S22EP08: Stop Practicing

Welcome to One Insight. My name is Rich Litvin. I grew up in London and I now live in LA. And this is a podcast for extraordinary top performers and their coaches. You see, I've coached some of the most successful and talented people on the planet. I can see what most people cannot see, and I dare to say what most people wouldn't dare to say.

And what I know about success is that on the other side of it, it can be incredibly lonely. You can feel more of an imposter the more successful you become. And when you're the most interesting person in the room, you're actually in the wrong room. Clients who are more successful, more intelligent, and wealthier than you need your support more than they know and more than you can imagine. I coach around insight. Life looks one way, something happens, and the world looks different.

And your entire world changes. It can happen in an instant. And this podcast is called One Insight, because a single insight can change everything.

I'm going to call this episode Stop Practicing. In a moment you're gonna hear me talking to Anu. Anu's been a member of Transition Excellence, my group of high-level leaders who are becoming high-level consultants and coaches. And Anu shares this story with me. I draw out her story. Best words you can ever say to a client, tell me your story.

She shares how she's been a leader from a young age, some of the extraordinary things she's done in her life. And we get to the end of the conversation and she's talking about how she's held back as a consultant from not bringing what's really needed. And I know I have to channel this. I had to step powerfully into leadership and call out of Anu this is who you need to be.

So by the end of this, both of us are full of energy and I pause the episode in that moment. Sometimes you'll hear me continue after the edit where we've cut the episode and connect. Here I needed to stop. I needed Anu to go out with this energy like this. Because this is a woman who's a natural leader, and she needs to go out and call out the leadership of her people. Stop practicing.

Hey, hey. So you're in transition excellence. I I it's one of the most exciting programs I've created in the last few years. The story behind transition excellence is that I've been a best kept secret in the coaching world for a long time. If you know who I am, it seems like I'm I'm I'm around a lot, but in most of the coaching world I'm not known. I've written a book. that sold almost a hundred thousand copies, but still that's a drip in the ocean and drop in the ocean.

And I watched over the years, sixteen years of building my business, over a decade of helping coaches, and I realized relatively recently in the last year or so, there's something I do that's very different. I help leaders who've been very successful in a previous l previous life fly as coaches or consultants or trusted advisors. And I thought, Well it's time to start letting people know about this.

I got a business partner who's a digital marketer. I'm leaning into my edge of something I've never done before, of becoming more known. And we've had over over eighty people I think have come through transition excellence. And I realized, oh, for this season of the podcast I want to tell some of your stories. I want to draw your stories out. So thank you for being with me. You're up you're up for playing? I'm ready. Thank you for inviting me.

Oh good, I'm glad you're here. Look, one of my favorite coaching questions is an unusual one. It's not so much a question, it it's it's these words. Tell me your story. Yeah, that that's um that's that's always a difficult one. Um where would you like me to start? Where do you Actually, funny enough,

When you were really young, I know that's always the joking answer, you know, shall I begin when I was a child? And actually yes. Um w what did you love to do when you were around six years old? What what lit you up when you were a youngster? You know, I when I was reading the book, uh, that question is posed there and I couldn't think of anything that I I could come up with. So I I called my dad to find out and said, Dad, what is it that I love doing when I was six years old?

And I think after a few minutes he says You liked to I was like the leader of the kids. I was like a counselor. So after school we would all get together. And um we had these it was a new construction, so we would sit on those half built walls that we could get to and I would sit on the high highest one'cause I had to see everybody. And I would listen to their school problems and

who got yelled at in school, who has and then I was a and then the kids would look up to me and go, So what should we play today? And I would tell them what should we play today and I used to get in trouble for that a lot'cause it looked like So that was my favorite thing'cause I felt like if I don't tell them what to do, there'll be chaos and our playtime will be over and we'd have to go home.

So so here's why I hear you've literally literally been a leader, a coach and a consultant your entire life. That's what it felt like when I was reading the book. I'm like, oh my God, that's that's what it is. It's yeah. It has been something I've been doing for a long time.

Yeah. And and we forget, right? I was looking at your profile on LinkedIn. You know, you've got a background in marketing, in client relations, you were vice president in in private banking. Um, you've done some really interesting things in your life and career. Wh where's the golden thread if we trace it back from being six where you were kind of naturally a leader, a coach and a consultant? Where's that golden thread through your career?

