Dr. Edith Eger on Life Lessons

We tend toward negativity, self pity, jealousy, or fear. We see what we don't have instead of what we do. We think things that hold us back and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking. Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort to make a life worth living. This podcast is about how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction, how they feed are

good Wolf, Thanks for joining us. Our guest on this episode is Dr Edith Egger, a Holocaust survivor who went on to graduate with a PhD from the University of Texas and became an eminent psychologist. Today, Edith maintains a busy clinical practice and lectures around the world. Today, Edith and Eric discussed her book The Gift Twelve Lessons to Save your Life. Hello, Dr Eager, Welcome to the show. Hello, I am really honored to have you on today and it is such a treat to get a chance to

talk with you. Thank you. In a moment, we're going to talk about your book called The Gift, but before we do that, there's a parable we read at the beginning of the show, and I'd like to ask you for your thoughts on it. In life, there are two wolves inside of us are always a battle. One is a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery and love, and the other is a bad wolf, which represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And the

wolf that wins is the one that we feed. So I'd like to start off by asking you what that parable means to you in your life and in the work that you do. The work I do is practical psychology, and those two are really fitting me beautifully because what we think we create and what we want to recognize

that what we pay attention to. We have to be careful and study our thinking and what we're paying attention to, because when we have a goal, we want to be sure that what we focus on and pay attention to will be in alignment to get us closer to the goal. So I like to call it the error that I follow and to find always the way I think and find a gift in everything. But then I also look at things in terms of is it rational or irrational?

Is this going to empower me for five minutes? And then I pay a whole price for it all my life. Like if I go cheat on my wife, okay, because it's not the sex, it's some dishonoring my wife. So I think we got to think about our thinking and pay attention what we're paying attention to, because any behavior you pay attention to, you reinforced that behavior. So it's a wonderful, wonderful way for us to start. It's a

beautiful way to start. And it's very important to think about you're thinking before you say anything, and possibly ask yourself is it kind? Is it very important? At ninety three, I'm very very much thinking before I opened my mouth, and uh, I want to say something hopefully that is kind and it is necessary. Thank you. That's a beautiful way to start. So I think in order to frame up your life and your work, we need to sort of go back to your origin story, which is not

a very pleasant one. Right, you are a Holocaust survivor, and whatever amount of that you feel like you want to share that would be useful for the audience. I don't want to spend a ton of time there because I really want to focus on the amazing work you've done in creating your approach that you're calling practical psychology.

I want to spend a lot of time there, but I do feel like it's important to give listeners a little backstory, So I'll leave it to you how much you want to talk about there, and then we'll move into your work and your psychology. Good. That's good. What I am talking to you about is that you told me I'm a Holocaust survivor, and I'm gonna tell you that it's not my identity. I am a human being who went through an experience. I refuse to be a victim. It's not who I am is what was done to me.

And I think that's a big difference because in some ways in history, we are all victims of victims. So that's why when I ask a child, why do you do that? A child would say, because I feel like it. Children don't care about consequences. As an adult, I still feel like it, but I don't act upon it unless it is in my best interest. So you know, you are brilliantly putting that wolf story beautifully so important because it's not what happens is the way we look at it.

When I go to church, who is the little Jewish Boy? I talk about Jesus? Jesus and Jesus told us three things that I relate to love thy neighbor as thyself. What that prophet is telling us that you cannot give what you don't have. If you don't love you, You know, how can you love others everything you start with you? You're born alone, you die alone. There is something between birth and that cold life. Do you live a lifestyle

or at that style? If I live a love style, I feed myself, give with good things, all right it I'm not going to have a doughnut for breakfast with coal. And so that's why I ask people to be good parents to themselves. I think you're saving the world with your world. You may not think it, but you want to teach from me that if you wait for someone else to make you happy, you're never gonna be happy.

And in Auschwitz. Nothing was coming from the outside, so it was an opportunity for discovering the inner strength that they could put me in a gas chamber in a minute, just like now, we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. It's a very hard phrase to be in a limbo. But then I am also very much aware as to short term hiddenism or long term hiddenism. So when you ask, as I told you as at the child doesn't care. Even if I am diabetes, it doesn't matter. If I

like the Hungarian chocolate cake, I'm gonna eat. And that voice is in me on my life because it's called temptation, and God gave us temptation. Why so I can practice the freedom of joy as an adult. I still feel like it, but it's up to me whether I act upon it or not. See, I had a woman calling me five o'clock in the morning as sudden girl. She called herself a sudden beauty and she's crying. Edy. I am in this guy's bed. I went to the bar and I pucked up this guy and I mean this bad.

