and it's just it just makes me wonder why why I still put myself in that situation sometimes, you know, because if it wasn't my mom, what I even hang out with said person? Probably not because it's a sluddown.
Yeah, your mom?
Yeah do you think? Okay, I know for a fact, and Mitch, you can probably back me up on this too. If you would have said, too, said person, your mom, how about you don't crack that until after we have them burgers. Them burgers would have been made at seven thirty in the morning probably, you know, like they wouldn't have like that would have been like, Okay, what do I have to do so I can have that at because that's the most important thing to them. And there's
one of a said person in my life. It's not my mom that thinks, well, I don't have a problem because I'm not like Corey, I'm not that bad. I don't have the shakes. I didn't have to go to the hospital because my liver failed. So I am not a bad person. Because that's what a lot of people think that they're bad people. But they're not bad people. It's addiction, and the addiction takes over a lot a
lot of things. But a lot of people will will justify, oh, I'm not that bad because I'm not shaking every day.
And there's an incident came up to this weekend because my brother tried changing his mailing address. They the day he went into jail. She's like, you know, I hounded him for two weeks about doing this so that way, if something happened, he would be out here to take care of it. I'm like, don't you understand how addiction works? Mom? We don't care about that shit. Yeah, he went and
did it the day of that's what we do. Be lucky he even did that, right, Like a lot of times we don't care about that dumb shit, like that's behind us. We're worried about the bottle or the bag, take your pick, depending what your cup of tea is, you know. And I'm just like, you have to understand how this works, like both your kids have addiction issues and you're just what done with life? Done doing it?
Like that's not how it goes, Like he will get better, Like you have to believe that he's gonna get better. Otherwise you don't, like what are you doing? You're just you don't have no hope, no faith in your own kid to get better and to do better things. You may as well start buying a burial platinw Then I told her, and she was She kind of looked at me like I was being too harsh, Like what's the truth. I'm like, that's what you're saying, that he's gonna end up doing, And.
I wonder if she beats herself up a little. And maybe that's kind of the thing, because there's always something that we're using for. There's something that you know, bannonment issues or you know, mistakes we made in the past, and once we get drunk or high or whatever, we don't remember them, or we can get that fuck it, Yeah, who cares. I just keep drinking. I don't even care, you know. And if she looks at it, like man,
I know a lot of parents do. They'll be like, I messed up, and I shouldn't have let them do this, and I shouldn't have had this at their party. I shouldn't have done this, I shouldn't have done that, and there's nothing they can do about it now. But a lot of parents will beat themselves up. And I think that's why a lot of people like to keep it down in the basement. Nothing to see here, no problem,
don't tell nobody, you know. And I wonder if part of that is something that she has deep down it was like, oh my god, I'm screwed, justin up totally.
Well.
I think a lot of it. My brother, though, is too is just the fact that you know, he's been getting in trouble since he was thirteen. Started with stealing a cart and of cigarettes from Meyer or maybe a couple backs, I don't really remember, but really when they just had a little cigarette carousel things and that before you checked out. Yeah, he got caught stealing some cigarettes from one of those and ended up getting in trouble.
Like a year later, he wrote a bomb threat at the school on a piece of paper that said there's a bomb in the school, and like kind of threw it up on the bleachers and someone seeing him toss the note up there and went and checked it out, and so there was a bomb in the school. I mean, I'm laughing, but it's really not funny, you know, Like he got expelled from school, and it's just been an ongoing thing his whole life, you know. So I wonder if sometimes she does sit back and wonder, well, where
did I go wrong? Where did I messed up?
You know?
And a lot of it is my eyes. He was baby to his whole life. He didn't really have to do nothing, he just didn't. It was the baby of the family. So he got that like get out of jail free cards. She's always bailed him out.
Then I wonder if she just you know, looks back at that and it seems like it would kind of suck or hurt, you know, like as parents. Now, you know, I don't know. You know, we know that our parents aren't perfect. We know that nobody's perfect. We know that everybody makes mistakes, but we, I would assume, are going to try to be better, you know, and some of the mistakes that we felt they made, will try not to make those, and we'll make our own mistakes along the way too.
Sure.
Well, but.
I don't know there's something there I think where that would keep somebody else like stuck a.
Little Yeah, Because she even made the comment to me was she was like, well, when he gets out of jail, he ain't coming here. I don't know where he's going. I'm like, okay, I do hopefully he comes and lives with me, and hopefully I can show him a good path, you know, to live, because he talks about how he wants to be in recovery, how he wants to do these things, but being stuck down there where there's nothing, Yeah, there's no employment opportunity, there's just nothing down there.
There's absolutely nothing in Baldwin, Michigan.
No, there's not. You you went through there, didn't.
No, I didn't.
I made sure not to go through there because I've noticed there was nothing there.
Yeah.
I was like, no, we want to go to like a place where we can eat food video not roadkill. That was so perfect.
