This week, we’re back with five new beers and five original movie pitches—only four survive, and YOU get to vote on which one becomes next week’s full-blown Feature Film. Also in this episode: 🦍 Recap of “Boots and Buckles,” our pirate buddy epic featuring a monkey sidekick, a dance-fighting revolution, and the mysterious Iron Taint 🧻 A bus bomb thriller powered by diarrhea (yes, really) 🌲 The dark sequel to The Lorax, introducing his toxic nemesis: The Moraxe 🎸 Jesse Ventura stars in Sexual...
Jun 25, 2025•59 min•Ep. 64
What do you get when a washed-up pirate with jazz hands and his boot-wearing monkey sidekick go up against the British Navy’s porcelain-eyed menace? A full-blown, dance-fueled revolution on the high seas. This week, we’re cracking open a barrel of absurdity and sailing into Boots and Buckles—a buddy-pirate epic where cannonballs fly, alliances form through tap dancing, and monkeys explode warships from the inside. From desert island hallucinations to the rise of the Lagerstani Navy (a.k.a. the D...
Jun 18, 2025•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 63
In Fast Five #33, we’re unleashing five new beer-fueled movie pitches — and only four survive to make it to the poll. That’s right: one idea gets banished to the Beer Me Vault, never to be featured (unless we change our minds later). But the top vote-getter? That one becomes next week’s full-blown feature film. Last week we melted hearts (and possibly a few faces) with Let It Morph — our 32nd Feature Film, a nostalgic shape-shifting alien buddy story. But now? It’s time to vote on the next cinem...
Jun 11, 2025•1 hr 6 min•Ep. 62
A crashed alien ship. A shape-shifting blob. A town where nothing ever happens… until now.In our latest cinematic fever dream, we’re headed to Tranquil Pines — a sleepy Midwestern town where four high school friends stumble upon a mysterious creature named Morph who can become anything. Rambo? Check. Your crush? Unfortunately, also check.As government agents close in and tempers flare, the boys must confront their own fears, friendships, and desire for greatness — all while helping their new ali...
Jun 04, 2025•1 hr 28 min•Ep. 61
In Fast Five #31, we’re back to the chaos you know and tolerate — five beers, five movie pitches, and one vote that decides which unhinged idea gets the full Feature Film treatment next week. Last week, we wrapped up the Muffin trilogy (for now). This week, we’re pitching everything from mystical martial artists to guilty men in chainmail. You’ll hear the five pitches, but only four make it to the vote. The weakest idea gets the axe — forever. So listen close, pick your favorite, and head to Ins...
May 28, 2025•52 min•Ep. 60
Five years after liberating the clones and torching the country club, Muffin is back—and this time, she’s not unhinged. She’s undercover.When global elites start disappearing and returning as flawlessly sculpted, emotionally vacant versions of themselves, Muffin trades exotic dance therapy for spywork to uncover the truth. Alongside her mentor Donna (still as sultry as ever), Muffin uncovers a clone replacement scheme orchestrated by a petty, sentient AI named BA Ballstarch.It’s an erotic conspi...
May 21, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 59
In Fast Five #31, we break the rules and bend the muffin. A brand-new beer inspired by a previous feature film (Muffin on the Backside) just landed on our doorstep — and it’s so damn good we’re throwing out the vote. Next week’s Feature Film will be a Muffin sequel (inspired by the new Muffin beer from Funktastic Meads & Beer), but you get to decide which unhinged continuation we bring to life. Will it be Harrison's erotic clone moon uprising or Jon's political muffin thriller? Head to Insta...
May 14, 2025•1 hr 7 min
When pollution poisons the forest and developers bulldoze his home, Bambi doesn’t just mourn—he mutates. With a chain-smoking Thumper, a stitched-on trigger finger, and a hunger for vengeance, this isn’t your childhood deer. It’s nature’s R-rated revenge fantasy, and no one is safe from the wrath of Bambi’s Revenge. Listener Greg dropped this banger in our Fast Five comments, and thanks to your votes (and some close competition from Grannies Gone Wild), it clawed its way to the Feature Film spot...
