S22EP01: What's the book you are scared to write?

Welcome to One Insight. My name is Rich Litvin. I grew up in London and I now live in LA. And this is a podcast for extraordinary top performers and their coaches. You see, I've coached some of the most successful and talented people on the planet. I can see what most people cannot see, and I dare to say what most people wouldn't dare to say.

And what I know about success is that on the other side of it, it can be incredibly lonely. You can feel more of an imposter the more successful you become. And when you're the most interesting person in the room, you're actually in the wrong room. Clients who are more successful, more intelligent, need your support more than they know and more than you can imagine. I coach around insight. Life looks one way. Something happens.

And the world looks different and your entire world changes. It can happen in an instant. And this podcast is called One Insight, because a single insight can change everything. I think you're gonna enjoy this. Andre's got a background. He built a healthcare business from scratch to six figures. Then he built a successful coaching business after that. He works in the healthcare field. When I coach him

I don't quite get what his first question is, so I dive deeper. What do you really want? Is always the heart of what I'm asking. And I start to find out what this man is about. And then I dive deeper, and I use the metaphor of writing a book as a way to coach him. And we get somewhere really powerful, just a few minutes in. The power of coaching around insight is you don't need a lot of time. When they have the insight they're there. Sometimes it's time to take them off the hot seat.

But I decided to leave Andre on the hot seat just a little bit longer, and we really get there. This is a man now who's filled with energy, ready to make a big impact in the world, in a way that scares him just a little bit, which is a place I've always loved. Hi Rich. How are you? I'm great. Thank you for saying yes to Johnny Me on my podcast today. This I I we call this podcast One Insight for a reason. In my experience, uh

The power of coaching is in a single insight. And life is one way, and then you have an insight, and suddenly life is very different. So let's see, let's play, let's see what occurs in our time together. What would really be valuable for you today in our coaching? So yeah, I think I've been sort of chasing my tail rather over the last sort of two or three years a around Taking what I do as a therapist, physical therapist, energy therapist, coach, whatever, and working out how

what my service is and what what my serv what what what's the greater thing for the world, right? That's the real big thing for me. It's like how can my you know, I've built I've been happy to build sort of businesses and serve one one client at a time and and a local thing, but uh what's my bigger mission? What's my bigger game to play? I sort of feel I'm still playing a little bit small.

Mm.'Cause you've got a interesting track record behind you. Just remind me of the things you've done in the past. So yeah, so my my history initi initially I was a an osteopath and I built a business sort of being an osteopath from two thousand and one to about two thousand and ten, two thousand eleven and then started to

do sort of more energy work and so kept on building that as well. So taking the ost my a lot of my physical therapy clients into energy work. And then twenty fifteen ish, twenty sixteen decided to start adding coaching into there as well.

And then sort of having a hybrid of of body work, of energy work, of of coaching and and really working with people around mental and emotional and physical health and well being. That was my that was my big thing. But more mental and emotional over the last sort of two years. I work with a lot of people with anxiety and stress. Depression and and and trauma. So trauma's my big sort of my study over the last eight years is trauma.

Oh okay, well so thank you. That's that's now we're starting to narrow in on what what this is. So so you had a really successful practice you built up into a big business originally around uh being an osteopath. They went into more therapeutic work now, coaching too is all part of it. Just just really serving your clients, right? Yeah. Yeah, and then that's just yeah, that's just morphed into this sort of this small sort of fluid fluid thing.

Yeah. Yeah. So what would make this magical? I still haven't got a sense of if this was a magical conversation. And we got off this call and either in the minutes that followed or the months that followed or even in three years time you call me up and say, Oh my gosh, Rich, life is amazing. What would you be telling me?

It would be that big a mission. It would be it would be that you know, I think I I I attended one of your events as we mentioned previously briefly off off camera. And that the moonshot I think we talked about some of you talked about the moonshot and and that's really sort of you know, what's my

bigger game to play. You know, what's what if I was gonna look back and do the old, you know, the funeral and uh wanting someone to sort of speak at my funeral, what would they be saying about my contribution to the health space, health and wellness particularly. So tell me, what would they be saying?

Yeah. That I that I made a difference that that I made a difference around around m mental and emotional health feels that sort of area and ha and ha and how people can fully integrate not necessarily any hu it's not about big trauma, but it's about the the general traumatic sort of g general life trauma that we develop and how to how we can go

inwards and really resource ourselves to make massive changes and how I can teach that to a to a much broader audience than just my one to one. You know, what's So you said something very interesting to me just then. What I heard is this. I understand the world of trauma. I think of people who've served in the military. I think of people who've been in massive accidents. I think of terrorist situations. And that's where PTSD, massive trauma.

