Hello, Catherine, Hi Chelsea. How's whistler?
Whistler is has welcomed me with open arms. It's springtime. Spring skiing has sprung. Doug and I have reunited. We took a plane ride together with an e bike, the three of us, and I sent him back to training camp and somehow he came back a slightly more aggressive So we are we.
I know, I have my work cut out for me.
I'm hanging out here with all my girlfriends having a grand old time.
Very happy about a break.
I hope everyone has checked out my new Netflix special, The Feeling. It has premiered on Netflix. It's out now officially, and yes, very exciting my book and my special.
I mean, it's all it's all common up Brosa's. I'm getting so many emails, especially about the book. I mean, the special just came out, so I've gotten a feel about that too, But so many emails from listeners saying how much they love the book, how much it's meaning to them.
So oh nice.
I love that.
I love that. I'm trying to answer all my dms.
Some of them are a little fucked up, though, so sometimes I read them and I'm like, unread, unread, I couldn't find there's like a section from when you get DMS by from people that you don't know, like there's nothing to say unread. But then I realized, once you they're not in your primary or jet you know they're in, you're not, yes, so it doesn't matter if you read them and don't because I'm like, oh God, I don't want to deal with this. So many people are asking
me for money. I would love to help everyone with money. I don't have that much money to be giving out to strangers.
I can't really do that for legal purposes.
Mostly I've had bad experiences in the past. So while people are reaching out, I mean, I want to help you, but I can't.
Legally just give out money to people all the time.
So but that's why it's nice that we have that resource of like pandemic of love that we can send people to that helps, you know, connect people with people who can donate.
So yes, and also there's all these great teachers that are asking for supplies. That is something that we can do and every ready can donate to for teachers who need supplies for their classrooms, especially considering everything that's happening in this hot mess administration that is driving me to drink more even while I'm in Canada. Who all my Canadian friends are like, no one will buy American goods.
Up here, you know, no one.
It's like an American boycott. I don't know how much longer, exactly, I don't know how much longer Americans are even going to be welcome.
I mean, listen, I a millennial, have not shopped at Target in like two months. So like, if that doesn't tell you something's crazy, I'm fully on with the boycott.
So I am as well. I am as well.
It's hard to boycott Amazon. Everyone orders everything from Amazon.
I'm trying to minimize my Amazon like it's down to the bear bear bones.
Yeah.
Well, on the bright side, our lovely guest today is Michelle Monahan, who can be found on this current season of White Lotus.
Please welcome Michelle Monahan.
Hi, Chelsea, Hi, how are you?
Long time?
No meat, I've been waiting to meet, excell you me too. Look at all of your people leaving your room. Where the people servicing you?
They're all service me.
Oh my goodness, where are you?
I'm in New York. I'm in New York. I just got here for a couple of days in press, and I'm excited to be talking with you.
Oh my god, Oh my god. Well we have so much to discuss. First of all, yes we do. We have so much to do. I hope you're seeing Leslie while you're in New York.
I'm sure you.
I am just going to miss her. We were just texting, and I don't think it's going to happen because she's knee deep in in all of her press at the moment, and I am too. But I did get to see her a couple of weeks ago. We both happened to be in Paris, and so we had a beautiful dinner and a great catchup.
And yeah, she told me. She told me.
I was like, oh my god, the fact that the two of you are working together. I was so excited. I don't know Carrie yet, but I'm going to have to meet her too because of the three of you. But so, okay, we're not going to give any well we are, because who cares.
You know, if people aren't caught up to.
White lotus, then they're fucking not paying attention to the life anyway.
It's going to be ruined for them. The internet going to ruin it for them. Any ways, they should catch up.
But by the time we air this, they'll have been at least one more episode come out. So let's just talk about the most recent episode where you fuck the.
Guy that youre a friend wanted to fuck.
