S24EP03: The Joy of Death

And what I know about success is that on the other side of it , it can be incredibly lonely . You can feel more of an imposter the more successful you become , and when you're the most interesting person in the room , you're actually in the wrong room .

Clients who are more successful , more intelligent and wealthier than you need your support , more than they know and more than you can imagine . I coach around insight . Life looks one way , something happens and the world looks different and your entire world changes .

It can happen in an instant , and this podcast is called One Insight because a single insight can change everything . Hi , welcome to a new season of the podcast . For years , I've taught coaches how to build a word-of-mouth business . It's the prosperous coach approach . Sell the experience of coaching , not the idea of coaching .

Create so much value for people when you spend time with them they don't have to ask should I sign up for coaching ? They ask how can I not have more of this ? That's the prosperous coach approach . Now there's another level of coach , called an influential coach . An influential coach is a thought leader .

They share intellectual property , ip , tools , distinctions , scorecards . They write newsletters , they have a podcast , they share videos and they create a body of work that stands online for years after they've created it . It that's when you become a thought leader and people start knocking on your door .

And in this season , I'm going to work with a whole range of coaches on drawing out their IP , their intellectual property , to show how they and then you can become a thought leader . So people start knocking on your door . In a moment you will hear me talking to and coaching Dr Sarah Madigan . Sarah is a member of 4PC , my high-level mastermind .

She is a leader . She has a PhD , decades of experience as a clinical psychologist behind her and also as a leader and also as a coach , and we're trying to draw out some IP . We're trying to draw out some intellectual property that defines who she is . Next level , because she's already written one book . She's already known in the world .

Well , how do you get to your next level of success . You often can't do it for yourself and you're here if you stay till the end . This moment when she laughs out loud , I paused the recording .

I had to restart it because I really wanted to capture this where she laughs out loud because she realizes how true this idea is that I've drawn out of her and she wonders why couldn't I have got there for myself ? Well , sometimes we can't . It's why , even when we're coaches , we need someone to support us .

Even when we're thought leaders , we need someone to draw out our thinking . Enjoy , it's a short episode , but we get there fast in drawing out what's true for her . So , as you listen , listen from the place of well , what would that be for me ? What's my truth ? How would I share that in a world without fear , no matter what criticism I might get ?

Enjoy , what are you known for ? Let me just start there . What are you known for ? And then , what would you like to be known for ? Those are the two questions I want to play with you today , I'm known for connecting people to the joy that is right under their nose .

That's what I'm known for and I'm known for like bringing the high vibes and wearing blue wigs and being the fullest expression of myself , and actually it's a vibration rich .

When I , when I was thinking about this , I was getting up in my head and and analyzing it too much and I was like , really I inspire people to connect to joy and love and freedom and those kinds of things . That's what I'm known for . It was interesting to think about what I want to be known for . You asked when messaged me before .

You said in three years' time , what do I want to be known for ? When I think about what I want to be known for , there's something Well Rich . I want to be known for helping people feel alive . Helping people feel alive and awake to their precious , fleeting life .

I want people to feel like I have contributed to them becoming the best , most brilliant , truest versions of themselves . And what feels present is .

I want to continue to be known for what I'm already known for , because I'm being very authentic out in the world , rich , and I'm going to carry on doing that and I want it to elevate and I want to have a bigger impact .

You know , like we all do , and but something that feels present Rich I've been , you know you've been teaching and talking about the books . I want to write about death .

You know what I want to do is help people feel more alive , but the reason I feel so alive , as you know , is because of the death of my son and this relationship between death and life , openly about death , because that doesn't often happen in our society and I think there's it's valuable right .

We spend all our time scrolling on our phone just to avoid that accident existential fear that ultimately we're going to be gone from this planet . And not only that in three generations , almost everybody on the planet today won't be remembered . So we talk about leaving a legacy and making a contribution .

Most , most of us , 99.99% of the people on the planet won't be remembered in three generations .

The generational trauma that we can end in our family line will still be having an impact in generations and generations to come . So , yes , and there's this part of my spirit that is also like we will still have left , we can impact generations to come in really beautiful , significant ways , even if we're not remembered , you know .

I believe that you can have a ripple effect more than three generations into the future , which is great . This is how we start to get out your IP and differentiate what you have to say that most people don't say .

What flashed into my mind because I just ran a course about how to write a tiny book to create clients , I think in book titles these days and what flashed into my mind ? What was on the bookshelf in my parents' my house when I was a little kid was the book that I secretly tried to read every time they go out of the house the Joy of Sex .

And so what flashed into my mind is the book that I don't think has been written is the joy of death oh my god , it's interesting rich I have .

But it's very interesting the reaction , how triggering that can be for people Right and I've all but for the messages that people have sent me saying that I'm a sicko . I've had messages from other bereaved mothers saying , oh my goodness , I didn't think I could talk about this .

