All right, you guys welcome back to ever be today. We are spilling the tea Because I have two of our closest guy friends as our guests today We have brock and anders And we are going to get real about what single catholic guys are Actually looking for. So it's going to be juicy. It's going to be good. And ladies, you're going to want to turn the volume up, sit down, take notes and listen up. So I'll let them introduce themselves first.
So you get to know a little bit about who they are, maybe how we met. so Anders, why don't you go first?
So we have something Brock can go first, but I, yeah, my name's Anders. I met Mari when we were working with Focus. I've known Mari. She was just a little first year. I'm a year older than her. So, um, before she was doing all this stuff and yeah, I'm from South Dakota and I've been a missionary. For five years. So, and I'm living in Lincoln, Nebraska and I met Brock when he was a young pup, he was in my Bible study. So we go way back.
That's right. I think I was Anders first disciple back in the day, I believe.
One of them,
You never forget your first,
your first love,
First love. Wow. Amazing.
uh, Brock, tell us a little bit about yourself.
absolutely. Uh, currently live in Lincoln, Nebraska as well. Uh, working in Omaha, doing some software sales. Um, I know Trey, Mari, Anders, really all through the focus community. So Newman center at, in Lincoln, Nebraska. Um, stayed in touch since then. I've created really good friendship. but yeah, just really in my faith. And, uh, yeah, looking forward to a good conversation this weekend.
Yeah, I'm so excited. Let's just jump right in and let's start with kind of like the overview. If you just want to share. What your experience in dating has been like so far, if you want to like share your age or like kind of, yeah, what the experience has been maybe through the years and where you're at right now, just so we kind of get a picture of like, where are you at in dating?
Absolutely. I'll go first. Sanders, you went first last time. So, uh, personally, um, been in three serious relationships in my life. most recently it was about a year and a half ago. And since then it's been a little bit more of the casual dating scene, right? So I'm 26 and, uh, it almost feels a little bit more like a job interview process a little bit, right? Uh, seen a little bit of both sides, right?
So seeing the committed relationship and also seeing, uh, you know, Uh, just a little bit of that casual dating side of things too,
So you're gonna going on a lot of first dates right now. It's kind of where you're at.
sort of,
Yeah.
some first dates. Yeah. And I'm, so I'm 28, um, post conversion. I mean, very, very different dating experiences pre and post, but, um, yeah, post like conversion to Jesus similar, but in, um, yeah, too, I guess, serious dating relationships. Last one was same timeline, Brock, kind of a year and a half ago. So, um, but going on more dates than that, like with other girls too. And, um, I mean, it's been a good experience.
I've learned a lot through it and I'm really grateful for, you know, Um, yeah, I'm really grateful for both of those relationships. And then I got promoted. So with my new role, this last like five months, I've just been kind of getting my feet under me with that. So I haven't really been dating, but now just coming onto the scene. So we'll see, we'll see what happens.
Yeah. We'll see what happens.
It's been a huge gift too. So Anders and I, like, it's, it's fun. Like just our friendship, like we've got to do a lot of stuff together, right? We get to talk about it together, kind of go through similar life stages together. It's been awesome too.
yeah, that is fun to just like have a buddy that's like in it with you that you can like relate to and talk about this experience. So as a Catholic man, how do you approach dating and do you feel like it's any different than just like a regular secular man?
Um, I, it's for sure different probably than a normal, yeah, just guy in the culture or whatever. I've, I've approached it differently. I feel like I've just gone on dates with girls that I didn't really know. Um, that was even how my last relationship was. Like, I didn't really know her before the relationship and a lot of that one was long distance. Um, and now, um, gone on some dates since then. And yeah, I think definitely looking for, um, I mean, faith has got to be a part of it for me.
Just, that's a huge part of my life. Jesus is a huge part of my life. So, um, and being Catholic is, I converted in college. So, most of my family is not Catholic. So yeah, just also ideally, you know, meeting an awesome Catholic girl. Um, but yeah, faith is definitely part of it.
And then, Yeah, right now, I guess I'm just kind of like seeing who the Lord brings into my life that I like to be around because I know friendship, friendship is like so important in dating and I have a lot of married friends, and older guys and like mentors and they just talked about that, how like the friendship part is so important. I think I just kind of looking for like, yeah, as number one, like faithful and then, um, just like that natural friendship.
Yeah, totally. Anything else?
I would, I would ditto. I love the friendship aspect, right? Like the difference now, you know, being number twenties, sometimes it gets a little tougher, right? Like I mentioned, sometimes it feels like a job interview a little bit. you don't always get the benefit of that natural interaction, that organic interaction that maybe you get in high school, college, or when you're just doing a lot of different things. Right.
So, um, you have to get a little more creative in, in how that process looks right. me, I think a lot of this comes in waves. Um, my personality is just always be open to adventure, right? Like always just say, yes, like at least give it one shot. So if someone is willing to set me up on a date, typically I'm going to say, yeah, why not? Like. You got to shoot the score, right? You got to, you got to try something out to see if it's going to be something.
