“He doesn’t even have to be kind. I just wish he wouldn’t make every waking moment a nightmare. What else can I do?” she said into the phone. “I don’t know,” her sister said. “You’ve done counseling. And prayed. Asked pastors for help. Read books. Been quiet. Spoken up. Given more sex. You’ve borne the consequences of all his poor choices. You’ve pushed your health to the brink to serve him. For years.” “But I haven’t fasted and prayed for a straight month,” she murmured. “THIS IS INSANE. YOU AR...
Feb 15, 2022•16 min•Ep. 158
Hit it with a hammer. Done. If only it were that easy. In reality, the cycle of emotional and spiritual abuse feels like a freight train rushing down the tracks of your everyday. An unstoppable force. And if you stand in its way, you’ll be run down. A sad little pancake beholden to the destructive patterns you’ve existed in since…who knows when. My dear. You forgot about two things. First: You can’t stop that train. Second: You don’t need to stop that train to heal and be free and come into your...
Feb 08, 2022•16 min•Ep. 157
Are you confused over whether you have legitimate grounds for divorce? How should you respond to people who claim you’re cynical and oversensitive when you try to speak against emotional and spiritual abuse? What’s the best way to handle family members, especially children, who think you’re the bad guy in your abusive marriage? What if you’re separated but you just aren’t ready to divorce…and the clock keeps ticking? Limbo is a fun party game…and a lousy place to live. So let me offer some advic...
Feb 01, 2022•24 min•Ep. 156
Is your husband great at playing dress up? One moment, usually in public, he speaks sweetly, cuddles the baby, and prays over your family. The next moment, usually in the privacy of your home, he glares at you, yells in disgust, and gives you the silent treatment. He’s the sun and a raging storm. He’s heaven and hell. He’s…? How do you figure out reality? How do you come to terms with the oil and water of who he is? And what do you do when nobody believes that he and others like him are actually...
Jan 18, 2022•21 min•Ep. 154
Feeling like a moldy lemon? Maybe you’re just an onion. If you've escaped the horror of a destructive relationship, but you still feel numb, anxious, depressed, and like a steaming hot mess...it's easy to believe that “being jacked up” is the new normal. And your whole identity. It’s not. In fact, what you're searching for is closer than you can believe: You're still a whole person. Your true self isn’t lost. Your body is actually trying to help you heal. The best of you is still there. But some...
Jan 11, 2022•41 min•Ep. 153
There’s a reason why people say all abuse is physical abuse. Emotional abuse is a double whammy, destroying your mind and your body. Long after the abuse stops, you’re still dealing with the fallout. It can feel like your body has failed you. Like you’re permanently broken. It can feel hopeless and frustrating. So how do you regain your health and fitness in the aftermath of abuse? Kylar has a unique approach, one of endless compassion, wisdom, and empathy. Because he’s been there too. And it wo...
Dec 28, 2021•54 min•Ep. 151
What’s it like to experience divorce as a kid? You’ve heard from me. You’ve heard from experts. You’ve heard from survivors. What about the young ones caught in the throes of things they don’t understand. The ones who only know that Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and life, will never be the same again. Divorce through the eyes of a teen…my own daughter. This episode is a spotlight on: A honest report from a teen who had a close relationship with her abusive father How things changed, year over yea...
Dec 21, 2021•22 min•Ep. 150
It took you years, decades maybe, to understand what you were going through. It’s no wonder your kids don’t recognize emotional abuse for what it is. Especially because they’re wired to trust their dad. They’re wired to need his love. So they still call him good, loving even. They still think you and their dad should be together. You know better. And it’s agony. What now? In this episode: Why just showing up makes all the difference in your kids’ lives How divorce is like an earthquake (and how ...
Dec 14, 2021•28 min•Ep. 149
As the year ends, the darkness grows. Minute by minute. Just before Christmas is the longest night of the year. The holidays are celebrations of love and generosity and joy. But they're also bleak and painful to many — like women going through separation and divorce. So how do you cling to the hope of coming light in your blackest hours? How do you live with the dark as you wait for the dawn? Here’s my story and what I’ve learned. In this episode: The honest truth about the dark hole I was in fo...
Dec 07, 2021•24 min•Ep. 148
If you’re like me, you were set up for your abusive marriage in the name of love. You thought people were teaching you godly womanhood and wisdom. You thought following the rules meant you’d experience bliss and peace in marriage. You thought you were honoring God by letting people harm you. But you were really just betraying yourself and holding the doors open for your own destruction. So if you’re ready to change your role , this is for you. If you’re ready to experience real, lasting change ,...