I ironically now that I in the you know, when I think back Um, you know, you meet people who know what they want to do and they they go on their way. Um, I was not one of those people. I was I was always looking up to my parents, my school, my teachers. What do I do next? How do they I win their approval and how do I get good at this? Um, so I kind of fell into one thing after another because I was always trying to exceed expectations. So I never really had my own thread that

sometimes makes me very angry because I feel like I never figured out what I really wanted to do. I just went from one thing to another. Um school was the same way. I just wanted to keep excellent everything. I wanted to disprove myself constantly. Um After high school, there was so much pressure. that I just decided I just wanna some do something radically different and I went and got my commercials pilot license. I started flying for a little bit. Yeah.

Should put that on there. And then um um sadly two thousand eleven ha sorry, two thousand uh September eleven happened and that kind of change the trajectory of my career. Then, you know, you have to follow other things. I had to get married and things like that. So So so let me let me capture'cause I wanna see if I I'm hearing th th this thread in here.'Cause whilst it looks like I went from one thing to another, I never really knew what I wanted to do, on the outside I get that what I'm

I'm guessing on the inside was still a desire to be a leader, to lead. That sometimes that looks like a desire to excel. Uh I know that story of trying to prove myself to to my parents. I know it's to your parents. Yep, I see the nods. And so But that that was the golden thread. There's this youngster who's a leader, this young woman who wants to excel to prove herself and continually goes into positions where she's able to do so. She says, even, I want to do things differently.

Uh and and and that if your parents were anything like mine, they were driving me to a profession. Uh and and it was you you it it took me a long time before I got out. You r in the early days said, no, I'm gonna be a commercial pilot. Who does that? Yeah, it was it was very radical for my time and place I came from. Yeah. Um and my parents supported me grudgingly, but they supported me and When you say place I came from, is that is that a cultural thing you're referring to?

I'm from India. I grew up in India. And especially the city I'm from. We are a very conservative family with very conservative values. you know, th things have to happen in very chronological order. You go to good school, you become a professional, you get married, you have a family. And I was just, um that was a turn I took and I just was not willing to give up'cause I felt like there was something I needed to do. I didn't know if it was flying but I just went off and did it anyways.

But again, I'm saluting your your courage. I come from a Jewish family, so very similar values around what it means to to raise kids. And and you had the courage to say, I'm gonna do things differently. Yeah, September eleventh made some really radical shifts across the the every society. But you were there, you were making this this change in your life. So I what I hear underneath all of this is

There's there's a theme of leadership, there's a theme of excelling, there's a theme of helping others, and there's also a theme of you're not gonna put me in a box. I mean, I i it's twenty twenty one. I'm I'm wondering how many female pilots there are in India Today, let alone twenty years ago. No, it w definitely. It was something very different. Yeah.

So so take me a bit more into the future right now. We're we're we're got we're I created transition excellence for you. I mean I didn't know it, I didn't know you at the time, but it's a program for leaders who want to take this career of leading others. And the line I use, you've heard it before, is is it wasn't called coaching for that most of human history, it was called leadership.

People have an expert in leadership to take this leadership into other arenas as a coach and as a consultant, a trusted advisor. There was a moment before you signed up for transition excellence, in which you were doubting it, hesitating, wondering if you should press the button and say I'm in. What were the doubts that held you back from saying yes to transition excellence? Actually, Rich, I was very excited when I saw the transition excellence uh offering. Um I

Coaching was not on the horizon for me at all. I had no idea what coaching was. And the moment I plugged in coaching, the kind of ad ads started coming up online, I just ran away. Yep. And then I found you through um Mind Valley actually. And um I saw a a coaching video and I'm like, I have to be coached by Rich. And no, I'm not signing up for any program. I'll be coached one on one. So I go on your website.

And I see I'm like, okay, I can't take out a second mortgage yet. So I have to get to rich. Um and I kind of started with the book. Um, and I was actually going to sign for PK and then Transition Excellence happened and I jumped right on it. There was no hesitation. I knew I wanted to do it. Um I've learned so much just by watching the videos that were available out there. I did the um course through Abercoach. So I had no hesitation. I was all in.

Okay, that's interesting. And so what what's the journey been like?'Cause you y you just shared you didn't you had no desire to be a coach in that moment. What's that journey been like from the moment you joined Transitional Excellence till today? How long has that journey been, first of all? Um, I started in June. Um and it it's the experience has

It's nothing that I imagined, nothing I expected it to be. Um, there's one thing I strongly believe in and I've never been able to articulate it to my leadership.

