Put your stretchy pants on, cause this episode's a three-course dinner on what NOT to do once you realize your marriage is a hamster wheel of emotional abuse. These three mistakes caused me greater pain, for much longer. But I didn't know then what I know now. Because when we KNOW differently, we DO differently. And that's what Flying Free is all about. Dig in to: Unconscious messages I ingested that made me think abusive behavior was normal and even loving Why I tried to feed a dead marriage (a...
Jul 06, 2021•25 min•Ep. 126
Abusers are terrified. They mask their fear with rage, manipulation, false piety, and good ole-fashioned bullying. If they're actually weak, scared babies, how are they so powerful and unchecked in churches (and in marriages)? Because you're afraid too. And you're also really good at pretending. All while being destroyed. It doesn't have to be this way anymore, and I can show you how...to fly free. In today's episode, listen to learn: How the pattern of your destructive marriage isn't just physi...
Jun 29, 2021•22 min•Ep. 125
If my husband has a mental health issue or a personality disorder, does that excuse his abusive behavior? My husband isn’t the typical abuser; is my marriage actually abusive or just bad? Am I wrong for wanting privacy that my husband demands I should give up? How will I know for sure that my abuser has changed? Since I’ve made the decision to stay in my marriage for now, how can I grow while doing so? I answer these questions and more in this episode. This is a replay of a Q&A done in the F...
Jun 22, 2021•36 min•Ep. 124
Love lets evil do whatever it wants, pretends nothing's happened, and calls a prison a palace. Right? This is the kind of "biblical" message Christian counselors often tout. And it's killing women and children, whether all at once or piece by precious piece. If you've been hurt by "love," especially when you were desperate for help and safety, you've got an advocate in Cindy Burrell. Strap in because this episode is loaded with truth bombs: Why abusers have the automatic advantage in most Christ...
Jun 15, 2021•32 min•Ep. 123
You've got two options and you HATE them both. You know you're married to an abuser, but you DON'T want a divorce. So...you're staying. But will you be consumed by your husband's reckless hate? Can you and Jesus be enough in the years to come? Will healing happen in the midst of destruction? Can you survive staying married and, what's more, thrive? Is it even possible to stay well in an abusive marriage? In this episode, I discuss: How staying well is completely subjective (and some clear exampl...
Jun 08, 2021•22 min•Ep. 122
Ugly. Fat. Frumpy. Gross. These words ache inside of you and echo in your mind. Maybe they were said to you, maybe they were shown to you, maybe society planted them in your mind. Recovering from abuse isn't just about healing the inside, it's about manifesting life on the outside. You were created to embody beauty and appreciate it — in your smile, with your clothes, your hair style, even the makeup you choose to wear — and Jill Swanson is an expert in helping women do just that. In this light-...
Jun 01, 2021•36 min•Ep. 121
Ever feel like the human version of a fly trap, attracting all the wrong guys? You've escaped one horrible relationship only to find yourself being taking advantage of by a new creep or a long string of them. So, what's the key to flipping your magnetic force so you repel toddlers in grown-up bodies and attract only real men? The secret isn't a dating app, compatibility algorithm, or a 75-step checklist. In fact, it isn't anything outside of you at all. Finding real love after divorce is as much...
May 25, 2021•25 min•Ep. 120
From husbands as masters to pimps as owners, women were made to be dominated. Meghan saw it firsthand in third-world countries through the practice of female genital mutilation. She saw it in missionary organizations that refused to let women lead. She saw it in her own story. What we believe about gender roles affects every area of our lives and every corner of the Earth. The answer to this widespread abuse? A place where faith and feminism meet. In my interview with Meghan, we discuss: How eve...
May 18, 2021•41 min•Ep. 119
Living in abusive environments doesn’t just harm our hearts, bodies, and souls, it also wrecks our ability to have healthy relationships. When all you know (or most of what you know) is unhealthy, navigating friendships, family, romance, and even relationships with other survivors can be messy, confusing, and painful. I answer a listener question about the challenges of relationships after abuse and how survivors can break out of toxic patterns that helped them survive the past but aren’t servin...
May 11, 2021•36 min•Ep. 118
Sex is a Catch-22 for you. If you say "yes," it's out of obligation. You feel used, disgusting, disconnected, and sad afterward. If you say "no," you pay for it, 10x over...or he does what he wants to anyway, to you or with something/someone else. So do you really have the right to say "no" to your husband, or are you stuck in a marriage that is really just domination...and a body that you can't even call your own? Author and survivor Jessica Ghigliotti and I discuss this hot topic, including: A...
