The Apps: IYKYK

Rebecca Howard. I'm doing pretty good. How are you? Um I'm doing pretty good as well. Are you reading the intro? We didn't actually No. Should we just wing it? Yeah. Let's wing it. Let's do it. Uh welcome to Smart Exploration. I am John. I am Rebecca. And today we're talking specifically about the apps. Yeah. The holy way of people meeting. No, just kidding. Yes. Well I mean it seems like it, right?

Definitely feels that way. Um that's how you and I met, surprisingly. No, not surprisingly. I think in major cities I think there's a statistic going around that like something like Eighty five percent of all individuals that meet meet via the apps. Individuals like including friends? Or are you saying specifically dating specifically like dating relationships? I think it was Bumble that put that stat out. Don't quote me on that.

Sound scientific. No, I like it. I like it. Um yeah, I think something that I want to share about with the apps is like Number one, which which ones we're both using and have used in the past, because there's some that I've used in the past that have given various success rates and failure rates. And then the ones that I'm currently using which So do you wanna start? Yeah. Uh so we met via bumble. Yes. That's the yellow one that reminds everyone of a bee.

Um beyond bumble, um I guess I'll start with what I'm on. So I'm on bumble, I'm also on hinge, and then I'm also on field. Mm-hmm. I also want to add though, like specifically I'm not relationships and I know and I know people listening will probably roll their eyes for the fact that I'm on Hinge.'Cause Hinge is entire marketing strategy and everything is around

you meet your long term partner mm so that you delete the app. Like that's their whole ad campaign and everything right now. So I know that that me being on that app is incorrect. Um But hey, I'm on there. I rarely I think the last person I connected with in person on there was like six plus months ago. Wow. Yeah, like um and I don't pay uh Everything. Yeah. Um but like just the the people that you meet or that you connect with on

How about you? What apps are you on? Currently, it's just Bumble and Field. Um, but like I shared with you a little bit earlier. I'm taking a break because As a woman on these apps, the likes are overwhelming.

Well, it's funny because I showed you Field. Yes. And you set it up. Yes. Like that day. And within like ten minutes. I'm not even shitting you. She she sends me like a screenshot. And there's something like a hundred or it just says a hundred and then the plus sign'cause there's over a hundred. No dude, I had eight hundred eight hundred likes within twenty four hours of downloading the app. Like that's insane.

And like there's no way, like, every day I go on there and I like like or dislike people. I mean not not so much recently because it's like too overwhelming, but I would go through and like delete some. I've never gotten below four hundred. It's like um so I'm very like with my apps. Um I don't like seeing the red Yeah.

hate seeing so like I have to like go in and clean things up and at one point like I was trying to k clean up my field in terms of like who I've connected with who's terminated their account and who's left because I also like my lists to be up And I think I spent like maybe fifteen, twenty minutes. And then I was like I stopped and was like

This is mental. What am I doing? It's a dating app. Like I should not be putting this much fucking effort into something like this. I really I really wish like hinge. Um they do a really good job though of when a chat isn't active. For a long enough time period, it'll just go in

Oh. And I really like that feature'cause it keeps everything up to date. Like if I just leave my hinge app closed for like two, three weeks and I'll come back and it'll be completely empty. Wow. Which is actually like I know that like oh loser. But no, at the same time it's like it's nice because then yeah, you know, if if you haven't connected and nobody's responding to each other in like two, three weeks or whatever

Yeah. Clearly there's no connect, so just move on. Well the only reason I disagree just a little bit with that is On Saturday, I this is a few days ago, I had someone reconnect with me after like two weeks of of nothing. He actually got COVID and like this is happening a lot. Like almost every week I connect with someone who either has COVID Yeah. He was sick, um

for a couple of weeks I didn't hear from him and then he reached back out and I literally forgot. Like I was excited to hear from him and I didn't know why. Like this internal excitement happened. I was like, I don't even know who the fuck you are like why am I why am I excited suddenly when I get your text message? But thank God.

