Christian finally gets his ear pierced — but what does it mean to permanently alter your body? Is it self-expression, a longing for transformation, or simply an overdue homage to a bodybuilding uncle from childhood? Meanwhile, Josh is quietly seething at his neighbours who refuse to bring their bins in — but is it really about the bins, or about the unspoken social contract we all silently agree to uphold? When is it okay to make a fuss? Why do some people seem completely unaware of the space th...
Jun 24, 2025•33 min•Season 10Ep. 9
With Dion away, Christian and Josh settle in for a two-hander that begins with Christian’s recent holiday — and the logistical challenge of who would feed the cats. Christian reveals he enlisted six different friends (including Josh) and provided an extensive PDF detailing every aspect of Moe and Gus’s care. We unpack the line between thoughtful preparation and over-engineering. Is it helpful or excessive to include things like backstories, indexes, and optional enrichment activities? Should you...
Jun 10, 2025•35 min•Season 10Ep. 8
We begin this patch with Josh recounting a recent trip to the Great Australian Beer Spectacular and Dion arriving at the wrong venue, shitting himself. Which kicks off a discussion about lateness, accountability, and how best to communicate when you're running behind. Should you send an ETA, or photographic proof of your position? Is sharing a live location too passive? And do you owe other people in the queue an explanation when a friend joins you at the front? Christian posits whether his favo...
May 27, 2025•45 min•Season 10Ep. 7
How do you answer a phone call from someone you know? Christian insists on full name protocol, Josh still lives in landline times, and Dion’s trying to avoid getting deepfaked by AI. We discuss phone etiquette, voicemail anxiety, and the emotional scars of group chats that never end. Then it’s off to Plenty Gorge, where Christian wears sensible activewear and Josh casually turns up in jeans. We question what counts as a hike, how many hills justify a sweat, and whether bringing water on a “walk”...
May 13, 2025•42 min•Season 10Ep. 6
Christian’s car is on empty, Josh’s brain is on husk, and Dion thinks a mouse has a mortgage. Christian kicks things off by pushing his car well past the fuel light, trusting the mysterious dot-dot-dot to get him home. Josh prefers a more conservative two-thirds–full approach, and Dion shares his experience of running out of petrol almost within reach of the bowser. We compare our refuelling habits, quietly question each other’s life choices, and try to remember what side the fuel cap is on. Thi...
Apr 01, 2025•35 min•Season 10Ep. 5
Dion has finally succumbed to caffeine dependency, and Christian and Josh interrogate his new addiction. What makes a good coffee order? Why does Dion refuse to learn the difference between a flat white and a cappuccino? Meanwhile, Christian grapples with existential dread every morning, and Josh suggests he simply “get in the shower.” We question whether professional athletes should thank water runners, why tennis demands silence while Formula 1 drivers scream for their lives, and whether footb...
Mar 18, 2025•33 min•Season 10Ep. 4
In this Patch, we crown pizza as the best party food for a large group of people before trying to define some rules around quantity, presentation and flavour. Christian feels that hosts must announce the arrival of the pizza to the party, Dion reflects on the pathetic image of guests hovering around unopened pizza boxes and we collectively ask if any other food could act in pizza's place. Josh then recounts a supermarket stakeout involving a would-be Heineken slab thief, and we ponder the ethics...
Mar 04, 2025•35 min•Season 10Ep. 3
Dion and Christian argue over whether someone can feel proud of arriving to a location on time. Josh tries to share a frustrating experience of being stuck in a queue that wasn't moving at the Australian Open but neither Dion or Christian can understand what he's saying. After some translating, we discuss the circumstances that might make someone leave a queue early and whether those circumstances change when waiting in a phone queue. Finally, Dion asks Josh and Christian to really consider whet...
Feb 17, 2025•37 min•Season 10Ep. 2
We're back with Season 10! Misdelivered packages, passive-aggressive laundry, and the correct way to clean a percolator. This week Dion's Rooibos Challenge for a Fridge Friend takes a turn for the ethically ambiguous. Josh reveals the depths of his percolator cleanliness standards, and Dion confronts Christian on his plan to install roller shutters and 24/7 security cameras in his new home. Are they a symbol of suburban bliss or too Italian? Plus, a typically spirited debate on the concept of "n...
Feb 04, 2025•37 min•Season 10Ep. 1
After 27 weeks, 3 additional kilos and no ageing, Dion is back in the Patchwork Studio! He tells us some brothy stories of his culinary experiences and recalls an awkwardly silent breakfast experience at a hostel. We then discuss what factors make for a positive hostel experience - is atmosphere or cleanliness more important? Does that answer change if some of the other guests absolutely stink? Christian gets frustrated at the volume of zippers and we try to invent a better closing mechanism for...