So that's always my mentality is like you gotta put yourself out there, you know, try something out and at a minimum, even if it ends up being bad per se, right? It's like, at least I got the experience of getting to know somebody and getting to know someone's story, right? Getting to show them good Catholic dating experience. Hopefully, like, I don't know, maybe some people don't get to experience that at all. Um, yeah.
And then also just like, maybe I'm the only person that has, you know, allowed them to encounter Jesus or, you know, the face of Jesus or. sit across from me, get coffee and say, know, if you'll seen, you know, you, you asked me some questions, you know, I held the door open for you, like something as small as that, maybe probe them a little bit more and just get some good questions to, to encourage them to, know, maybe see life a little bit differently. I don't know.
There's a lot of different ways about it. Right. That's not obviously my approach to dating, but at a minimum, you at least get to go on a fun date and get to know someone's story, I think is really cool.
Oh, I love that I think too you guys probably both agree with this and if you have any more to say and expand on this I think at the core of it all like you're approaching dating with the end goal in mind of trying to find a wife like At this point in your life like you're not dating just for fun or just to like get to know different types of girls and have that be the end of it, but I feel like of you and again, yeah sure whatever else comes to mind but like You're trying to find a wife.
You're trying to be married right now.
Yeah, for sure. I mean, if I, I'd rather not, you know, waste somebody else's time too. If I don't think that it would be a good fit. So definitely looking for that for sure.
Definitely for sure. Looking for a
Definitely for sure. Very open. Quest.
So in this quest to find a wife, what, what are the traits and qualities that you feel like are, that you find most attractive in a woman? And then if, Some come to mind as well. What are the biggest turnoffs or red flags? So a little bit of both. Give us like the green flags and the red flags that you're looking for.
Good question, Mariana. All right. Um,
Well, you can, you can answer wrong on this. Anders, just FYI.
yeah. Um, I think, I mean, the first thing that I've just learned is everybody's story is different. I've known a lot of, you know, Friends. Um, and I had a lot of friends get married. I've been in a lot of weddings as Mari knows, it's kinda like 20, I haven't seen the movie, but 27 dresses or,
that is
yeah. So been in a lot, which,
in
which is, uh, I, I mean, it's a huge blessing to just like, walk with men and be in their lives and be invited into that. So, um, so yeah, I think like every guy looks for, you know, is different things and is attracted to different things. First of all, um, I think. For me, I think just like being confident in herself and who she is, is big.
Um, that's like really attractive to me and, and ultimately that confidence like comes from the Lord and knowing who she is in the Lord and just like the freedom to be herself, that that's really attractive to me. Um, Yeah. And then like, yeah, just kinda that friendship, like for me it's a sense of humor. Like, I like to joke around, so just somebody that can, I can laugh with and at least laughs at my jokes, hopefully, because otherwise it'd be really awkward.
Um, 'cause I like to joke around a lot. So I think, yeah, just having a, a good sense of humor and um, obviously like taking life seriously, but not too seriously. 'cause I think you have to like, be able to laugh at yourself and, and laugh at life. Um, and yeah, I think like. A woman who like, I don't know, has a mission in life almost. I think that's like really attracted to me. Cause I know I,
Tell me more about that. Expand. Like, what do you mean by that?
um, I don't know, for me, it's like, I want to be married and, and have a family and raise children and raise saints, hopefully. And I just know like this life is short and heaven is long. And like, I just want to be there and help. I mean, that's why I'm a missionary. I just want to help people know Jesus. So definitely like having that heart for others, I think is big for me. Just like.
Yeah.
Outside of me, I think, I mean, just going to kind of like red, I don't know if you call it red flags, but I think, you know, if it's all just about like the relationship and about me, that's where I'm kind of like, okay, there's got to be like more than this, like what, how are we also, um, faced outwards and like, what, what do we want to do together? I guess that's like, that's attractive.
Yeah. Yeah. Like finding someone who is going to want to Um, just like serve the kingdom with you and like use your marriage to serve people around you, like in your community. That's awesome. To the things that you said. So Trey and I did a podcast last week where we asked Trey, most awkward questions girls want to ask guys. Um, and one of them, it wasn't an awkward question, but one of them was basically like, what are, that men find attractive in women.
And the first thing he also said was confidence. And so I think that like, at this point we're hearing it from different men, you know, different times, like confidence is so key. And I think one thing that, that you said there is just like, A woman who feel, who feels free to just like be herself. And I think women so often, especially in dating, you get nervous because you just want to like, be what the guy wants you to be, right? You want the guy to like you.
Mm-hmm
sometimes you can kind of like change your character a little bit or like kind of overthink, like, what am I wearing? What am I saying? How am I like presenting myself? Like, will he like that? Will he not?