Is that, you know, that hero syndrome of leadership is gone, like the one person leading the show. We have to look at the collective team and collective leadership. Transition Excellence gave me that. It's like you you're in the calls, but literally the program is being run by the people, the participants, and the things they're creating just by Supporting each other is amazing. The space that you have created, I feel like organizations need to do that. The biggest realization I had was.

I came in to get some formal coach training, you know, to learn to be a coach. I thought I was going into a coaching world. But I'm actually bringing coaching into my consulting world world if it if that makes sense. It has switched the way I'm I'm presenting my work to my people. Um because Inherently I'm still a consultant. I can't take that hat off. I get called out in peer coaching all the time. That I know you're consultant, you're not coaching. Um so I'm learning that but

Well I'm gonna play with you on that. I'm gonna support you on that because I know you wanna bring more of that in, I can tell. So let me just capture what you just said though, because I I appreciate that around leadership. And then we'll talk about how I can support you in this moment around that next step. Thank you. I have a belief a belief that the job of a leader is to create more leaders, not more followers. And you know exactly that.

Thank you. I appreciate you recognizing this. And it's challenging because we're human, right? It does feel good to be acknowledged by people. And if you're creating followers, then you feel good because they put you on this pedestal and you and you're bringing people around you. It's how most people show up in life because we all have this deep desire to be

loved by mummy or daddy and we we didn't get enough of it as kids and we it plays out in the world right now. And so it's it's challenging this job of leadership. And if you really want to be a high level leader, your job is to step out of the way, create space for others to rise. So I love that you wanna bring that concept, and I do my best to model it, but to bring that out into the world.

So so you consult right now. What what's your thing? If if someone was interested in consulting with you, what's what's the area which you consult around? Um, so I started consulting and marketing and public relations because that was my background. But while I was I am in my current job, I started to learn more about change management. Mm.

So that's the area I'm c I'm consulting in. Um it went well for a few months until I started realizing that we are just putting a band aid, we are really not solving the actual problems and that's where

the friction started to happen. I had to like step back and start relearning everything that I had learned. Uh, I still feel that we are doing that. That's why I needed to bring something very more something more um solid and that'll glue together teams and people in a more collaborative way than just bring the software, implement that thing kind of a deal. Yeah, you know, it's in the title Change Management. People are terrified of change. We like the status quo.

The biggest competition any coach has is not other coaches, it's the status quo. The biggest challenge any organization has, even though they might talk about change management, is their people are committed to the status quo, they're committed to the status quo.

So you come in to say, I'm here for change management and that's what they think they want. They don't actually want it and they don't even know that. And the people definitely don't want it and they can't see that. And so it's a it's a strange place to be if that's the title you're brought in for. Y you couldn't have put you know, nobody could have put it put it so nicely. You actually

It's it's a it's not a difficult job, it's just very repetitive. You're just trying to fix something we're not even acknowledging. You've heard me use the language, l we live in a created world. So how we see the world becomes our world. And they can talk to you all they like about change management. If you can see that that leader is telling their team, you know

Take time for yourselves, nurture yourselves, but the leader gets in at five A.M. and doesn't leave till nine PM. The message they're sending to their entire organization is don't leave early or we will judge you. Absolutely. Absolutely. And so you know that I gotta work with them on their mindset first or nothing else matters. That's what I'm trying to bring in. That's my struggle. Want some help with that? Yes, yes, please, thank you.

That's great. That's great. Yeah, let's play. Look, it's gonna have you it it will require you to step into leadership. It will require you to use those very words I just use. When you're sitting down in a conversation with someone to talk about coming into their organization, you're gonna have to start practicing, here's what I require of you. you might have to start I'll play with some wording, you can f play with how it w lands for you later, but something like this.

What you need to understand is that I can come in as a consultant, but I already know that you've had dozens of these throughout time come into your organization. And some make a bit of a difference and some make no difference whatsoever and some actually gonna create chaos in their week.

But what I know is consulting on its own, pure consulting doesn't work. If it worked, then everyone who hired a consultant would be flying right now. And we know that's not the case. Some of the biggest organizations in the planet. have have have crashed after hiring massive consulting firms. And some of the biggest consulting firms on the planet have collapsed too. So if pure consulting worked, none of that would have occurred.

What we need to work on is the way that you think about the world, the way that you see the world, the way that you work with your direct reports and your board of directors and your Clients and customers. If we're not looking at your mindset, everything else is a band aid.

Let me pause there. How does that sound as I articulate that? And this is recorded by the way, I see grab your pen. Thank you. Yeah, that's just nimbles. Yes, yes. No, that sounds great. Thank you. And that is so true. Like And you put it so nicely, that is so true. And I can feel like I'm sitting more upright. I'm having to embody this, even though I'm just role-playing with you. You've got to tap into that leader in you who's been there since you were six years old.