You know it wasn't me. I very quietly said, who was it? You know? The devil got into me, she tells me in a sudden accent. So freedom comes with responsibility. Freedom without responsibilities energy, And that's why I beg don't spoil your children, because they were the first one to die. It's very important for you to listen to your self dialogue early in the morning. So when I go to church,

I listened to that the secondly. But I really admire that he was able to meet people where they are, And that's why I never ask people how are you? Those are social noises and people lie if you ask a question, how are you fine. I was just saying in my former interview that I was teaching. I was professor of psychology, and my students said that in America people are hearing, but they're not listening. And I said, okay,

let's test it. Tomorrow morning. When you pick up your book, someone is gonna say hi to you, and very quietly you say my mother died this morning. Sure enough, he comes back, said, I did what you told me, and I told him to say my mother died this morning, and he said, great, I'll see you this afternoon. People are hearing, but they're not listening. I think it's very

important for you to listen to that voice. But most of all, I think what is most important that Jesus said, turned the other cheek, And he didn't say go back and do the same thing over and over again and expect different results, you know, which is the definition of insanity by Einstein. Thank God that little joke came to America and change world word too. So I think when he said turned the other cheek, he said, look at the same thing from a different perspective. See, you and

I are good optomologist. We look at everything for an opportunity for discovery, not recovery. And that's how I talk about Auschwitz and the discovery of my inner resources, and not to allow anybody get my soul. They could throw me in a gash chamber any minute. I didn't know whether I take a shower, whether wouter or gas is going to come out. I didn't know four o'clock in the morning, when I stood in line they were counting head. I didn't know whether I end up in a gash

chamber or not. And this is where we are now with the COVID. We don't know, we know that, we don't know. Really, we don't have any gethering tea. We don't have any certainty. I think we have probability, which one I feed because all people who come to me are hungry. They either have something that they don't want, or they want something what they don't have. People are hungry. That's why diagnosis hungry for affection, hungry for attention, hungry

for approval. You've got to give up your need for approval of others. If you want to be free. You gotta give up the need to please anyone all the time. And most of all, you give up being a perfectionist. When you are a perfectionist, you procrastinate. So let's talk a little bit about your book, The Gift. In it, you talk about a bunch of different prisons, so you're using the allergy obviously, of you said it earlier. The Nazis could put you in prison, but they couldn't take

away your freedom. And you talk about a lot of the prisons that we put ourselves in. I thought, maybe we just go through and explore a few of the different ones that you have, and I thought we'd start with the first one. You sort of touched on it a little bit, but you call it the prison of victimhood, and you say suffering is universal, but victimhood is optional. And then you also have a question that is so good you say ask what now instead of why me?

That's right, and unfortunately I talk about the prison in our own minds. And it reminds me that I graduated cum laudn and I was told to pick up my cap and gun and meet the people at this and this and this place. And I never showed up for my graduation because I told my itself I don't deserve because they are dead. That's the prison that I created in my own mind and didn't even give myself permission. That's a good word to really go and celebrate that.

I worked so hard. You know, I never finished high school. I begged the university to take me in on probation in January, and I made the this list and they forgot about me. And I worked so hard because I didn't speak English well, and I put things down in Hungary and a lot of the times and the basketball players who were told tal tal came to me because I sat in the first row so I can see the professor's throat. They wanted my notes and I told them it's Hungary. You see, you have to want to

badly enough. You have to want to be a survivor. You have to want to recognize that life is difficult. There is no guarantee, there is no certainty of any guide. Marriage is the hardest thing. You enter into to empower each other with your differences. Rather than waiting with an empty cup, somebody to fill my cup and make me happy. It's not working that way. Self love, your self care, it's not narcissistic. It takes adults to get married. I beg young people to stay in school and don't mess

with your brain. Don't smoke pot because it interferes with the natural growth of your brain. That takes twenty five years. So don't care your wonderful briands, and become a good parent to you. So I preach a little bit, because you know, I'm ninety three years old. I've been there, done that, and it's very important to revisit the places where we've been. And that's a work I do. I hold your precious and and we could go back to

your bedroom when you were a little boy. And I remember I had a nine year old boy who had a dog, and the dog died and the boy died with that just about emotionally, didn't know what to do. So he cried, and they cried, and father came in and yeared at the boy. We don't cry in this family, and grabbed the boy and took him to a pet shop and both a new puppy. And he said to me, Dr Eager, I'm fifty six years old and I have yet to shed a tear since some nine years old.

