S23EP05: "Hey, what do you do?"

Welcome to One Insight. My name is Rich Litvin. I grew up in London and I now live in LA. And this is a podcast for extraordinary top performers and their coaches. You see, I've coached some of the most successful and talented people on the planet. I can see what most people cannot see, and I dare to say what most people wouldn't dare to say.

And what I know about success is that on the other side of it, it can be incredibly lonely. You can feel more of an imposter the more successful you become. And when you're the most interesting person in the room, you're actually in the wrong room. Clients who are more successful, more intelligent and wealthier than you need your support more than they know and more than you can imagine. I coach around insight. Life looks one way. Something happens, and the world looks different.

and your entire world changes. It can happen in an instant. And this podcast is called One Insight, because a single insight can change everything. In a moment, you're about to hear me or see me or both coaching Ray and Diane. They were both with me in Santa Fe a few days ago and my intense.

And today I'm gonna ask them one question. What's up and how can I help? With Diane, I help her create a filter for her dream clients really fast with three questions. And Ray asked me that old question that every coach wrestles with, what the hell do I say when someone says, hey, what do you do? And I give him about five different answers by role-playing ways to answer that question. By the end of the episode.

Send me a message. I'd love to hear from you. What do you do? How do you articulate what you do? Message me. Uh send a message to hello at richlitvin.com. I'd love to know. Welcome Diane. Welcome, Ray. So we have just spent some time together in Santa Fe. We were at what I call the R L I, the Rich Litvin Intensive. It's been the first time in five years I've brought the gang back together. Coaches from all over the planet came into a room. And I got to mess with their thing.

So what I thought would be fun today, i we were originally going to record this about two months ago and then I broke my finger. And so it's actually kind of timely that it got moved to after the intensive because I'd love to find out first of all, what did you get from it? What was an insight? What's a takeaway? What's an action that you you took as a result of it? And then let's play with how can I help. But Diane, how about you? What what was an insight that you got from being there?

The insight I got the most of is just really recommitting to service, really recommitting to connecting, serving. And I've kind of gotten lost along the way and got caught up in. You know, the things we get caught up in, the email marketing and social media. Just so going to the RLI with you and everybody else just really Uh I recommitted to serving really every day. Those two questions you asked, who can I serve? What can I create today?

uh really just have defined me since I got home and I feel a huge difference in my coaching. Uh, nice. Uh it feels like a sense of relief on my side when I hear that as well. Cause it and it's so tempting. I th and there's nothing wrong with using social media, email marketing, SEO, all that stuff can work, but for most of us. We're people, people. And you can build a great business with a handful of the first time.

high performing high fee clients, one relationship at a time. And that all starts, like you say, with getting back to serving. So I love that you had that that realization. Thank you for that. And you've you've been successful out in the world. It's not like you're a beginner coach, right? Right. Yeah, over twenty years of coaching. Yeah. So it's a good reminder to come back to the basics. Yeah.

Ray, how about you? What's the biggest takeaway for you from our time together? It's a reminder that being around other humans in real life and off of Zoom, like it was so refreshing just to be in an intensive again and being around people who are committed to service doing their work and playing full out. It's just inviting me into like that more fully, you know, and simplifying what I do and just

starting the old fashioned way, the prosperous goals way. A good reminder of just reaching out, connecting, doing what you do, staying in that energy and serving people. And then also the the bigger narrative what we talked about when I was on stage with you about just the pain I've had to sit through with losing my brother and my father, and then dedicating this next phase of my life and business to to the work. What's my dog?

like dedicating that like that that gave me I had a North Star already, but that when you proposed that or offered that in the space, I was like, oh yes. Like I felt my whole body being an alien to that and sharing more of that story, like of what I've had to But let me let me slow it down, Ray,'cause I want to break those two apart for people who are listening. Um,'cause Diane was there, she knows what what was going on. But the the two things you said, first of all

In real life, I I watched an interview with Sam Altman a couple of days ago, founder of Chat GPT. It's going to change the world, the way we're using technology. And he said one thing that is going to be super successful in the future is real life experiences with community. Because you can't do that with artificial intelligence.

And I agree with you. It's been five years since I've had a big group of people in a room together. And not only did you guys miss it, me too. It felt so good to be back in a room. So that was the first thing I wanted to uh agree with you, put my my side of the thoughts on that one. I I can't wait to do the next one already planning to go.