May 07, 2025•1 hr 16 min•Ep. 57
In our 30th Fast Five, the listeners came out SWINGING. We’ve got grannies with grenades, deer with trauma, and a secret knock that opens way more than doors. Join Jon and Harrison as they turn four wild listener-submitted beers (plus one mystery pick from Harrison) into the kind of movie ideas that should absolutely not be greenlit — but we’ll try anyway. 🍺 The Beers & The Madness: •Bambi’s Revenge (Submitted by Greg) — A genetically enhanced deer leads a woodland militia against mankind i...
Apr 30, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 56
What happens when the world’s richest minds run a 5K… and someone spikes the water? In our 29th Feature Film, Giggle Water, a charity race turns into a mind-melting mockumentary when an anonymous protestor doses the hydration stations with LSD. Suddenly, Silicon Valley’s most powerful CEOs are tripping mid-race, unlocking childhood trauma, seeing hallucinated demons, and questioning everything from capitalism to crypto. One CEO thinks he’s being controlled by an ancient reptilian overlord… anoth...
Apr 23, 2025•1 hr 19 min•Ep. 55
What happens when you combine five beers, zero budget, and two podcast hosts who legally shouldn’t be left unsupervised? You get Fast Five #29 — a wild ride of beer-inspired movie pitches you’ll either love… or deeply regret voting for. This week’s cinematic disasters include: •Giggle Water — A mockumentary where CEOs accidentally save the world after drinking LSD-laced water during a charity 5K. •Vortex Hands — The worst superhero name ever. The best punching power known to man. •SCIENCE! — Ali...
Apr 16, 2025•1 hr 1 min•Ep. 54
What if your college couch… was evil? Two roommates score the ultimate Craigslist futon. It’s soft. It’s supportive. It whispers to them at night. As missed classes pile up and snack bags multiply, one pre-med roommate starts to wonder: Is the couch just comfy, or is it slowly draining their souls? Welcome to COUCH TIME — a slacker horror-comedy where laziness is a curse, chips are a sacrament, and the only way out… is off the couch. This is our 28th feature film, and the people have spoken! You...
Apr 09, 2025•1 hr 20 min•Ep. 53
Welcome to Fast Five #28 – the only podcast episode where we pitch five completely original movie ideas based on actual beers, and none of them are safe for the Oscars… or humanity. This week, we recover from the chaos of Stuffed Cheeks (Feature Film #27) and dive headfirst into five new cinematic disasters waiting to happen. We’ve got a Angels vs Demons + Amish thriller, a sentient couch conspiracy, and yes, time manipulation via craft beer. And YOU get to decide which one becomes our next feat...
Apr 02, 2025•56 min•Ep. 52
What happens when you mix Saw, Hot Ones, and a haunted Golden Corral? You get STUFFED CHEEKS – a horrifyingly hilarious tale of competitive eaters, cursed chicken wings, and one man’s journey to unlock… The Noble Stomach.💀 Hosted in a sinister mansion by an unhinged philanthropist with a vendetta against gluttony, five elite eaters must devour their way through twisted food challenges or face deliciously deadly consequences.Starring our beloved podcast punching bag Brian D, Stuffed Cheeks is Be...
Mar 26, 2025•1 hr 23 min•Ep. 51
Buckle up, beer lovers, because this Fast Five takes you on a journey filled with broken promises, overeating disasters, high-altitude smackdowns, and two mystery beers so wild we can’t even say their names out loud. This week, we take five beers and twist them into questionable cinematic gold, proving once again that no beer name is safe from our storytelling chaos. 🍺 Beers Reviewed & Their Totally Logical Movie Pitches: -Pledge: A man who said “yes” to a 2nd grade pledge quickly realizes ...