Okay, so I saw this, I mean, I guess I didn't see it coming. I want to say I saw a coming after I came. But I mean, we just see the lead up. But the whole dynamic between the three of you will start with white lotus because it was such a huge filming experience that I have a couple of friends that were on this show, so I was so like, I heard so many different things about being away for that many months.
You guys were away for six months in Thailand?
Yes, yes, absolutely, yeah, six months?
And what how I mean I know you have children? You have two daughters, right.
I am two. I was a sixteen year old daughter and an eleven year old son.
Eleven year old son.
How do you stay away from your son for an eleven year old son?
Was he able to visit you?
Yes?
Yeah, Well I was lucky because the show basically started filming in February, so they came over for three weeks at spring break, and then they came over for three months during the school holidays, the summer vacation, so I got to actually spend quite a bit of time with them. And then, as you know, the show is very much an ensemble with multiple storylines, and so with the nature of filming, you would have kind of one storyline front and center, the Ladies specifically, as Mike refers to as
the Ladies. We kicked off productions, so we shot pretty intensely for about four weeks I think, and then the rat lifts started and so the Ladies had a couple of weeks downtime. So I flew back home to be with the family. Then. So what I thought was going to be a really really intense time of being away from my family and thinking like, holy shit, how the fuck am I going to make this work? Actually it
didn't end up being that at all. I was actually able to travel to see them in The big joy was them being able to come over and spend time in Thailand and kind of having that family adventure there was like hitting second to none.
Yeah, I mean, what tell us about Thailand? Tell us about spending so much time there?
You know, I am someone who loves to travel. It's it's probably my greatest pastime and certainly the greatest privilege. I've been traveling since I was about seventeen, kind of on my own. I started modeling when I was a teenager, and so it's something that I feel really comfortable doing and I am excited to always do. I mean, listen, even if it's in like Winnipeg or Albuquerque, I will find my jam. I will find that routine.
Those Winnipeg listen, don't.
I've heard Winnipeg about five times in the last two weeks. I have spent three days in Winnipeg. I will never ever see the inside of Winnipeg again.
So the fact that you.
You got to be in Winnipeg in summer because that's what all the beer gardens come out, and like everybody's in a good nude, So you know, you got to You gotta do Winnipeg in the right season.
That's the key. That's the key.
I would imagine Winnipeg is really celebratory in the summertime after what they got through in.
The winter time.
They're like Chicago, you know, like all the crazy comes.
Out well without without the shopping and without the civilization I mean Winnipeg. I spent three nights in Winnipeg. I was performing in on tour.
How much online shopping did you do online? Are you kidding me?
I just took I took Xanax one after another and just kept sleeping. I was like, fuck this place. I woke up for my show and then went back to sleep.
Afterward.
I flew in there and it was a sheet of ice. It was, and there were people ice skating, like not in an ice skating rink. On the streets. People were ice skating to work. I was like, ok, God, and with no mountain, so I love the snow if there's something to ski.
But there was nothing to see because it's all flat.
You're right, You're right. It's very anticlimactic there, right, exactly.
Well, that's a good note to go back in the summertime. I'm sure. I mean, I can't get any work.
It's beautiful, rights, It's okay then, But I will say Thailand was amazing.
You know.
I'd never been to that part of the world. I'd spent a little time in Singapore probably a couple decades ago, spent time in Japan, but never been to Thailand. And it was a place that I've it's kind of always on that on that list, and it's gorgeous there. I mean, it's called the Land of Smiles for an absolute reason. And you get there and the people, the culture is so warm, and the food. I mean, I listen, I'm
a huge fan of Thai food. I love to eat, and there wasn't one day that I was ever sick of eating you know, thaie beef salad or green chicken curry or grapao or any kind of Thai dish. And fresh fish, I mean they you know, you you eat the most incredible like sea bass, red snapper. I mean it's all just caught fresh. It was just it was a beautiful experience to be able to just have that as a part of like your daily routine.
Yeah, I would have.
It was pretty sweet. Yeah.
So you talk about this experience being one of like the most expansive experiences career wise and personally that you've had working with Mike White, working.