But what I just heard from you is this concept of life trauma. And it makes me think, yeah, we're traumatized all the time. Those things our parents said to us when we were a child that impacts our decades yet later. The thing that a partner said in a relationship, an old boss, someone who bullied us when we were a kid, like this there's trauma in in micro doses constantly throughout our lives. Micro trauma is a great a great way for it. I call it little T trauma, so trauma with a little T.

you know, trauma with a big T is the big car crashes and the big PTSD, the war veterans. And and that is that's very very worthy work and people are doing amazing, amazing work in that field. And that's not my field. Mm. My field is more subtle. It's working with the micro trauma, with the little T trauma. And and and the big T t when it comes up, but but it's like getting people to understand. So every day I'll hear someone say my work, I'll hear s a client say

Oh, but I haven't got anything to complain about'cause my childhood wasn't that bad, or my relationships when I was growing up weren't that bad. So I've got nothing to complain about. And yeah, it's I'm sitting here, they're sitting there, you know, full of anxiety, full of stress, full of

overwhelm and and and trying to make them understand that the link back to there it doesn't have to have been overwhelming, it doesn't have to have been, you know, significant, you know, everyone sort of says, Oh, but my m there are so so many worse people in the world.

But we're living our own experience, right? We're living our experience in the moment today and we can only be who we are. We can't be referencing our lives to somebody else and all and all this all these sort of little micro things that happen to us all add up to create this person that sat in front of me and and that feels to me, I feel like there's insight in there.

What else do you hear from your clients? Uh uh it was powerful when you said I've got nothing to complain about. Almost like they're embarrassed to sit in front of you. What else? What other things do you hear them say? That they really should be able to get them their own way. They should be able to find their own way out of it. They should be they sh you know, they're they've got nothing to complain about. Their their childhood was good.

Where life has not really had any major sort of issues, and that they should be able to find their way out on their own. They shouldn't, they shouldn't need other people's support. And yet they and yet they get stuck. Particularly particularly men, maybe more than women to a point, partly, but but it's still both for both. It relates to something that's very been present for me for a long time. I don't need help. I did a speech on this idea of I don't need help.

Absolutely. And and that's and that and that's it. It's like my life is not it's i I think it's almost a guilt. We know we look around the world and we see you know, the news bombards us all the time and um why can why should we complain about our lives?

And then when we look at that, we feel guilty for asking for help because we think, Oh well, what have I got to complain about? Why should I you know, I'm I've gotta get on with this myself and work it out because there are so much other suffering around the world, how can I be so selfish as to say that my lack of connection with my mother has caused me to be, you know, uh you know, difficult in relationships or whatever.

I I love the idea Andre of I I I've supported so many clients who are writing a book right now. For me, the purpose of writing a book is not a book as a place to get to, as in how many copies can I sell? Will I be an Amazon bestseller? Can I get on the New York Times bestseller list? I'm less interested in that than What's the book you need to write?

And it's the book that speaks to your clients, th this language that they're saying so that they they they feel this when they pick it up. Oh my god, this man is speaking to me. These are the voices in my head. Now I saw you smile when I first mentioned a book. Tell me what the reaction Okay. This is this is this is the unfair thing to drop into the middle of a coaching conversation. The there there is actually a a a back narrative to something that happened to me six months ago.

which was that out of nowhere I developed well, there wasn't out of nowhere, but I developed a heart condition which my father had had. very similar, similar age, he had had heart issues and I had this this scare around my heart. And and the thing that came up after that, I had some treatment and and and it's and it's all good. But the thing that came after that was was the book. This this book concept came up which was around the heart. You know, I've got ch a daughter and

And ha and the traumatic you might say my father was actually taken off I live on Gu live in Guernsey in the Channel Islands and my father was taken off the island at the age of two when the Germans occupied us. And so occupied the islands and so and so I felt that there was some connection with him, there was some sort of thing that he couldn't quite fully be present for me. And I feel that.

So so so so you know th th there's a connection between these little traumas, these bigger traumas, my life, you know, I I I think this heart thing, although it's uh partly you know, partly a health thing, but I think it's also an emotional, a mental, an epigenetic sort of link.