Nov 30, 2021•35 min•Ep. 147
Do you wonder why you feel so angry and defeated about the way your husband treats you? It's not cause you were a closet rage monster before you got married. It's not cause you're crazy or demanding or that you just love drama. He’s been stomping in your flower beds. And YOU’VE been told that you had to leave the garden gate open in order to be a good wife and a good Christian. If you’ve been wondering "Is it me?" then let's make sense of your confusing marriage in this two-part episode. Episode...
Nov 23, 2021•26 min•Ep. 146
The holidays can make the hard things harder. The sad things, sadder. The family fights and frustrations and fractures, bigger and deeper and wider. They often remind you of all you’ve lost and all you never had. Especially in relationships. Maybe they used to be a time of excitement and joy, but now you only feel dread and loneliness and grief. If you find yourself wishing you could sleep until January comes around, or your eyes well up whenever you imagine how miserable these “special” days wi...
Nov 16, 2021•22 min•Ep. 145
“I’ll never heal.” Has that thought crossed your mind? There’s too much pain. Too much trauma stored in your body. Too many horrible memories trapped in your mind. It’s an ocean to cross, and you’re just treading water. You need deep internal healing. So how do you plunge into the depths of your most profound anguish productively and safely? With help from compassionate, well-learned people who’ve been in your shoes and have dedicated themselves to helping women like you. Megan Owen is such a wo...
Nov 09, 2021•33 min•Ep. 144
Imagine carrying around a backpack full of books from high school. You aren’t taking those classes anymore, but you always carry the weight anyway . It digs into your shoulders. It makes you tired. Slows you down. Doesn’t let you truly rest. It keeps others from getting close. Abuse is like that. It teaches us a lot—lessons no one should ever learn. And lessons we don’t even realize we’re still living out. So we may escape abusive relationships, but we’re stuck in limbo , carrying the textbooks ...
Nov 02, 2021•20 min•Ep. 143
Lydia left her abusive husband. Then she came back. She found the guts to leave him again. And returned another time. In the end, it took SEVEN times for her to get free. If you've been there or if you're wondering whether you'll ever get out too, she's laying it all on the table in this episode. The BEST PART ? She's thriving. And she's no longer ashamed of her past. In this raw look at Lydia’s story: The FOUR reason s that kept her from leaving for good How she conquered the shame over her bro...
Oct 26, 2021•37 min•Ep. 142
If you're like most Christian women in confusing and painful marriages, you've tried everything . You've read the books, the blogs, the sarcastic memes, and the devotionals. You've paid for counseling, training, seminars, and conferences. You've asked for advice from other couples, your parents, your pastors, friends, and the lady in the check-out line. You've prayed and given up all the fun things to eat and bit your tongue, and read your Bible and journaled, cried, and begged. But your marriag...
Oct 19, 2021•41 min•Ep. 141
Do you picture yourself and your children begging on the streets if you dare to leave? Are you overwhelmed at the thought of making ends meet as a single mom? Do you wonder how you'll pay for groceries, much less legal fees, if you escape? One of the biggest fears for women in abusive marriages is that they won't survive financially. And it's a fear based on a lot of truth. But it's not the final say. Hear from a woman who's been there, done, and literally wrote a book on it. So don't turn back ...
Oct 12, 2021•38 min•Ep. 140
When you react to your husband’s abuse, it can feel like you’re the abuser. When he tells you how hard his childhood was, you may feel sorry for him. When you read about personality disorders, some of the symptoms fit you. When you read about mental illness, the symptoms also fit him. Which makes you wonder… If your husband was abused, is it really fair to hold his harmful behavior against him ? If he has unresolved trauma or a personality disorder, is it wrong to expect him to treat you better ...
Oct 05, 2021•29 min•Ep. 139
If your life is already a tough pill to swallow, taking more medicine is the last thing you want to do. Gross. But what if it's the "best medicine"? The type that makes you laugh-cry, hold your sides, and snort with glee. Laughter and joy and humor can transform the darkest days, the bleakest seasons, and the hardest nights. And no matter what you've been through, you really can experience their life-giving power. I talk with prolific laugher, Sara Richmond, about how. The surprising highlights ...
Sep 28, 2021•41 min•Ep. 138
If your child was starving and asked you for bread, would you make her eat from a dumpster? If your child was dying of thirst and asked for water, would you pour sand down his throat? Are you that child? Starving for safety. And love. And honesty. And help. And tenderness. And dying a little more each day in their absence and their opposites. So why doesn't God treat you like a daughter? Why does he give food and drink and good husbands and happy families to some but to you...only pain? If these...