On this show.
Can you talk a little bit more about why it has been such a special experience.
Yeah, I mean, listen, I've been in this industry for twenty twenty five years. I mean, it is not lost on me how special that is to be able to have that kind of longevity as an actor, to have a kind of breadth of a career that I've had, you know, been able to explore so many different kinds of genres, you know, in my career, independent film, big films,
you know, television, and that's been incredible for me. But I'm also a woman in my in my forties, and we always get fed that narrative, you know that, like, you know, your career is going to start to dry up in your forties, There's not going to be those kinds of roles. And I guess in some ways I've maybe experienced that notion, but I also think like that we feed ourselves that and those are like stories that we tell ourselves, which I don't necessarily think are reality.
I think to be able to specifically work with with Mike on this particular storyline was really special for me. We were coming out of a strike as a union. Things were really slow, you know. The opportunity came to me and said, you know, Mike would like you to audition for this character, and I was like, holy shit. I've loved Mike from Chuck and Buck, like from back
in the day. I've been obsessed with that dude. And I randomly met him at a dinner party, like I don't know, probably fifteen seventeen years ago, and I sat across from him, my husband and I did, and I remember us leaving that dinner part I was like, that fucking guy is so cool, weird and awesome, Like, I just want to spend more time with that guy. And within that span of time, of course, we've watched the trajectory of Mike's career as an actor, as a writer,
and most certainly, you know, as a director. To then actually have an opportunity to kind of work with him. When I got the gig, I was like overwhelmed, you know, I cried tears of joy, you know, because I knew
how big of an opportunity this was. And I think as an actor and as a fan of the show, you know, he's a master of tone, and so to get to creatively, to dive in and to kind of flesh out the neuroses of these people bull that walks such a fine line between comedy and drama, and it's melancholic, it's all this acerbic, all those things like that's such a challenge and I was so excited to be able to challenge myself as a as an actor, as a performer and go like, all right, can I lean into
these things? Can I deliver exactly what his material deserves? And so I was super excited about getting that opportunity and to get to do it also with like the likes of Leslie Bibb and Carrie Koon, who I hold in such highestea.
I mean, it's such a great trifecta, the three of you girls. I fucking love it so much. Well, I want to ask you a question as an actor, when you read this, right, you, when you're first auditioning, you're just reading probably sides or.
That you get the first script. Maybe I don't.
I'm not sure how he works, but I'm sure it's very secretive. Yes, right, So once you get hired for the role, are you able to read through the entire series?
Yeah? So it's such a great question. I mean, when I first got the sides, I was just like, fucking, hey man, I just have some like insight into what season three is like. I was just excited to.
Like just to have like ten pages of like.
His brain, you know.
And then once I got the role, you get them all eight episodes in your inbox. You get to binge read this show. And I remember my husband and I and the kids we were. We got it right before Christmas break twenty twenty three, I guess because we were shooting twenty February twenty twenty four. So I got it right as we were going to Australia and I was like, there's no way I'm going to sleep on this flight to night flight. I was like, I'm just gonna stay off.
And I read all eight episodes and I was like, holy shit, it man, he has done it again. Like the guy is g He writes every single scene and every single character is so complicated, in layered in ooey and gooey and cringey, like all of these things.
And you don't know.
Where it's going, Like you think you know where it's going, and then you just don't know where it's going and you get to the end and it's like, holy shit, you know I get to do this?
Yeah, yeah, well okay, So when you are portraying this character, knowing how it ends has to impact your performance, right or does it?
Or do you play it?
Because there's so many misleads on the show, so like, how do you play that? Is that something you work with with Mike, Like, obviously your character is going in a direction. We don't know what's going on with your boyfriend.
Seemingly he's unavailable, who knows what he's up to, and you're lashing out in the last episode when you and I are speaking today, the last episode was your boyfriend didn't turn your calls or text, and then you decide to go out on the town and party blah blah blah the girls, and then you end up poking up with Carrie Kon's potential supposed love interest that you set up, that you set up and then stole from her, which is probably the best one, the most fun character to play.