See what comes out to our what it doesn't make us ill. Crying is good, it's healthy. When you have a broken heart, you grieve, you cry. But in many families, especially the white Anglo sex and protest and family, you have to control yourself. You're so controlled you're splitting at the seams. Real little hungarian screamed out. You got to have rage before you move into forgiveness. Mental Health Awareness Month is a worthy thing to celebrate, but it shouldn't

just be our focus for May. It's important to be working on your mental health all year long, and one of the best ways to do that is talk therapy. It can create lasting change in all areas of your life, your relationships, your career, and your overall happiness. A therapist can help you identify the habits and patterns that might be holding you back and how you can move forward in the right direction. I wholeheartedly recommend talk Space for therapy.

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that's Wolf and talk space dot com. Go to talk space dot com for a hundred dollars off and use the code Wolf. Springtime means looking forward to brighter days ahead, but you may feel like your mental health is still stuck in winter. If you're feeling blue or need a mental reset, it's the perfect time to give Calm a try. Now, as many of you know from listening to Eric and I over the years, I am a Calm user. It's me along with one hundred million people around the world.

They use the Calm app to take care of their minds. Now, I'm a particular fan of the Sleep stories, which everybody should try. But of course the Calm app is also heavily a meditation app, and you can use it to reduce stress or anxiety, improve your focus, and just overall life well being. Now, Calm, particularly the premium version, has so many options on it it's hard to even go into what you can find on there. It's an absolutely gigantic database, and there's so many meditations. I think I've

used them for almost any situation. Many of them are read by Tomorrow Levitt, who is the head of Mindfulness at Calm, who has such a great and pleasant voice to listen to. Now, for listeners of the show, Calm is offering a special limited time promotion of forty off a Calm Premium subscription at Calm dot com slash Wolf. That is a huge discount. I think even at the regular price I was paying just under like six dollars a month. So go to Calm dot com slash wolf

for off unlimited access to Calm's entire library. That will keep you busy for a very long time. That's Calm dot com slash Wolf. You say that the opposite of depression is expression that to day, so share your secret, Share your secret. What comes out of your body doesn't make you hear. You either vent anger, suppressed anger. I like you to dissolve the anger. Talk to me about how you dissolve the anger without venting the anger and

recognizing that anger is not a primary emotion. That is very, very very true because I studied that when I'm angry, I give my power away. I asked people to reclaim your powers. You're angry because you expected more than you're getting less. It's really very important what you're expecting. So what I'm really talking about a lot of the times is the name rejection. So somebody, maybe like you, I come to and I tell you I I would like

you to get to know me. Me Dye not dr eager, and you tell me that it's a very nice affect, and thank you. I'm not interested. So the best four letter word is risk. And I asked you and I didn't get it what I want. But I was not rejected, because rejection is just an English word that people make up to express a feeling. You don't get what you want, so give up the drama. One time a young person told me he rejected me. No, no one can reject you, so get rid of that word. For sure. No one

has any power to reject you. But you just wanted something and you didn't get it. And that's what life is suffering. And when you suffer, take it from me, you become stronger. So who do you feed? Another of the prisons that you talk about. We touched on this just a little bit here, but I want to hit it, which is the prison of secrets. I love this. And Hungary we have an expression. If you sit with one butt on two chairs, you become half asked. That's a