Field didn't do that because I had to literally go back through to like one of my first chats on there to like look at his picture to be like who the fuck is this guy? Yeah. And like luckily I found him. So here's my counter to your counter. Because it wa you know, we're I believe we're out of Mercury retrograde. No. I thought it was over and like

It's three weeks long, so we're in the mid we're in the middle. The middle. Anyway, so you had said to me like Mercury retrograde, one of the big things is like X's and like people from your past will pop up. Yeah. and I don't know if you're a psychic or what, but literally the next day I had I think four or five people random like random numbers text me. And the other thing too, I'm very kinda like organized in my text messages where I like to have it auto empty up like basically

What it does is it deletes a text message and all the pictures and all the content after I think ninety days. Yeah. So when these people text me, there's no previous conversation. So I have no idea who they are. Yeah, I do that too. And I think that's okay because what I simply did was like

I'm sorry, I don't have this number saved. Who is this? And then they'll either share um their profile link or some pictures and that usually sparks my memory in terms of who they are. Um because I have found in the past, like I would try the figure out who you are type thing and then again I'm sitting there like searching this person's phone number on these apps and sometimes I found like it's either I gave them my number first or whatever and then it's just an end trail so

I think simply just asking a person like, Who the fuck this? Who the fuck are you? I think that's okay. I knew that'cause what I do on my phones, this is good topic I think. So what I do on my phone is when I first I I save everyone's number. Like maybe that's a weird thing, but I like I put their name on it like first, like first thing so that I have it.

And then if I talk to them on the phone or if I go on a date, what I've started to do is you can put notes in your contacts. So I've been putting notes in my contacts about all these fools that I've been meeting. Yeah. No, tell me more. Yeah, so I believe on when you go to edit you can group them. So like you can group like, you know, family members or like friends, but then you can group like

dates. Oh I would highly recommend that because then what you I'm gonna do that. Because then what you can do is you can go through and kind of clean it up when you want because nobody wants, you know, a thousand fucking contacts. Uh I also tried doing the same type of thing like years ago where I try and kept people's names. But then what would happen is like, you know big spoiler here for people, Rebecca and John aren't our real names. But

Um the thing is like, you know, names especially in like a city like Los Angeles, you'll start to see a lot of names repeat. Yeah. And like I have good friends with like similar names to like these people. And it happened only the once. I actually recently had

a dick pick and it just didn't go it didn't go super super well obviously like I don't talk to that friend anymore because yeah you crossed the line and you know it was kind of weird. Um shit. Yeah. So and I had a dream recently about this as well where like I somebody that I used to hook up with in the dream had the same name as my primary partners like co And I'm on like a group chat thing with my primary partner and her coworkers and in the dream I sent a dick pic as well.

Oh my god. So like I get very so like I I tr I tr I have two rules two very, very simple rules when I'm like texting someone, especially Rule number one, never do it when you're Never, ever. Not worth it. It can wait till the next day. That's just that's my two quadruple check that.

Make sure you know exactly who you're sending this bake to. Dude, when I sent you that video yesterday, I like literally was like, Okay, I have to make sure it's going to you like five times because it's like you don't want that going. It's just it's it's like it's super super super super super awkward. Like we live in an age where we entrust so much data to like these big companies and then these big companies get hacked. Left, right and center and then, you know, very personal

Yeah. And you know, a lot of people will argue, well then just don't send that personal information. But no, we're in an age where that is a level of So I wouldn't say Send it, the end all answer is companies be better with your fucking shit. Yeah. Like Yeah. There was um who was it? It was Tinder. Tinder.

And the big thing there was the hackers went after credit card information, but a lot of people were, you know, reframing it and in terms of like people well basically some of your outlets Frank Oh cheaters are now. Oh. And it's like, okay, sure, but like the app is not Ashley Madison. You remember the Ashley Madison hack that happened? Like a lot of people were like, good, it's been hacked, blah, blah, blah. It's like, no, that's not a good thing.

Hacking information is is always always a bad thing regardless

So speaking real quick to Tinder, why aren't you on Tinder? That's a good question. It's a great question. Um well the first answer is that I met my ex husband on Tinder. Well that Yeah. And dude, I'm so overwhelmed with all of these likes. Yeah. That like I could not add another app. And what I'm hearing from like all these dates that I've been going on is that for women there's like so much choice and for men it's not quite the same. Not So especially when you're looking for the opportunity

Yeah, I mean that's what we're speaking to. Right, we're speaking I mean I have set my profile upon field for for bi for bisexual. Me too. Um and yeah, I will always do better Always better. But real quick, I don't think we've kind of for those listening that aren't aware of bumble and field,'cause you are