When really, if We just like honed in, like in who you are, if you were just confident about like who you really are and like you said, like who you are in Christ, like your personality that God gave you and the things that you love and that you're passionate about, if you were to be able, if you were to like exude that, like that actually would be the most attractive quality versus like trying to mold yourself to what different guys might want.
Yes. Yeah. No, I think that's funny. Tray dog. Come on
Ha ha.
Tray. Yeah. That's huge.
This, this reminds me a little bit of Anderson. I used to talk about this. It's like, dang, you know, the time that, you know, maybe I got this little like mini crush on a girl or the girl that I actually like for whatever reason, always just stiff around her. Like, I don't feel like I can be myself and I'm like, end up being a kind of, kind of awkward a little bit
Yeah.
maybe there's a girl that, you know, you don't feel that way about necessarily. You're just yourself. You're just bouncing off walls a little bit. And that girl ends up liking you because you're just being yourself. You're just being childlike, right? It's like, man, what if we just decided to be ourselves? It'd be a lot more track.
Totally. What about for you, Brock? What are some traits or qualities that you feel like comes to mind that you're really looking for?
Yeah. I love what Anders talked about. So for me, something along the lines of, childlike, adventurous, romantic, like sees the beauty in things. Right. Um, I love what you said. And here's about, you know, once they go on a mission, right. So once to bring people in, once to invite Jesus into people's lives, let's go do something right. Whether that's. You know, as simple as like within your parish, right? Like being involved in those things or just like, let's go do something.
Let's go, let's go live life beautifully and adventurous, things along those lines. So I, I kind of thought about this too, but someone that I'm also just like proud to introduce to my friends and family, right? Like someone, I'm just proud to be around a little bit. Okay.
I love that. Yeah. Any, um, turnoffs or red flags that you've noticed?
Brock, what do you got, brother?
This one's good. I mean, I think you could talk about a lot of things here. Like really micro things, but I don't know if that speaks for the guy population as a whole, but I think this one is that all guys would agree with probably is friendships, right? So if you have friends that are maybe just like bad influences or people that you, maybe I wouldn't get along with myself.
Yeah.
about you as a person. It's kind of who your friendships or what friendships you have, I suppose.
Yeah. I feel like that's super wise. And honestly, I feel like people don't talk about that enough in dating of like actually being aware of the people they're surrounded by the most and yeah. What kind of crowds they hang out with. That's important.
Mm-hmm Yeah. Um, again, yeah, I just don't wanna speak like Brock and I, I mean, I'm more extroverted and. Brock's more extroverted. So I don't know. I just know that there's like, I've just seen it where, I don't know, this isn't like, this is kind of back to the previous question, but I think if you're just really being yourself and who God created you to be, and it takes faith, but like, there's going to be like, you'll have that person for you. Um, So yeah, I don't know.
For me, I think it's probably just like, I guess negativity.
Yeah.
Just like, am I, am I like uplifted when I'm around her? Because
Yeah.
yeah, life is, um, life can be hard. So I think just like somebody that can be with you and like, for me at least, just like, I feel like lifts me up. Yeah, is able to like affirm you too in your masculinity and just like you and the things that you're you're doing Well, I think is like big for men just to be also like built up. I think we respond well to that So I think yeah, just like the watch out for me is just like the kind of negativity That's one thing that comes to mind.
Yeah. No, that's super good. would you say is maybe like your one or if you have to like top non negotiables? I talk about this with women a lot because people ask me in my DMs like, okay, this was a non negotiable for me, but he checks every box except for this one. Like should I still date him? And I usually try to encourage like, If this is your non negotiable, like, then it's non negotiable, you know, if they're not checking this box, then it's probably not who you want to be with.
Do you have negotiable? And if so, what is it?
What are wait, what are some examples from other girls?
Uh, top, top one that I feel like is most common is just that they're Catholic. Most Catholic women that I talk to, Want to marry a Catholic man, but a lot of them, um, either meet someone who's not very practicing, but maybe they were baptized Catholic. And so they're kind of like, how much like leeway should I give, you know, or maybe they, uh, fell in love with somebody who's Protestant and not Catholic. And they're like, well, Catholic was my non negotiable.
Like, do I continue to pursue this relationship or not? Um, so that's obviously the most popular one that I feel like I hear.
I think for me, I think we're talking truly non negotiables. I would say Catholic, right? I think there are other things that are definitely wants and desires, but I think truly at the end of the day, the one is probably going to be Catholic. For me, I have things that are like close to being non negotiable that I like, I really want. It'd be really hard for me to not work out in a relationship.
I'm sure you're wanting me to answer based on that too, but I think the true one non negotiable is probably Catholic in the faith
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, definitely I think it would be it would just be kind of lonely like even I mean, I grew up Protestant and I'm super grateful for that. And
Yeah.
yeah, it's, it's been a huge blessing in life, but I think like not being able to share in Eucharist and sacraments and Mary and all these things, that would be really hard.
