Sara was trapped in an abusive marriage. Her pain was only exceeded by the overwhelming confusion. After exhausting every avenue of help and hope, she reached a conclusion critical to every survivor's freedom and recovery: You are not responsible for your husband's behavior. Over the last three years she's been working to heal and rebuild her life, eventually starting her own business as a copywriter and editor. Now her joy is only exceeded by her gratitude. Highlights from this Episode: why sur...
Dec 09, 2020•40 min•Ep. 96
My life had become a war zone. If there were red flags beforehand, I didn’t see them. I thought I was part of a fairy tale, a beautiful romance, a love story for the ages. My husband changed after we got married. I followed the script, I made all the effort, I took all the blame and responsibility. Nothing ever helped and nothing ever changed. Until I realized I could save myself. This is Barb’s story. Barb Spanier was married for 24 years and now helps others living in the same kind of hell she...
Dec 02, 2020•43 min•Ep. 95
Parenting small children is hard. Parenting small children in an emotionally destructive home is brutal. You’re in survival mode, living in a waking nightmare. You’re confused, in pain, and don’t know how to help yourself, much less your kids. You need clarity and guidance. This podcasts gives both. Natalie covers: the lies women/children believe because of abuse the dynamics created by an abusive father/husband new beliefs that bring freedom and the beginning of healing resources to move from s...
Nov 25, 2020•20 min•Ep. 94
Lipstick on a pig: when you take something stinky, gross, even harmful, and try to repackage it as beautiful, desirable, and helpful. That’s complementarianism — the religious belief that women were created to be ruled over, to fulfill only certain roles, and made inherently less than the men, who have a god-given right to be their mini-lords. Gender roles contribute to emotional abuse in the home and church. The underlying belief system is anything but biblical. It’s ugly, and the root of incal...
Nov 18, 2020•43 min•Ep. 93
You spend every conversation talking in circles, being told why you're always at fault, apologizing for anything he did wrong, and feeling like a piece of human trash. The chance that you're experiencing gaslighting is 100%. It's a favorite tactic among abusers because it's extremely effective. This podcast is a one-two punch of knowledge and empowerment, exactly what women stuck in the mire of gaslighting need. This podcast covers: An explanation of gaslighting Some classic examples The reason ...
Nov 11, 2020•31 min•Ep. 92
What if your desire to avoid hurting anyone is actually the reason you ARE hurting them? What if you're actually hurting YOURSELF by living out this desire too? Boundaries don't hurt others, despite the loud voices that tell you otherwise. Healthy boundaries aren't meant to control other people, ensure they think well of you, or make you into a prickly cactus no one can approach. They're a way of living your truest self and your highest calling, while honoring the personhood of everyone around y...
Nov 04, 2020•16 min•Ep. 91
In our interview with Patrick Doyle, find out: How do you know you’re dealing with someone who isn’t safe? What is the number one goal of an unsafe church and an unsafe person? What are the two rules for knowing if someone is safe or not? What is the number one way to protect yourself from an abusive relationship? Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources: Connect with Patrick on Facebook . Sign up to receive email updates about upcoming eve...
Oct 28, 2020•1 hr•Ep. 90
How do you respond when your partner sends you two totally different messages? One message says he loves you and will do anything to make things right. The other message says you're making a big deal out of nothing, and you're actually the problem. Which message is true? In this episode, Daphne, Natalie, and Rachel talk about: What your partner is really communicating and how you can know for sure. How religious teachings like "your heart is desperately wicked, and who can know it?" and "assume ...
Oct 21, 2020•35 min•Ep. 89
In this episode we interview financial planner, Leah Hadley. Find out: The importance of having a financial advisor trained in divorce settlements/planning. Why not knowing anything about finances or your marital financials DOESN'T mean you can't get a fair shake! Resources/strategies to prepare yourself for divorce (or even if you're already in the middle of one). Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources: Connect with Leah on Facebook Divo...
Oct 14, 2020•38 min•Ep. 88
You've been telling him for years how hurtful his behavior is. Literally begging him to stop. It's like beating your head against a wall. You've reached your breaking point. Then he tosses out a question your heart longed to hear from the beginning: "What can I do to fix this?" Right at the end. Right before your feet hit the pavement. Right before you've given up. What now? Learn about 3 critical aspects of this scenario: What this question actually means. Why he never asked it before. Ways to ...