Dec 17, 2024•37 min•Season 9Ep. 15
After countless people telling him to get one, Christian has finally purchased an air fryer and won't shut up about it! But what really is an air fryer? Is it just small oven? Is small oven better cook reddit? As the discussion develops, both Christian and Josh lose the ability to form full sentences but manage to discuss the research and development behind air fryer pre configured modes. For your main course, how much do you give a coworker departing a workplace? Josh poses this question to Chr...
Dec 03, 2024•33 min•Season 9Ep. 14
After another lengthy break, Josh and Christian are back in the WTP studio and the first thing they can think to talk about is how podcast consumption aint what it used to be. It's all content, content, content these days! Maybe if we posted a little more regularly, we would actually have some content to turn into clips. Christian kicks off the 'content' by recalling a recent interaction with a colleague/friend of Josh's who claimed that she was 'good at napping'. Christian was stunned. Isn't na...
Nov 19, 2024•31 min•Season 9Ep. 13
We have wiped away the emotional cobwebs of the Depression Sessions and are ready for a little more unstructured fun. Christian picks up on Josh's brute force attempt to bring colour to the podcast before we both become self-conscious of our most overused phrases. We quickly move onto discussing workplace attire and some of the characters in our workplaces. Is there anything wrong with wearing an oodie to work? Is wearing a suit antiquated? Christian reflects on the clever parenting technique hi...
Sep 03, 2024•36 min•Season 9Ep. 12
On a cold Monday night in August 2024, tired from just existing, Josh and Christian decided to record Patch 133, "The Depression Sessions" aka Frankly Mr Chatly. For any first time listeners, this is not the Patch for you. Christian and Josh reflect on winter and the sadness of realising that you're already half way through the year. Christian and Josh then exchange some stories from a night out the week before; Christian looks like a little boy, Josh accidentally made a back zipper on his costu...
Aug 20, 2024•36 min•Season 9Ep. 11
Christian and Josh are joined in the Patchwork studio by the handsome and hilarious Nelson Allingham, host of the Read It On Reddit podcast. Christian welcomes Nelson by confessing that he often passively listens to his podcast while completing chores before tragically revealing that he prematurely retired one of his jumpers from rotation by wearing it to bed. Nelson sympathises and offers a compromise of sleeping with no clothes but believes one of the tell tale signs of a sleep top, is the nec...
Aug 06, 2024•52 min•Season 9Ep. 10
While they were busy lining up the next Patchwork guest host, Christian and Josh decided to kill two birds with one stone and turned their long overdue catch up with Dion into content for the podcast. Through the miracle of "internet", Dion joins Christian and Josh in the studio to talk through some highlights from his trip including visiting an active volcano, repelling black bears with a bell, buffet breakfasts, why Josh loves processes, making nitpicky friends while overseas, the etiquette of...
Jul 23, 2024•49 min•Season 9Ep. 9
Christian and Josh are joined by the supremely talented comedian Nat Harris for Patch 131! Nat is about to perform a replay of her Melbourne International Comedy Festival show "Lathered" at Comedy Republic on Tuesday July 16. Purchase tickets through the Comedy Republic website! We kick off the episode by fighting about who has a better 'natural' reading voice before Nat reveals that she bleeds from the eyes and gums due to a stigmatism. Hot start alert! Christian expresses his dislike for peopl...
Jul 09, 2024•1 hr 4 min•Season 9Ep. 8
Michael "Cambo" Campbell of Cancelled Movie Report and Read It On Reddit joins Josh and Christian and is immediately attached for his nickname and the silent "p" in his surname. Don't we treat our guests well! Christian kicks off proceedings by asking Cambo and Josh what they would do if someone asked to grant them access to a building that required fob access. Would you let them in and then assume they were up to no good? Or do you, like Cambo, "run a loose fob ship"? Should you track their mov...
Jun 25, 2024•45 min•Season 9Ep. 7
While Dion is away, the cats will play! And these cats have decided to invite veteran of the comedy scene and Patchwork's first ever repeat guest co-host, Laura Dunemann, onto the podcast! We kick off Patch 129 by making Christian feel more self conscious about his most recent Uniqlo purchase, an Arctic white turtleneck jumper. He's a Christmas rom-com cameo, he's exploring the Polar ice-caps and he's a villainous tech billionaire. Laura, married and mother of 1, discloses that when her husband ...
Jun 11, 2024•53 min•Season 9Ep. 6
Surprise, main feed Patchworkers! Get a taste of what the Patreon subscribers are receiving every fortnight with this weeks Bonus Patch. Join for as little as $2 a month to support the show and guarantee yourself some Patchwork every week. Jump onto patreon.com/welcometopatchwork In this Bonus Patch, Josh kicks off by asking Dion and Christian what's going on their feet first thing in the morning. Are you wearing shoes? Just socks? Barefeet? Does the weather impact your decision? Josh talks us t...