Yeah.
So I think, and that's also a question of like dating. Like, I think I'd be cautious, like if she's not Catholic, I think I would just have to see if like there's openness to that, you know? So I think, but that, I don't know, that can get tough. So that's definitely, I think one of. One of the non negotiables, um, yeah, definitely for me. Brock, do you have any others?
Yeah. What are you thinking of Brock?
Yeah. I think there's, there's a hundred percent non negotiable, which is Catholic. Right. And I think there are like some 80 percent
Okay. Someone,
Um, for me, I really enjoy just being challenged. So I, I really enjoy people that are maybe like not necessarily naive to certain things. Right. Right. So. Whether that is in a sports activity or a board game, whatever else it is, just a little bit of fire, a little bit of competitiveness, you know, someone seems to get it a little bit, like, like kind of not afraid to punch back, right? Like, again, we talked about being authentically yourself a little bit.
So something along those lines, kind of, you know, a little analytical, a little, a little gamey, a little bit. Um, I don't know.
that can give you some good competition.
Yeah, absolutely. I think that speaks, I want to try to speak on behalf of a lot of men in the world, and I think that, I think that's a fair thing to represent a lot of men. Not all men are like that, but I think that represents a lot of men.
Yeah. And two, I mean, we all know like you are just two men. You can't speak on behalf of all men everywhere. And I think, I mean, our listeners know that, but we will give the disclaimer, right? This is like what Anders and Brock are looking for and they are great Catholic men, but. All, you know, he, they can't speak for everybody. So it's okay. If you have something that you're like, yeah, this is just like what I want.
You know, we, we know that you, you necessarily will not be speaking on every Catholic man out there.
Okay, that's good. That gives me more freedom. I got like 10 things here.
There's this like, Oh, now I'm going to give you my
Now, no, but I think, I don't know, for me it's just like growth mindset. Like, is she willing to grow?
Oh yeah.
You know, just like, obviously there's things that are the way that we are, and like, God made us that way, and it's, you know. Just like reverencing those, but I think for me, it's like, is she willing to grow and like get outside her comfort zone, whatever. And like, I want to get outside my comfort zone. I think life is boring when you're just like in your comfort zone all the time. So, yeah, I think that, that would be, that would be one of mine.
Um, it's just like, and obviously you don't like get that through a question, but just through, I think, dating. Like, is she willing to get out of her comfort zone and like grow in different ways and like try new things. Um,
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I tackle on that a little bit too. It's like. You know, experiences of dating a little bit in the first few weeks, months, you know, sometimes you go through this whole honeymoon phase. It's very fun, all these things, but I think as we've gotten older, you see past that a little bit more, right? Like, okay, this is going to be hopefully founded upon friendship, right? We talked about friendship a little bit already.
And what's actually gonna look like for, you know, you're gonna be married hopefully for 50 years. Like, what is that going to look like? Can I actually have a friendship where we're both pursuing heaven? We're both pursuing Jesus and bringing people into that together, right? Like that's the ultimate goal that looks a lot of different ways, but that's the ultimate goal at the end of the
Yeah. And does she have good girlfriends? You know, I think that's like, if she doesn't, it's just gonna be tough because I, I've been around, I've had five women teammates on my team here, my missionary team. So I've been for like five years, I've been around a lot of girls, but I'm like, there's just some things I can't provide. You just need a good girlfriend to do so. And I think it just shows too. I don't know. That's just something for me.
Like, does she have good like girlfriends that she can hang out with?
Yeah. about, uh, like if she wants to be a mom or not, is that a non negotiable for
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, I think so
Yeah.
That's good.
For me,
good.
speaking for all men, but I think that's definitely, yeah.
You have that desire. Yep.
have like 12 kids,
yeah.
I'm just kidding.
She's gotta
No, I'm not kidding. Whatever, whatever the Lord wants. And, um,
Yes
definitely just like openness to life.
Yeah, of course. Okay. Let's get into a a little bit more like the faith conversation we've you know chatted about how you want a catholic woman in your life and to have Faith be a part of your relationship your future marriage How would you want faith to play a role in your relationship or like what would you hope? Um, yeah You How would you hope the relationship would look like, given that you both are practicing Catholics? How do you bring that into the relationship?
Good question. Obviously,
question.
it changes as, you know, obviously, I don't know, I think one thing people, one thing I see with, like, Catholics is sometimes you can jump in too quick, too fast. I think like just get getting to that spiritual depth, which is like a good desire. You're like, I love this. And again, this is just my perspective, but I think you definitely don't wanna like rush it right away. Um, because it's very intimate. Like my relationship with Jesus and my relationship with the Lord is very intimate.