Oct 07, 2020•14 min•Ep. 87
When Lynn, a widow and registered nurse, met her abuser for the first time, she thought he was a safe bet. Who could be safer than a pastor and former missionary? But once he had her hooked in, he tore down her dignity and identity through shaming and neglect. Lynn shares her long journey of waking up to the shaking reality that even religious leaders can be wolves in sheep's clothing. Find out what abusive spiritual leaders do when they counsel other abusers. Learn about some of the more subtle...
Sep 30, 2020•39 min•Ep. 86
You're the problem. An angry woman, a discontent wife, a troublemaker, the ungodly one. You've heard this over and over, in your mind, at church, and from your husband. Why can't you get it together? Where do all the rage, frustration, and ugliness come from? What if the question is the answer? Abusers don't ask if they are abusive. Natalie, Daphne, and Rachel discuss the common reactions women have in destructive marriages that bring shame and confusion along with: The need to see that our abus...
Sep 23, 2020•44 min•Ep. 85
What if I lose my kids? How can I stand up for myself in the process of divorce when my husband seems to hold all the cards? How will I keep it together as I climb this ladder out of hell ? These questions haunt women in abusive marriages who want to escape. There is hope and there are answers. In this episode, Wendy Hernandez, a Phoenix family law attorney, divorce coach, founder of the Hernandez Family Law Firm, and creator of the Command the Courtroom YouTube channel and online programs, cove...
Sep 16, 2020•44 min•Ep. 84
Trust is risk. Trust forces us to decide what we believe, make choices based on those beliefs, and respect what others choose to believe and do. We aren't called to control others, please everybody, or even defend our decisions. But we are called to live bravely using the knowledge, experience, and power we have. Trusting God doesn't mean we all make the same choices. We are only responsible for our choices. Allowing others to be who they are/make their own choices is trusting God and allows us ...
Sep 09, 2020•14 min•Ep. 83
Have you ever been told to let the past be the past (even though the past is your present and your present is a prison disguised as a marriage)? Robin walked on eggshells and hid herself away to survive. After years in an abusive marriage, she believed God didn’t love her and that he hated divorce more than anything. She was taught that her body wasn’t her own, and her job was to make her husband happy at all costs. But no matter how small she became, it was never enough. No matter how hard she ...
Sep 02, 2020•38 min•Ep. 82
Forgiveness is one of the ultimate Christian virtues, right after love. It “sets the prisoners free.” Except in your life. It keeps you defenseless and bound to people who are determined to keep harming you. Forgiveness seems like a superhighway to destruction, the restart button for more craziness and pain. So, should you keep forgiving someone who keeps hurting you…and how? Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks yo...
Aug 26, 2020•44 min•Ep. 81
Natalie interviews Anne Resler about the connection between spiritual and emotional abuse and how they work together to control and neutralize the voices of Christian women. Anne's work as an author and counselor illuminates the brainwashing of many Christian women as well as how God and the Bible have been weaponized against them. Her conversations with survivors allow her to identify behavior patterns that enable abuse to continue as well as effective tools for healing and freedom. Access the ...
Aug 19, 2020•40 min•Ep. 80
We are extremely powerful in this world. We don’t even know the power of a woman because our world has used so many tools to crush us into the ground. That’s why our personal work is so critical to our world. We may not see the full impact of the work that we do on our personal lives, but I guarantee that it's not going to be for nothing. You can be an example of what's possible for your children and grandchildren and all those who come in contact with you. Your example is going to reverberate i...
Aug 12, 2020•18 min•Ep. 79
While Julie experienced more overt abuse during her formative years, she ended up married to a quiet, covert abuser with a hidden lifestyle. " The hidden abuse made far more lasting marks on my soul than the overt abuse I experienced as a child ever did ." Find out what helped her decide to pay the price for freedom. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more ...
Aug 05, 2020•42 min•Ep. 78
Emotional abuse victims are often labeled as codependent because they stay in their destructive relationship for so long. If you think you're codependent because you're choosing to stay with an emotionally abusive partner, we'd like to offer the suggestion that some victims may just be playing tennis with the wrong player for some really good reasons, and they aren't codependent at all. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman wh...
