This Was Always Me

Rich Clarke spent years feeling ashamed of his sexuality. Now he meets others who, for many different reasons, kept theirs hidden - and asks why. From Olympic icon Dame Kelly Holmes to a Zimbabwean refugee and a former Conservative MP, these are unflinching stories of secrecy, shame, and survival. Forget the rainbow-washed headlines... coming out isn't always safe, or even possible. Across 12 gripping episodes, Rich explores the emotional cost of hiding who you are, and what it takes to finally live your truth. Raw, heartfelt, and long overdue. These voices are done hiding. 🎧 Subscribe now on Global Player or wherever you get your podcasts. 💬 To share your story, email: [email protected] 📢 For advertising opportunities, contact: [email protected]

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Episodes

A Love Hidden For 29 Years: Former Conservative MP Sir Nick Gibb and Michael Simmonds on fear, love and coming out in politics

Sir Nick Gibb and Michael Simmonds have been together for 38 years, but kept their relationship hidden from the world until 2015 - the year they married. Nick knew he was gay from university and accepted it, but as a Conservative MP, he felt he had to keep his personal life private to protect his career. For decades, they lived together but kept up appearances - even owning separate properties and spending holidays apart to avoid suspicion. In this honest and moving conversation with Rich Clarke...

Jun 23, 2025•50 min•Season 1Ep. 5

'Created perfect, but made flawed’: Gail Rose on how she found self-acceptance after conversion therapy at Church

Gail Rose spent decades believing she couldn’t be both gay and Christian. After becoming a young mum and joining a church that preached same-sex attraction was wrong, Gail kept her true self hidden for years, fearing rejection from her faith and loved ones. She speaks with Rich Clarke about living a ‘dual life’, the pain of being outed, and the turning point that made her want to keep going. Gail opens up about losing her place in church, the struggle to be accepted by her son, and how she final...

Jun 16, 2025•53 min•Season 1Ep. 4

It Was Illegal To Be With The Love Of My Life: Richard Martin on secret heartbreak & waiting until his 60s to come out

Richard Martin joins Rich Clarke to share the story of a love that shaped his life. At university, Richard fell deeply in love with another man. It was a relationship full of hope, but lived in secrecy at a time when being gay was illegal. When his partner returned to America, Richard stayed behind and tried to move on. Years later, they saw each other again, both married to women, and the meeting was painfully strange. Richard went on to to live a life of marriage, children, and silence. But in...

Jun 09, 2025•38 min•Season 1Ep. 3

80 Years In The Wrong Body: Isobel on transitioning in later life, with her wife's blessing

Rich Clarke sits down with Isobel - a remarkable trans woman who underwent gender-affirming surgery at 80. Isobel reflects on a lifetime of hiding her true self, trying to meet the expectations of others as a sailor, firefighter, husband, and father. With honesty and warmth, she shares how her wife Margaret, now living with dementia, offered her the support and permission to finally live as herself. Now, two years after surgery, Isobel describes the profound joy and peace she’s found in her body...

Jun 09, 2025•1 hr 5 min•Season 1Ep. 2

I Wouldn't Be Double Olympic Champion If They'd Found Out I Was Gay: Dame Kelly Holmes on having to hide her sexuality in the army & the spotlight

Rich Clarke speaks with Dame Kelly Holmes, double Olympic gold medallist, former soldier, and proud gay woman, about the reality of hiding her sexuality for 34 years. Kelly reflects on her time in the British Army, when being gay was still illegal, and the constant fear of discovery. She opens up about the emotional toll of living in silence, the pressure of public life, and the lasting impact on her mental health. She also discusses survivor’s guilt... the belief that if she’d been discharged f...

Jun 08, 2025•1 hr•Season 1Ep. 1

Introducing: This Was Always Me - Subscribe Now!

What if being yourself meant risking everything? This Was Always Me is a powerful new series hosted by Rich Clarke, launching this Pride Month. Through raw, emotional conversations, it shares the untold stories of people who felt they had to hide their sexuality or gender identity - sometimes for years. From a former Conservative MP to a Zimbabwean refugee, each episode explores the complex reasons people stay silent including religion, politics, family, and personal safety. These are real stori...

Jun 02, 2025•2 min

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