This week, Cody's future is uncertain, Melanie is more German than expected, Brianne doesn't want to stay the night, and we hear the stories of some good boys and girls. Content warnings: pet loss throughout episode, pets and humans in SAR situations, including 9/11.
This week, Brianne is a reluctant snake advocate, the Reuben finally gets the exit it deserved all along, Melanie is bringing a delicious and trustworthy muffuletta, the US Military is roughly the size of a barge, Rock Lobster breaks down walls, and Subaru execs buy gay yachts. Content warnings: snakes, homophobia ranging from subtle to murderous, homophobic slurs, beating deaths, 35:00-41:25 and 50:20-52:30 have particularly graphic descriptions of violence and resulting injuries, 54:00-56:00 d...
This week, the US military's anti-gay methods always backfire, a researcher wants a do-over, lead paint poisoned papaws are too emboldened, Alfred Kinsey and Joe Exotic appear in the same sentence, and the government loves to watch. Thank you for your patience with some uneven audio this week! Content warnings: comparisons between homosexuality and incest/rape, brief recap of topics covered in previous episodes, PTSD, military service, mention of sexual assault, forced psychiatric confinement, i...
This week, Oprah is wrong, Brianne drives the horse, Madison's grandma loves Jurassic Park, Lisa delivers the funeral kidnapping tea, Meagan's Grammy has a tramp stamp, Taylor has the best wedding gift, Serena is her granddad's favorite but not a limo driver's, Kaitlyn has a funeral crasher, Brianne keeps a list of Melanie's enemies, Sarah pours one (Dr. Pepper) out for a lost loved one, Bea makes an unpleasant discovery, Melanie is employed by Philip Morris, Riley's grandmother can't avoid the ...
This week, we're concerned this episode may curse you, Cody does it wild, Melanie is committed to the bit, Brianne twirls her mustache, and we continue our magical journey through Supreme Court hearings, an inventor's lab, an old-timey lesbian nightclub supposedly funded by a ring of hot rich butches, bedroom chambers with rose-printed wallpaper, a Navy YMCA, and the White House. Content warnings: death of parent in front of child, brain bleed, racial and homophobic slurs, racism, police and mil...
This week, Melanie settles for a blowie, Cody delivers a merely passable Tijuana hot dog, and we time travel to Colonial America, a Revolutionary War battlefield getting Queer Eyed by a Virgo, a gay shame parade, a Gold Rush-era gay B&B, the chambers of a US president whose attempts at wooing several gentleman have failed, a Civil War hospital, and a romantic streetcar on a stormy night. Content warnings: brief mention of vomit, homophobic slurs, Native genocide/colonization, execution for h...
This week, Melanie gets all of you naked for an announcement, we may have found the ultimate meeting spot, Brianne and Abby don't really want to dive in, we compromise on haunted dolls, Brianne is unperturbed by horrifying quantities of pterodactyl-sized bats, Melanie receives a permit to take liberties with the French language, we get interrupted by a very on-theme daddy short-legs, and scales on sheetrock make terrible white noise for bedtime. Content warnings: intense descriptions of infestat...
This week, we hear from Captain Steeeve, Mel Anie doesn't get it, Brianne implores you to consider a radish, we raw dog the sandwich bracket, petting zoo rules come into play, and prankster papaws pair perfectly with old women with secrets. Content warnings: switched at birth, painful reunifications.
This week, Melanie curates a perfectly-Melanie date night experience, Brianne threatens the integrity of the bracket, Fuckboy Frederick sees an opening, a tall flower cannot be denounced, and DNA is just like one of many games. Content warnings: alcohol, orphanage life, mild discussion of traumatic labor and delivery, surprising DNA test results.
This week, Brianne offers a substitute hot take, birds do not respond to polite requests, hitting record has detrimental consequences, we manifest sexy spreadsheets, the truth comes out about Melanie’s dad, we look for a fun place to meet our ends together in Tennessee, and soon the Sleepytime Bear will crawl from the earth screaming, just like a cicada. Content warnings: drowning deaths and discussion during disaster relief about later term pregnancy loss and grief.
