People pleasers and narcissists together create the perfect storm. What the people pleaser has to give, the narcissist is happy to take. This can create an extremely co-dependent and toxic relationship that's very difficult to break out of. To better understand the people pleaser and narcissist, Pye and Dr. Glen dive into how the wounds that fuel these behaviors are created and how to begin the process of healing and seeking out healthier relationships.
Feb 03, 2022•41 min
Relationships never stay the same. People change and so do their values and goals. It's a natural process. Some relationships develop together with these changes. Others form deep rifts and differences. When this happens, the relationship can begin to feel one sided or exhausting to maintain. This is a sign that a relationship may no longer be serving you and Pye and Dr. Glen share some advice on how to move forward if this happens to be the case.
Feb 01, 2022•59 min
Relationships with aligned Core Values are energizing and fulfilling. On the other hand, a relationship with misaligned Core Values can be emotionally taxing. This is because when Core Values are misaligned, each individual aims for different things. Without proper boundaries, this misalignment can lead to resentment and unhappiness in the relationship. Understanding our own Core Values helps us seek out connections and relationships that are deeply meaningful, purposeful, and long-lasting.
Jan 27, 2022•49 min
Core Values play a vital role in our relationships, careers, and overall lives. They guide our decisions and actions. However, unresolved past trauma can blind our decision making and cause us to act to satisfy a wound instead, which can have negative long term consequences if left unresolved. Once we identify and resolve those past traumas, we can then lay out a strong foundation of Core Values to guide us to a healthier and fulfilling life.
Jan 25, 2022•46 min
Sometimes, what we think are our Core Values, actually wind up being desires, expectations, or past trauma. To discover our true Core Values, we have to peel back the layers and it's normal to miss the mark as we try and uncover what's really driving our actions. To help out with the process, Pye and Dr. Glen discuss examples of what Core Values are and aren't, and ways to know if your Core Values are actually your Core Values.
Jan 20, 2022•52 min
Core Values are what drives our behaviors and decisions. They shape our relationships, careers, and overall quality of life. Core Values are formed by how we grow up and our experiences throughout life and they can change over time. If our actions and decisions don't align with these values, we quickly become unhappy and unfulfilled. That's why, in order to live a fulfilling and meaningful life, we need to understand what our Core Values are and act in accordance with those values.
Jan 18, 2022•40 min
Leaving an unhealthy long-term relationship is a lot like breaking a drug addiction. In fact, the stages and challenges involved are nearly identical. Somebody who finds themselves unable to break free from a toxic relationship may share similar physiological dependencies to that of a drug addict. The process of leaving an unhealthy relationship can be broken down into 6 stages and Pye and Dr. Glen are here to discuss what to expect while going through this process. Leaving an unhealthy long-ter...
Jan 13, 2022•51 min
Social media is a hotbed of arguments and nasty comments. The anonymity doesn't help. However, that's also a good reason to just not engage. In the vast majority of cases, it's not worth the energy to try and convince strangers why they're wrong over the internet. But why do we get triggered by certain comments? Pye and Dr. Glen break down what creates "Keyboard Warriors," and how to avoid falling into an all out comment war.
Jan 11, 2022•50 min
Divorce lawyers directly oversee the final stages of marriages. They have a front row seat to the complex nature of relationships. Because divorce lawyers are so exposed to conflicts in relationships, they likely have very unique and detailed perspectives on how they might go about maintaining a healthy relationship. Today, Pye and Dr. Glen react to Glamour's "Divorce Lawyers Give Relationship Advice" and offer some insight and commentary from the perspective of psychology.
Jan 06, 2022•36 min
A flaw in the divorce process is that the law sees the separating partners as "enemies." A relationship ending is painful enough, but when lawyers, custody, costs, and assigning blame gets involved, it can quickly bring out the worst out of everyone. It's important to know what to expect if you're getting divorced. The relationship is in its final stages and wounds are going to be fresh. The trauma from a nasty divorce process can last a long time so it's best to focus on the priorities, especia...