Jul 29, 2020•47 min•Ep. 77
Author, speaker, and counselor, Bob Hamp, dives deep into the ways religion kills people. This is a fascinating interview about good, evil, and the connection that sets us free from both. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources: Bob Hamp is a licensed marriage and family therapist, author of several books , speaker, and director of Think Differently Counseling, Coaching, and Connecting. He and his wife Polly run the TDAcademy , and you can...
Jul 22, 2020•51 min•Ep. 76
In this episode I talk about the challenge abuse survivors face when they begin to tell others what has happened to them. This is where they discover the truth that many of the relationships that they had were actually built on the shaky premise that they had to capitulate to the opinions and desires of everyone around them in order to be loved and accepted by other people. They realize that it wasn’t just their partner who defined them in a certain way. It was a lot of the people in their life....
Jul 15, 2020•28 min•Ep. 75
Kathryn loved God and tried everything she could to be a good Christian wife. But no matter what she did, her husband made sure she believed she was the poison in the relationship. Here is an excerpt: "For me, I was constantly begging, “Give me the grace. Make me better. Help me to be pleasing to my husband. Help me to be a light to my family, to be something that brings life.” You kind of feel like…The way he made me feel was that I was the poison in our family and that I was poisoning everythi...
Jul 08, 2020•35 min•Ep. 74
Rachel, Becky, and Natalie answer two listener questions: 1. “After successfully escaping abuse, how do you determine that the respect or positive treatment that you receive from any new relationships are not just another wave of wolves in sheep’s clothing, waiting for their opportunity to show their teeth? It doesn’t feel fair or trusting to look at every person that comes through your new life now that you are healing as just another predator waiting to jump on you. Do you ever learn to comple...
Jul 01, 2020•32 min•Ep. 73
What does it take to get free of a destructive relationship? Here are five new ways for Christian wives to think about their destructive marriage as well as all the other relationships they have that are unhealthy. I want to help you rewire your brain and transform the way you think about your relationships and yourself. They may even help you get free! Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotiona...
Jun 24, 2020•33 min•Ep. 72
It seems like a simple question with a simple answer. But I think a lot of Christian women are confused about this. Many of us have been taught from childhood that it's rebellious for Christian women to say no. When religious people called Jesus the son of the devil, he didn’t suddenly have the thought “What if I AM the son of the devil?” Or “Why do they think that of me after all I’ve done for them?” Or “Who do they think they are?” Or “What did I do to make them say such horrible things?” It d...
Jun 17, 2020•18 min•Ep. 71
Julie homeschooled seven children in a 900 square foot home with a man who pretended like she didn't exist. . Even though the Bible was used against her over and over again, she clung to her faith in God, and she eventually got out. Here's her advice to others like her: "If you are a woman of faith, know in your heart that God is going to take care of you. If you are in an abusive marriage or relationship, He does not want you there. He will take care of you. Trust yourself. I stopped trusting m...
Jun 10, 2020•44 min•Ep. 70
In today's episode, Natalie, Rachel, and Becky tackle a common issue many survivors have when they begin to set boundaries. You'll also learn why taking all the responsibility in a relationship is never a win-win for anyone and what you can do instead! Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here If you are a Christian woman who thinks you may be in an emotionally destructive marriage, learn more at https://flyingfreenow.com I'll send you (free!) the first chapt...
Jun 03, 2020•32 min•Ep. 69
"The fundamental bottom line of narcissism is that you are not a real person. You are only some other person or force that affects my life. As long as you affect my life, then I have to deal with you; but I don’t have to treat you as a real person because a narcissist literally does not see others as a real person – neither does the legalist: the legalist pastor, the legalist parent, the legalist church members. People say they don’t understand the church. How can you be friends (and we’ve all h...
May 27, 2020•32 min•Ep. 68
Natalie interviews Pastor Dave Orrison, author of Narcissism in the Church, about how legalism breeds narcissism and vice versa. If you've been part of a religious organization that powers over and lays heavy burdens on its constituents, then you've experienced this pathological combination and the spiritual and emotional trauma it causes. Access the transcript, read the show notes, and/or ask Natalie a question here Related Resources: Check out Dave's books: Practical Grace , Milestones of Grac...
May 20, 2020•38 min•Ep. 67