I don't know. If you've never heard of these dating apps, are you blessed? Are you living under a rock or just different I guess just different circumstances? Well, I haven't I hadn't heard of Field until I met you. That's very true. So Field is kind of this new upcoming up and coming I have been using it for over a year, I think. Oh wow. But a year. I discovered it during COVID and the way it was um kind of sold to me was is basically Tinder for the king. Um and the reason I think people

refer to it as the kink one is because in terms of what you're looking for, right? There we live in an age where people we th it's not black and white. It's no longer just male and female. Right. There is a variety of different genders, different ways Yeah. Man meets woman, woman meets man, that's it. I think I sent you that meme the other day. Yeah. About that. And it's like

Our our generat it's like mom and dad met each other at a bar or in high school or in college or whatever and like we're like swiping on all of these apps. Yeah. Yeah. Basically. Um but with Field what's cool though is you can set it to anything that you're looking at. And then the other thing too is everyone is very, very upfront in the world. Totally. Everyone is like, I'm just looking to hook up, or I'm ethical uh non-monogamous or poly um or you know, I'm looking for a gap. Literally.

aspect. And that's why, like, personally, like for r as of right now, taping of this podcast, episode three of Smut Exploration Field is my number one favorite app. Yeah. Because it is just so I think I'm leaning that way too. And another thing that is really cool about Field is that couples can pair their profile if they're looking for a third or if they're looking to swing with other couples.

Like they'll be straight up and you can see both people's profiles which I think is really cool'cause they're like linked somehow within the back. And this and that's great too for transparency sake too. Totally. Like I remember in the earth like I've been using Tinder on and off for like you know, years. And Tinder was always kinda set up as like the hookup.

But it was never like when it first first came out, like many of these apps, it was just you know, male to female, female to male. Nothing really in between. They've gotten better, I think. But again, it's still not as

It's one of those things where it's like if you know you know while you know, Field is like come and show us all What's really interesting about Field too is that people will legit put that shit in their profile. Like they'll put like looking like I'm a dominant looking for a sub. Yep. Or they'll put like I'm looking for um

I don't know, we're looking for uh the couple would be like, We're looking for a unicorn to come in and play with us on a regular basis. We're looking like somebody even put like I I'm willing to like travel with you to Mexico and like take a naughty Like, you know, people people will be really upfront about different things. Or like you and I have even talked about.

Certain things that we'd like to try and like like that could be interesting and people would people would likely respond. The one thing I wish that So this isn't just gonna be a pod clearly on like just explaining the apps, it's also gonna be like a wish list of things. So like one thing I do wish that they had is so that you could set up multiple Um within the app.'Cause what would be cool is you and I like to play solo. Um and like you just mentioned we are

uh another profile that you and I just shared. Yes. That's the both of us. That would be cool. We could link our profiles, but I feel like when you do that we're gonna limit Right. Right? Because again Even if some when somebody says they're poly, if you don't know what the person looks like or sees see that person's profile, there's a it's easier to kind of connect as opposed to when you see it then you're

At least that's like I was matched with somebody on there. Um, I had like a sub that matched with m or a connected on field and Amazing. It was very interesting in terms of like all of a sudden everything changed. I was only being matched with couples and no more like single individuals and I was like, but I also want to play with individuals, so that was interesting. Yeah. Uh so clearly like it adjusts and changes depending. Yeah. Yeah.

So you're not on Tinder, so you're on field, you're on bumble. Have you ever used Tinge? So I downloaded Hinge when I first got started and then my friend, a girlfriend of mine, told me um about Bumble and you could get like a lifetime like subscription for like 200 bucks or something.

Really? Yeah. Okay, that's news to me. I did not know that. So I joined Bumble and paid for the like the lifetime subscription instead of like month to month. I've been doing the month to month for like the last six months. No dude Please don't tell me this has been going on

Fuck. I think so. That's so annoying. You'll have to look. Um, but if you like Field, then maybe it wouldn't be worth your time to like do that on Bumble. But I was like, I'm just gonna do this on Bumble and just pay the money. And I paid for a subscription on Field.