Jan 04, 2022•59 min
Ever feel like a friend is taking advantage of your good intentions? The truth is, they might be using you to get something that they want. People who use other people might present themselves as friends, but in reality, that's only a disguise for their manipulative tactics. This is tricky to catch, especially if you're naturally empathetic and helpful, but Pye and Dr. Glen have 5 signs that if you notice these in your relationships, it might be time to start setting boundaries.
Dec 30, 2021•40 min
Our body language says more than we often realize. This is important, especially on a first date, where we might get a little too fixated on leaving a good impression to realize that our body language may actually be putting off the other person. And the importance of body language doesn't stop at first impressions. They affect our closest relationships and how we express interest and regard. Understanding the role our body language plays in the way we communicate is critical for any relationshi...
Dec 28, 2021•44 min
Dealing with self doubt is actually a normal feeling. Questioning our own accomplishments is usually a healthy indication of our own humility. However, in severe cases, this doubt can get in the way of our ability to make decisions and pursue ideas. If you find yourself in this situation, it's a good idea to step back and see if there's an unresolved trauma that's causing these biased beliefs. Ultimately, these feelings are hardly a reflection of reality and if we approach it with a rational per...
Dec 23, 2021•53 min
Everyone is going to have their own opinions, and you might not agree with all of them. However, these days, it feels as though we can't even agree to disagree. The ability have conversations despite disagreements is critical if we want to grow, learn, and develop ideas. Pye and Dr. Glen discuss the importance of avoiding absolutes and not taking the opinions of others personally. It's good to know how to deescalate, because nobody's convincing anyone when a disagreement gets heated.
Dec 21, 2021•47 min
Having controlling parents while growing up can be damaging. This often leads to feelings of guilt and shame well into adulthood. It's a trauma that can be hard to resolve, especially if the parents continue to impose even after you've moved out. Breaking free from your parents can be especially hard because, well, they're your parents and they have their own traumas that are causing their controlling behavior. Being aware of your parents' traumas as well as your own can help you establish stric...
Dec 16, 2021•37 min
A successful relationship requires a counter balanced effort. This means each partner should be putting in equal amounts of effort. However, if it feels like you're the one always making the plans, shouldering the responsibilities, or not having a chance to be heard, it might be time to set proper boundaries and expectations or address a deeper wound that might be the cause of this imbalanced relationship. In this episode, Pye and Dr. Glen discuss the trauma that can lead us to pursue or stay in...
Dec 14, 2021•30 min
People convey and desire affection in many ways and it's different for everybody. However, these differences can cause one or both partners to feel unloved and distant, even if that's not the intention. Honest communication and mutual effort is key to resolving these conflicts, and if not, it may indicate deeper differences in personal values. In this particular scenario from one of our community questions, Pye and Dr. Glen provide advice for a long distance relationship, where the feelings of d...
Dec 09, 2021•33 min
Unresolved trauma leaves an unfulfilled wound and we'll often seek out relationships that fill that wound. If that trauma is deep enough, it'll override our true core values and lead us into toxic, co-dependent relationships. This dependence is highly unhealthy and never actually satisfies what we're missing. It's simply a band-aid remedy. The key to breaking the pattern is to identify and address the core trauma that's guiding our unhealthy relationship decisions. Until we do, it's likely we'll...
Dec 07, 2021•43 min
If you're dreading an upcoming family gathering during the holidays, you're not alone. Large family gatherings are hotspots for drama and can sour what should be a great holiday experience. For those who couldn't find an excuse in time to get out of going, Pye and Dr. Glen have some useful tips for staying out the line of fire and avoiding getting dragged into a pointless confrontation. Stay healthy and stay strong! Christmas is around the corner and for those anticipating another rowdy family g...
Dec 02, 2021•38 min
Not a single professional has been able to answer the question "What does a healthy relationship look like?" We're talking dozens of doctors, experts, coaches, leaders, those who we usually go to when we need relationship advice. As a result, Pye and Dr. Glen decided to take it upon themselves to find that answer. Through years of research and case-studies, they simplified the complex subject of relationships into the core components of a what makes a relationship successful. On top of that, the...
