"Laura Dern"

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Hey, gang. Jason Bateman here doing a cold open for Smartless. I'm all by myself. I don't have the other two guys. So this is the horrifying look into what this podcast would be without Sean Hayes and Will Arnett. Just me. Talking. Gaps. No fun. No humor. Nothing interesting. Welcome to Smart List. All right, so listener, we've got Will beaming in from Bozeman, Montana. We've got Sean P. Hayes there in downtown Hollywood. Oh, there it is.

Scotty is applying chapstick onto Sean's lips because that's the role they like to play. Wow. That just happened. Yeah. Well, Jason threatened that he don't do it and I made him do it. That was... Does Scotty ever call from the restroom? I'm done, Sean. Wipey. Okay. No, no, no. Not in a while. Not in a minute. Will, don't you miss the days? Don't you miss the days of wiping the bums and changing the diaper and the whole, like, shushing them to bed? And then what about doing that to your kids?

Sean, you son of a gun. I do miss it. We just sort of, especially now that my little guy is five. He just seems like such a big boy now. You're still kind of doing it a little bit. He seems like such a big boy now. When is he six? When is his birthday? In May. Oh, yeah. Yeah. How about that?

Yeah. Now, Sean, you know, we can cut this, and this is getting too personal. Oh, we can cut this in. We can get this into the middle of another episode and drop it in. Have you and Scotty ever had a serious conversation? about maybe adopting. You know, it's funny you say that. Yes, but no, like I... It's unfortunate that now, right now, at this age is the time I'm like, oh boy, I could really have a kid. I think it'd be really fun to be a dad. But unfortunately, it feels like it's too late.

Because of the energy that it requires and all that. Energy, yes. And so I feel like my brain... That's what a staff is for, Sean. I can see you're so staffed up. Couldn't you, Will? Like three night nurses, four nannies. Yeah, but then I would feel bad about the kid because the kid wouldn't, like, I'd have to take it to Disneyland. I'd be too tired. Yeah, but you'd be like the old millionaire distant unavailable dad in the wheelchair. Barking orders. Yeah.

No, but I mean, you know what I mean? Like my brain is there, but like I, it's, my brain came too late. I think you'd be great no matter what. Me too. Me too. I know what would happen is it would happen and you would be. Absolutely obsessed, Sean, in the best way. Yeah, and 50's the new 30.

Oh, no, what are you going to do? Your headphones are plugged in. You took your sweater off. I know. I can't unplug the fucking... I took my sweater off over my headphones. This is the guy who tries to take his sweater off in the car when he's driving. You know what, JB? I think it's better he didn't have a kid. You know what I mean? I just saw that. I need a parent. Can you imagine him trying to collapse a stroller? Oh, my God. By the way, trying to get it in the trunk. It would collapse me.

Nothing tests your intellect more than trying to figure out how to collapse one of those strollers. Or by putting in a car seat and trying to strap in the seatbelt thing behind it and the anchors. I'm still in the car seatbelt. in the booster phase. I'm out of the full car seat, but I am still in the booster phase. And it is, I still do have sweaty moments. Yep. I'm trying to find the thing, the hook underneath. And I'm like, just one second, one second. And then I'm, oh God. You just,

A lot of parents are really bad marketers at it because the second the baby goes crazy and is having a tantrum and it's in its arms, they look over their shoulder and they mouth to you. They go, don't have it. I know. Do you know what I mean? And you're just like, well, now I don't want to because I just witnessed that. Yeah, but those are just the moments, you know? What was the line, Sean, that you used to always use? You'd say, like, I'd have kids. I'd rather regret not having them.

than have them and regret it later. Yeah, it's a great line. Isn't it? I mean, it's just, it's abstract, but it's great. Warming. Yeah. I don't know. Boy, listen, you got Ricky, you know? Yeah, by the way. Ricky doesn't talk back. He just barks every once in a while. Barely. I saw JB last. Sean, I haven't seen you in forever. I know. I haven't seen you in forever. Yeah, I saw Sweet Willy last night. Oh, where?

at this event some fancy dancy thing oh the governor's thing that's it i didn't know that was last night it was last night and i said to um I actually said in my thing, I said a few words at the start, and I said, I mentioned the podcast, and I said, and Jason is actually here today, and if you see him, just go up and touch him. Hug him, he loves strangers. It's like a receiving one.

Wait, so did you know I was going to be there or did you improvise that? I just improvised that. Yeah, just in the moment. This guy's got skills. He's not afraid of a microphone in the spotlight. It was a crazy room, and I wanted to make sure to be just kind of respectful, and it was such a great night. How was it? Was it long and boring or kind of fun? It was pretty short. It was pretty short. Oh, good. That's good. All right. Well, there it is. There it is. I'll tell you who's not short.

Oh, we got a tall guest coming. And I will say that this, she is an acclaimed actress, producer, and filmmaker, known for versatility, emotional, intelligent performances. across film and television. Born in L.A. Both her parents are acclaimed actors themselves. She started acting at a young age. She has been in some of my favorite movies of all time. And I'm also love and I've had the honor.

of being in a movie with her. We saw her in Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart. Laura Dern. Laura Dern. Look at this, huh?

the seamless tie-in I was going to say she's our friend Laura Dern oh my gosh exciting I can't wait to drill you about just the tortures of working with Will Arnett what is your least favorite part of working with it first of all first of all no no No, no, no, hang on. Before we get into her least favorite part, because she has a lot of least favorite parts, I will say, Laura, I love, I can see in the reflection of your window the fireplace. I mean, guys, and it wasn't even planned.