May 04, 2021•42 min•Ep. 117
Some people believe that if your goal is to help people get free from abusive relationships, you can't really love and honor marriage. Many people believe true Christians go to church regularly and always read their Bibles. Most people want easy, clear-cut answers to their difficult, personal questions. But there is no one-size-fits-all approach to faith, marriage, or life. And that's not a bad thing or a cop-out. Want to hear more? In this episode, I field listener questions: Why do I ONLY focu...
Apr 27, 2021•32 min•Ep. 116
Women who've escaped abusive relationships often become stuck in the healing process. Trauma has disconnected them from their bodies. They obsess over information that explains the pain they've been through. The dreams they had for their life still seem out of reach. They are plagued by self-doubt and self-hatred. Everything still revolves around the past, and their exes. Sarah Ramsey, a toxic relationship expert and author of Becoming Toxic Person Proof: Clear the Confusion and Learn to Trust Y...
Apr 20, 2021•42 min•Ep. 115
Christian women facing divorce experience tremendous fear around how to protect their children and help them heal. In today's episode, I answer listener questions about staying connected to your kids post-divorce, how to handle parental alienation, a healthy approach to decision-making, figuring out if your husband is really changing, and more! In this episode, learn: Why making tough decisions doesn't have to scare you. The most important thing you can do for your kid(s) in an abusive situation...
Apr 13, 2021•25 min•Ep. 114
Whether you've escaped your abusive marriage or not, your children bear the marks of a toxic home environment. They may even have to see their abuser on a regular basis, through scheduled visitation. Which raises the question: How do we keep our kids from further harm and teach them to protect themselves when home, the very place they are supposed to be safest, is damaging to their bodies, minds, and souls? Dr. Debra Wingfield explains how consistency, resilience, social competency, boundaries, ...
Apr 07, 2021•32 min•Ep. 113
We offer a ton of free resources to help Christian women feel some hope and like they aren’t alone in their painful marriages. But do you know where I personally show up every week to answer the deeper questions from individuals? To coach women on their specific problems? To teach classes and create new workshops and offer in-depth interviews with experts and survivors? To help women of faith create life-changing shifts in their minds and lives? Not on social media. Not on my public blog. And no...
Mar 30, 2021•31 min•Ep. 112
Our questions are based on our beliefs. “God did nothing to prevent my abuse. Should I trust him for anything?” “Since separation, I have begun to avoid the Bible, church, and spiritual stuff. Where do I go from here?” “My church kicked me aside after my divorce. How do I find a safe one?” When our life falls apart, our beliefs are challenged. This process is often scary, confusing, and painful. It’s called deconstruction , and Stacey Wynn specializes in guiding people through it. Join Natalie a...
Mar 23, 2021•47 min•Ep. 111
In some Christian circles, the Bible is misused in order to control and neutralize half of the human race through a human construct called Patriarchy. In this interview with Rebecca Davis, we talk about what Patriarchy is, how it destroys women and families , and why it is not something the Bible promotes — but rather exposes. This episode is for women who: Feel like the Bible has only ever been used as a weapon to harm them. Wonder what Patriarchy is and how it has influenced their thinking and...
Mar 16, 2021•33 min•Ep. 110
Guilt is killing you. Shame is overwhelming you. Fear is crippling you. You can hardly think straight. The horror of your daily married life is mirrored by the agony within you. Natalie draws from her own story—the pains and the triumphs—to answer two listener questions from women just like you. These women have taken all the blame, and struggle with knowing their true responsibility—whether their bad marriage, and all the fallout from it, are really their fault. Spoiler alert: They're not, and ...
Mar 09, 2021•27 min•Ep. 109
What if it’s not your fault that sex is bad in your marriage? Based on a groundbreaking in-depth survey of 22,000 Christian women, The Great Sex Rescue unlocks the secrets to what makes some marriages red hot while others fizzle out. Generations of women have grown up with messages about sex that make them feel dirty, used, or invisible, while men have been sold such a cheapened version of sex, they don’t know what they’re missing. The Great Sex Rescue hopes to turn all of that around, developin...
Mar 02, 2021•38 min•Ep. 108
In this continuation of Episode 105 , Natalie discusses the different stories we tell ourselves to explain abuse and oppression in the world. You'll learn how to question these stories, how to discover the results these stories create in the world, and she'll give you some new ways of thinking about the problem that allow God to be both loving and powerful even in the midst of abuse and oppression. If you're feeling confused and afraid of your Creator, this episode will be like a tall glass of w...
