S23EP07: You Need A “Secret” Menu...

Welcome to One Insight. My name is Rich Litvin. I grew up in London and I now live in LA. And this is a podcast for extraordinary top performers and their coaches. You see, I've coached some of the most successful and talented people on the planet. I can see what most people cannot see, and I dare to say what most people wouldn't dare to say.

And what I know about success is that on the other side of it, it can be incredibly lonely. You can feel more of an imposter the more successful you become. And when you're the most interesting person in the room, you're actually in the wrong room. Clients who are more successful, more intelligent and wealthier than you need your support more than they know and more than you can imagine. I coach around insight. Life looks one way. Something happens, and the world looks different.

entire world changes. It can happen in an instant. And this podcast is called One Insight because a single insight can change everything. This episode is called You Need a Secret Menu. You're gonna hear me coaching Michael, who has a sense of imposter syndrome, despite the fact that he's got 25 years of experience in the theater. He has leadership experience, experience around performance and mastery that most coaches would never have, but he can't see it from the angle he's looking at.

And Rod wants a new way to work with his C-suite clients that in with one idea shifts that I get one idea that I give him shifts everything for him. And you see the silence that happens when an insight moment occurs. I really enjoyed coaching these two men. Enjoy.

Hey Rod. Hi Michael. Rich. Hey gents. It was good to spend some time with you in in uh the intensive we just ran. And I love to start this episode off by asking you a question. What was an insight you got? What was a takeaway from the intensive? Michael, how about you? That I am auditioning my clients as well as them auditioning Maine. I hadn't looked at it that way before. That really shifted my point of view about that. Yeah, that and so much more. That intensive was awesome.

Oh thank you. Thank you. That it was it was so fun to be back in a room with people. It's been a while. That's a beautiful insight. It's one that will change your practice for the rest of your life, your coaching life. Audition your clients, the audition mindset, it shifts the energy. It means they're not saying to you, dance monkey boy, dance. You're saying to them, hang on a second. I don't work with just everybody.

Let me find out a bit more about you. And whether sometimes that's energetic, sometimes that's in words. But that that that's that's beautiful. Great insight. Rod, how about you? You've been in this game for a while now, but you came to the intensive anyway. What's the takeaway for you? So I mean I have a list, but the one big thing for me that I've implemented since was the I hate rich session. I made it the I hate rod session.

And I have thirty six clients. I've done it with with one group so far. I'm gonna do it with two more groups in June and and you know, just bring it out to the group and no side conversations. I call it pairing, you know, if

If Rich, you and Michael are talking about me, uh no pairing in the group. Let's just have an open conversation. So that that really struck home with me because you find out where you're you For me, you find out where your loyalty lies, you find out what you're doing right, more importantly, you find out what you're doing wrong and how you can how you can shift and change.

Nice, beautiful. So for those of you who are listening, let me explain what that is. The the one of my clients, his name's John actually, he has a an I hate John session he runs midway through any group coaching session.

He says, I know you guys hate me at some point this this time we've been together. There's something I've done that's pissed you off, irritated you, bugging you. Let's bring it out. Like don't keep it inside of you. That will just fester and it will come out in a bad way. What's pissing you off about me right now? Let's get it all out there.

So he models the confidence that he can handle that. He gives them a space to offload what they're carrying. And it's a very powerful session to bring in the middle of a group coaching session. What you also mentioned is something I brought into the room I call no side conversations.

And that means if you run a group coaching program, letting your clients know, hey, look, if something's bothering you, you bring it to me. Preferably you bring it to me in front of the group because I've got nothing to hide. Don't ever go and say to somebody else, hey, this is bugging me. What do you think?

That that's a side conversation that doesn't actually bring any positive energy into the situation. It lets something go off into a corner. Let's bring it in, shine a light on it. Again, you model the confidence that you've got this. And that you know it not everything has to be perfect or will be perfect. So those those are great insights too.

So let me ask you guys now. We're here. I can support you. I can play anywhere you like. What's a what's a challenge you're facing, Michael? What's a dream you have right now? How can I support you? I am really sitting with today, you know, just as as I heard Rod Rod say that he had 36 clients, I don't have that many clients. I'm just now phasing out of a theater company that I've been running for the past 25 years.

So I've been in leadership for some time and I've been coaching for all of that time, of course. And yet I've I formed my coaching business about two and a half years ago. I don't have that client load yet. And you know, I I said yes to the intensive because I really wanted to challenge myself to be in a room of awesome coaches who were more successful than me. But I find myself intimidated and like an imposter.

So that's what I'm sitting with today. Also, I I I I feel like that that's wrapped around the value I place on what I bring, just as I've been sitting that with that today in anticipation of what question you might ask to start this off. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay, let's play. So you remind me of I I because of lockdown and COVID, I had about three, four years maybe where I I stopped going to a gym.

I worked out, I worked out with trainers, worked out on my own, but I went back to a gym end of last year, I think it was, for the first time in ages. And so doing weight training again in a gym, it was intimidating. There are people who lift a lot of stuff and have done for a very long time. And uh shoulder press was a hard one for me. And it was hard because the bar alone weighs 45 pounds. So at the beginning I was just lifting the bar. It was embarrassing.