This is going to be the coziest episode ever. It's so cozy. But by the way, has every... single guest ever told you that the hardest acting job of their life is staying quiet while you're hysterical? And all I want to talk about is Sean and Scotty as parents? What? That's my dream come true. This is your time. This is your turn.

Go get him. Talk it into it. Laura, give him a good pitch because you've got a great kid or two. Two great kids and she's such a great mom. You guys know well. Tell Sean how great he'd be and age is not a factor. I don't know. It's not a factor. And I liked the Citizen Kane imagery. I sort of like the whole concept of Sean rolling into parents' preschoolers.

Yeah, they're only going to be 10 years old before they have to wipe me. I like the idea, Sean, of you, Scotty, and your child eating at one end of a huge, like... 30-person table. Yeah. Right? And a butler coming in. I had to finish her homework. I know, the three of you at Dupar's. I'm just so... Oh, my God, Dupar. I'm so happy. Wait, so for Tracy, who may not know, I think she knows.

Will and Laura star in the upcoming Is This Thing On? And Sean Hayes co-stars. And Sean Hayes and Scotty. And Scott Isnogel as well. That's correct. We're both in it as well. incredible in this movie. Yeah, he's great. I will talk about Sean and Will as well, but I have to start with Scotty. Scotty, yeah. Scotty has one of my favorite lines in the movie.

Laura in that scene where all of us are in that scene and they say, I want to raise a toast to somebody who's done a great thing and you're just going to go, thank you. All right, exactly, exactly. Oh, my gosh. Where was that great apartment? That was an awesome apartment. Oh, my God. That was Dumbo, right? That was in Dumbo. Yeah, that was Bradley and Andrew Day's apartment, their characters.

It was a great apartment. That was amazing. Well, they turned it into a great apartment. Yeah, yeah. Laura, I just saw you in another great movie yesterday, J. Kelly. J. Kelly. Nice going. Oh, I want to see that. Thank you.

I want to see that. This is what I want to see. She doesn't really waste her time in bad stuff, guys. No, I know. When's the last time you saw her in a bad project? You can't challenge you. It doesn't exist. Okay, if you want it to be a challenge. How do you pick projects? Is it script, director? Is there an order? Or like what speaks to you as the role and you don't care about the other stuff? Or how do you pick? I guess first I ask if any of you are in it.

Sure. And then if I'm lucky. You got two out of three on the last one. By the way, three out of three because, and it always interests me. It's people that come up to me that know specific films that I'm in, that they love, have seen me over the years, mention a few of the films they're grateful for, and then also tell me.

how much they love me in Ozark. And I'm like, is it because my name is Laura? You're confusing this. Is it just the Laura connection? But Laura Linney will also tell you this. Really? You guys get stopped for each other? Yeah. Really? So we've worked together as well. I can see the people make that brain fart. And they're like, I loved you in Ozark with Justin Bateman. Exactly. That covers all the bases. Yeah.

Laura, you started, listen, we're going to get into choosing roles. Well, first of all, you can answer Sean's question. What is your criteria? Is there a process? Yeah. I would say that I... Could you choose well? Thank you. I... One, have gotten very blessed to be chosen. So I don't know that. I think it's more about luck than the choosing. And if we are lucky and as our careers evolve, we maybe.

get to do some of the choosing. But when I was a kid and getting to watch my parents work with incredible filmmakers, I didn't know what was happening. I was just a six, seven-year-old kid on set. I fell in love with their relationship with filmmakers and what that felt like and looked like to see people understand or have an instinct about my parent.

in a way that I felt I knew them intimately, things that others didn't know about them. And I thought, man, this is such a crazy dynamic that there are these people that get them in a way they may not even have caught up to in themselves. So I sort of... fell in love with that relationship before I even understood what acting was like. And so I always dreamt of getting to work with master filmmakers. And, you know, I got lucky at a young age that...

extraordinary directors, you know, hired me. But did you, do you remember filmmakers being around the house, like filmmakers that we know, filmmakers, like, do you remember them? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I remember when I was six, my summer vacation, that became the year that I then went to my parents and said I wanted to start studying acting and became kind of obsessed with the idea of it.

which seems so absurd now, but I just knew, I guess, you know, there are things you know about that you loved. Yeah. But... My mom was doing Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore with Martin Scorsese. And my dad was doing a film family plot with Alfred Hitchcock. And I went back and forth. between those two sets. So for my sister who might not know, your dad is Bruce Stern and your mom is Diane Ladd, who I'm sorry, just recently passed. I'm so sorry. Yes. She was fantastic. Same. Thank you. So, yeah.

Yeah, it was an amazing thing. Just like watching these, you know, mind-blowing directors at work with them. And then, you know... Yeah, as a kid, Hal Ashby was my dad's neighbor as well as a colleague and became such a hero director to me and a lot of directors. Did you do something in Allison Doesn't Live Here Anymore? I was an extra. Yeah, I ate an ice cream cone and I had to, I think they did like...

16 takes or something, so I had to eat 16 ice cream cones. And Marty said to my mom, hey. Sean, they're not still casting, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As Sean said, he's been paid for licking before. I thought it was going to be a leader. Sometimes for free.

But he had sort of commented in front of me to my mom, like, oh my God, she just ate 16 ice cream cones and she didn't throw up. Like, that kid's going to be an actress. That's hilarious. I sort of went, oh, someone complimented me. Do you have any recall at all about what kind of... person Alfred Hitchcock was? Yeah. Guys, it was the craziest thing I remember, you know, because there's all kinds of stories, you know, reputationally about him, but...