Feb 23, 2021•29 min•Ep. 107
When you're surrounded by injustice, it's easy to believe that's all the future holds for you, that's all family court holds for you. You wonder if there is any fairness for victims of abuse. Judge Tim Fall stands as a contrast. Inside the courtroom, his rule is based on equitable and fair hearings for all. Outside the courtroom, he is an advocate for women and marginalized people groups. His interview provides encouraging evidence of the growing visibility of domestic violence, the methods judg...
Feb 16, 2021•51 min•Ep. 106
Why does God allow injustice and oppression? Survivors have to wrestle with this question when they lose their families, their freedoms, their children, their finances, their homes, and their churches. What kind of God allows wickedness to prevail while victims suffer alone? In this episode Natalie talks about five different ways of believing about God and how each belief is a different choice that creates a different result in our lives and the lives of those around us. If you have ever felt a ...
Feb 09, 2021•37 min•Ep. 105
It's the deepest form of betrayal you've ever imagined or experienced. In fact, you may have denied the truth for years, because the pain of reality was too devastating. It's destroyed your view of God, men, and family. If you're wondering "How do I heal from sexual and spiritual abuse?" your first step is to start with the truth of how you've been harmed. Acknowledging the very reality you denied to protect yourself is what will begin your journey of freedom, healing, and restoration. In today'...
Feb 02, 2021•47 min•Ep. 104
You've been promised help in your destructive marriage and recovery hundreds of times. How many of those delivered? What if you could see and hear proof before you invested in a program that offers life-changing coaching, support, community, and resources? Three women talk about their progression from victims to survivors to helping others get free — becoming Christian women who care about other Christian women. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If yo...
Jan 26, 2021•27 min•Ep. 103
Has another year passed by of the same hurt, the same torment, and the same questions? You want to change your story but you're stuck. Have you been wondering whether Flying Free or Flying Higher is your next step? Two women share their stories of discovering these groups and the myriad ways their lives changed for the better. From learning what narcissism and emotional abuse are to what life can look like for a Christian women after divorce, Stacey and Robin tell how they've grown, healed, and ...
Jan 20, 2021•37 min•Ep. 102
One of the most satisfying and helpful things for survivors of emotional and spiritual abuse is finding answers. After living in confusion and chaos for years, answers are a homecoming for our weary souls and roots for our new identity. In this episode, Natalie fields three listener questions from women just like you, including: How do I deal with emotional triggers? How do I find safe people? What can I use to teach my church how to help victims of abuse? Access the transcript, read the show no...
Jan 13, 2021•25 min•Ep. 101
The Flying Free Podcast began in January, 2018 with the hope of educating and encouraging women of faith in destructive marriage relationships. Two years and one hundred episodes later we have thousands of listeners from all over the world, and the voices and hearts of Christian women are rising to their God-given place of human dignity and honor. This is a work of love birthed from a place of heartache and shame. Something only a loving, compassionate, and powerfully redeeming God could do. In ...
Jan 06, 2021•1 hr 14 min•Ep. 100
These are the questions that gnaw at your bones, that leave your soul hungry, and keep you up at night. Questions asked from the fire, the long road, the dark, and the doubt. Questions like: How do you deal with the pain of being rejected by your family? You're in good company. I understand; I can relate; and there are answers and a way forward, even in the middle of your deepest pain. " The fact is, if we are letting other people’s ideas and beliefs dictate our own happiness and our own emotion...
Dec 30, 2020•32 min•Ep. 99
I get so many questions from women in the Flying Free and Flying Higher programs related to parenting older, adult children who grew up in toxic homes. One of the most common? How do I support my aduilt children who grew up in an spiritually and emotionally abusive home? These relationships can be painful, tricky, and even traumatic because often the adult kids blame their mom either for getting out — or for not getting out soon enough. And that's just one of the complicated issues surrounding t...
Dec 23, 2020•34 min•Ep. 98
We all want to be part of a story. One of bravery, overcoming the odds, healing, beauty, and a greater purpose. In the overwhelm of trauma, all of these things seem out of reach, stolen from us, lost in the wasteland of our pain. But reclaiming our lives through words is one of the most powerful and effective ways to heal, and it's available to anyone! Learn how writing your story will help you heal from emotional and spiritual abuse. This podcast is chock-full of insight, including: how a writi...
Dec 16, 2020•28 min•Ep. 97