So the thing I like like Bumble the reason I've got back into Bumble,'cause originally I was like woman reaches out first. Fuck this, this bullshit. Which again, actually I really enjoy uh the whole setup of Bumble. I also really like Bumble because of the story of Bumble. Do you know about CEO and so the CEO is uh she used to be I think she was employee number three or four at Tinder. Oh wow. Um she was dating of Tinder and they pushed her out

It was a it was a whole thing. I don't know the intricate details and I'm probably paradoxic. Um but the long and the short of it is you know, she was kicked out, there was a bunch of shady shit. She took whatever money she had and then started bumble and she is like one of the youngest female billionaires on the planet. Damn. She's like Aurie. She's in her thirties. Wow. I would totally you know Everyone.

her super super super super attractive um but like she set up bumble and like it's her thing and and I think like It's a cool it's a very cool and interesting story that Bumble came out of like the birth of Tinder, which makes sense. Like a lot of these app

That's what's gonna happen. But the cool thing the other thing I reason I like bumble is because it also you can set it to what you're looking for where I have don't know yet. And like again it's one of those things of like if you know you know or And like usually if it's set to I don't know yet, it's usually like the person is down to clown or they're looking for something.

Totally. Like the reason I might go and pay for this lifetime subscription is'cause as part of your search settings, you can set it so that you only match with people that are also 'Cause the worst is when the worst is when like I don't read every single goddamn line. Right. I'm a visual learner. Meaning I look at the pictures. If you look cute and you are a little bit different in terms of like the normal profile pictures that I come across, I'll swipe right.

Right is yeah. What was different about mine? You have purple hair. You had purple hair, you had a really nice smile, um and I think in one picture you showed like a little bit more skin than than normal. And I was just like, Yes.

And then also like as soon as we started messing you're very Huge pluses all around. Yeah. Um but like what'll end up happening is I'll swipe, you know, right. And then, you know, I'll get berated being like, Why the fuck did you swipe on me? If like da da da da da. Um but what I've also started doing as well is if'cause obviously Bumble set up where the female message is first. Yeah.

I'll you know, if they message me, obviously they'll message me first. What I've been doing, instead of responding immediately, I go and I look at the profile and if I see relationship I just don't respond. Which again, I feel is an okay thing to do. Oh, a hundred percent. Because then what happens after twenty four hours or whatever expires and then boom, done. Totally. Everybody moves on. It's when they extend

Yeah, but don't meet me thinking that's gonna be a relationship. That's the worst. Totally. Totally. So it's so like wouldn't you I guess if we could go back in time, wouldn't you prefer people to just be up front with you? Oh yeah. And say Well it's a huge turnoff for me too when I see that they want a relationship because to me that means they're looking for marriage and that's not something. Yeah. Maybe maybe not ever. I don't know. Um

But that's like a huge turn off for me. So when people match with me,'cause on Bumble Two you get like people can like you and then you can like people and then when both people connect, that's when you can start messing And so when I see people and so now what I do is I just go to who who liked me to see first and then if there's nobody interesting there then I'll go to the other the other side.

So when I'm scrolling through the people who like me and I see somebody who I think is attractive, I'll click on their profile and I will read it, to be honest. And then if I see that they want a relationship, I get Unless they're like really fucking hot, like I might still message them, but like they'd have to be very, very, very attractive for me to like message someone who's looking at the...

Right. I I guess it's also interesting. Have you come across a really uh like you just said, like if they're looking for a relationship and they Have you come across somebody like that and then And if so, what happens when you kinda reveal to them I'm not looking No, so I've never I haven't met anyone like that yet. Um

But I have so I think I shared in one of our other podcasts that the questions that I tend to go with'cause like you can they have like a question game on Bumble that you can send with people you can send to people. And so the one that I usually do is what's the best part about It's a lot easier to answer than what would you do on a rainy Sunday.

Um but it tends to get a better response. Um but I put like what's the best part about being single and somebody did write to me and they're like, Well, why are you even on here? And I was like, all right, we're not I'm not It's weird'cause like Bumble's in this interesting I think it's in this middle ground between something

Tinder and a hinge,'cause then it's bumble, right? Between where it's still kind of hook up mentality, but also like searching for that special someone or whatever. I just wish it would also It doesn't have to be quote unquote like kink friendly, but maybe a lit a little bit more open to

It's not going to be an A B relationship, right? Like I remember some chick went ape shit when I revealed to her that I was Polly and she was you basically very And I decided to just report her because she had threatened to report me.

And I was just like so I reported her because it was like she was being d d derogatory and just, you know, cruel. So I reported her because that's the other thing too with these apps is like anybody can report anybody. And a lot of times it's an odd Like nobody you know there are thousands upon thousands, probably millions of like new profiles.