All I know is I was super little and a bit intimidated anyway whenever I went on set. I always thought I was in the way and kind of shy. And he had props make. a mini director's chair that he put next to him and let me sit there with him. No way somebody took a picture of that.

You know what? I have one photo with them on set, but not in the director's chairs, which is crazy. Just sitting next to him. And I didn't know. All I knew was... You know, it was this man who would laugh hysterically at my dad. He thought my dad was so funny, and I just loved that because at the time, people would come up to me telling me what a bad guy my dad was because he'd killed John Wayne. And for your sister, my dad was, I think, the only person to...

successfully killed John Wayne in a movie. So he was not very well liked at the time, but loved for being a bad guy in Westerns. But also as a kid, you're sort of intimidated by people talking about like, oh man, do I love to hate you. I was like, oh, okay. Enjoy your time at Disneyland. Sean Hayes is with his child. No, he was too tired to go. Yes, the man in the wheelchair. Yeah, exactly. Vroom, vroom. Did you ever feel any sort of...

Or did you start too early to feel any sort of intellectual? pressure to work as consistently as your parents have. Those are real tall bars to try to match, jump over, live up to. I mean, you've made it. You've done it. This is such a question for you as well. And I will say one thing I so love every time I get to see Jason because of our shared friends. is I find you and we find a corner and then we just go. Yeah, I love that.

growing up amidst family at young ages, working amidst other family members. Yeah, but I didn't have parents. Did you guys ever cross paths when you were young? Did you guys have Hollywood friends? I don't think so, no. Laura was in a whole stratosphere. higher than... Don't you dare. No, the stratosphere, the stratosphere to me was yours. I could, you know, doing the things I was obsessed with. Your parents were so immensely famous your entire life.

Were you even conscious that you were setting yourself up to like, how could I ever live up to that? Or that never got. gotten your way, did it? No. I feel like I was so young that it was only later that any of that occurred to me, or I probably never would have done it. But before you said that for any kids out there that do struggle with that, like, thank God you didn't let it get in your way because it shouldn't. Because it is.

You are a completely individual person separate from your parents. You know, even though you may want to go into the same occupation as them, whether it's acting or not, like. It's completely natural that a kid would want to go down the same lane they've watched and admired because your parents are your first heroes. And so why wouldn't you want to go and do the same thing that they were doing? And it doesn't matter whether you...

end up doing the same accomplishments that they do. It's just, it's, I don't know. I just think, I think kids get a bad rap. And most professions we, yeah, and most professions we know. Only kind of revere legacy families or going into the family business, your butcher, a doctor you go to. By the way, knowing your kids. They're just hilarious, brilliant people, and I just can't wait for them to write and direct and act if they choose it because it's innate in them.

Will and I had an amazing experience because... working on our movie, which I will get into and divulge all these beautiful things about Will. Sorry, guys. I'm going to be super reverent about Will. It's going to be a bummer for you both. We like him too. I work with Peyton Manning. And when Peyton and I had a scene together and somehow this subject of...

quote, Nepo babies came up. And he's like, yeah, I'm a Nepo baby. And I thought, oh, right. No one ever talks about, you know, legacy, like the great NFL family of all time. Like Peyton Manning shouldn't have done it. Should have done something else. It's so crazy. And here's the other thing. If people didn't want it, whatever, then they wouldn't have opportunity. That's just the way that it works. We know how it works. It all boils down to commerce anyway, right? In any business.

If the guy goes, if he's like, my dad was a doctor and I decided to become a doctor and he was a shit doctor, he wouldn't have any patients. Like, that's just the way it goes. And it's the same in our business. So I do...

But it's an easy target, as you see, because it's so public. So it's just, you know. Yeah, but like you said, if you don't have the goods, if you're a nepo baby and you don't have the goods, it doesn't, who cares? You know what, Sean? I just realized that's what you and Scotty should have. You should have a nepo baby. Yeah. Yeah. Adopt a depo baby.

Name the baby Nepo. That would be amazing. That's a great, a great idea. Nepo Hayes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I take him to the pediatrics. He's like, Nepo, Nepo baby. Nepo Baby Hayes. This is our son Nepo. Nepo I snuggle. Get him in a show right away. Get him into a show. A reality show. Finding Nepo. And we will be right back. This episode of Smartless is brought to you by Helix.

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Laura, what was the first job where you, well, first of all, I do want to say talking about the parent stuff, JB, I don't know if you know this, when you and your mom were the first time ever... mother-daughter, child-parent were nominated, both got Academy Award nominations for Rambling Rose, a film that I adore. You're incredible in that movie, Laura. And I'm going to embarrass you because I just love you so much. Wait, I didn't know that.

Both of you got nominated the same year. The same movie. The same movie? Yeah. Wow. In the same category? No separate categories. One was supporting, one was lead. Wow. That's wild. Isn't that incredible? Yeah. That was amazing. Did you go? Did you carpool? We went together with my grandma. It was so sweet. No way. It was amazing. How many generations? It was crazy. It was so beautiful. So, so crazy. Laura, what was the first thing that you did where you felt like...

Like the first role that you had that you did and you were like, I got it. Like not I got it, but you felt really good. Like you feel really connected to it. Like the first sort of meaty thing that you're like, okay. Like, this is really what I want to do, and it feels good. Did you have one of those? Yeah. Maybe this movie Smooth Talk. It was probably my first lead, and so I had no... time to not find devotion. We made it for under $2 million. I was in every scene.

a really radical film with myself and Treat Williams. There's a very deeply troubling and very complicated-to-shoot half-hour-long kind of... coaxing of this young girl toward a sexual assault based on a Joyce Carol Oates story. And, you know, radical amounts of dialogue and, you know, playing a character. And I was 15 when we made it, who's sort of discovering her sexuality a bit before I knew so many aspects of self. I didn't know myself in that way so completely.