Yeah, there's really nothing there Spike Brother's.
Video if you haven't seen it two seventeen recovery dot Com. There's a picture of Baldwin in there where Justin's from.
And so I've talked to him a lot since, like he's been in jail and stuff, and he's just like, you know, I just I need someone to give me the opportunity like you have. And I'm just like, I'll do it once, Like I offered the last time you were in jail to do this for you, and you chose not to take it. It's the last time, dogs bro. Yeah, well that's why I heard. But you know, I'm in a spot where he could bring his little dog, you know, and his little dog's cool. Yeah. I love his little dog.
He's a fun little dude. He's just relaxed, chill.
Cats, right, Yeah.
I tell him to get the kiddy all the time because he loves cats. He loves playing with him. You know, he was raised around cats, so they're they're just like a normal They're like a cousin to him, you know.
And so he just steps up siblings.
No, no, stop siblings, dude, what no way? But no, you know, I just told him. I was like, I'll help you, but you know, you bring your c you try to bring your crazy wife up here, you will be gone.
Where is where is she going to go? Justin?
I don't know.
She was down in the Detroit area, like the last month he was out, still on bond, and then he goes to jail and all of a sudden she's back in Baldwin trying to visit him every day and stuff. And I'm just like, dude, what what are you doing? Like she was the town bicycle the last time you were in jail.
What does that mean?
Everybody gets a ride? And I'm just like, what are you doing? Perfect trap you like, you know, just you just need to not worry about anybody. You need to worry about yourself and become extremely selfish in that sense, you know, worry about how Josh is gonna take care of Josh and how Josh doesn't want to live on his little eight hundred dollars solid security check because he broke his neck. Like there's work you can do that
doesn't involve breaking your back to do it. Like there's work all over the place, Like get the hell out of here and make a life for yourself and actually do good for yourself. And I just hope he takes it, you know, and does good things like I did, you know, And I just hope to see him actually do good one day.
Well, good luck with that, justin. Yeah, there's a lot of responsibility to take in. It'll be all right.
So you come home and he's been using what are you gonna say.
Kick his fucking ass over handslap? No, I'll literally kick his ass, all.
Right, So you'll you'll fight him. Yeah, what if he calls the cops on you?
He couldn't call no cops.
What if he does, Oh he won't. What if his wife does.
His wife won't even be around. I'll dig a hole out in the back forties for.
All right.
All right, now we're going to back to court. Mete.
Everybody's been talking about murder lately. I'm like, guys, no more murder. Who's been talking about murder? So I went to the beach with some people, and the one person wouldn't stop talking about it every time it was murderless murder that. I was like, no, no murder, this is That was my saturday. So I was having a real rough saturday at the beach.
People say were they saying, I'm gonna kill that kiddie? I mean, what were they? How were they saying that? Like, no, I want to murder that person over there. And then yesterday one of my rides, the difficult one, it.
Was I'm gonna murder this and murder that.
I was like, we don't. We're gonna We're gonna stop the murder now or no more murder talk. We're going to treatment. You know, it's just everybody this murder happening around me. I'm like, I just want people to live, love each other, sixties in this bubble.
Trying to not murder people, trying to like have people get their lives back. And yeah, m hm hmm. Well, we don't know your honor, if this was a real podcast or not satire, So justin we don't. We don't condone anything he said.
Only thing that I said was a hole. I did say what was put in the hole? I just had to dig a hole.
Dig it for her so she could put anything she wants in that hole.
That's right, like her whole self, what whatever ccs fit if she chooses to.
I told her not to put that plastic bag on her head, right and getting that hole and bury herself.
But she didn't. She's crazy, right.
She is crazy, like literally crazy. See, it's the murder in the plastic bag. That's not the first time that's coming up either. I'm worried about you guys. The plastic bath thing. It was kind of like a suggestion.
Who was annoying you enough to keep these in your head? I didn't tell her to snort the tablespoon the water.
We're back there, speaking of water, I have to the plants today.
Isn't that a Friday thing? It's Tuesday.
I can't remember when I did it. Last week it happened, but I can't remember when.
All right, Well, I attempted to do a good podcast today.
I don't know.
I mean, maybe there was some recovery stuff in there. I'm hoping there was, but just an early recovery. If you get the thoughts in your head, just keep them there, Let them be thoughts your brain's lying to the high.
It's not that good. No, the buzz, it's not that good.
And and you'll know it the minute you make that bad choice, you're gonna realize what did I do? And it's not even that good. But if it does happen, you can always come back, you know, keep trying, don't give up on yourself. That had a woman tell me the other day she wasn't worth it, and yeah, I think everybody's worth it.
Yeah. I actually got a text message last week that said the same thing. I'm just not worth it. I said, yes, you are worth it. Recovery is worth it.
Yeah, you'd be surprised with what you can be and what you can become.
Right, So, anyway, thanks for listening and we'll talk to you again the time of month you later.
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