As long as you have a phone number and email address, boom you have a new profile. Yeah. Um which is funny because um I have been banned from all three of the apps. Oh my god. Multiple times. Oh my god. Um This is hilarious. And usually what happens is because I'm a little bit too forward think I don't know, not forward thinking. Um but basically like on Bumble I've been banned I think two times um because

I'm very upfront in terms of like what I'm looking for and a lot of times people do not like that. Um And because of that, you know, it's like bye bye, get banned, which is fine. I'll just get a new phone number and put it in. But Tinder Tinder somehow has lifetime ban me. Like I can't get back on there and you know, that sucks because it is the hookup app. And sometimes you just want a quick

Uh I feel like you could find that on Field though if you want it. Field, I don't know, Field as of late. Well I do love the app and I think it's great. It's been filled Bots is another like do you ever get bots? I think that's what that big dick guy was that I showed you. I don't think he is a bot. I think he is just either a troll or you know he Not who he says he is catfishing. Yeah. Have you been catfished on an app? Um'cause I I have and it's hilarious. No, I don't think so.

I think everybody's kind of I've been lucky, I feel like, on these apps where I've met like real real humans. So I love the app. you can connect with variety of different people. Um so I was out in fuck, where was it? No, Nashville. I was out in Nashville um for go into more detail than that. Anyway, I was out in Nashville doing my thing, da da da da. I connect with this Amazing blonde looking or not blonde looking, this blonde uh EDM not EDM. Yeah, EDM girl.

Very kinda like hippie, EDME, like party. And like I'm looking at her profile and I'm like she's either like an Instagram model or thought or like she's selling something. And I was like, Yeah, whatever, swipe match. She messages me that this this was on Tinder.

Um so she you know, we connect, she messages me, things are going like really, really f moving very, very fast like they usually do on Tinder and she's like, Hey, let's uh let's like video ch or let's uh let's voice chat or like let's chat I was like, Yeah, sure, uh here's my number and she's like, No, let's just uh let's use Skype. I was like, Okay, sure, Skype. So we swapped Skype, um she

I was like, Hey, let's just video chat'cause I was like in the hotel room and as you know I like to show off. That's my thing. And I was like, Yeah, let's let's video chat and she's like, Oh I can't really video chat right now. My camera's broken. Um and usually when I hear cameras broken or whatever, I'm usually like, Oh, you're not real

Um, and then the follow up is usually like, Oh, my audio's not working and then the r response to that will be like, You go on camera, I'll I'll type and I'll send you pictures of me, right? And usually ninety nine point nine percent of the time, you know, it's someone like

either like a creepy guy or whatever, just like wanting to get off. Um and you know, so I was like, she's gonna say her mic doesn't work either and that's that I'll be done with it, whatever. She's like, you know my mic works, I can talk I was like, okay, so we go on cam we go on, I'm on camera. Uh usually I'll just do like, you know, neck down so you can't see the face and nothing incriminating that way. And we start chatting and She's got like porn star voice. Like, it is

Sexy as fuck. I was just like, Oh my god. Like the voice in the voice matches the body. Yeah. Right? I'm like holy fuck, you sound amazing. Like It was one of the sexiest voice ever. I still like remember it to this day. Like very, very sexy. I was like, Oh my God, this is working great Like super nasty. Like

all the chat boxes. I was like, This is so amazing and like she's like, Oh, you're so fucking hot. She's super into it. Everything's great. Cool. You know, so fast forward we're still messaging on like Skype and I'm like, you know, send me a picture Oh my god.

And she's like, Yeah, I live in Austin. I was out in Nashville, that's how we match. And I was like, Cool. I was like, Hey, I could come by, like I'll fly out to you, let's meet. She's like, No, no, no, no. And like, mind you, during all this time We only ever voice chat on Skype and she never But me being horny me, I never really kinda make it click or whatever. Eventually she gives me her phone number and like

I pay for like white pages like reverse phone number look up because that's what I do. And like I'm able to find the number register to what I expect is her dad, but I can never find like Her like the name that she gave gave me isn't like her real name and she's like, Yeah,'cause we haven't met yet. I was like, that kinda makes sense, I guess. But I could never like find her full name like Gul.