And I had to, yeah, I had to be so emotionally vulnerable and still somehow learn how to take care of myself. And yeah, that was the first time, I think. I had to be a grown-up. And after the film was done or after that particularly hard day when you did a particularly hard scene, when did you feel like, wow, I just kind of slayed that dragon and I'm on the other side of it?

I just went straight to like cynical, like jaded, divorcee, 47-year-old smoker. I just was like, I've done, you know, now I get to just be a dame. No, not really. But when did you, did you, but did you feel... that you were on the other side of it at the end of the movie or at the end of that day or once it came out and it got received? You know what? I think the coolest thing was I remember actually calling home and calling my mom after.

just a day of crying all day and thinking, maybe this isn't the most fun job. Maybe this isn't, like, I didn't understand all these feelings and where to put them, and I was blessed to have. Parents I could talk to about that and get some distance from things and learn how to, even though it's emotional and you can kind of crack open all these spaces, you don't have to, like, live in it.

It can be healing and a job toward healing and not something that kind of rips you apart in some weird way. But you felt that you'd pulled it off. Yeah, the tears were believable and all that. Yeah, I felt...

I think I felt a little scared by it because it wasn't intentional. I wasn't trying to be a method actor. I was a kid who just had a day of crying all day, and my body was, like, shaking and unhappy, like when you've cried all day. And so... I think just the getting to the place where, at the end of that day, I learned kind of what was me and what was this other play space of...

And I think the deepest joy, which happened around that time and also on Blue Velvet, which were like a year and a half apart. Those were a couple years in my life where I discovered... empathy as this like badass superpower. Yeah. That being vulnerable and being empathetic and being part of a, you know. a team of people where you're just going to kind of reveal yourself to each other and it's going to somehow be hopefully safe and generous. And move an audience. It was like...

So radical and hardcore and... baller. You know, I felt like, yeah, I felt like a kid who just found a sport. Yeah. It is. It is just like, it's the craziest thing in the world to sit there and be so full of shit that you can make yourself cry and probably make the person watching cry. And like everybody's on board that we're playing make-believe. The people that are doing it are in make-believe and I'm pretending.

that it's real so much so that it's making me cry while I'm watching it. Everyone signs on to this bizarro moment that we all go in this dark room together and sit next to these strangers crying. next to one another and then go leave, get in our car and drive home and have what's for dinner. I know. It's just like the coolest, weirdest thing. Yeah. But it's so, it's so, on a certain level, I can't believe it. You just, hearing you say it that way, JB, you realize.

It is all just about, we all just want to connect and we all just want to like connect with each other and have these shared experiences because something about that, it inspires us. It makes us, we can relate to it. Life's really interesting to people. Let's see these little pieces. At its greatest, when you go and you see something that kind of moves you in that way.

Having that emotional connection to that or having that shared experience, not even just with the people in the theater, but the people when you're watching it, I guess, and it's just occurring to me for the first time, maybe I'm just a slow learner. It does, there's something about... that like it sort of, it stirs something in us.

and makes us sort of gives us perspective on our own experience and it sort of answers questions about our own experience and all that kind of stuff. I think it's illuminating to the human... spirit, if you will. As bullshitty as that sounds, I really actually believe that now, today. I cried at Force Awakens. I'll bet you did. Did the projector break or something? No. I corroded everything.

Were you sitting behind somebody with a hat or something? Did you spill your bonbons? With no caps. They ran out of milk nuts? But it is crazy that, you know, you can't fake... Like, you could fake a lot of things. And you guys all know as incredible actors and also as directors that... There's this other thing that happens that we all feel together when we get to the truth of a thing. And it can't be faked. But like at the same time, we're all pretending. that it isn't fake.

Like we know that it's fake and we're all just saying, okay, let's all agree to focus so hard that we can convince ourselves and our tear ducts and everything that this is real. Like I love that everybody just kind of silently signs on to that. And no one knows each other. But in those moments, it is real. That's kind of the flip of it. Well, that's the magic of movies. We'll be right back. Shit. Sean's mic is working. God damn it.

Hey, I was watching JB, weirdly enough, on Instagram. David Cross posted a clip from Arrested Development. And I was watching you. Oh, no, I saw him doing stand-up. No, and you were doing a scene from early on. You were doing a scene with David. and portia and there was something about you i was watching you do this scene and and you were and they're both acting like imbeciles and so you're in the middle between them

And I was so on the ride with you. You were such a great, you took me on this thing. And I know it inside and out. And yet I was still really technical. And it's not you, Jay, but you were doing this thing. And it made me laugh and it made me feel good. And I had a connection to it on a deeper level as well, but I just, it made me love you. And I was just like,

fuck, look at this guy. He's so good at doing this. I love that. Why do people say all those nasty things about you? Well, yeah, if we believe it, then the audience will believe it. Laura, do you, you had a... Oh, shit, shit. Sorry, we mentioned Sean. Sean's got a spaghetti meatballs that's on the stove, and so he's got to get to his questions quick. No. Scotty, come in and give him some of his palm. By the way, I just said Chinese with what did I have to drink?

A glass of milk because it was too spicy. Hang on, it's 4.30. What do you mean? No, it's 7.30. He's in New York. Oh, you are in New York. By the way, JB, I had a FaceTime with him before. The three of us had a FaceTime before our session here, Laura. And then before that, Sean and I talked like an hour ago about something. And Sean goes, I got to go. I got to eat before.

before we do the show. And he goes, and I go, oh, yeah, okay, I'll let you go. And he goes, I'm having Chinese. And I went, okay. Every day dinner's an event in his life. I love that. It was such a funny... I haven't had Chinese in so long. Laura, do you like Chinese food?