But I didn't realise how embarrassing it was gonna get'cause after a while it didn't take too long I could lift the bar and the the trainer started putting weights on it. But he put on I had the two and a half pound, five pound weights. I forget. They were just tiny weights. And then I realized, oh my God, I thought it was embarrassing before, but at least before people thought I was doing a warm up.

Now I've got these tiny weights on the bar. It's clear I'm not that strong. Well, again, a couple of things happened. One is over time, I increased the weights that went on the bar. And number two, one of my trainers said to me, he said, Rich, we all started with just the bar. We all started with just the bar and it's a good reminder. You know, Rod's been in this game for a long time, I've been in this game for a long time.

But we've been doing it for a long time. There was a moment back then when we didn't have any clients. There was a moment my first client paid me ten dollars a month. And I was excited because I'd never had anyone pay me for coaching before. So put that into perspective first of all. Thank you. Yes. It is important. You understand leadership. Performance? High performance? Mastery?

These are all qualities that leaders and entrepreneurs need and want. So you don't ever have to start by saying, I'm a beginner coach. When you start start talking to people, they say, What do you do? You say, Well, I've been in the game of leadership and mastery and performance for close to three decades. And I help people who want to play a bigger game than they're playing right now.

I had never looked at it that way. Uh I just look I just rewrote a bio because I'm putting together some materials for a website and some other things and writing my bio was hard. And I hadn't thought of it quite like that, although all of those elements that you just said were in my mind. I was like, I I've got this. I've been doing this, right? Hearing you say it to me. a huge difference for how I see it for myself. I wasn't looking at it before.

So so let me give you a lens through which to look through it. Yeah. Leadership. What's your experience of leadership? How did you learn about leadership? What were your biggest insights around leadership? Managing a leading a theater company is an extraordinary endeavor. You're doing everything from finance to helping people perform better on stage to dealing with un unhappy customers in the room. I mean, everything. Talk about leadership at a high level.

Number two, but acting and performance. Teaching people how to perform, how to let go of the need to prove themselves, how to be themselves naturally. So because the best actors are are playing themselves, not a character. Like you understand so much about improvisation. Like these are all m really key skills for leadership.

So that's the lens through which you look at your bio. This is the lens through which you have to look at yourself. And when you can say to people, what I do, I've been doing my entire life. They get curious, they get interested. So don't worry about trying to say I'm a coach. Coaching is a tool, not a title. That's the mistake people make. It's a tool, not a title. That's really Awesome! That is what I came here to hear today.

Yes, I've struggled with and I've heard you say in the intensive and on in other programs that I've taken with you. Not to use the word coach at all. And I've struggled with that to sort of redefine it. For myself, so that I can redefine for somebody else who may be interested in what I have to bring to the table for them. Here's what I would offer you. What do you do, Michael? Well, I'm an expert in leadership, in performance, and mastery. And then go quiet.

Wait for them to ask, what do you mean? Well, I was a theater director for almost three decades. I understand more about leadership than most leaders of uh a hundred million dollar companies could ever understand. I understand performance in a way that most leaders don't get. Because when you take someone on a stage and they have to inhabit a character and be themselves at the very same time, here's the secret. That's what we're all doing all the time.

Everyone's acting and everyone's pretending that they're not acting constantly. I'm an expert in understanding how you show up as a leader in a really powerful way, no matter what the setting is. And here's the last one for you. I understand imposter syndrome at the deepest levels. I understand what it looks like to be super successful in all sorts of arenas and still feel intimidated by what's coming next because then as an actor, you are only as good as your next performance. That's powerful.

Thank you. Yeah. I f I feel like I've been seeing. Yeah. So for those of you who are listening, not watching, I can see the emotion in your face. I can feel the emotion in your voice. And and I I I appreciate that. Yeah. I see you. I get it. Actors who never made it. So I understand what it means.

So I I see you, man. I really do. And and you know, later once oh, I'll get my team to send you the audio for this podcast, you know, capture everything I've just said. There's your bio. That's what you put on your website.

Thanks, Mike. Hey Rod, what's up for you and how can I help? So it was I mean, I even wrote that down that imposter syndrome was that Yeah. That's just across the board. So I I understand imposter syndrome better than anyone else. I love that. So so let me explain for the people who are who are listening and watching. I know about you is that you've been very successful as an entrepreneur.

that during lockdown in your industry when at least 80% of other entrepreneurs in your field went out of business, you stayed and thrived. So you understand what it means to be an entrepreneur through the ups and the downs, through the successes and the struggles. And now and and that's why you're extremely good at helping other entrepreneurs who are facing successes or struggles, which both lead to the opposite on the other side.

Exactly. And, you know, one of the things that we discussed in the at the intensive was sell the experience of coaching, not the idea of coaching. And so for me, with the numbers that I have right now, I I am I am basically at capacity for groups. It's time for me now to find I think three or four really dynamic people that I'd like to work with on a personal level, one-to-one, not in a group setting. Um and

People that as as we as we talk about and as y you talk about in the book, people that inspire me. Yeah. That's and and so that's where that's where my coaching journey is right now. That's what I want to look at in in twenty twenty three and beyond. Because that's I think that's well I I know that's where I'm gonna get the most out of out of what I do and and how I can give back.