And then the second thing you said, and it was very moving, you know, you shared, I was coaching you on the stage in front of the room, and you shared about what happened to your father and to your brother. And you got this insight, like, oh, I can dedicate the next stage of my life.

to them. And then the last piece you said is, but talk about it more. Um you know the problem for some coaches is they use coaching as a place to to like to therapise themselves. They share their pain and discomfort uh just for themselves. But what I got about you is now you've done that. You've done the work on on the the inner pain about losing members of your family. It's now I can dedicate this in service of others. Yeah, it's different and that feels that feels awful.

Yeah, I can feel you drop in as I say those words. Like it feels solid. Yeah. So I have a question for both of you, and that's What's the question you have for me? Uh I'm here now. You've got me. What can I do for you? What's the biggest challenge you're facing right now? What's a question you're wrestling with? How can I help, Diane?

Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about how you say that you coach on Insight. Thank you. And so this week I realized I coach primarily on courage and action. So my question for you is how do I show that more to the world and get the clients that I desire that are courageous, action-taking women primarily?

Well, how often do you use that as a filter? Do you say, because that's that's what I call a psychographic. Too many coaches, they they filter by some demographic. I work with women in their 50s. I work with people who have a$10 million business, want to scale to$20 million. But for all of those people, there's nothing wrong with having a niche like that.

But it's rare that if someone has a niche like that and they meet someone who's got who's just outside that niche, if they want to work with them, that they'll find a way to do it if it feels exciting. Because they're not really filtering around the niche. That's for marketing purpose.

They're filtering around a demographic, a psychographic. And the true secret to that is your dream client is the person who looks back at you in the mirror every night. So I know without a doubt that you're a woman of courage who takes action. How I said a big smile on your face as I say that. How how often do you say that out loud to people when you're discussing uh working with a potential client?

In my mind, I feel like I'm saying it all the time in my emails, in my posts, in my conversations, and trying to model. I mean, I really want to model exactly what I want to work with. I I want to bring them on the on the journey, on the story. And so I feel like I'm doing that a lot and not uh filtering for money, you know, not filtering for a certain level uh that I always can amplify that.

So here's what comes to mind. I think you need a tool, and that tool will be a scorecard. I just made one. Okay. So here's what I would say that would ought to be in that scorecard and you can tell me if it's in there. I would think of three qualities, not just courage and action, courage, action and some other quality that you love the most in your client. So it becomes three overlapping circles of then diagrams.

And then for each of those qualities, think of two or three questions that you would ask that would be in the scorecard. So for courage, what are the two elements of courage? What are the two elements of action? And then the third item. That's how I would do it. So tell me, how does that resonate first of all? What would the third concept be if there was a third one for you? Well, my scorecard that I created has clarity, courage, consistency, creativity, and community.

Okay, I like it. Uh those are Those are interesting ways to filter. Did action come into that? It's not on the current, no, it's not on their no, so. Yeah. So I would think about how can you put action on there? Okay.

And I would think there's there's a lot of items on that scorecard, which is not a bad thing in itself, but I would think about what are the top three in with your clients? Courage, action, and have a look at that list. What else is on that list is number would be number three for you. I would say it's I'm leaning towards either creativity or community because I'm so passionate about building these.

Masterminds and group coaching and just really knowing that we're uh my mantra is break we're braver together. Suggest something to you and see how this one lands. I think those are results that interest you. But if you had a client who wasn't building a community, let's say they had a company that was doing something in the world of tech, but they inspired

My gut is, oh, you'd still work with them if they really were inspiring to you, but community just didn't happen to be their thing. It's your thing, not theirs. My sense would be. The three things that for me capture who you are that have been the secret to your success: courage, action, and consistency. Okay. Yes. So that giggle tells me that it landed. Yeah. Yeah, one of our f uh fellow friends, Mary Grant, sometimes says the queen of consistency. There you go. Right. So so there's the filter.

Everything else is is interesting. Look I I love people who build community, me too. Uh I love people who have clarity, but sometimes we have clarity in the rearview mirror, we don't have it going forward. Uh community is great, creativity is great, but these are the three secrets to success. They're yours and you're going to draw them out from your clients. So you may have, before they even do that more complex scorecard that you have, it's very simple. On a scale of one to ten.

How courageous are you right now? And how courageous do you want to be? Yeah. On a scale of one to ten, where ten is you don't hesitate to take action immediately, and one is you need tons of information and support and ideas and guidance before you take action. Nothing innately wrong with either of those, but where are you? So are you familiar with the Colby profile, K K O L B E? Yes, yes.

Um I'm high on quick start, which means if yeah, you too. There you go, of course, because you're an action taker. So I drive my team crazy. Because I have a team of people who are low on quick start. They want to gather lots of information, get all the resources in the right place before they take action. That's why I have a team. Because if it was just me, I'd be taking crazy steps and dropping the ball all the time. So you can use this as your filter.