I love it. I love it. Not as much as Nepo. Nepo talks a lot about how much he loves Chinese. He can't get enough of it. I'd like Chinese tonight. Hey, I promise this is the only Jurassic Park question I'll ask. But when we were on the set of... Is it real? No, is this thing on? We were on the set. You told me the greatest story. Can you just tell it really fast because it's so cool? Something about...

Do you remember what it was? It was about... Oh, was it about Stephen with the megaphone the first day? Yes, yes. Yeah, that we were... I mean, this was the first CGI movie, so... All we knew was we were going on this journey, and there was this new idea called CGI, and there was this company called ILM, Industrial Light and Magic.

You know, Dennis Murin was this guy I met on set, and they were talking about how they could paint an image on the computer, and things might show up that aren't there in real life. And they would put... an X on a piece of paper and put it in like an orange picker up into a tree and they stare at the X.

And I kept thinking, oof, this may really not work. Because it just seemed nuts that it was even possible. And it was the first day, I think it was like second or third day on set, and it was the first day. We were all there as a group. And we're looking into what was the raptor pen, I guess. And Sir Richard Attenborough is kind of giving us a tour of the park. For the first time, we hear something that may be a roar in the distance. That's right. It's like your first hint of something.

We did the first take and we were all like looking in the wrong direction and not responding at the right time. So he said, Stephen, we need help. I mean, yeah, nothing's there, but we need to hear it at the same moment. He goes, oh my God, of course, of course. we had to be scared to sell the things that aren't there. So Stephen was sitting at camera and they rolled camera. Action. We're looking.

We turn our heads. The moment's about to come. And Stephen takes a megaphone and goes, Roar! Roar! And we all lost it! Oh, in that moment, this group of actors looked at each other like, this is a disaster. That must have been like, wait, what are we doing? Like, what? So you're just going to go rawr through the whole movie?

He lost his privileges on the whole horn. It also occurs to me, Laura, you've become like sort of like the emblem, like the sort of the icon for, they always use that image of a person. Yes, for me. You're my icon, obviously. But that thing of you, of the big dinosaur coming up like right up against your face and you're totally freaked out. That is like such an iconic, you know, they always include that. It's like a huge...

When you see that, do you remember the day you were shooting? Do you remember what you were going through? Yeah, the reaction, yeah. Yeah, that was crazy. And I mean, it was amazing because... The incredible Stan Winston had built animatronic puppets. So there was so much practical puppetry on set. That's a real head there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And it was... Yeah, you cuss.

I've heard crazy shit on this show. Like, scary as fuck. Like, nothing scary ever. Oh, shit, we don't use the... Sorry, not from the women. You told me that, too, and I just said it again. Fuck. And a third time. Not from the women. But it's so scary.

Those dinosaurs were terrifying. Yeah. I mean, isn't it wild? I'm sorry if you get asked this all the time, but isn't it wild to be part of something that you had no idea what it was going to be? It was cutting-edge technology, and now it's spawned, like, I don't know how many movies. It was part of, like, this... massive movement in Hollywood that changed how they made movies. And you were the first person. You were part of it. That's just so cool. I'd made Wild at Heart. I guess like...

The year before, two years before, something like that. And so I told Nick Cage that I had been offered this opportunity. And I was like, you know. I haven't read it yet, but all I know is Stephen explained that I guess there's dinosaurs are going to come back to life. And there's a book. I'm going to read the book. And he goes, you don't have to know anything. Dinosaurs are going to come back to life. You have to do this movie. And I just remember Nick being the person who...

Yeah. Made me know I had to say yes instantly before learning more. Wait, wait, wait. So Sean opened the door and then you just mentioned Wild at Heart. So first of all, it should be noted, Laura, you made so many great movies with the... comparable David Lynch, who I know is a close friend of yours as well. And he was just, you know, one of the all-time greats. And the two of you had this great collaboration on all these great movies. First one being...

Blue Velvet, just talk for a second about how that came to be. So good. Met him on an audition. What part was he reading for? And he was very good, to be honest. But crazily, I went in and we talked for... I feel like 45 minutes with the casting director and David about everything. And I never read for him. And the casting director had seen me in a couple of films and I guess recommended me, but he...

I don't think had seen my acting yet. But he just had an instinct. And he was so a believer in following instinct. And it seemed to go well. I mean, I just was... you know, so in love with his movies already. So it was such a huge thing to me. I'd seen Eraserhead. I'd seen Elephant Man. Right. So I was just blown away by him. And then... He invited myself and Kyle McLaughlin to lunch at Bob's Big Boy. And I remember him doodling on a plate in ketchup.

making like the most abstract and amazing drawings on his plate while the two of us were just talking and chatting it up and him watching the two of us. And I could see in his eyes him starting to see his movie. It was an amazing feeling as an actor. You know, it wasn't about us necessarily or us separately, but as a whole, there was something that he felt was right for the film. So that was a really cool experience.

Amazingly, I got cast. Did you, when you started making Blue Velvet, it sounds like you did at that moment, understand that you were doing something different, like that doing with him was different? I didn't know what it was going to be or it was such an insane, brilliant and insane script and world. Terrifying and beautiful and all the things that.

You know, and hilarious and all the things that Blue Velvet is. But I had just started college. I was on day two when I got offered the movie and was beside myself. and was told that I couldn't leave school. They wouldn't let me have a leave of absence. So I went to the head of the program I was in to say, here's the script, here's everything. Can I have a tutor? And I'll, you know.