Anyway, so this goes on for like months, right? Shut up, months. Like months of me just like jacking off for her on camera, like her sending me pictures of her. Anyway, finally, I don't know what happens, but finally I'm just like, listen, like

Let's just meet or like go on camera for me. And I don't know why she decided to like change her mind in that moment, but she's like, I have to tell you something. I'm like, what? And like she sends me a picture of what she really looks like. And she is this, you know She does not look like the girl she sent me, right? She uh then reveals to me like who she really is. She's like this 40-year-old um in an abusive relationship.

that like does this basically to like feel something is what she says. Um so I'm clearly I've been catfish this entire time. Yeah. The voice and everything is her. It's just the pictures don't Um shit. And the kicker the kicker to all of this is that she felt that she had to lie because I was. What? And like so then she goes on this rant about how guys are like terrible and superficial and nobody could ever like like her for who she is. I'm like That's her story. I was like woman

If you were just up front, things would have been a little bit different, but you were never up front and like lied this entire time. Right. So eventually, like that all comes out, I just block her. But that I was like super, super catfished, like hardcore to the point where it's embarrassing'cause it went on for like months. No, that sucks. Yeah, yeah. At least you didn't fly out there and meet her. Oh my god, yes. That would have sucked. Bullet dodged. Yes. Bullet dodged.

Yes. But you've never experienced catfish, which I guess you're lucky. No, not like that. Well so going like we've been going obviously on like Part of the reason is because I said to you, I don't want people to think I'm catfishing that. No Nobody would think that. Your pictures are very representative of what you look like.

But have you ever come across anybody where it's like the pictures don't match the in-person? Not to the level of where it's like mine where it's like clearly she showed me a twenty year old which by the way is super fucked up now that I'm not. looking at it'cause she is sharing pictures of somebody. I don't know who. Maybe she found the internet and that makes me feel a little bit better, but I don't know. That whole thing was very

Yeah. But have you ever like either somebody's like either lost weight, put on weight, dyed their hair a weird color? So this was years ago. This was in like twenty fourteen or so when I was dating like really hard. Um, the guy had like pictures from like forty pounds lighter on his profile and then he shows up and he was like a big guy. Um, and then we like went out to dinner.

And he like would barely eat food and I'm like, You're not being yourself. Like you can tell when people aren't being themselves when they're just trying to say things to like make you like them and it's like this feels

off. Like so that's why I've been tuning into more when I'm with them versus like um like exactly what they're saying to me and trying to discern like what 'Cause I think that's like not so much a physical appearance catfish, but I think like people portraying themselves Have you come across that with the Dom sub conversations? Where someone says like, Oh, I'm a Dom, but clearly they're not.'Cause I've I've seen that quite a bit. A little bit. Um

But I don't think I've had enough of a chance to like give those people a chance. Whereas like How do I s how do I say it? It's like Either I've only like been with them once And so the first time you kinda don't really go into at least for me, like it's kind of like normal sex the first time. And then you kinda get into like the weird stuff the second and and on.

Um so I haven't come across like that yet where it's like a total switch where they're like said that they're dumb but they're like definitely not. I've I've uh I'm Oh, I'm more sub just to get with someone. Stop. And like, what's funny in that situation, because like I'm I'm definitely more sub-sub-sub-sub

it's hard to turn that off. Like if that's how you are, that's how you are. And there's no shame in that. But like with this chick, I really wanted to be um like peg And I was like, Yeah yeah, I I'm uh a hundred percent sub all the time. And the problem with that is You are truly, truly sub, like you'll listen, you'll you know, kind of just fall into it, and you are just um naturally, even like your body.

you know how you present yourself, you're more sub like. Mm-hmm. And like because she she was like a pro dom, like she was able to tell like within like two, three minutes. Like she even said like the way I took my clothes off. She's like you're not No I no I am and like I tried to like keep And like to her and like it makes sense. Like that wasn't something that was gonna work for her. Right. And it was one of those things where it's like we can like just have normal

Yeah. And she was cool in in that sense, but like I def that this was like when I was like I think twenty two or twenty three. I tried pulling this off and like it just did not work. She was a pro dom.

So like she knew Yeah, she knew she knew her stuff. So there's no like pulling that over. So it's like it's one of those things where to your point, like just be yourself. Right. Um and like she also gave me some really good If if that is what you're looking for, like you be upfront with it at the get go because what I what you're doing when you present yourself a certain way

And like to the pro person or to the Dom or to the Dominant person, like what you're doing is you're kind of messing up the flow of everything and then what's gonna end up happening is just a bad experience for you, for the Dom, because the Dom, you know Is kind of being is essentially being lied to and then they're not going to be able to perform the correct way that they know how to, right? Like it's a all of a sudden