It's true, it's true. So basically what happens is you get all eight episodes and you shoot them so far out of sequence it's crazy. So for example, in our very first day of production, we were shooting scenes from episode one and episode eight. So that's a really really intense kind of bookend of in terms of your emotional arc and where you need to be. So you need to be, as a performer, as an actor, incredibly clear
about all of the emotional beats. So that you can tap into one and tap out of one, like within hours of each other, if necessary. So the process was very much sitting down with Mike specifically once we got to Thailand, one on one each of us as actors, and said, Okay, what are the qualities in Jacqueline that you really want us to lean into, Like, what do you what is it that that you love about Jacqueline? You know, what is it that you know, like you said,
are they are? Are there things that you kind of like, what are the privileges maybe that she she enjoys, you know, the things that she can kind of take advantage of in terms of her fame and things like that. So that's kind of the process and I and I think like for Jacqueline, you know, she was really excited, you know,
sincerely about taking her girlfriends on vacation. I think that she feels like this is something that she wants to do to kind of rekindle this this long time friend that she's had and and she's proud to do that.
And you know, these are ladies that have all kind of gone their different direction, They've made different life choices, and you know, you see in those first few episodes that there is a lot of toxic positivity going on with the gals, and you know, you see sort of that tension building within the friendship, and you know, I really loved this idea that Jacqueline is completely sincere with with with Laurie and saying, like, listen, this is a perfect week for a fling like you. You deserve this.
You've got a hard life, you've been working, there's a lot of things personally that she's been going through and like, this guy looks like a fling type of guy, like you should go for it. And I think, unfortunately as as the relationship, as the season progresses, we start to see the relationship in each of the gals kind of devolve really and you know, as you mentioned, you know, she's in a relationship, Jacqueline's in a relationship where she's
being ignored a little bit. And listen, Jacqueline needs a lot of validation. She needs a lot of external validation. You can tell that she's like needs to be stimulated
a lot. She's very kind of colorful and bright, and she was she was a butterfly to me, and somebody who's like very bright and colorful, beautiful, but just kind of just like flies in and makes a little commotion and then flies out, And butterflies have real short life spans, and so for me, I thought like as an actor, I you know, I felt like Jacqueline feels like she's
got a short life span. And I don't know, like I just kept thinking like she's like a butterfly, and so I think, like she needs that stimulation, and all of a sudden, she's not getting it, Like she's done with the fucking detox, you know, and the ladies kind of boring her, and she wants to get out there and like have some fun, and she goes out to kind of create some fun. For better or for worse. She's gonna get that validation uh where she needs it. And I think that at the end of that night,
she just makes a really impulsive decision. I don't think it's malicious. I don't think it's manipulative, and I think it's something that she's probably going to tell the girls about the next day, Like guess who I, you know, like guess.
Who I hooked right right right right. I could see that happening.
That was really like that was kind of my you know, when we're talking to getting I know I've gone off on a tangent, but in terms of like creating that arc, because we shot that scene, we shot like the pool scene and the mee kind of you know, summoning Valentine to the room. We shot that like on day three.
That was all but then like the party scene and the dancing scene and all that that was like six months down the road was towards the end, and then the actual dext scene happened on the very last day. I think it was the last scene that I shot, so you can see that we were all over the place. So I think it was just like this split second thing that Jacqueline's like, I'm back in bed. She probably
tried to call her boyfriend again. He didn't pick up the phone, and she was like, hey, I want to I want to get laid.
You know, and she's yeah, she was like, and she obviously didn't take Valentine home, so I guess like he's up for grabs, Like I think it was that, and then you know, it's not gonna fight.
Yeah, somebody's gonna fuck this guy, and he's not going to fuck himself, so I'm gonna do it.