Nothing innately wrong with anything. Where are you on this the courage scale? Where are you on the action scale? Where are you on the consistency and persistence scale? Where do you keep taking action? Oh, so you, you know, you take a few steps and you drop off? I get it. And then you get to decide, yeah, I can help you go from a four to a six, but that's not what I do actually. I help people who are an eight or a nine on there who want to get to a

Now you start to get to a high level. Yeah, I feel that's landing, right? Mm-hmm. I love it so much. Yeah. Go ahead and finish that. My quick start is a nine and so my quick start's like ready to go change that as soon as we hang up. So I will. Yeah, exactly. Those are your people. You gotta start talking about that.

Um, you could even use Colby as a way to an assessment for people to take before they work with you. Hey, take this assessment. It will tell you how you operate in the world. It's not good or bad. Every type is is valuable. However, the people I operate, I work best with are people who operate at a really high level on Quickstart. They get an idea and they all want to implement it immediately. So good. Thank you.

You said a few moments ago, Rich, you coach around insight and I coach around courage and action. I also coach around courage and accent action. Insight is simply the way that I know when we're there with talented driven high performers. When you giggled a moment ago, that was my clue. Oh, we're there. And I also filter for people who take action fast. So I can go, oh, I know we're there because I know you're an action taker. You're a woman of courage. You're going to do something immediately.

So when I fil when I filter for people like you, the moment they get their insight I don't have to say, okay, Diane, let's turn this into a 17-step action plan. What's step number one you're going to do? What's step number? You're there. You're good. Like we could get off the call now. You're you're done. Diane's itching to go, Ray. So we bet we better be fast. Thanks, Diane. Thank you.

Right. Same question for you. How can I help you right now? What what's up and how can I help? Yeah. Just to continue to get better at when someone says, hey, what do you do? You know, with answering that question. uh we talked about at the intensive oh i work with startup founders early state startup it's getting really better at just the the psychographic and who I work with and and just nailing that and that scorecard that you talked about.

Let me ask you a question, Ray. How often does somebody say to you, what do you do? Uh well when I go to networking events, they ask that all the time. Do you go to networking events a lot? Oh, I do, yeah. Yeah. Do you find there a valuable place for you to meet clients? Oh yeah. Okay, great. Great. That hasn't been my experience in the past. Um, but if it works for you, I I love that. So that that's what counts or work.

I found one locally that is purpose based. And so it's about intersection of personal growth and living a purposeful, you know, with your career. So it's it's I meet a a lot of my people in the room. They're like they're like up to some cool things or doing their work so yeah they're they're that's a good place to meet intimate with people

So let's let's do a role play for a second. Uh I I meet you at one of those events and I say, Oh, hey, Ray, nice to meet you. What do you do? How how would you naturally respond? Uh in this moment, I would say I'm a trusted advisor for high-performing entrepreneurs that you know have gotten to a certain place in their life and they want to get to the next level and they need some support. That's one version of how I'd language that. Right. Firing. Two. I give it a two. Okay.

Yeah, you see, people don't really want uh they don't want the answer to that question, believe it or not. They want an interesting conversation stuff. So um l let's play for a second. I'm gonna do a bunch of these and see if I can do off the top of my head. I'm I'm gonna be you. Just just say, Hey Ray, what'd you do? Yeah. Hey Ray, what do you do? Oh well, hey, good to meet you. I I work with entrepreneurs on the number one issue that messes them up.

Tell me more. Right. You can't help it, right? What's that? Yeah, what's that? Yeah. So so you you you go away and think about that one. I'm sure you come up with a dozen different answers. Just you just want to intrigue them. Uh well I've noticed that every entrepreneur uh has a massive desire for freedom. That's why they quit everything else to become an entrepreneur and they don't realize they trap themselves really fast and all the freedom goes away.

Ja. Right. So I can tell Diane from the way Ray's saying that, like that that landed on he's going, yep, yep, yep, because you know the truth of that, right? So I I I'm I'm using something that I talk about. You'll have your own versions of that. Uh try it again. Uh ask me again. Hey, hey Ray, what'd you do? Hey Ray, what do you do? You know, it's kind of hard to explain what I do. But just yesterday, I was sitting with an entrepreneur who wants to scale his business.

And what we realized is that underneath it all, he's deeply sad that his kids don't really speak to him very much anymore. It's a role play. It's a little bit hard to know how to respond to that. Yeah. But I held that silence extra long because I know in that moment with a stranger that they're either gonna say, Oh, that's nice.

see you around because it feels awkward they don't understand it. Great. My filter worked. You're not my people. But if you're my people, you're gonna go, oh my God, no, my kids still talk to me, but my wife just asked for a divorce. It's like you you're opening the door. Yeah. And to me that just points to like you can be overindexed on success. at the cost of like your relationships which are you know more important than any kind of success is your relationship with your family, your people.