Hungarian saying in Hungarian, it's his son's funny. If you're jurious, you say you can't go to two weddings with one behind you know, and you cannot ends within two weddings, many many ways. How do you split yourself? How do I split myself? That I'm working, loving and playing. While I'm talking to you, I'm cooking a Hungarian dinner for tonight. My children are here. It's called the sake Golage. It's about meat and sour crowd and sour cream. A lot

of caravans, is a lot of paprika. And you said, we don't much potato. So I I am dividing myself. And you know what, I will never retired. I'm better now than I was years ago. If I don't know anything, I tell you and maybe we can look it up together. But I want to be the true me, not the image of me. And that's what we call the ego, the false self. You say, the honesty starts with learning to tell the truth to yourself. You look in the mirror in the morning and just say, I'm one of

the kind. Look at Gandhi. Took one person to bring down the whole British Empire without ever shedding a blood. I lectured in that museum of Gandhi in Johannesburg, South Africa. I felt so, so wonderful to talk to people These people were called the y PEO, the Young President's Organization. They have a lot of money and they spend it on building all kinds of schools for the children, building homes for families. They are really truly my heroes, the

Young President Organization. I was so beautifully, beautifully treated. You see, they don't give you money for what you do, but they treat you so that I traveled with an airline called Virgin Airlines. Have you ever been on Virgin Airlines? First, I have not been on it. I know what it is. They give you pajamas, they put you to bed in San Diego, and then I woke up in London. Fabulous, fabulous,

fabulous treatment. I was treated beautifully and I was able to travel practically all over the world, and even today I am hoping that I can guide people to transcend there ego needs and recognized that Auschwitz was an opportunity to discover that life is from inside out and not to wait. People who were waiting for someone to come and liberate them. They didn't make it. All we had was each other then and all we have is each

other now. So when I danced for Dr Mangarland, I closed my eyes and I imagined that the music qus Tchaikovsky, and I was dancing that Rome and Juliet at the Buddha. And today when a woman tells me I was sexually touched, and I don't know how to tell you either, because you were an Auschwitz, and I said, you were more imprisoned than I was, because I knew the enemy. So if you have a secret, share it, if you come to see me, you're gonna have to go to the

twelve step. Because there were two drunk going to call Young in Switzerland and then Carl Young said, alcoholism, it's a spiritual issue, not psychotherapy. So I send people to the twelve step so they could be grown ups, so they could live a life of an adult. That freedom

comes with responsibility. Yeah, well it saved my life. And one of the things we used to say in twelve step programs all the time is you're only as sick as your secrets, and you're thinking, thinking, yes, lovely, lovely words that I like to use about how you go to a meeting and recognize that all you have to do is sit there, and then they trigger things in you that you ran away from because you medicated your feelings. You medicated your grief. You don't drink when you're happy.

You think you are happy, you want to be happy, But then you become a false you. You tell them that you are some kind of a king's son, and then you get so bad and then you think, oh my god, I I feel so little. They call it a shame attack. I feel little, and you fluctuate it from helplessness to grandiosity. Yes, yes, that does appear to be a big part of it. You became now the one who does his calling. This is your calling and the alcoholism gift that you were able to turn tragedy

into this kind of an opportunity. Now that you can tell people this is not the best you can do. We've all been stuck inside for a year, living amidst the really difficult conditions of this pandemic. We've had to change a lot about who we are in order to adapt, and maybe we've developed some behaviors in ways of thinking that aren't really serving us very well. This time has also brought up some fundamental questions about who we are, what matters to us, and how we want to live

our lives. These are spiritual questions and they have a newfound sense of importance to many of us as things are starting to open back up. Now is the time for us to reevaluate where we are and rethink our habits and goals. We need positive, portive, and intentional paths forward to do that. We could benefit from some support. We need to reconsider how our habits are helping us

to become these new versions of ourselves. And that's why I've decided to again offer the Spiritual Habits group program, and it's open for enrollment from May four through May. Go to Spiritual Habits dot net to learn all about it and sign up to join us. Translating what we know into what we do requires intentionality and skill, especially in the realm of spiritual principles like mindfulness, compassion, and perspective.

When you use behavior change principles to put powerful spiritual wisdom into practice, the result is a set of transformational spiritual habits. Spiritual habits are things you do throughout your day to remember and take action on the things that really matter, thereby experiencing greater meaning and connection. Spiritual habits build the bridge to a life where we thrive. Importantly, we learned spiritual habits best when we work with others.