I don't know he might though, I mean, I mean, yeah, he's so I think I think it was just like she was just she's having fun. She hit the fuck it button, you know. Yeah, and then I think, like as as people seen as they will watch the next episode. By the time this, this particular conversation airs, is she immediately gets you know, called out on it. The next the next morning, you know, one of the girls actually sees Valentine leave. Kate actually sees Valentine leave her room,
and then Kate immediately gets on it with Laurie. And what it does is it ends up being a massive betrayal. The women perceive it as a massive betrayal to them, and for Jacqueline, I think she just didn't think it was that big of a deal. And so you'll, you know, the rest of the season is sort of like is it irreparable or can they get kind of past this?
And and can Jacqueline take accountability for you know, having this indiscretion with Valentine wasn't like Lorie's husband, you know was it was dude, It was the butler.
I know. It's so funny. I am so much like that character.
When I go on vacation, I'm just always like, oh, like even the way you talk to people who approach you, like, oh, you're so nice to them.
I'm always so nice to them.
But like after like the fourth or fifth time, I'm like, Okay, we can we go.
Somewhere else, you know what I mean.
Like, I mean you were left because of the elderliness of the second hotel, but yes, but just even the way you interact with them as a public, like as a famous person.
It's so funny. I was like, Oh, that's me on vacation totally. I bring my friends.
I fucking hook up not with astutely, not with people they're interested in.
But that's what I'm up to for sure.
Exactly exactly, And I think that's why. You know, listen, this is a testament to Mike White, you know, in not just our storyline or Jacqueline storyline. It's it's in all the storylines. It's all the characters. I mean, he really creates roles and characters that people relate to, like you either are that person or you know somebody who is like that. It's subtle, you know what I mean.
And there's so much subtext in it. But I think that's like and it's universally relatable you know, it's why people all over the world are just like, oh my god, I so know these women or even men are like, oh my god, my wife and then her friends, you know, and the Ratliffe family, like who doesn't know, like the Southern Woman that Parker Posey is playing, you know, like super privileged, and maybe fewer people who understand the incest
the incestuous seeing your co show hopefully right right right, But you know, I think I think that's why people are getting a kick out of the storyline. I think specifically the ladies storyline, because I feel like it's very familiar.
It's very familiar, and also it's kind of a pointer for like your future self everyone who like sees the show, Like in groups of women, it is a reminder of how to kind of honor friendships and not honor friendships the lowest common denominator to talk about people once they.
Leave the room for families.
For families, I think it's acceptable because the families deserve that and they've been together and it's not a choice. But when you have friends, yes, it's like it's kind of a reminder don't be like it's ick.
It is.
It's an ick to.
Talk about your friends when you're on vacation with them and they're acting. I mean, well, it's one thing to find out what's a Republican that is.
That's where we need to talk about that. We need to talk about that, We need to talk about them. Okay, On that note, we're going to take a break, Michelle. We'll be right back and we're going to take some callers.
If you'd like advice from Chelsea, right into us at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com. We'd love to hear your questions for any juicy story you'd like advice on. And this week we're looking for questions about clear relationship issues.
So if you're a queer person.
And you're dating or are in a long term relationship, write in about your relationship woes at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
And we're back with Michelle Vonahan. It was our quick break.
But I think, like what you were saying, like it's so true, Like I think that this it holds a mirror, you know, the storyline really holds a mirror.
To to women out there, the way in which we endure these sorts of relationships and the way that we also perpetuate them right by like judging ourselves so harshly, judging our friends so harshly, It's like.
There is enough room for all of us to kind of celebrate each other and our you know, each other's respective sort of life's decisions, and you know successes inevitably all of our failures. And I think, like, I think the storyline really highlights that for women to kind of across the board, and it's confronting and you know, it's kind of vulnerable, so and important.
It's like underlining the idea that everyone is different, Like your friends are different. The reason why you're attracted to them is because you share some similarities and you share dissimilarities. But it's a reminder also we're not all the same, so don't be so judgmental or quick to go to the lowest to common denominator, which is you know, gossiping and da. It's like everyone has something to add. So
it's a nice reminder to like let each other. You know, it might be less comedic, but it's nice to just like open up and let people who are different in and be like, okay, these are my friends, let me let me learn what I can grab from them, Rather than you know, consider them less.