Um, so I'm still learning for sure, being that I'm single, but faith I would definitely want at like the center of it and um, yeah, going to mass together. Definitely when we're dating and, um, I don't know, going to different Bible studies, stuff like that. Um, serving at the parish, whatever that looks like and starting to incorporate just like, whether that's praying liturgy of the hours together, like night prayer or just like the rosary together. Um,
Yeah.
and then I think like, as you get deeper in relationship, like engagement, that looks a lot different. Like, okay, I'm committed to this person. So that's where it's like, okay, more like praying. Praying together more. It's like you're really praying with each other and Praying together and kind of yeah, like just revealing more of yourself, too
Just like sharing more vulnerable things in your, like, prayers with each
yeah, for sure
Yeah.
and And then marriage obviously that's where I don't know I think I just have a lot there's a lot of good married dudes around and just hearing about the different things They do like yeah praying together Each night and each morning before bed. And I think that's something that I would definitely want to do. I think just keeping Jesus at the center because, um, I want my wife to like, love Jesus more than she loves me.
Mm
We're like who he works through a lot, but, um, yeah, praying together as far as like our own spiritual life. And then in our marriage, hopefully just being able to like, bless others through that and invite others into our marriage and like, Yeah. Have younger couples or like single people over and be able to just share our experience with that would be really
Totally. What about you, Brock?
amazing answer, Anders. That's great. I, I love first time you talk about the different stages, right? So you want it to start internally, right? Between you and, you know, your girlfriend, your spouse, et cetera. You want to start their deep prayer life eventually there. Um, but eventually you want that to turn external, I think. Right. So ultimately someone that's got, you know, a missionary heart at the end of the day, right?
So. You know, whether that's being active in your parish, Bible studies, all these different things and really understanding the mission of your marriage, right? I'm always so in awe of the people. Um, I feel like I've been blessed with a lot of great marriages in my life where they've been such good examples. And the best marriages, in my opinion, are the ones that are bringing other people into their marriage or into their family. I have some good friends.
Um, and then I was just trying to invite people into it. Like how can we invite Jesus into this person, into our family, into our home. And I think that's so beautiful. It's just a simple thing. But at the end of the day, like that's the mission at the end of the day.
same. I mean, I just can't, it'd be hard to not talk about the Lord and help others know him. So.
Yeah, totally. I feel like that was one of the things that I that just grabbed my attention and like my heart the most when I met Trey, because I mean, the way we met was we started leading Bible studies together. We got connected because we both wanted to lead a Catholic Bible study. And we had a mutual friend and so a lot of our conversations in the beginning were just about faith. And for me, that was the first time that I felt like I had an intentional conversation about faith with a man.
It wasn't even like we're talking about deep stuff, but it was like, wow, we can talk about like the gospel. We can, we actually were also in a literal gospel gospels class together, like a scripture class together. And so our homework was just to read scripture together. And even that was like super. That was so different for me, but so attractive to me. Cause that's what I wanted in a future husband. And I didn't know that that existed.
And so hearing you guys say that, I hope that that's super encouraging to women listening to and being like, wow, there are men out there that actually are practicing their faith and like, want to bring this into a relationship. They want to like take their girlfriend to mass. They want to pray the Rosary together. They want to pray with their wife every night before bed. Like they have a desire to keep faith at the center of the relationship.
And. I want to point out here, too, is that, like, to actually make that happen in a relationship, both parties need to be Like actively practicing and pursuing their faith in their own lives as single people and like the only way that as a boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance's spouse, eventually spouses, you're going to pray together. You're going to pursue, you know, deeper knowledge information about the faith.
The only way that you guys are going to have a missionary heart and go out is if each of you is cultivating your own relationship with Jesus by yourself. before you meet each other.
For sure. Yeah. And like, I think like guys can grow in that too. And I think that's kind of that growth mindset. Like I'm a, I mean, I'm a missionary, so it's super important to me. I gave, I've given a lot of my life to try and to do my best. I'm far from perfect, but I think too, just like also with those guys, just be like, okay, could I see this guy growing into that? And like, that would be each situation is going to be different. But I think.
I've just seen so many guys like that are faithful and trying and they've grown so much from having like a holy Catholic woman and they've like grown into that
Totally.
just like, and there's a lot, yeah, there's a lot of good guys out there and I think. The enemy just wants us to settle.
Yeah.
for, you know, Oh, well this guy's giving me attention, or whatever, but, I don't know, I think just praying everyday, and like, the lord will lead you, and like, yeah, the guy's not gonna be perfect. I'm not perfect. Brock's definitely not perfect. Brock's definitely not. But, it's like, there are good men out there, and like, can they grow?
Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.
opposite almost for a sec? Like for one minute, I think it's, it's important to, especially at our phase of dating, like I think sometimes too, we often, people get almost too into that thought process early too early on, right? Like, you know, maybe we're on a first date and we're talking about theology of the body or we're talking about this stuff. Like, we really don't want to be talking about that on the day, there needs to be a foundation of friendship, right?