Sep 21, 2021•29 min•Ep. 137
Getting out of an abusive marriage can seem impossible. Especially when it comes to the money aspect. As in...where will you get it? How will you reenter (or start in) the work force? How are you going to add MORE to your already overflowing plate? And those emotions. The big ones that feel like a thick sludge up to your hips or a pile of wet blankets on top of you or a deep, aching hollow in your chest. How do you deal with those? Dear one, it's not easy, but it is simple. I’ve traveled this wa...
Sep 14, 2021•29 min•Ep. 136
It took 11 words to change the world. 11 words misinterpreted. 11 words misunderstood. 11 words manipulated. A single sentence from the mouth of God to the first woman...Eve. A pronouncement. A prediction. A curse. Or was it? Do you know these words? Prepare yourself. Because you’re about to learn their TRUE meaning. It might blow. your. mind. And it will change the world...again. Why this episode is a must listen: The What: Bruce’s wife spent seven years researching her doctoral dissertation on...
Sep 07, 2021•54 min•Ep. 135
Was there a day when you realized he was doing it all on purpose? After all your tears, your pleading, and explanations, there was no way you could keep excusing his behavior. His explanations didn’t fly. You knew you didn’t hold the blame. Maybe he finally, actually admitted it. As painful as that realization is, it’s also your secret weapon—knowledge that can empower you. Sound crazy? In Part 2 of 2 , What You Can Do When Your Christian Husband Bullies You , I’ll prove it. This episode covers:...
Aug 31, 2021•24 min•Ep. 134
You are married to a bully. If only he'd steal your lunch money or call you a dingus during math class and be done with it. Instead, he makes everything into a torturous game with changing rules that benefit one person. Himself. On the really bad days, you want to learn karate and get featured on the evening news. Take heart, sweet potato. There's a better way. I've graphed his sleazy points and made a road map for dealing with his shenanigans. Fair warning : It's gonna take guts but it will be ...
Aug 24, 2021•22 min•Ep. 133
The length of your marriage. You’ll never forget it. 3 years of holes in the wall. 9 years of sleepless nights. 17 years of pleading. 25 years of silence. 43 years of lowering your standards again and again and again. While the past can't be changed, and that time is set, your recovery is NOT . It has NO LIMIT . It has NO TIMELINE . The depth of your pain and suffering do not outweigh your ability to heal. It all comes down to whether you want it. The evidence? Women like Marie. She found healin...
Aug 17, 2021•48 min•Ep. 132
Have you ever talked to people who weren't there? Imagined conversations in your head? Perfected your argument while showering or lying in bed? I did that...and made it into a podcast. But this conversation isn't with just one person. It's with tens of thousands of people. Pastors. Because the survivor community knows the price of patriarchy in the church. We know the cost of being controlled . We know the damage of being devalued . And pastors NEED to KNOW this too. If they'd only listen, I'd t...
Aug 10, 2021•25 min•Ep. 131
Your marriage was like a jigsaw puzzle. A big, confusing, fragmented mess. Once you found the "abuse" piece, everything fell into place. But are you prepared for what happens when you leave? Cause the gloves come off and the rulebook gets tossed out the window. From two women who've been there and who've heard countless stories of the same, here's the cheat sheet for what you need to know when you get out. This playbook includes: Rules of the "Game": Insight into what your husband's "normal" beh...
Aug 03, 2021•44 min•Ep. 130
"Till death do us part." Those words haunt you. The enemy was supposed to be outside of your home and family. Easy to see. Protection just a prayer or a locked door away. But the one stealing from and killing and destroying you is the one you lie beside at night. The one you promised your forever to. And he's counting on it. You need to listen if: You're overcome with desperation to leave and consumed by guilt to stay Your husband is the greatest source of pain and harm in your life You are resp...
Jul 27, 2021•18 min•Ep. 129
Why are you staying in your abusive marriage? For many women, the price to get free seems too high. They fear destitution, losing their children, revenge by their husband, more trauma and heartache, a scarlet "D" on their chests, the legal hassle...the list goes on. These are real, valid fears. And terribly high, but prevalent, costs. Which raise the question: Is it worth it? Amie experienced all of these things and more to get out. Listen to her story and decide for yourself. This podcast inclu...
Jul 20, 2021•49 min•Ep. 128
If it's true that we learn from our mistakes, then I know a whole heck of a lot. This episode, Part 2 of 2, is about the mistakes I made in church — the three main ways I lit myself on fire, with the encouragement of church leaders. All while trying to escape the inferno of an abusive marriage. Confused? Horrified? Thirsty? Then tune in. Cause it's tea time, and I'm pouring. Check out these fire starters: Never expose yourself to other learning/beliefs/opinions beside church or church leaders (D...
Jul 13, 2021•24 min•Ep. 127