Than because they behaved it this way or that way.
That's right, And I think that's why people will enjoy this second half of this season. I think that you're going to see the idea of that take place. Yeah, things have kicked off for sure. In the first couple of episodes. I'm like this is getting I'm like this is a little bit slow. And then all of a sudden, I was like, Okay, here we go, here we go.
Buckle up.
Yeah, and then we had a com full circle.
We're going to take a couple of callers now, Michelle.
We give advice people real life and love it because the best advice you could get is somebody who has nothing to do with your situation.
I'm a firm believer of that.
Yeah, so that's what we dole out here at Dear Chelsea, say Chelsea.
Lately, and I was like, where am I wrong? Shell whoop?
See well, our first question is just an email, Aaron says, Dear Chelsea. I am a day one Dear Chelsea, Girly, I've been listening religiously week after week since your launch. I find every single episode so relatable, helpful, and enjoy the giggles to keep me going through each Thursday. I very much identify with all of Chelsea's views on happiness, single womanhood, and no children life. I'm thirty one, successful,
happy and independent. I've been dating my entire life, with a few long term relationships that always end due to falling out of love or not having the lasting connection I'm looking for. My current issue is something I've never encountered before. It's relatively low stakes, but would love your honest opinions. I started dating two guys about a month ago. Guy number one my age, a hustler, different than my normal type, but so cute, kind, care and goal oriented.
He has such good energy makes me feel like I can be my silly self. I have no reservations that he would integrate well into my life, and not to mention pretty good chemistry as well. Guy number two is five years older, a hustler, but lives a much slower lifestyle and hangs out with all men in retirement fifties to seventies and golfs five days a week. We have the best sexual chemistry, cuddles and kisses I've ever experienced.
We have not developed the full emotional connection yet, and I have not integrated him into my life, and I'm unsure if he will vibe with my friends. During a conversation with Guy number two about me seeing other people, I disclosed that I'm seeing others, and he said he's not interested in seeing anyone else. He doesn't want to continue dating if I'm seeing other people. I told him it's not enough time for me to tell if the emotional connection is strong enough to make a decision either way.
How should I handle this? A? Should I just respect his boundaries and move on from Guy number two? B? Should I commit prematurely to Guy number two? C? Should I lie and keep them both in my lineup? Going against me? Morals slash honesty. Hopefully this is a quick and easy one to answer. Help Aaron, Interesting, very interesting?
Well what was A?
What was A?
It was A?
Was to A?
Was should I respect his boundaries and just say, like, move on? You know, if, like, if you aren't okay with me dating other people, then I just have to move on?
Which really is respecting the boundary.
Which, yeah, I also think it reveals something else. I think if you I think A for me, it's an A. And I think what's revealed in A is Number one, you're respecting the boundaries, right, You're kind of doing the right thing. But moreover, it might actually allowing her to take a break and take making that kind of that solid break in him. Having created that boundary and her respecting it, you might walk away and like, two months down the road feel like, hey, actually I missed this guy.
I miss those cuddles. I miss those snuggles. If she's kind of like in between and happen and hap out, she's not going to really know for herself what it's like to not have him in her life. So I think that's creating a nice boundary for herself to maybe kind of learn about who she really does want in her life. That makes sense, I agree.
Would I'm not going to encourage anyone to be dishonest when somebody's asking for the truth. I think what you can do, in addition to a is also say, listen, I am going to continue to see other people because I do really like spending time with you. I would be willing since they have such great sexual chemistry, I would be willing to continue having sex with you, no strings attached, and we don't have to talk about a relationship.
If that's what you want, like, I love that part of us, and if you're okay with that, let me know, because that's an option. And I guarantee you she will hear from him. Maybe not initially I'll say, Okay, no, I'm not interested in that. I don't want to see other people, and I don't want you to see other people.