Whatever it takes. You know, behind the scenes, like, I'll do whatever I can do. Please, please. And I remember saying to this professor, I just have this feeling this is my college education. Mm-hmm. Wow. they told me that not only would I never be invited back to this university if I chose the movie, but that I was making... you know, the most radical mistake of my life. And so I remember entering that whole experience.

which I don't think I ever would have understood if I hadn't watched my parents with these directors and had this feeling with David, like this is my not only home, but... This is my teacher. This is my college. This will be, I mean, in some unconscious way, I think I did know.

This is the greatest opportunity. You were literally at a crossroads. You were literally at a crossroads, and you chose to go that way, and it seems you made the right choice. We don't have to name that professor by name, but if you'd like to take the opportunity to shame them, that'd be fine. Right, please.

What was running second place as far as a possible career path for you? Was there ever anything else on your radar? Or since then? Like if somebody said, you can't do this anymore. Got to do something else to. I'd be pretty fucked. Really? Yeah, I think. Now I would definitely be. At like 12. At 12, I had an idea about being a child psychologist. That was really interesting to me.

As Will knows, I loved being a swimmer. Wait, Laura, a psychologist for children, not a 12-year-old psychologist. Not a child psychologist. Right. Yes. We'll be right back. When time is running out and your budget is, let's call it ambitious, there's still a way to pull off those incredible gifting moments that... Make you look like you planned everything weeks ago. The secret? JCPenney. Yes, JCPenney, I said.

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Once you fly with the United app, you'll never fly without it unless you don't want to save about 30 minutes at the airport. Get it before your next trip at united.com slash app. And back to the show. Where does the swimming come from? Yeah, she's a swimmer. When did that start? Love it. Since I was little and then became, you know, just in school, competitive swimmer.

Will knows way too much about it. And in the movie, Is This Thing On?, you play an Olympic volleyball player. And I remember when we were starting, and you're like, God, I really got to figure this out. I got to find how, like, I got to...

do the work and you went and you played volleyball right or something or you took lessons or something like that. Really? And in the movie, in the shots and everything, I'm like, oh my God, I completely believe that you were a volleyball player for the Olympics. I mean, a hundred percent. Thank you, Sean. Yeah, it's true.

Thank you. I don't remember you. I've seen it twice. I don't remember. Was it just the one picture that has you? Yeah, there's a picture and there's one quick cutaway of me. Where she spiked. Yeah. Got it. Okay. Spiking. But I think it's mostly. Well, two things. One, as Will and I both can talk about, you guys all know that Bradley is like such a radical, disciplined beyond compare.

perfectionist in his like drive of whatever it is, the truth, the Philly cheesesteak sandwich, the movie, you know, it's gotta be the one. And so, you know. I feel like I pride myself sometimes on throwing myself into things, but in this case, I was like, oh yeah, even if it's not in the movie, I got to get up two hours before and train. Because...

You know, the manner at which you hold yourself and the way you carry your body when it's embedded in you is, yeah, is different. And her manner is different. And Sean, Jason, maybe you know a little bit. But when we were talking about, like when Bradley said, I think that Laura is going to do... agreed to do this, which totally elevated everything that we were talking about doing once she agreed. And he always describes it, he's like, this character needs to be an assassin.

And Laura is a fucking assassin. And so when she started to really inhabit that idea. That really hurt my feelings. I know. No, because she's literally killed people. She's killed people. She's a sniper. You said we wouldn't get into that. she does she has she has silencers she does piano wire she's an assassin no but she that she that she you know this idea and then she started to carry herself with that thing like she had this sort of like

that sort of competitive athlete edge tour. It was fucking rad. And we did some work beforehand. Yeah, so Will, so what was that like? When you started to go through just even just the reading the script sort of rehearsal process, I'm assuming you guys did.

Was there a moment where you're sitting across the table from Laura and you start seeing Laura do Laura stuff and like you start seeing that talent and you're like, oh, fuck. I better really kind of, yeah. 100%. I mean, we have the luxury. I mean, JB, I will tell you, yes, first of all, a lot. And she's the most gracious and warmest and kindest person. I can vouch for that.

Yeah, held my hand, and we were such partners, and she was just, and we started, and we read a bunch early on and went through the script, and she had so many great ideas for leading up to it, and then we went through this great rehearsal process together and did this. this workshop, which was super rad and where we got to know each other. And that's why we know way too much about each other's lives. And then we ended up, you know,

Yeah, when you're just in this scene, of course it occurred to me that I'm like, oh, wait. And I said this to Laura early on. I said, for me, this is such a leap. Again, Laura, you can plug your ears or whatever, and I'm embarrassed. Laura Dern Academy Award winning, you know, just super talent. And watching her...