That is one of the core orienting principles of this program. When we work alongside other people who are building their own habits, we find inspiration, hope, and support for our own practices. In this program, we support one another. Because of how we structure the program, you'll build real connections, community, and friendships. We offered this program a year ago, and I know of deep friendships that started at that time which still exists today. Small groups that met then are

still meeting now. Members of that community are still connected, still supporting each other. That's the type of community we're

talking about here. So whether you're looking to develop a consistent daily meditation practice, or implement mindfulness practices into your life, or just to connect more deeply to what really matters, the Spiritual Habits Group program will give you the tools you need to turn this wisdom into daily and sustainable practice, and you'll do so in a community where you belong

and feel connected. If you joined by Sunday, May ninth, you'll get access to the Early Bird Bonus I'm offering, which is an additional live sixty minute session with me on Sunday May. During this bonus session, I'll be teaching how to make time for Spiritual Habits, no matter how busy you are or what you've got going on in your life. To learn all about the program and sign up had the Spiritual Habits dot net. That's Spiritual Habits dot Net. I hope you'll join us. Let's talk about

another of your prisons. You talk about the prison of guilt and shame. I'd like to talk about what is the way out of that prison. I can already tell you what I lived. Anything, I tell you I lived it first of all, my parents when it does son after two girls and I came along. So I came into a very talented family. My sister Magna played the piano, my sister Clara played the violin, and many people didn't even know I existed. I would say I'm Clara's sister.

I didn't know I didn't have my identity. But my mother looked at me one day and said, I'm glad you have brains because you have no looks. I think it's very important for people to see what you carry in you. It's kind of like ShakespeRe. They put you somewhere and then you give a game, and they what happens that I took care of a military family and they just came back from Germany, and so they had

these little dolls in the living room. And so when I came in, the mother introduced me to the children. This is the shy one. This is my giggle e one, this is my son, the doctor. And so we sit down, the shy shy, the giggles giggle, and I tell the shy one because I was painfully shy, I said, you have such a beautiful profile. And mother kicked me under the table and said, don't tell her that she'll be conceded. So you know right away in this family, you don't

get positive reinforcement. And that's why you know. Many times your mother may tell you you're a very handsome boy, but you're fat, and but you're pimple e and you forget about before the what happened. So I tell people, given the boot, and I give you an end. Yes and yes. And so the little two year old was nagging on mother and she was washing dishes, and she was telling the little boy that she's busy. But the little boy is two years old. That I want and

I want it now. That's what children want, want it easy, and want it now. And so the little boys stopped. I watched that little boy thinking click ad click ad click and goes to the living room and just about touching one of those dogs, and mother comes in grabs the boy, picks up the boy and said, didn't I tell you not to touch that? You see, what do you pay attention to? Just like which one which world? And you know, yeah, he got picked up one way

or another. And that's what children do. They go to a most elegant restaurant and you may sell to your mother. If you don't give me this now, then I'm gonna say the effort you immediately. Don't want to be seen as some kind of parents, So we look at the firstborn child usually are the responsible ones. Most of our noble prize winners are either only children or firstborn children. Middle children are like peacemakers, like Kissinger. They want everybody

to get along. I guess that's what you're very good at. But young people in a family we call charming manipulators. And I was one of those charming manipulators. If I wanted money, I asked money from my father when he was playing billiards, and he wanted to look very generous in front of him I couldn't do that with my mother. Very different response. So which one are you teaching people to be? As survivor not a victim of anything or anyone. No one can put you down but you. No one

can reject you, but you. You have as much power over other people as you give them permission allow them. And that's why I ask people to reclaim that innocence. And for that I had to go back to our Schwitz and go back to that lions then and go back and look at that lion in a phrase, and go back there and reclaim my innocence and begin to forgive myself that I survived. That's the hardest thing to forgive you. And that's why I didn't show up for

my graduation when I graduated with honors. So you see, we can be our own worst enemies, and hopefully you can recognize that you and don't do what we say. They do what they see. So the best thing, again for children is a happy marriage. I hope you are in a happy marriage. I am with a partner and I am very happy. Yes, she and I are very happy. I am very happy that you're a good romather also to others, the way you treat the children. Want to know how you treat their mother, and you are good

roma to the children. Let's talk about the prison of judgment. You tell a pretty powerful story in the book about in the early eighties, you're doing court appointed therapy and a fourteen year old boy comes to you. Do you want to tell that story? I think what comes up for me is the fourteen year old young boy who was part of the white supremacy group, was part of a group called David Koresh in Texas. He ended up