Totally. Totally. Yeah. But that's something that like the switching is something that I'm interested in exploring too and on field like people will put like you can put what you're looking for. You can put that you're looking for a dominant

a sub, you can put like that you're looking for a three way or a four way or group stuff or whatever. Um, which I think is really great. So uh like a couple of weeks ago I was talking to this person who was a who's a sub and I did end up meeting them and what was interesting is that I was not attracted to his

At all. Like I'm definitely on the more submissive side, naturally in bed. So being around a person's energy who's also on that did not feel sexy or attractive or like So I think at least for me it's about like trial and error in that in that instance. Like he has like a d he a a dominatrix. Like he's like really big into like being the sub and like I don't think I would feel attracted to that energy in the bedroom if he was just like a it felt like um

cow cowering little boy energy. Yeah. And like that's not what I want in a sexual partner. Like I want a man. Yeah, I mean it's I'd be curious. I I I've said this to you multiple times, like I'm curious to see like your'cause you are you have a dominant side. Especially like to that guy. Still one of my favorite stories. I haven't heard from that guy in a month, so I wonder why. I think it's over. I'm sorry. I think it's over. He was so hot though.

Uh so those are the apps. Um any last things we wanna say on the apps? Um I think the ones that we talked about today are probably the better ones or at least the ones that I know the most about uh for like casual relationships. Um something that we didn't touch on was like the other apps like match.com and eH.

of those which I was on like many many many years ago. Ooh. Well actually let's let's jump into them. I think there's a reason they don't make the cut. Yeah. And the reason is because eHarmony Mash dot com they are back They are backed by like Christian groups. Mm. And they are very much set for Yeah. Uh there's not a lot of wiggle room with those ones. Yeah. And they are you know, they their internet one. Right.

you know, AOL was like the king of the like the nineties, I think. Yeah. They were big there where it was like these ideas of like going on a website and connecting that way. There was no They have apps now. Um, I'd actually be kind of curious to like see what you get on those apps. Because they could have fundamentally changed. They could be like these like kink driven things now for all I know. It could be. I I haven't been on those apps since like twenty fourteen twenty.

Yeah,'cause it was eHarmony, Match dot com, then there was OK Cupid. OK Cupid was all I never I never liked OK cupid. I think I was only on that for like six months. I never paid for that though. I paid for eHarmony and Match dot com many years ago. When you were searching for a husband? When I was desperate for a husband for some reason. How much you have to do.

It is true. It is true. That's crazy. Yeah, I'm curious to see like maybe it's a little social experiment. Maybe we j each pick one, jump on and just see what we get. can kinda give a a quick recap of like this is what we discovered. Um if I had to make a kind of guess, I'm gonna assume it's all very hinged

But again, we could be completely wrong. Yeah. And it could be like the most glorious thing ever. All I remember with eHarmony is that old guy with the glasses in the suit. Yeah. And like when What's interesting about those two apps is when I was dating before, those were the apps when I met the guys that number one I liked the most.

sucked because they did me the most dirty. Like would sleep with them, they would like ghost me, which is like not uncommon. Like I'm getting that now, but it's like I'm accepting it more now because it I'm not getting as invested as I would get with the guys that

But like it it was just crazy. It was like good quality people, right? They're paying for the app. Yeah. And then They would just like I I dated this guy for like months and he texted me and was like, Oh, sorry, like it's not gonna work out and I was like, You text me like we fucked many times and you're not gonna like call me on the phone or like This is someone you meant from e Harmony or Yeah.

I would like at least have the decency to like call me or something. Like That's that's the age that we live in, like. Now I probably wouldn't care as much, but back then I cared a lot. You meet everybody else.

What I think is so funny is that when we were growing up like in the nineties when we had like um like AOL instant messenger and like chat rooms and stuff, how are were like, don't talk to strangers on the internet and like we met we were strangers on the internet and met each other in real life. It's because Oprah I r I remember this distinctly'cause I used to watch Oprah with my mom growing up because Um but she has some like legitimately interesting, you know special

Some good solid investigation, investigations in terms of like internet culture back in the nineties. But she also like definitely did a lot. specials on like predators on the internet because that was back then that was the big thing where it's like the internet is filled with predators. Uh it's still filled with predators. Um And like there is

Back then in the nineties, our parents didn't understand the internet. They still don't understand the internet. But we grew up with the internet and we understand it pretty well. Yeah. Where it's like when you run into a And voice chats like you know, maybe that light bulb in your brain should light up and be like, There's something wrong with this. Totally. Um, but you know, like a situation. Yeah, I could definitely see them easily being catfished. Yeah. Um you know, going to the dark side.