Mar 19, 2025•59 min•Ep. 50
🚗🦖 What happens when a man obsessed with gasoline-powered muscle cars decides to drill under Philadelphia for the ultimate fuel source? Absolute chaos, that’s what.Welcome to Velociraptor Hood Ornament—the first-ever fan-chosen feature film from Beer Me That Movie! You voted, we delivered, and now we’re bringing this high-octane, prehistoric disaster movie to life.🔥 The Plot:Jett “Gas” Gallows, a rogue car entrepreneur, is sick of electric vehicles dominating the market. Determined to prove t...
Mar 12, 2025•1 hr 8 min•Ep. 49
Get ready, beer-soaked movie lovers! It's Fast Five time again, and this episode is all about YOU! We're diving into the wild world of Untappd to unearth the most outrageous beer names… but this time, the power is in your hands! This isn't just another episode of questionable ideas – it's a democracy of cinematic madness! We’ve wrangled five of the most… interesting… beer names we could find, and each one is a potential goldmine of plot possibilities. This week we have: John Dough: Could this be...
Mar 05, 2025•50 min•Ep. 48
WE DID IT! 25 Movies! To celebrate our halfway point (and prove we haven’t completely lost our minds...yet), we’re unleashing our most unpredictable episode EVER: "Robot Panda Island"!This isn’t just a Fast Five OR a Feature Film – it’s both! We're combining our beer-fueled movie madness with a listener-submitted challenge (Thanks, Greg!), and the results are...well, you'll just have to see for yourself.We dove deep into the murky depths of Untappd to find FIVE bizarre beer names, and each one i...
Feb 26, 2025•54 min•Ep. 47
It happens to everyone -- we got sick. So in preparation for our big 25th Feature Film, we wanted to share one of our #NotTakes in the Podcast Feed. (There are a handful more of these on Youtube, but now it's time for the world to know about them.) Valentine's Day got you feeling all mushy? We're here to cleanse your palate with a hefty dose of reality – by trashing the cinematic icon of "romance" itself: Titanic. For this #NOTTAKE, we're bravely stating the obvious: Jack and Rose are a terrible...
Feb 19, 2025•7 min
What happens when one man, one blender, and an unholy amount of chicken nuggets collide in a quest for ultimate strength? In our 25th Feature Film, we take Troegs Nugget Nectar and blend it (literally) into a high-protein, high-stakes, high-insanity cinematic masterpiece. Meet Brian, a washed-up weightlifter desperate to reclaim his former glory. When he discovers that blending chicken nuggets into a drinkable nectar allows for impossible muscle growth, Brian skyrockets to the top of the strengt...
Feb 12, 2025•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 46
The beer-fueled madness continues in Fast Five #24! This week, we dig into another batch of bizarre Untappd beer names and transform them into the most ridiculous movie pitches imaginable. Will Night Offering lead to an ancient ritual gone horribly wrong? Could Nugget Nectar be a fast-food-fueled revenge thriller? What secrets lie within Family Tree—a wholesome genealogy tale or a dark, twisted lineage? From Freeze Pop—frozen dad experiment gone off the rails—to Bo Knows Tecmo, where an ’80s foo...
Feb 05, 2025•59 min•Ep. 45
In our 23rd Feature Film, we’re transforming Funktastic Mead’s and Beer's “Muffin on the Backside” into a sci-fi cloning extravaganza. Join us as we dive into the story of Muffin—cart girl extraordinaire—who uncovers a sinister plot brewing beneath the country club’s pristine golf course. With clones, chaos, and cartloads of beer, this is one wild ride you don’t want to miss. In This Episode: • How Muffin’s rise from dishwasher to cart girl reveals a dystopian cloning operation • The outrageous ...
Jan 29, 2025•1 hr 27 min•Ep. 44
Brace yourself for another round of wild beer-fueled creativity in Fast Five #23! This week, we take a dive into Untappd’s latest treasure trove of eccentric beer names and transform them into outlandish movie pitches you won’t see coming.Will Dr. Robot become a sci-fi epic about a rogue AI surgeon? Does Muffin on the Backside take us to a bakery heist gone hilariously wrong? Could Dawn Keeper lead the charge in an apocalyptic fantasy battle?From the shadowy schemes of Crypto Culture to the intr...