being bombed by the government. But he came to my office and he told me he's a boot boy in Texas. And I acknowledged his boots, even though I know nothing about boots. And then he got up and he'd put his elbow on my desk and said, hey, Doc, it's time for America to be white again, and I'm gonna kill all the Jews and all the using the N word, and all the Chinkles and all the Mexicans. Now, there

is a difference between reacting or responding. If I would have reacted, I would have dragged that boy the corner. I would have stopped on him and I would say, who do you think you're talking to I was enough with My parents died in a cash chamber. But I I live by the idea that somehow I was in Auschwitz and here is this young boy coming to me. And I operate on the idea that people don't come

to me, they're sent to me like you are. So I went to God as I did in Auschwitz, and I said to God all that, and God said to me, find the bigger than you. And I told God, no, no, no, no no. I am not a biggert at all. I came to America in nine team forty nine, and I worked in a factory. It's called a sweatshop. I got seven cents per dozen, cutting God boxer short and I became the breadwinner because my late husband ended up in

a TV hospital. He died of TB two. Came back, but when I went to the bathroom, I saw a sign colored. Imagine. After Nazi Germany and Communist Russia, I come to America to find democracy. So love is not what you feel, it's what you do. I gathered the women of color. I asked them to take me to a meeting. And guess what. In nineteen sixty three you may find myself among all those people with Martin Luther King singing, we shall overcome. You're too young to understand that.

Right nineteen sixty three, June or July, I don't know, but I know it was summer. It was very hard. So so when someone is not going as well as you want to, I ask people to say to themselves, I don't like it. It's inconvenient, and it's temporary, and I can survive it. Don't say, but say and because everything is temporary, I'm gonna be very happy in my death. But I know. I know because I live life to the fullest. Every day I finish everything on my plate.

Take me out to lunch, and believe me, I'm gonna eat of everything on that plate. And if you leave something on your plate, I'm going to either eat it or take it home with me. It pains me to throw away. So Auschwitz was an opportunity to really discover that inner strength. That they could throw me in agains Amber any minute. I have no power over that. They would be to me, torture me and never ever touched

my spirit. So that's what I bring to you, that spiritual freedom that no matter what you tell me in the English language. When you're angry, I'm gonna hear the word you. You are stupid. You know that's what bullies do in school. You are whatever they call you, and all you say to yourself. The longer they took, the more relaxed I become. You take the negative stimuli, immediately turn it into positive. And you say, I'm practicing my

low frustration tolerance level. That's a fift cent word from psychology. That I cannot change the stimulus, but I'm sure allowing to where that my spirit. Ever, so you don't make me angry when you hear somebody tell you. All you have to do is just change it to eye. I make me angry because your behavior is unacceptable minded. So I went went back to that boy, and I created the environment that you create that people can feel any feeling without the fear of being judged. And I looked

at him as lovingly as I could. You know, I can't kill you with my eyes, and I can love you with my eye. And I said three words, tell me more, Please tell me more. He never knew a think about my past. And that's my experience that I was remembering when I saw at the capital, the people who were the white supremacist and herring a shirt six million was not enough. How do you think I feel? But I don't let fear rule my life. But you know, people trigger things in you. I watched the movie the

other night. It's called a Miracle Worker. It's the life of Helen Keller. She's deaf blind. And then one time when they have dinner, after months and months and working with this child, Helen Keller was taking a picture and going out with the teacher and as she was getting the water the first time she began to talk and she said water. It took like ten minutes at least water. And what triggered in me that when I was liberated, I didn't know how to right. And I remembered practicing

a capital G for hours and hours. See, when we were liberated, people would go through the gate, but then they would come back and see talks about the positive psychology. We were free. What we didn't know and he calls it learned her personers And that's very very true. I did not know how to write, especially the capital GY. So you're guiding people now that maybe something is gonna trigger that you have not finished and you got to go back and relive that experience and you go through

the value of the shadow of that. Don't get stuck in there because when you constipate it, you concentrate on a movement. So that's why my daughter calls it idyism. Are you revolving or are you you worring? So we li about the fly and shed that chrystalis so you can't fly freely like a bother fly. Well you look lovely and I think that is a great place for us to wrap up. Thank you so so much for coming on and sharing so much of your wisdom and kindness and love with us. I it's been a real

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