So there was this brig this grand vision sitting, you know, coming out of hospital and thinking, that's the grand opus, you know, that's like the writing a book around the heart from a male perspective, from a a perspective of being a son, perspective of being a father, perspective of being a healer, you know, and uh and yeah, I can sense myself welling at that, you know, it's sort of like a little thing in the in my chest there, in my throat.

Good. Well let yourself feel it. You're feeling it in your heart right now, literally. Yeah. Yes. And that's great. For me, tears are a sign of release of emotion and there's some freedom on the other side of And look, you know, you said earlier and what what would I people say, oh, you know, if if I'd passed away, it becomes very real when you get a scare like that, right? You're suddenly very aware of your own mortality. Yeah So then we start.

Yeah, and and aware of the the fear of the of your family and the fear of people around you know, the the f what what would it what you know, you get a sense of their fear for f f for worry about yourself and then you also get a sense of how much love there is and how much sort of support and all a and that in some ways drops away some of the other concerns, you know, and you suddenly focus on what's really important. And so that's all in that narrative, you know, that whole thing.

Also let me ask you because what my favorite question to ask after I've brought in this concept of a book, can someone get in touch with it like you have, is then I ask, Well let's say you'd written that book. It's done, it's complete. What's the book you'd write then? Or what's the book that it would s that would scare you to write?

Taking ownership of my of my understanding of so yeah, th th taking ownership of my underst of my deeper understanding of how We're born of these little energetic beings and our life experiences, I c I call them undigested life experiences. Undigested life experiences do n never fully pass through, we never fully digest these things. And they stay stuck in the body, they stay stuck in the energy system. And I have a real deep knowledge of that.

and how that links in with trauma and how that links in with spiritual development and how that links in with the whole peace. And I own it in secret and I own it with my groups. And I own it one to one. And I haven't I I would be petrified of owning it out there on people saying, Ah yeah, but that on page seventy two you said this and that's actually not completely correct and you know, so yeah.

So let yourself feel this that you're feeling, that little smile on your face in this moment. So this is the one, right? But that's not difficult to write. Have that be the one that comes next. Like this is the one. And I get it. I understand. Uh if you've followed me for a while, you know that three years ago I started talking about the second book I wanted to put out there in the world. This was my book. There was no co-author to this one.

This is my book about the kind of powerful people that I work with, the clients I spend time with. And I was terrified because I was now thinking, well, you know, my my original audience might not like it, the new audience won't know it. I've I've I've my first book sold over fifty-five thousand copies, so this one's never gonna reach that. I I got completely into my head around

And so I speak from that experience of understanding the fear of getting this out there into the world. And this is your m no one else can speak this. Like I heard two examples of trauma. You talked about life trauma and legacy trauma. Yeah. trauma that stretches back through generations, right? I I remember my wife, she has she has a master's in spiritual psychology, had to create a family tree as part of her project.

And not just track back the members of her family, but the trauma in her family, the mindsets in her family. You can track this back for generations. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and that's part of the work I do, yeah. Yeah. So I I had this vision of a book. Sometimes a title pops with me, and I initially I was thinking this title of the word the word guilty on the front cover.

And but then now I'm wondering is it the word trauma on the front cover? There's something like that that just grabs people. And then you start to share your story. And and then there's there's more than one element, right? There is a place where there might be one chapter that talks about the massive trauma. You deal with this when needed, PTSD and so on, but this is a small part of this. Most of the book is about

And and I love chapter titles to be the language of my people. So my childhood wasn't that bad. There's an awesome chapter title. Yeah. Your people are gonna put me. I've got oh my god, that's me. I should be able to find my way out. I've got this. I don't need help. Like this is the language of your people. Let the chapter title.

Yeah, and that feels that does feel great'cause that that that is I'm I'm still the heart thing I'm still hiding away slightly. Like I can write a thing that is yeah, it's great and it's engaged and it's personal. Really interesting, isn't it? It's it's a personal story that I'd be happy to tell, but taking extreme ownership of my

conceptual frameworks is difficult. That's that's the that's where I put my head really out and say actually I do know something of what I'm talking about. So it's not a personal story, a personal story someone can't tell you that you're wrong. No, that's my personal story. But they can tell you your you know, like th the challenge is when you're doing something that's sort of uh about something you're deeply passionate about. You have an understanding that you've never

Learn from books, or it's just you know it's personal experience. It's learning from teachers, mentors, and masters, and clients, learning from thousands and thousands of.