Tinder serial killer for a while. There was the Tinder guy that like uh there's actually a Netflix Tinder who uh lie to a bunch of women Steal money from them. There's a woman who just died recently from uh from a bumble somewhere on the east coast. I just read about it um like last night or this morning. So like that shit happens and like

I'm always safe about it. Like when you came over, like I was texting I texted my best friend. I told her I share my location with her so she knows she knows where I am and I tell her all the time when I'm going on dates. Even my neighbor Like I'll let her know when I'm going out with people sometimes just so that

where I am. Yeah. No, I'm lucky'cause like with my primary partner, um, what's funny is like, you know, we share locations with each other for our phones and then like through Which is it's crazy. Like it's and like a lot of people like, Oh, is that an invasion of privacy? No, it's like it's a level of safety, especially if you're going to be meeting people all the time. Um you know, it's funny. If I go on a date with a female, typically I'm not super, super worried.

'Cause guys to guys like, you know, a guy could eat like a bigger guy could easily fuck me up. Like it could happen. Yeah. Um Yeah happens. Yeah. Um I wonder like we talk about these you know the common apps, but like there are like other more I have not participated. Those are the ones that like scare me. Yeah.'Cause those are like the borderline like CNC fantasies and rape fantasies and and that type of stuff which uh I do not Uh fat life is another place.

Uh Reddit has groups for that as well where like people will set up scenarios and you can partake. It's there's a lot. There's a lot out there in terms of like what you want to do. Not only that though, but like there's Oh wow. Um, which is like just another like what the fuck. So Dang. Yeah. Like we we are in our thirties and

Yeah. We're moving quickly in the Internet three point oh and I think there will be a point where not that we'll get lost per se, but there will be I think a lot of stuff that will go over our head. Yeah. Um like the meta these new technologies that are coming out for for hookup stuff like that stuff is going to be the Once a company That stuff is gonna be that stuff is gonna be interesting in terms of like how people connect and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I mean at least we're not

creations and then abusing them. Have you heard about this? No. Oh yeah. They're um I think it's strictly primarily with like the male culture or the male group. Japan already has a problem. friends covet definitely didn't help that. No. It's because of the work life balance culture there is so just fucked. Yeah. Um so what guys are doing instead of going on dates or even having friends is they have But then some of these guys are now abusing

I remember like years ago when the iPhone came out with Siri. Oh yeah. And I was dating someone This is like ten years ago and his friend was like, I don't even need a girlfriend anymore, I just have my phone and I was like, Do not say that. Like, why would you say that? But it's like it's true, like To a degree. There I mean there are a like on And their whole like the whole TikTok is like ditch your real friends and have an AI friend that will listen

I mean w we're already fr between now and our parents generation. Like you told me the other day you went to a bar made out And I like cheered for you because I was like, fuck you, that barely happens anymore. Like I haven't done that since twenty fourteen. There you go. Like it's almost ten years later and that shit you know you're still able to do, but like

We are still a step removed because of the internet. Now we're taking a step further where it's like, don't have friends, don't go out, just have this AI friend and it's like, fuck. Yeah. I like that was one of my things for twenty twenty two that I knew that I wanted to do was to get out more and be among people and that includes dating and like getting out and Because I think that's so important.

Like I work for myself, I work from home, like I see my dogs. But like I don't want to get weird. Like I wanna be out and about with people and like making friends and Meet new people, connections. Yeah. I think the apps are great, but like don't keep it in the apps. Make sure Yeah. Even if it is like just a simple get coffee type thing. Totally. Um, we spent so long indoors.

We're and we're lucky that we live in Southern California and we can have coffee outside and like eat lunch. I do that constantly on dates with people. I'm like, Oh yeah, let's get coffee. We sit outside, we chat and then we go. the sunset and it's lovely. But yeah, definitely go move it off the app and go on a date is the main is the main thing. Yeah. Well I'm I'm again I'm curious to see what the land So different from what it is right now. I think that's gonna do it for us.

That was a good one. Yes. As always, you can actually now find us on Instagram. What? At Smut Exploration. Yes. We post when we feel like it. Yes. The DMs are open if you have questions, concerns, or comments. And we have an email address too, correct? Smut Exploration at Gmail. Wow. Wow wow wow. Whoever came up with keeping it all consistent. High five to that person. As always, this is Smut Exploration. I am John. I am Rebecca. And uh just keep on fucking.