Rog, I I I don't know if this is true for other states, but I know in California at least that the fast food restaurants have secret menus. Have you heard of that before? I I have heard of that, yeah. Yeah. So there's a secret menu. I know if you go to In N Out Burger, you can ask for animal fries. And I'm not a fast food person, but I know of these secret menus. And so I think we all need a secret menu.

You know, there's the thousand dollar cheeseburger at the top of your menu. There's something that's really unique and distinct that you talk about, you know, that's one-on-one coaching that's a high price point that makes everything else seem cheap. But there's sometimes also the secret menu. So on my secret menu is something called the Fiji project.

You probably haven't heard about this before'cause I rarely talk about it. I've only offered it three times to people. So there's no there's no website about it. But the Fiji project means that If you feel like the right person I should work with and coaching one on one for six months or a year doesn't feel like a fit, I might offer you the Fiji project. What that would mean is You and I would fly to Fiji. You'd get there two days before me so you can relax and slow down.

And then we get together for three days of coaching and you'd stay for two days after I finish the coaching. So you can ground, perhaps call your team, implement anything. So by the time you get on the airplane, you don't have anything to do. And we spent a week together in Fiji. That's the Fiji project. It's it's on my secret menu. And I think you need something like that that excites you and inspires you.

And you wouldn't offer it to anybody. And just because someone could write you a check doesn't mean like, oh my God, I want to spend a week with you in PG. Right. So I have a sense you need something really fun and inspiring for you that once in a while you'll offer. Man, that was not on my radar, but wow, that's so it's interesting because you talk about The two days after I want you to stay for two days after and just sit with this. I stayed I stayed a day and a half after Santa Fe.

And I just sat with I went to the plaza and I just sat with all of the notes and all of the and and the other thing I did was in the evenings when, you know, a lot of the a lot of the the coaches were going out and eating and and having drink I did none of that. I went and sat. in myself with what I got from the day. And I came back and I told my coach, I said,

I got more out of that intention than anything I've ever done because of because of taking time for me. Instead of making it a social event, I took time for me and that was the reason I went out there in the first place. And and what you just said about that two days brought that whole thing back for me. I went, how powerful that was. Yeah.

Beautiful, a beautiful insights. You know, you've heard me say this phrase before. Space is where miracles occur. Well, if you're the CEO running a business, like the kind of clients you work with. They might get that intellectually, but guaranteed ninety-nine percent of them are not taking enough space and time. There's a beautiful story.

Yeah. There's a beautiful story about D. Hoch, who was the first ever CEO of Visa. And D. Hoch would never schedule a meeting that would last less than two or three hours. Because he said if you can do something, handle something in less than two or three hours, someone else should be dealing with that. I look at the big picture. That's where you bring me in for a meeting. These are the kind of conversations you want to have with your dream clients. And some of them need a week away from things.

Week away from their partner, a week away from the kids, a week away from the business. And you you can say to them, this is your filter. If you can't, if it freaks you out, the thought of taking a week away from the business, A, you need it more than you realize. And B, it's not time. I'm not going to say yes to you. Yeah. Really powerful. I think that's I could only imagine somebody walking into my company fifteen years ago going, here's the deal, we're going to Wherever for a week. What?

Yeah. Yeah, look, and I call it Fiji. It could be Hawaii. It could be Montana. It doesn't matter where it is for you. It it it it's somewhere away. There's something called the three day effect. The three-day effect says three days away from technology lets your system slow down. So you can say to them, by the way, there's a no-cell phone rule.

I take your cell phone on day one. Look, if you've got some family stuff going on, just tell me. I'll check the text for you. But there's no cell phone, no laptops, no technology. Yeah, now you're up to over a hundred percent of the Yeah. And I know you do that on your own, don't you? You talked about that in the intense. I do it a number of times over the year I do that. So here's the other thing you can do. You can plan one of these retreats for yourself.

And then tell your clients, hey, I'm going on this retreat for me. I have a space for one or two people to join me. If nobody comes, I'm going anyway, because I walk my talk. I need this as much as you do. If you want to come, let's talk. Really. That's yeah, that's insightful. Wow. Then you're not then you're not working on a six-month program or a nine-month program or a year-long program. You're just you're one and done. Let's go. Yep. That's that's powerful. Yeah. I can Mm-hmm.

Wheels are turning, man. Especially that piece on on day five or day six, you say to them, Hey, make sure your team are available or your your COO or your chief of staff, because you're gonna call them on day six and you're gonna download everything you've got. So that you can relax on day seven, you can travel home, you've got a buffer day on the other side of it where you can relax. Your team have already picked up all the balls.

So Michael, that that silence over there, those nods from Rod, he's got it. That's an insight moment. So gents, I think we're there. That was great. I I also got uh plenty from um your work with Rod there. That's great. Thanks so much. Thanks, Rich. My pleasure, guys. It wasn't cold. Dot com