So so ask me again, one more time. What do you do, Ray? Yeah, what do you do, Ray? Oh, it's funny you should ask. You see, what I do is what I believe. And what I believe is the Yeah. As entrepreneurs, we are over-indexed on success and you can have all the money you ever dreamed of. But if your spouse wants a divorce, your kids have stopped talking to you, or your body is unhealthy, none of that matters.

So Diane, do you notice every time I've said one of these to Ray, there's just been silence and then he goes, hmm. It's that your people are going to react to that. Yeah, that that one didn't grab you as much, but it made me think of some people. And I I think what this is what this cheating out is.

I can keep playing with this and and seeing how it resonates. Like we just try different filters versus like coming up with this itchy, oh, here's the things I do, which I get stumbled up on, or I just get in a conversation. Like then it's like it just takes the normal flow. Yeah. You know. So getting away from Try one more time. Try one more time. Ask me what I do. Okay, so Ray, what do you do?

You know what? I've got to be honest, man. I find that a really boring question. So I'm not gonna answer it. I'll tell you what I love though. What I love is going to the movies with my two little boys. Especially if we have we I get them to skip school for a day and we go in the middle of the afternoon when nobody else is in the theater. You have choice, right? You get to play with it. You could be like a politician. Politicians on TV never answer the question they are asked. Yeah. Yeah.

And that question gets boring. What do you do? You almost like sometimes oh here it comes. Nobody cares about it. They don't. They don't really want to have that question asked of them. But they we don't know what to say. We we're all socially inadequate. So we ask the question. What do you do? Where'd you come from? Where'd you grow up? It's boring. You don't have to be boring. Like that. Okay. I fling conversations. Yeah.

Yeah, and and use the conversations as a filter too, you know, be provocative. You're not your your job isn't I remember I moved to Los Angeles. And I went to a networking group called Metal. I think it stands for men in entertainment, technology. I forget what it stands for now. Um and I remember I I went along, I was a new coach, kind of insecure about what I did. And some guy came up to me as I walk in and he says, hey, he sees my name page and says, Oh hey, Rich, what do you do?

And nervous and insecure, I went, I'm a coach. And I'll never forget this because he just stuck his hand out and went. Good to meet you, Rich. Enjoy the buffet. Have a nice time. And I knew in that moment, I know I shrunk on the inside. I oh my God. Like I I I didn't answer the question very well. I could tell he wasn't interested. But I also loved his confidence, like he knew what he was looking for. I didn't check check that box and he was off to speak to somebody else. Yeah.

What's this filter? Yeah. And I and I I I've known too from coaching startup founders the last four years, none of them have said, I'm looking for a coach. Captain like what is it what the hell is a coach? The VT firm has said Dr. Ray. Like so they don't they're not actually speaking a coach. When you say the word coach, it it gets lost on. Oh, so here's another one. Ask me what ask me what I do. Oh so what do you do, right?

You know, it's kind of hard to explain, but what I've noticed is that VC founders call their entrepreneurs and say, you've got to talk to Ray. Again, like gonna start some curiosity. Like what what why is that? What do you have to say? What do you do? What how do you help them? What's gonna it start it opens the door for your people?

Yeah. That's a good one. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. I'm going to a conference on Friday with a bunch of like tech founders. I'm going to walk around and play with this with good timing. So here's here's how I'll end. This is one thing I always recommend to people when they go to a conference. The most interesting people in a conference are never sitting in a room.

They're always sitting outside because they're the fast thinkers. They watch ten minutes of the keynote. They've got it. And they that go outside to sit there because they've they've already got the insights they want. They're on the laptop, they're having a coffee. You could get all the clients you ever need from sitting in the lobby of the hotel with a holding conference. Right on.

Hey man, wh why are you outside? Me too. Like I I I I take in ten minutes I got what they were saying. I what are you up to? Yeah. Yeah. Good idea. Thank you both. I think we're there. I really enjoyed spending time with you in person. It's fun to reconnect right now. And and like Diane said, I coach around insight and the moment we're there, we're there. Uh Posted. I can't hear wait to hear what you had to say. And Diane too.

show up as you begin to get clearer on the psychographic, the mindset for your dream clients. Thank you both. Thank you. For most of human history, it wasn't called colour. And it's what I love to do. People's thinking. Extraordinary. dot com forward slash. in sight.