Because at the day, The best way to love your spouse or the best way to get married is to like genuinely love the person that you're married to. And all this virtue, all this, uh, all this faith in your relationship will, it has to stem from your friendship and generally enjoying your, like the person you're around first. Right? So it comes in phases, right? So ultimately the faith is going to be huge. It's a super important thing.
Those are all good things, but I think there's also a progression that needs to be had to where, you know, I think people get too caught up and not like, okay, am I just like friends with this person? Like, do I actually just want to be a person first?
Yes. Totally. Yeah.
Bar, Bar, great question.
Mic drop right
Cause like faith is super important, the most
Absolutely.
but yeah, it's,
but
know,
there's no spot.
can I have fun? Yeah. Is that spark there? Like, can I have fun? Do we enjoy similar?
Totally.
And that is, that is, I think super true.
Yes. And thank you for bringing that up, Brock. I think that is so important. And I actually did get a few messages last year. I shared a real talking about how, like, think that you should be best friends with your spouse because I saw a real on Instagram when I was scrolling that said, like, I'm not best friends with my spouse and that's okay. And I was like, That's sad. Actually, I don't think that's okay. I actually think you should be best friends with your spouse.
So I posted about something and I actually had a few women DM me and say like, wait, this is an interesting perspective. Like the man that I'm with that I'm dating, it's like a really amazing man, but like, I don't consider him my best friend. And like, don't know if like he would ever be my best friend. And I was like, okay, maybe we should. Talk about that. And actually at least one of them, if not both of them ended up breaking up with that guy, they messaged me later.
Um, so I feel like this is something that maybe yet in the Catholic world, when people get so serious about dating a Catholic person, which we have established is so important and so good.
If you want to have a Catholic family and raise a Catholic family, but at the same time, all of these, all of the different factors matter in dating and just because this man is super, um, devout to his faith, if there is not that friendship or that attraction or that spark or that excitement, like, that stuff's important too, and you're gonna need that, you're gonna need your, that friendship to, like, carry you through your marriage. Essentially. So good point to bring up.
Come on, Brock. That's why you're here, Brock. That's why you're here. That's why I can do this.
Okay, guys, tell me this one. feel like it's probably controversial to the secular world, but tell me, how do you feel about traditional gender roles in a relationship?
Oh, juicy. What do you mean by like, what do you mean by traditional gender roles, I guess? Like
Like basically traditional gender roles include like Women
she's in the. That's what
staying at home. Mom's taking care of the kids, about cooking and cleaning. Whereas like the man, the traditional gender role for the man would be like he works full time and takes out the trash. I don't know. I just, the guy thing,
really good to take out the trash
I don't touch the trash.
you're looking for. I can do
Alright, I have an answer for this.
okay.
Um, first thing that comes to mind is, this is a whole subject, right, in itself. But, um, we used to talk about this a lot, Anders, like in our Bible studies, with our fraternity, in our Bible study, etc. how important the faith of the Father is.
that.
Right. So there's some statistic out there that says, um, assuming the father is the one that's kind of leading the faith. Like he's the, he's the one that's into his faith, maybe a little bit more compared to the mother. Statistically, the children are more likely to also be in their faith into adulthood. don't know the exact number on that. I don't want to plagiarize. I don't want to give the wrong number there.
Uh, but it just says something about the importance of the father being in his faith, right? Okay. And I think women and men and women are both different, but they're both important, right? So we talk about that and you hear, you talk about the father, right? The importance of his faith. Um, that doesn't disclude the mother and the importance of the mother as well. I love the quote by, um, Bishop Fulton Sheen.
He talks about how, the extent of, you know, like the level of any civilization per se is how great, you know, The extent of like the womanhood of that civilization is.
Wow.
because men, we are going to go out of our way to match women. So if women are going to call us to this standard, we are going to go then match that standard. Right? So if the father is important, his faith is important, right? It's like, well, the woman is going to call us to be in our faith at the day. So the justice role is different, but very important.
Okay.
That was so fire.
Come on.
I love that. And I remember first time I heard that, it just resonated so true with just my experience and what I saw in my friends and even as a missionary and the girls that I work with, that like, men have this desire to be good and women help set that bar to call them to a standard and they're like actually willing to do it. To meet that, you know, they're willing to work to get to that to that standard. So that's so good.
Yeah. Good job, Brock.
I think, I mean, I definitely want to work if she's like a doctor, I can do it. Um, but yeah, I don't have too many thoughts. I think it depends on the woman and like what she desires to, like, I would love to provide for my wife to be able to stay at home with the kids if that's what she wants.
Yeah.
Um, and yeah, I love. I mean, taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, stuff like that, taking care of the house. I think it's like important. There's goodness in that. And, but I'm not like, Oh, like she has to stay at home. Like she can't work.
Yeah.
I think I'd like to provide so she could do that. but also if she wants to work. And she's like, that's what, that's what I really like. Great. Like we'll figure it out.