Nov 30, 2021•1 hr 21 min
Religion is one of the most common criteria people have when finding a partner. They must share the same belief. However, does that mean the relationship will be healthy? Dating and marrying within a religion has its benefits such as an established community and a shared value, but it's important to also consider the deeper motivations for being a part of the religion as well as individual core values. While religion can be a great start, taking it at surface value can lead to major conflict dow...
Nov 24, 2021•42 min
Sales and business are pure psychology. To sell a product or service, you have to understand your client or customer and what makes them tick. What do they value? What is it that they truly want or need? Understanding sales from a psychology perspective can help you provide exactly what your clients value, leading to better sales and business as well as strong client relationships based on shared values and interests.
Nov 23, 2021•1 hr 26 min
Very early into his marriage, Pye realized something was wrong. An early divorce would've been relatively simple with minimal consequences. However, as he went on to have children, a business, and more emotional energy was spent trying to hold the marriage together, the stakes only grew. Nearly 15 years later, Pye exhausted all of his options and filed for divorce. The final bill included not only massive legal, counseling, and settlement costs, but a heavy toll on his mental health as well as h...
Nov 18, 2021•1 hr 38 min
Long before 12 Week Relationships, Dr. Glen was a county social worker. However, what would've been a fulfilling career was overshadowed by an extremely toxic work environment that took a heavy toll on his mental and emotional health. Years into it, a brain scan revealed trauma that was shockingly similar to that of someone returning from war. Today, Dr. Glen shares the story of his experiences and the prices he had to pay before finally making the decision to walk away and begin his steps towar...
Nov 16, 2021•1 hr 12 min
Ending a relationship is a hard call to make. However, staying in an unhealthy or toxic relationship can have serious effects on your mental and physical health. While you may consider fighting for your relationship, if you recognize any of these red flags, Pye and Dr. Glen agree that it might be time to walk away.
Nov 11, 2021•36 min
Traditional couple’s therapy is broken, but the therapists aren’t entirely to blame. Pye and Dr. Glen dug in to find out why the traditional approach is so ineffective. Having realistic expectations is important when seeking help and the research revealed common misconceptions couples bring into therapy that prevent them from making lasting change.
Nov 09, 2021•43 min
Did you know only 25% of couples in traditional therapy actually see lasting change? Pair that with the insane costs and the time invested and you’ll see that something just isn’t right. Pye and Dr. Glen dug a little deeper to see what the heck is going on and were shocked to find that therapists will often rely on opinionated, unsubstantiated, and biased approaches to “solving” relationship problems.
Nov 04, 2021•40 min
Spending 40+ hours a week in an office full of drama is something nobody wants to do. Unfortunately, the feeling of dread when going to work is all too common and it’s usually caused by simple behaviors that might seem innocent, but can stir up serious conflict between co-workers. This can have pretty negative consequences on morale and productivity, not just at work, but in your personal life as well. For those who can relate, Pye and Dr. Glen lay out 5 toxic workplace behaviors to look out for...
Nov 02, 2021•33 min
When Pye presented his framework to Doctor Glen, he had a big bold thesis right on the cover. Pye claimed, “outside of romantic intimacy, all relationships follow the exact same patterns.” Yeah, if you’re surprised, Doctor Glen thought he was crazy too. But seriously though, do all healthy long-term relationships follow the same patterns? As Doctor Glen dove into Pye’s data and framework, he began to realize the same simple truth. It’s common to view all of these relationships differently, but i...
Oct 28, 2021•34 min
Nearly 15 years into a broken marriage, Pye Jirsa decided to create a framework for healthy relationships when his counselor said, “You’ve read every book on my shelf, I don’t know how to help you.” While photographing weddings, Pye collected anonymous data to help better understand the nature of healthy relationships. Simple points of behavior and interactions between the people that stood in front of his lens. Ten years of anonymous data and well over 500 case studies eventually laid the groun...
Oct 26, 2021•38 min