I didn't think that and absolutely feeling the gold of the lessons that you've learned . You know , in every single breath I take now , rich , I have a connection to how fleeting life is . I have a connection to how magical it is . Honestly , it's this , it's the magic that I have a deep , deep connection to Rich , connection to rich .

And when finley was diagnosed for your listeners , he was diagnosed when he was three months old with spinal muscular atrophy type one and we were told when he was three months old that he was likely to live around eight months and possibly up to a year . And the the worst part of the whole thing rich was anticipating his death .

So there's lessons in there about stop anticipating things , because nothing's ever how you think it's going to be right . But I felt like how on earth will I survive his death ? I can't imagine how my heart will carry on beating . I felt like my heart would stop beating when his heart stopped beating .

I couldn't imagine carrying on , as you and your listeners who are parents , will understand , I'm sure . But , rich , when Finlay died , you know I was .

I was scared of his death being traumatic and him being in pain and me not being able to help him and not being able to fulfill my maternal instinct to soothe him , and I was terrified of , I was convinced that I would find the rest of my life excruciatingly painful and it would be consistent and it would be nonstop for the rest of my life .

Now that nine day period , rich , from when Finlay died until his funeral , I've never , ever felt more connected to pure love , to magic , to the mystery of it all , without any need to explain it , to synchronicity , to spirit , and it blew my mind wide open , and that's in every breath I take now , that belief and knowing that magic is real and that there's

beauty that we can't explain . And I want to talk about that more , rich , you know .

I've been there at least to some degree compared to what you've . So I feel that , and so these are things that people need to know . I remember when , when my wife had it was close to a miscarriage she didn't have a miscarriage , but it was close to it and I started to learn about it and discovered how common it is and nobody talks about it .

I know nobody talks about miscarriage until you either are likely to have one or you've had one , and then you discover how common it is . So there are certain things in life that we do not talk about .

Yeah , and in this moment so here's what I wrote down In this moment I'm feeling that there's something really key here that we don't talk about , that you can tell a story , and here's what I heard that the joy of death . Life is fleeting , so here's how to make the most of it , no matter what happens .

You know , rich , when you have a child that is well and healthy and we're very lucky for your listeners that we've got a very healthy , full of life seven-year-old and it's easy to focus on the unwanted , to focus on the mundane . It's easy to take your children for granted . It's easy to take your partner for granted . It's easy to take everything for granted .

When we knew that we had a very short amount of time with Finlay Rich , the presence I've never experienced anything like that presence that I experienced with him and it does make me emotional . He had a little vein on his eyelid that looked like a reindeer and I was so lucky to breastfeed him his whole life .

The doctors weren't sure if he'd be able to cope with that because of his muscle weakness , but he breastfed right up until the day before he died and the the the presence that we had to his life was intense and it taught me something so beautiful , which is one of the main principles that I teach my clients that you asked about is being present , being present

to life , being present to what is right under your nose . You know , and that's a gift that continues in moments when my seven-year-old , inevitably , is doing my head in and I can be so grateful that my head's being done in . Yeah , because I've got a healthy baby . Yeah , right , for me .

But I remember one of my mentors saying to me , when I was talking about how proud I was , how many books of copies of my book has have been sold . He's , he's written 60 books and he said rich , you're not a thought leader unless somebody's criticizing you every single day . That struck me . I okay , I've got to play a bigger game now .

So you have an important message . Important messages aren't liked by everybody . Yeah , that's not your job . It's not to be liked , it's to share a message . That's important . And you know , I said earlier , most of us won't be remembered three generations later .

So I thank you for leading the way with that . But the joy of death feels exciting to me so I what I do .

You can see she's not even looking at me , she's ready to start on this , and that's the power of coaching . This way , when you work with talented , driven , ambitious people , you get drop a seed and then watch what happens so we can speak again next week .

Next month , we'll dive deeper into this , me and Sarah because Sarah's in 4PC , but you're there for now . Thank you , rich , so grateful

. Okay , I'd pause the recording , but Sarah just said something to me that I wanted to capture . So what ? What happened for you when I hit pause , sarah ?

We don't feel anything , which is why we're constantly online scrolling , because we don't have to feel , but you help them feel in every part of this range of emotion . That's your power . That's what this book is really about .

I've been exploring , trying to force these book ideas and I haven't felt right and part of me was like trust , divine timing , because it will come , sarah , and I'm not going to write a book from a place of obligation , but my last book , just literally , it was like I wasn't even writing , it just came out of me like from channeled , from a deep , deep place ,

but that this feels edgy and exciting and I want things to feel edgier and more exciting . So , um , it feels brave and bold and exciting , rich and , yeah , thank you .