Yeah, I think that's really, um, probably just like a relief for a lot of women to hear because I think the more you get into, uh, just like a very practicing Catholic world, the more and more you see kind of like those extremist ends of, The faith that we can get into and I personally experienced this a lot on instagram where some people are super Like gung ho about like women should not work women should only be home Like that is how god intended it to be and if you work like you're being
selfish and all this stuff, but um And so I think a lot of women might expect like wow like a really practicing like tradition a man with traditional values a practicing catholic like might just want that for me, but um, I think there is like you said there is a lot of value in You Women working if they feel like God is calling them to that. And obviously the primary vocation should be your marriage and the family.
And so making sure that your work as a wife and a mother isn't taking away from the way that you're able to care for your children and your husband. Um, but. Yeah, if the Lord has placed it on your heart to work full time or part time and you're able to make it work with your family, I think that that's totally honorable as well.
Yeah. And I'd want to like, I don't know if, obviously if somebody you care about has a dream and you, that you love, like has a dream, you want to help make that happen.
Yeah, totally.
sister, my sister works, um, she's married. She's Catholic too. and my older sister, Catholic, rest of the family, not. It's another story. I love my family, but, um, but yeah, she works, but I think she's like, Now she's, she has four kids. Um, so she's kind of gearing up. Like, I think she's like, yeah, it'd be nice to stay at home. But she also has a side hustle where she makes earrings and she sells them. And she has like Etsy shops, which I should plug, but I don't, I don't know.
It's styled by Kirsten. Check out Style by Kirsten. I think that's what it's called. beautiful. She is. Yeah, she's just, she's amazing. But I think like that, like if my wife wants to do something like that, like I want to help you make that happen.
Amazing.
yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to just hop real quick. I completely agree with, I think the male mindset that most guys have is, um, want to at least provide the option for my wife to have that option for herself. Right. Like if she wants to stay home, that's awesome. Like that's amazing. Stay at home mom. Like that's the most important job ever. Um, but then also she has other ambitions. Like as a man, you just want to. At least be able to pry that option for her, whatever the case may
Yeah. Totally. Okay, so I want to, I want to ask just in general, like, what would your advice be to women looking for a good Catholic man to date? Like what is on your heart that you just really want them to know?
I have something here. Andrew's going to go first or you go
We got it. You
I'll take it away.
Um, this is actually from a book that is about discerning the seminary. Believe it or not. It's a, to save a thousand souls. And the quote is that God won't move a parked car. Right? So this is just good for anyone in any discernment stage, right? You gotta go out there. You gotta go move the car. God will ultimately guide that car in a specific direction, but you gotta go. Put the pedal in like in drive, right? You gotta go, move the car. Right.
I think this is something that maybe I've seen a little bit is, you know, a lot of potentially, you know, some women. it's like, don't necessarily expect some St. Joseph guy to just fall from the sky magically and ask you on a date, right?
Like out there, put yourself in social situations, continue to pray for your future spouse, but, um, go out there and if there's a guy you like, go stand next to him, smile at him, nudge him, like give him, give him a hint, you know, I think guys want to ask girls on dates.
Um, but there's this whole fear of, you know, maybe being creepy or being rejected, that's a whole different subject, but, um, go put yourself out there and just, you know, at the end of the day, the woman, like the guy ultimately asks the girl out on a date, but a lot of times the woman leads the charge, right?
She gives a great answer.
gas,
we're kind of dumb, too. So, like, I was going to say that, too. You kind of got to, I mean, put yourself, I don't know, just to build off Brock, but, yeah. Like, obviously be living, like, what God is calling you to do, and I think have a passion about that, and not just be like, oh, all I want is a man, all I want is a man. That's a, that's a really good desire. But kind of what I was talking about before, like, that's all it's about. I've, I don't know.
Um, but yeah, at the same time, you got to like, if there's a guy you're interested in, you kind of got to let them know. a lot of times you're like, I am, it might be like weak to actually don't get that.
He actually nods. Yeah.
It's called like dropping, I don't know, like dropping handkerchiefs, but just. Give the guy some hints that you're interested, I think gives, would give him confidence. it probably takes a lot of courage, you know, like I could get rejected or it could be humiliating. And I think at the end of the day, like when you're on your deathbed, going to care. So,
So what I'm hearing is, ladies, we need to start carrying handkerchiefs.
Yes, exactly. That would actually make it a lot clearer for me. I pick it up and like, okay, I'm picking up what you're putting down.
That.
yeah, just expressing in some way like that you're interested in him and like going just a bit farther than you think probably would help him get it more.
Okay. So like what I'm hearing actually is like, don't be afraid to be flirty. If you are actually interested in that man, like. Give the hints that you are interested, show that you're interested. And honestly, it takes courage on both sides. I think that what we're saying here in this conversation is like, woman's got to give a green light, you know, and that takes courage on the woman's part to put herself out there and be like, all right, like.