Content warnings: very extensive discussion of depression, bipolar disorder, and suicidal ideation that culminates in death by suicide. Discussion of the emotional state and inner reasoning leading to death by suicide, as well as its impact on family and friends, is the full content of the episode. This week is very difficult to listen to and we ask that you take extra care choosing whether to engage with this episode. If you need more specific content information to decide if this is safe for y...
Content warnings: very extensive discussion of depression, bipolar disorder, and suicidal ideation that culminates in death by suicide. Discussion of the emotional state and inner reasoning leading to death by suicide, as well as its impact on family and friends, is the full content of the episode. This week is very difficult to listen to and we ask that you take extra care choosing whether to engage with this episode. If you need more specific content information to decide if this is safe for y...
This week, Brianne blames it on space, Melanie introduces the neighborhood kids to gambling, Brianne loses her nerve at the laundromat, Melanie is a classic 90s cigarette mom, what amounts to an old timey disaster drag show goes incredibly wrong, and Cody’s lack of chaos forced Melanie to start an in-house chaotic man factory. Content warnings: discuss of adults’/teens’/adolescents’/children's deaths in a fire in moderate detail throughout.
This week, vegemite belongs toward the back end, Brianne has a grilled cheese plug, Melanie’s thirst is quenched, a plane has surgery, Brianne is rapidly aging, and we want the best for the makers of Cosmic Yoga. Content warnings: plane crash, mass fatalities, final notes written to family, the presence of infants as fatalities is mentioned without detail, delayed rescue, mother and child in very near-death experiences, mention of suicide at 53:00.
This week, we are all personally responsible for the deer overpopulation problem, Melanie is finally desensitized to shafts, Brianne is a curious cat when it comes to water drills and industrial balloons, and Jessica is off the grid. Content warnings: deer hunting, toddler in extreme peril who survives, mention of suicide at 41:30, mention of sexual assault and CSA materials at 42:50.
This week, Brianne brings you more Buckeye bullshit, Melanie is still vertical, we contemplate a bracket brought to you in partnership with Sandwich Daddy, Brianne’s cucumber terrorizes the world, the bracket ends with a controversial winner, you could put anything in a wiggler, Melanie is sending out a lumberjack fantasy kit, and the math ain’t mathin’ but that’s what happened. Content warnings: gross discussion of dead rats and possum, fire, serious alcoholism and associated behaviors, knocked...
This week, we hear from the man with the world’s largest collection of Titanic VHS tapes, Brianne cannot stop the wind, Melanie and Cody are both tax tops, the Kruse family presents a disaster charcuterie, we unpack the possibility that Australia is a hoax, we’re all personally responsible for thwarting ants, Melanie finds the silliest tornado ever, Brianne’s origin story gets leaked, your cult robes are in the mail, and Squonk ruins Brianne’s birthday. Content warnings: plane incident, child in...
This week, Brianne plans for her next cohost, we finally identify Carmen Sandiego’s location, we begin an inquiry into Ohio’s lesbian farming, Brianne punches sideways, we get a crossover villain from the previous episode, Melanie is owed a chaotic man next week, Brianne will not be reading any car maintenance books, and Melanie is completely, totally, infallibly correct. Content warnings: fire and crushing involving hundreds of children, upsetting story about a child dying attempting to rescue ...
This week, Marley enters her piranha era, Brianne must continually reckon with Froot Loops, we discover that there are two kinds of people, Melanie has a certain amount of knowledge about grave robbing, and we have a guest speaker for disaster relief. Content warnings: deaths of children 13:30-14:30, flooding deaths, deaths of horses, brief mention of vomit, discussion of a movie’s depiction of sexual assault in disaster relief.