May 21, 2024•14 min
This Patch starts with Josh expressing concern over his own reaction to a message chain in the Patchwork thread. Christian and Dion can't hold back their pride for a Josh looking to grow and learn. We scratch the surface of Josh's brain and try to understand whether it's to react with frustration to a text message that is checking up on you. Is it harder than ever to interact with friends via messaging? Why do we read so much into EVERYTHING?! Dion then beautifully pronounces charcuterie before ...
May 14, 2024•43 min•Season 9Ep. 5
Christian is sick! He's sick and selfish. He begins the Patch by telling Josh and Dion about the poor decision he made to ride public transport while sick and the consequent pressure of having to 'cover up' his illness. After some light berating, we get to the heart of the matter, which is more annoying, a sniff? Or a cough? And what makes it annoying? The frequency? The sound? And do we dare discuss sneezing? We then reminisce on being judged if you ever blew your nose loudly as a child. Josh r...
Apr 30, 2024•43 min•Season 9Ep. 4
Christian found a fantastic parking spot opposite the church at his nephew’s christening but isn’t sure whether the spot should be reserved for immediate family. Dion quickly finds a parallel to another moment Christian found a premium parking spot on the day of his auction. Does the finders keepers rule apply to parking spots? Or should you be considerate of those who may need to spot more than you? We then ponder, why do humans refrain from stealing those enormous mounds of gravel and mulch du...
Apr 16, 2024•40 min•Season 9Ep. 3
Christian has finally found the elderly neighbours he’s been looking for and, typically, they came in the form of a bowl of tomatoes. Dion questions the neighbours' motives and warns Christian by recounting the parable of his neighbour in sheep’s clothing. We then chat about rubbish collection and Josh laments finding a mystery coffee cup at the bottom of your freshly emptied bin. Are you confident when cutting food in half? Are you worried about the dreaded ‘bigger half’? Does a muffin deserve ...
Apr 02, 2024•43 min•Season 9Ep. 2
Ohhhhh wow! We're back from 7 months off and we're out of practice. We kick off by recalling a micro highlight from our trips abroad: Christian visited a Christian themed amusement park, Dion visited a capybara themed amusement park for ducks and Josh watched a man interact with natural history. Christian starts the episode proper by lamenting his ability to casually organise an event. Are you someone who can casually put together an event and be fine not knowing who is coming and when? If an in...
Mar 19, 2024•41 min•Season 9Ep. 1
Dearest Patchworkers, we're taking a bit of a break. Christian is doing some extended travel so there won't be regular releases for pretty much the rest of the year. We can't thank you enough for your support over the last 6 years. Looking forward to being back in your favourite podcatcher sometime again in the future. But for the moment, it's goodbye. Big hugs and three loud kisses oxxx Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy informat...
Aug 01, 2023•2 min
Christian receives a mysterious hand gesture from a concerned citizen but manages to decipher it. We also ponder the age old question - what's the difference between 'tips' and 'advice'? Christian's psych definitely got it wrong when asked about travel tips. This conversation devolves into Christian and Dion bullying Josh for having the audacity to talk to his friends about things that he is passionate about. Dion tells us his strategies for picking an aisle when he needs to traverse through the...
Jul 18, 2023•46 min•Season 8Ep. 10
Christian questions whether Josh can sell his abandoned basketball for profit. He's simply a man looking for answers. Josh's comedy group Game Boys won a freakin Green Room Award ! So we discuss what genuine surprises we still have in life and if it's rude to send messages and be on social media during a speech. Finally Christian tells the longwided story of an old man bumping him on the train. Do we give elderly people too much of a pass these days? Both Josh and Dion also have some tales of pe...
Jul 04, 2023•41 min•Season 8Ep. 9
Christian and Josh open this episode with a rather frank discussion about the many hairstyles of the artist P!NK. We explore the unspoken bravery of dying her hair blonde and her notoriety in Australia. Christian then finds a subtle way to tell Josh he's balding and shouldn't colour his hair. Josh then tells us about his new job delivering groceries and the torture of having to relearn how to drive a manual (Emmanuel). Do you judge people who struggle to park? Are you an anxious driver? Is Josh ...
Jun 20, 2023•43 min•Season 8Ep. 8
Josh hosted another party and this time he's taking aim at those partygoers who take other people's drinks. Is it expected that the host will supply drinks? Should you be precious about the drinks you bring to a party? Dion then asks Christian and Josh for the right context in which a handshake is the right greeting? Is there a more appropriate embrace for a friend? Do you feel comfortable hugging a stranger? We then ask the big question, why do we need the shake in handshake? Christian then rec...
Jun 06, 2023•44 min•Season 8Ep. 7