I'm going to like give him a tap on the shoulder. Like I'm going to give him eyes, like I'm going to like be cute and flirty, you know, and then also takes courage on the man to like, take those cues and actually be like, Hey, can I take you on a date? And so it really is taking courage from both sides to maybe step out of your comfort zone a little bit, maybe put yourself out there.
You both are kind of putting yourself in a position to be rejected, but by putting yourself out there, you also are allowing yourself to maybe. Find the one. Have a great opportunity to, you know, to, to start a relationship.
Mm-hmm Yeah.
and that's guys either to not, you know, like, let's go ask, you know, you got to go ask the girl out on a date too. But I feel like from a girl, it's a little bit more of a, you come from a more of a safe spot. Like, what do you, what do you, what do you have to lose? Just going and talking to the guy and you'd be in just a little 40, like, you got nothing to lose, right?
Yeah. And I think last thing, and not that I have other thoughts too, but especially as you get older too, I think, like I know that's really, it's a really hard thing when women are older and they're because it's, in some ways it's not in their control. Like, I'm a man, I can go ask a girl out.
Right.
And it's harder, it's harder for a woman. So I think, yeah, there's definitely for older women. I mean, I think it can be more intimidating for guys. Even like, especially younger guys. Um, or if they're like a couple years younger than you, or whatever.
Yeah.
And then the other thing I think for women is, um, I don't know, I think don't settle. He's not going to be perfect, but there are good men out there. you putting yourself in spots where you can meet them? That's big, I think. Like, are you putting yourself in spots where you can meet a godly Catholic man who's trying, least? Like, not perfect, but he's trying. And Jesus, Jesus is, it's scary. And like, I didn't think I'd be 20. I thought I'd be married by now.
I thought I'd be married with a few kids. This isn't what I thought, like the Lord's plan for me was. And just comes back to, um, just like Jesus is so good and just really trusting in him in those hard times and like, just keep living your daily life. Yeah, and everybody's story is different. Like, it's so easy to compare. But I've seen, like, so many different people break up, they get back together. You know, just, everybody, it's so easy to be like, Oh, my story doesn't look like theirs.
But everybody's story is different. Like, both my siblings got married when they were in their early 20s. My, my two siblings that are married. And that's not my story. I'm like, that's, that's okay, Jesus, cause I don't, Something Mario said, I don't trust the planet, I trust you. How are you? That was a barn, right?
yeah, there's always an approach of sensitivity to it, right? Everyone's story's different. And, um, yeah, you have to approach it different, you know, sometimes it's easy to say, like, we'll go out there and do it. It's that easy. But, um, a lot of us know this firsthand. It's like, it's, it's not always as easy as it looks either.
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for your honesty and both really both of you, because I mean, dating is like a fun, exciting topic to talk about, but you're right. I mean, like when you're really in the thick of it, you're like, no, I'm like genuinely trying to like, enter into my vocation of marriage that God may be calling me to. And it is. When it's taking longer than you expected and your life looks different than you expected, it's super hard. It's super, super hard.
And I'm sure I know, I know many women, friends of mine that are amazing women and, you know, men that are amazing men that are like looking for their future spouse. And this season of waiting can be so isolating and confusing and, um, Just really hard to be patient to continue trusting the Lord in his plan. So thank you for your vulnerability and thank you for just showing up and just giving it your all. Yeah,
No. I've been around enough women to know, like, all women are different. So that's why I was like, uh, I have my thoughts, but other guys are going to think differently. And that's good.
totally. Totally. All right. Well, usually I ask my interviewers, like, Where can people find more about you? Um, but we're not going to have y'all put your phone number out here. And although I'm sure you're going to get, so I'm going to get so many questions about like, Oh, you know, where do I talk to Anders? Where do I, how do I find Brock? So, um, ladies, you're just going to have to do your own Instagram stalking and, uh, slide into their DMS. If you want to chat it up,
I don't have a
One thing we didn't talk about, did we mention Anders height at all? So Anders is six four, by the way, really big bench press. I think it was a four 75, four 85. I can't remember. Just by the way,
by the way,
we
in case anybody's wondering, and, uh, how tall are you Brock?
five foot.
5
is, what? I'm
Yeah.
You're not 5'2 I'm fine.
actually only six foot. And I don't want to assume you can't find me. My focus, if you want to join my support team, come on mission with
There you go.
you know, I'm always looking for, you know, always more Bibles to buy guys here.
Always. Well, what Anders really means by wanting a girl to be on mission with him is really, please join my support team.
That's part of it. But yeah, Mari, I'm proud of you. just remember you coming here, young, young Mari, 22, and it was just so fun. And you're like my little sister. So it was just
Oh
to get to be on this and share. So, I just want you to know that. Trey, I'm proud of you too. And Joseph behind the scenes of all this.
Yeah. Nothing happens without Trey. He is, he's a big man behind the scenes, but all right. Thank you guys. Such a good episode today.
Yep. Thank you, Maury.