This week, we give lumberjacks a break from the female gaze, Melanie finally admits that she’s the bottom, Brianne is actually the river planner for the city, we try to appease Ohio, it really is all about that bass, and a “peculiar whistle” saves lives. Content warnings: flooding deaths, very brief mention of deaths of mother and children.
This week, Adelaide is over the hill of childhood, sphincters are puckered, Shane has monstrous cojones, Melanie gets a package that would make either of us cry, and Brianne has a confession about Ohio. Content warnings: extreme sports and falling/drowning deaths, discussion of young widowhood, leeches.
This week, we’re having another baby, Melanie is getting blown, Brianne’s brain gremlin is running things, we would like to discuss what our partners are wearing, and jokesters gotta joke. Content warnings: gory description of farm accident involving amputations and very intense survival situation, wound care, depression.
This week, Squonk’s gotta Squonk, your grief is invited to our holiday party, Melanie believes that lighters are a recalled children’s toy, toy manufacturers need a visit from HR, Melanie inquires about a potential career in pole vaulting/magic, radioactive materials are perfectly safe, Brianne will do anything for the story but not driving a Power Wheels on meth, and Furbies are a threat. Content warnings: discussion of nonfatal injuries to children throughout, mildly detailed discussion of ser...
This week, the Froot Loops are malicious, Grace is back on her bullshit, not everyone understands how certifying things works, the story includes an unexpected amount of family tea and fantasy nose punching, and Melanie has an unethical opinion. Content warnings: vaguely discussed but very graphic image, fire with multiple child fatalities vaguely discussed throughout, looting, abduction/missing child scenario.
This week, the ghouls deliver on tea (but not the usual kind), Brianne’s kid is a poser, the bracket choice is unexpectedly easy, Melanie loves sipping clams, people scoot like seals, Brianne is haunted by violent Sky Dancers, and Melanie gets some foot pics. Content warnings: intense descriptions of children in danger who survive 38:00-48:00, various less-descriptive or minor injuries discussed throughout.
This week, Brianne is willing to make a ghost if you give her a reason, sexy boys are silly boys, the real lizard was Carrot Top all along, and Samson is a beefy fellow. Content warnings: plane crash/survival story
This week, Brianne loves geese, Melanie doesn’t understand that raccoons are a blessing, Brianne never wants to wear pants again, Adelaide has the perfect topic, we wonder whether rubber cement girls are a real thing, and everyone knows Melanie would eat a koala. Content warnings: not very graphic discussion of burn injuries, asbestos, extremely upsetting discussion of the death of a 7 year old 38:00-49:00.
This week, Brianne and Melanie are each other for Halloween, Squonk asserts dominance over viruses, Brianne loves buttless animals, Melanie loves wet socks, two haunted dolls are going to kiss soon, hiding cursed objects in attics doesn’t solve the problem, Brianne wishes to be unknowable, Danica is a necromancer, we hold a shared passion for speakin’, Kaitlyn’s grandma says goodbye, an anonymous writer dies at church camp and does not tell us about it, not all huffers have recovered, Ducky does...
This week, Goat Granny sets up a trail cam, Tinky is in the will, Brianne finds out about Dennis Rodman, Melanie doesn’t want illegitimate Crocs, we’re all spared a week of existential terror, Melanie isn’t noble enough for a baller umbrella, black cats must be protected, Melanie loves to touch wood, Brianne realizes the Romans were onto something, Melanie figures out the origin story for a band name, and we want your scary stories. Content warnings: hanging death, brief and vague mention of mis...
This week, some shit’s always going down on the east side, petting zoo rules are implemented at Brianne’s sole discretion, Melanie’s decanter collects dust, and Brianne is clear in her feelings on South Korea and its people. Content warnings: intense descriptions of crowd crushings, discussion of suicide from approximately 43:00 through disaster relief, including one with more detailed discussion of suicide note, PTSD, and survivor’s guilt.