So look, Andre Andre, I said at the beginning before we began, the reason I call this podcast One Insight. Sometimes you get the insight and you're there. And the temptation for a coach is to keep diving deeper and deeper. Sometimes in that moment when you're there, the best thing a coach can do is take the client off the hot seat. Yeah. Now this is a hot seat moment.

And I have a couple of other thoughts behind that that I think might serve you. But I want to bookmark this moment because we're actually there. This is it. I'm not trying to coach you around this. How do we turn this into a 17-step plan? How do we get you doing this? How do we hold you accountable? I I I I'm not an accountability coach. I say to my clients, if you need accountability, you haven't got a mission that's important enough to you or big enough for you yet. 100% agree with that.

And I sense we're there. I think I I could take you off the hot seat and you got this. Whether or not you make anything happen yet is fine. Three years into me w wrestling with all the self-doubt around my second book. And I'm committed this year, this is the year it's coming out. But I needed those three years. And here's the thing: here's why I'm gonna keep you on the hot seat a bit longer. I love the book by Austin Cleon called Show Your Work.

I didn't sit for three years trying to either hide away in my room, write the perfect book showing nobody until it was perfect. sit full of self doubt and self deprecation and hide away and do nothing. I wrote and I shared it. I have an audience, I have a blog, I talked to my clients, I sent emails out to the people who follow me in my community and I shared my insights along the way. And I got feedback and I saw what hit and what didn't. And

Some people liked it, some people didn't. Some of them were not my people and they drifted away. But I kept showing my work in all of its messiness. And so when I sat down to write chapter one in January of this year, I was astounded initially because it poured out of me and then I realised, Oh,'cause I've been writing it for three years. Yeah. So my my encouragement for you is don't try and sit in a room and get this perfect.

And don't sit with all your self-doubt and wondering, you know, will people like it, will people hate it? What should I do? Start sharing it. Even if it's just to your community. You've got an amazing community. Share it with them. Here are my thoughts. Here's version one. Here's this. And see what happens along the way. Yeah, yeah. What it is for me, it's it's combining my v it's it's finding my voice.

Because what how I what I talk about in how how I talk about it isn't conventional. I I'm not coming from a conventional I'm mixing science and Yeah, th a casual way of of taking science and trauma and and and and spirituality and mixing them together. So it's finding that voice that's and I think that's probably why I would not trust initially. I remember Will Self said that you've got to get your first hundred thousand words out of your brain, you know, and I think Yeah.

I I was lucky I was told by a very successful blogger years ago when I first started blogging that almost every successful blogger he knew hated their first fifty fo fifty posts and didn't find their voice until they'd written a hundred posts. Yeah. Smiled because it was like, Oh great, let me just get them out of the way.

If you look at the early videos, you can find them of me on YouTube. I was so nervous and insecure. And and now people say, Well, you're you're so comfortable on camera. Well, because I practice.

Let go of the need to edit as you write. Just write. Your voice will come. You have a powerful message. And you have a powerful mission. Your voice will come along the journey. And I love you talk about this mixture of science and chat and spirituality. That's gonna make this book really unique, Andre. And most people, the the insidious thing about Facebook is it's trained us to get likes. And likes don't do anything.

You want people who love you or people who can't stand you. Those people are gone. They're not your people. The ones who love you. The the the reason my community has grown by word of mouth is the people who are not into me just slip away. And the ones who love me f follow me more and more and get more involved. That's what you want. I'm not the right taste for everybody, and I don't try to be.

Now I'm human and there's a very human part that I want to tap on touch on before we finish. Throughout human history, Andre. If you spoke up, if you spoke your truth, if you put your voice into the world. Someone will probably try and fight you and might kill you. Your tribe might ostracize you and then you would die. People mis misunderstand when we hear this phrase that people are more afraid of public speaking than of death. No. What that means is

We actually believe that if we speak in public, we'll die. It's very human, innate in our system. Talk about legacy trauma, right? Yeah. Most of human history. Bye. Most of human history, you spoke up, you died. This isn't a book that's likely to end in your death. It might, it might, and I say this with my my tongue in my cheek, but only slightly. I in fact I hope that some Don't like you because of this book. you piss some people off.

Your job is not to be liked, your job is to put your message out there and find out. Love it. Yeah, that's cool. Thank you, Rich. Most of human history. And it's what I love to do.