It's like playing tennis with a grate. And it just does nothing but just, you know, it raises all boats, you know, high tide. But I was nervous and I expressed it. I told her that. And I said, you know, I feel nervous. And she was really... really gentle with me. It was awesome. Well, let me just say, this is a great privilege on SmartList because being a radical fan. of all three of you, not to mention your incredible friendship and the way you can...

destroy or mock each other with so much love is an art no one else and no other friendship knows. But let me be the person. who gets to be on SmartList, to pay homage to Will's bravery because Sean was there with us. Yeah. And I know, Jason, you've seen it. Incredible performance. It is incredible. Who he is, what he's willing to reveal, his vulnerability, his willingness to, yes, take my hand and for us to explore everything.

with each other for these characters and this, you know, 25-year relationship. But, oh, my God, the truth, the heartbreak. that he exposes within himself and to me is like unparalleled. So it's me who has to say how blessed I was. Really like no bullshit to be staring in his eyes and be forced to be.

honest and see myself in ways sometimes was not comfortable and also beautiful and revelatory. What a fucking actor people are. Even just the bravery, how it just started even early by Will just like... Just writing it, you know, with Chappie, like saying, well, yeah, I'm going to try to write a script and it's not going to be like, you know. Silly shit. This is going to be like real stuff from the heart, like a drama, a raw drama. And then like...

expect it to be taken seriously and read by people that are like Academy Award winning and nominated people. And then they say, okay, we're doing it. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, oh, just kidding, just kidding. Yeah. And now I got to, like, be a great actor in this thing. Right, right, right. And then pulling that off, too. Like, it's just pretty fucking cool. So beautiful. Thank you, guys. Thank you. Can't wait.

It was scary. There were a couple of great moments. And Laura, I tell you, we were making the movie and we were trying to get this scene. We had a crazy, trying to get this. Trying to get the scene. We had a crazy day where we rehearsed all morning with the crew standing by. Just the scene towards the end of the movie? Yeah, and then we shot all afternoon. And it was tough.

We just, you know, it's one of those days where you're just swimming. You're like, did we get it? Are we getting it? Are we close? Or are we super far away? And are we just swimming even further away from what we want? And all this kind of stuff. And over the week, and it was a Friday.

And so we wrapped late on the Friday night and over the weekend, Laura and Bradley and I ended up having a bunch of conversations over the weekend. And Laura and I had this, it was, I don't know how you felt, but for me, that was such a turning point. And we had this really awesome, honest conversation about just all of it and being honest with each other about how we felt. And it was like this crazy turning point for us in the movie. Yeah. And from that point on, we were such... partners. Yes.

I love that people respond to our relationship in the movie, but I will say that it was born out of real experience. Yes, a million percent. Yeah, you can tell the chemistry is real. Yeah. And it's interesting that we didn't get there because the first sort of half of the shoot. we were in this antagonistic dynamic. And so it was like when we had to truly face each other and be boundaryless about who we were, then...

You know, and you really held my heart in it. And, you know, I said stuff, you know, that's what's incredible, right? In these intimate relationships, as you were talking about, Jason, like there we are in this familial. story that we're trying to tell all together, but that we were truly the most honest I've...

Ever been with someone? Me too, ever. And I remember we showed up. We shot this scene that's not in the movie where we go to the hospital. It was the first thing on Monday. So we had this great conversation, a couple conversations, and we showed up. And it was like from that moment on, it was just unreal. Like that scene, it just didn't work in the movie. The scene is fucking great. It was like, oh, it just changed everything. It was really wild.

And for me anyway, it was the first time I've experienced it. Me too. Can we enjoy that scene on DVD extras? Yeah, I'm going to load it up on the internet pretty soon. Okay, great. Don't you miss DVD extras? I do miss DVD extras. And Sean and Scotty. I mean, what miraculous best friends. I mean, Will actually has them in his life. I just pretended. And you were...

the best friends I'd ever had. We ended up on a group text. I felt so excited and proud. Yeah, it was really good. Yeah, yeah. I love that. The first day we showed up, Willie was so sweet. He said, I feel like my family just showed up on set. It was very kind. It's true. It was so fun.

Sean does this scene, by the way. I don't know if you've told this. Sean does this scene. Laura knows it. So we're in the Oyster Bay house. And he's got to, he and Scotty have to go and it's a stretch. They had to go in and raid the fridge at night for all the like terrible soup and ice cream, right? All right. And you're on the couch trying to sleep. And so they're supposed to be in bed. He's like, and he goes like, yeah, I think they're kind of

and whatever. Yeah. Sean eats a gummy and so all day he's trying to time when he's going to eat the gummy for that scene. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. He kept going to me like, do you think it's too early if I eat it right now? Because I want to eat it right when we shoot it. Laura, I want to know who other than the three of us, because I know that's what you would joke around and say, but truly, because you've been around it since you were a kid.

Who were you starstruck the most by growing up or recently or anything, or do you even get it? And I always ask Jason that too, because... You guys obviously grew up in the business and I didn't. And so I'm always like, wow. I'm still like, wow, wow, wow. And I know you guys are too, but like, who is, is there a person recently or even when you were younger that you were like, okay, I can't believe.

I'm working with this person. Or I'm meeting this person. I don't know about you, Jason. I feel like, sometimes I feel like I'm the most starstruck. And maybe because the equity for... mastering something or loving something was all about movies in my family. So if I meet heroes, I lose my mind. But it's... Movie actors and directors and musicians big time, too. Oh, musicians, yeah. Meeting music heroes is a big deal.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. What is that about musicians and athletes and actors? They all kind of want to be one another. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's a world you're not in. So it's like, wow, yeah, I get that. It's a crazy thing. But I think for me, like meeting heroes of another time was always such a huge gift. Like Alexander the Great?

Alexander the Great was huge. Oh, well, I told you that story. Like I said, he knows all my stories. No, because I remember when Rashida Jones was on, I was like, she just grew up with like Michael Jackson coming over for dinner. I'm like, that's crazy. I'm like, what? I know. I've become friends. Can I say that? Which is insane and so privileged with Carol Burnett because I produced this show from Real and like working with her, knowing her. And even though.

She knew my mom. And, you know, there are these crossover things. But when you have your own relationship with these legends that raised you on their talent, raised you on their shows, that's crazy. Yeah, she was huge. I did just find, and Jason will relate to this because it was of an era that we grew up around, my moms. Battle of the Network Stars Award. No way. CBS won when she was on the team. Yes. No way. And it was such a, I became such a fan. I was like, oh my God.