I'm meeting you this you don't say these words, but this is your language behind your language. I am talking to you as a peer. Either you get this or you don't. If you get it, we can talk. If you don't get it, that's great. I'm not for you. But that's the energy you have to bring. And I'm really channeling as I speak to you right now,'cause you have to embody that, you know. Oh, that's great. Thank you. How does it feel as you imagine bringing that into your conversation?

It really feels uh like you put the words to what I was thinking'cause I I feel like I I I run in circles sometimes because Um, I don't want to sound very I don't want to challenge them. I don't want to I want the job. I I don't want to break the status quo, like you said. But then what's the point of doing that if you're not even going to challenge it? So but it feels very real when you say that. Yeah. Look, you have to find a way that you need they need you less than you need them.

You have to find a way that they need you less than you need them. If you need them more than they need you, there's a neediness there. You're gonna accept all sorts of criteria that they put on that doesn't make you feel good either immediately or three months down the road. So you have to show up in a powerful way, which means you need to create the resources so that I don't need you. I don't need this job.

I i if you wanna hire me for this, that'll be great. We will make a massive change. If I'm not the right person for you, I'll be great. You'll go off and do what you do, I'll go off and that's the energy you've got to channel. So do you have resources that allow you to know, I don't need this client as much as they need me. I do. At this time I do.

So let me put it this way, because I hear the at this time, which tells me there's this little bit of doubt: will it last that long? What will happen? If you've Everything you've done until this moment in time has created the resources that you've got now to allow you to walk into those organizations and say what needs to be said. And you've done that based on all the experience you've had until now.

The only thing that's gonna happen in the future is your experience is gonna grow. So if you created these resources now, more resources will come as time goes on. It's okay to have that human fear of, oh my god, will it run out? That's okay, that's very human. For most of history, if you didn't have that fear, you'd die of if there was a famine or the the crops didn't grow that year. But it's not the same in this moment.

And you're a willingness, your willingness to say to people what they need to hear, not what they want to hear. counterintuitively gonna make you more money and more success down the road. And the counterintuitive part of it is we think, well, they'll they'll hate me. They won't wanna speak to me. And some of them won't. And they're not the right people for you.

Your willingness to say what needs to be said is going to have you create more resources and more fun and more success with inspiring clients. Throughout the future. I think I just had this quick moment when you were saying that. I am playing really small right now because I'm afraid of of that little thing that you said. Um

'Cause I I I I I still am in a practice mode I feel like. I'm making programmes, I'm doing things and I'm I'm enjoying the process, but I'm not playing big. I'm not stepping out of my comfort zone and going And saying what needs to be said.

Okay. So let me model this for you right now. Wake the hell up. There's no practice mode needed. 2001, you said, I don't do things the way that other people do. And as a young woman in India, you said, I'm gonna be a commercial pilot. You're a woman who's taken risks your entire life.

When you were six years old, you'd sit on the wall, have kids looking up at you, and you'd be a leader and you'd be their counsellor. You've been doing this your entire life. You don't need to practice. The practice has been done. There's twenty, thirty years of practice. No more practice. There are people out there who need you. There are organizations that are dying. There are leaders that are failing because you're sitting there thinking, I need to practice.

Stop the practice. Get out and tell them what needs to be said, the way that I'm telling you what needs to be said. They need to hear this. And if they can't hear it, great, they're not for you. But you need to wake them up. 'Cause they're ready for you, and they're waiting for you. Thank you, Red. Yeah. Thanks. Huh. For anyone who's listening, not watching, I can see you breathing deeply and I had to look I know you trust me. There are there are uh

times when you may not go that direct to somebody, you might have to build trust first. And sometimes, you know what, you don't need the trust first. They'll trust your experience. They don't need to trust the relationship. They'll trust you more when you say what needs to be said. Then when you dance around the bush and and say the nice things to hopefully get the gig, they'll trust you more.

Yeah, and so I think while both of us are feeling all this energy, that's the perfect moment to say we're complete for now. Thank you. I am. Annie, thanks. I I can't wait to hear what happens. I'm thrilled you're here with us in Transition Excellence. I can't wait to see what happens. Thank you, Reg. Thank you. Um yeah, I'm so grateful for transition excellence and I am do the master class with you. So I'm I'm taking everything on that is that you're bringing in the world. So thank you.

It wasn't called coaching. And it's what I love to do.