Jan 22, 2025•59 min•Ep. 43
Welcome back to another Feature Presentation of Beer Me That Movie! This week, we’re transforming Stonecloud Brewing’s “Back Alley Kitty” into a wild, time-looping adventure. Join us as we dive into the story of Matt—an expert diver who can’t resist temptation—and Katherine, the cosmic hooker standing between humanity and a mermaid apocalypse (yes, really). In This Episode: • How “Back Alley Kitty” sets off a hilarious repeating night at the bar • The bizarre mix of mermaid warfare, possum trans...
Jan 15, 2025•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 42
Get ready to pop the top on 2025 with our very first Fast Five of the year! In this episode, we scour the latest Untappd check-ins for beer names so wild, we just have to turn them into off-the-wall movie pitches. From a prophetic possum in “Back Alley Kitty” to a surprise werewolf threat in “Deceptive Creature,” and a bank robbery gone VERY off-track in “Speed Date,” these improv-fueled story ideas are ready to explode onto the big screen.We also take a deep dive into the bizarre box trick from...
Jan 08, 2025•55 min•Ep. 41
Welcome to Podception, the mini-series within Beer Me That Movie where podcasts review podcasts! Using Google Notebook LM, we’re bringing you bite-sized recaps of our most absurd and hilarious Feature Presentation movie pitches. In this episode, we revisit Joint Resolution—the story of a couple on the brink of divorce who inherit a cannabis farm, complete with a bull named Ferdinand. It’s part comedy, part drama, and entirely ridiculous. Whether you’re a longtime listener or brand new to Beer Me...
Jan 01, 2025•16 min
Welcome to Podception, the Beer Me That Movie spin-off series where podcasts review podcasts! Using Google Notebook LM, we’re giving you quick, hilarious recaps of our most chaotic Feature Presentations—perfect for new listeners and longtime fans alike. In this episode, we revisit Banana Whale, the utterly bonkers tale of a long lost.... love? It’s equal parts adventure and the first introduction of Harrison's Sexy Nun, with plenty of laughs along the way. Short, sweet, and slightly absurd, Podc...
Dec 25, 2024•15 min
Our final Feature Presentation of 2024 is here, and it’s bananas! 🍌 This week, we’re diving headfirst into Bill’s Banana Hammock, a wild, laugh-out-loud comedy inspired by Swells’a Brewing’s unforgettable brew. Bill, a divorced dad, stumbles upon a magical banana hammock with wish-granting powers—at a steep (and shrinking) cost. Can he save Christmas and maybe even win back his ex-wife before it’s too late?Plus, we’re ringing in the holidays with some exciting news! 🎄🎆 While this is our last ...
Dec 18, 2024•1 hr 24 min•Ep. 40
🎄🎆 The last Fast Five of 2024 is here, and we’re going out with a bang! This week, we’re unpacking a listener voicemail, raising our glasses to 6 beers that scream Christmas cheer and New Year’s revelry, and sharing two big announcements about special episodes dropping over the holidays. 🎉We’re diving into the holiday spirit with plenty of laughs, wild beer-inspired movie pitches, and a glimpse into what’s coming in 2025. Don’t miss this festive farewell to the year that was!💬 Got thoughts o...
Dec 11, 2024•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 39
🧛♂️ Thanksgiving just got bloody . In this week’s Feature Presentation , we sink our teeth into a movie idea inspired by Maine Beer Company’s Second Dinner ! What starts as a formal holiday dinner turns into a vampire family initiation gone horribly wrong. Can Trash, our garlic-loving protagonist, survive the night and avoid becoming the newest member of his undead in-laws? Or will he be on the menu for dessert? 🧄 Join us as we outline this horror-comedy filled with blood-chilling chases, lau...
Dec 04, 2024•57 min•Ep. 38