The Network Stars, this is like the greatest award. I can't believe I have her Battle of the Network Stars Award. Because you realize it's the way things entered your living room. Like Lucy, there will never be a greater. hero. Right.

It was the greatest show, right? I mean, why don't they bring that goddamn show back? I know. Remember when we talked about it for a minute? Didn't we talk? And we talked, we actually, we were at a dinner with Ted Sarandos telling him they should make Battle of the Network stars. Right, bottle the platform stars, right? Yeah, the streaming stars. Yeah, the streaming stars, exactly. Netflix people against Amazon people, against Apple people, against HBO people. Killer.

How great would that be? Netflix has Squid Game, guys. But then what would you put it on? What platform would get to air it? We know who's winning. Tubi. Tubi. I'll put it on Tubi. Jason, do you? I'm not sure. Do I have 2B? That's such an old reference. Not 2B. That's an old Smartless reference, which is a weird thing to say. An old ride. Yeah.

Oh, man. Laura, I could just touch it all day. Save it for the sequel, you guys. Yeah. Oh, we've already discovered our... Yeah, it's called Is This Thing Still On? We've discussed Is This Thing Still On? And then you can... I came up with the title for the third or fourth film. Do you remember? What was it?

Like, somebody turn this thing the fuck off or something. Oh, yeah. Somebody please turn this thing off. Please turn this thing off. That's hilarious. The final adventure. Say the date when the movie comes out again so we know. December 19th. December 19th. December 19th. December 19th is this thing on starring the great Laura Dern. Will Arnett. And Sean Hayes. Sean Hayes and Scott Isnogel, Andrew Day, Bradley Cooper in a Bradley Cooper film.

This Christmas, take your heart on a... Can I do my own trailer? Please do. Please. Take your heart. Take your heart on a funny bone. Dried. A funny bone. What? Every once in a while. A film comes along that'll touch your heart. and then I feel good. That's literally every trailer. I know. We were like in the 80s. Every trailer did that. Laura, we love you. Thank you. Laura, we love you. We love you. We love you.

Guys, I'm so honored to be on this brilliant, incredible ride that is called Smartless. And your guys' friendship makes me so happy. It's overdue. I know. I guess we had to time it to your release and everything. I know. It was long overdue. We had to wait. We had to wait. We've been talking about this since March. But, Laura, I will see you really soon. I love you, too. I love all of you.

And I'm going to see you. Literally, I'm seeing you instantly. I think we're like taking it on the road. As soon as you're done on your adventure right now. I'll see you in London. I'll see you in London. And I'll see you guys very soon, I hope. Yeah, it's some sort of a holiday party or something. I'm sad we...

aren't making Ozark anymore, but I know we'll do other things in our near future. Please go. You know what I got last night when we were waiting? We were at the Valet Real Hollywood moment. Yeah. And Ed Sheeran came over to Jason Bateman. Jason was complaining because the guy lost his ticket for his ride. It was great. It was a great Bateman moment. I almost threw my wig at him.

Like, don't make me snap this off. And I was making it work because he's legit frustrated. I'm like, look at Bateman. He's gumming up the line and stuff. He was not happy. And then Ed Sheeran came over and said, Oh, man, I love Ozark. And they gave him a hug and they hugged. Oh, that's nice.

Did you know that was Ed Sheeran? You don't know anything. I did. I figured it out. No, of course. And then you handed him your wig as a thank you. And I said, let me sign this for you. It was right there on the netting. A Sharpie will work on the netting. On the label. He's a label maker as well for his wigs.

I love you guys. Love you, Laura Dern. I love you guys so much. We'll see you soon, I hope. And I'll send you the fire. So soon. We'll see you very soon, Laura. We love you. Love you. Thanks, guys, for having me. Bye. Bye. Bye, guys.

That Laura Dern. How lucky did you and Bradley get by getting her? It's just like so dependent on somebody that kind of comes out of the screen. It's like someone you want to make an emotional investment in. You can't help but love her. And also the pedigree. The pedigree. And the talent and the history.

She's got no choice in the talent. She's one of those people. It's just in her. I mean, before I knew her, for years and years and years and years and years, we would go, how you durn? Because of her. Really? Oh, you'd say that to your friends? Remember those times? Yeah, remember that? How you doing? I'm going to take that. We work in Glen Ellyn, Illinois, man. I have a nose hair. What humor in that region. Are you smelling your fingers? Did you just pull out a fucking nose hair?

Hey, why don't you just, by the way, every time I see you, you've got like these fucking antlers coming out of your nose. What is going on? The fucking MSG has gotten to you. Are you drunk on MSG from the Chinese food? What's happening? No, it's hanging out. I know, but you guys get, you have them too.

Sure, but I attacked them. We're going to be out of here in a minute. Next time Scotty comes in to reapply your lip balm, have him whack a few hairs out of your nose. Okay, I put it on the list. Is it coming out of your ears too? No, I never get it out of my ears. Really? Yeah. She did, though, mention, Laura did mention the word lederhosen. I always want to say, you know, the same thing of lederhosen, right? It's kind of the same thing as saying. You know?

Later, Hosen. Like, bye, Hosen. Bye, Hosen. Bye, Hosen. That's what I'm saying. Bye, Hoser. Bye, Hoser. Bye, Hoser. Bye, Hoser. Bye. Yep. Smart. Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarf, and Bennett Barbaco. Smartless. New Balance. You see them everywhere. And if you don't already own a pair, you've probably wondered, do I need some? The answer is yes.

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