But I bet you he will call you at some point and say, oh, why don't you come over and da da And that way you have you have him for sex when you want him, and that's the part you liked about him, and you have this other guy that's a burgeoning relationship, and when that gets more serious and you want to be committed, then do that.
Yeah, I think the worst thing you could do was prematurely commit, you know, because.
Don't premature commit.
And also you have to respect and you have to respect other people's boundaries if they're not cool with your multiple lovers and then they're.
Not, Yeah, he's going to be really shocked by that though, Like I think that's the most surprising thing is he's like, this is my boundary, take it or leave it.
But why is he also hanging out with retirees. I don't understand what that's about this guy.
Also a little bit strikes me as maybe a dud.
A thirty six year old hanging out with a bunch of retired people and plays golf five.
A guy seems like a pretty good catch.
I don't know.
I mean, he sees like she she kind of had me with, Like I feel like myself.
Around him, and like that's all we want in any relationship, right, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship or even a work relationship, just to be able to be silly and to be yourself and to be comfortable. Like that's gold.
Yeah, all right, Well, there you have it around them, solved, solved.
Yeah.
Our next question comes from Kim. Kim says, dear Chelsea, and Kim, by the way, is recovering from surgery right now, but she'll be joining us here on the phone. Just Dear Chelsea. My name is Kim, and I just turned thirty seven and had surgery for a problematic syst along with having my tubes removed as I don't plan on having children. During my surgery, it was discovered that I have endometriosis. Despite being told over and over that I didn't.
There was a great deal of endometriosis tissue that had to be removed, and the recovery was more painful than I expected. My entire life's health issues seem to now be connected to this diagnosis, from systemic inflammation that was misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia, being put on harsh drugs that resulted in me going on disability and losing my job, a spinal epidural angiogram, and incidents where I was blacking out
in pain and could not comprehend why. I've been fortunate enough to work with a lymphatic doctor for several years, and I truly believe this work has saved my life on more than one occasion as a woman, seeing how absolutely horrific health care is for us and the years
we go with our pain dismissed and lives destroyed. How can I advocate for other women going through this, who like me, were blindsided by a diagnosis like this and don't have the appropriate resources to improve their quality of life. Thank you again, Kim.
Hi, Kim Hi Hi, so sorry to hear about all of your healths, all of this, and yes, you are not the only woman that is completely frustrated with our healthcare system, which in the immediate future.
You know what.
I was with someone this weekend and we were talking about this very issue with regard to healthcare, with regard to education, with regard to this administration. And she is somebody who she's like, there are so many opportunities right now because of the defunding of all of these governmental agencies that help with all of these things. There are so many opportunities for us to redefine helping other people. And I was like, Oh, that's such a great way
to look at this. Like, you know, she's in mutual aid and she runs this organization about mutual aid and she's tried to codify that in the government, So like this here to me, sounds like an opportunity for you to definitely be helping other women.
Also. First things first, have you had an Ablazian.
No, thankfully I have not, but I did have this cyst rupture in October and got bounced around from hospital to hospital. They told me I had pancreatitis. They gave me no painment. I literally had to leave one hospital go to another hospital, and you know, the care was just horrific and I didn't know what was going on.
They had said it was just assist.
Everyone told me this wasn't endometriosis, so I had no idea. My mom had to have an Ablasian years ago, so I didn't know if this was hereditary.
If this you know what it was.
And it wasn't until I had this surgery and my doctor said there was endometriosis all over and we had to remove it, and that she said, that's why your recovery was so horrific, because it was just everywhere.
It was just everywhere.
Well, I'm bringing up an Ablacian because it sounds like something you might want.
Are you planning on having children?
No, but they did remove my tubes. So from here on, I don't have a follow up again Women's health care for four weeks, so I don't get to talk to my doctor until then, and at that point in time.
I'll see what her thoughts are.
She had told my mom, well, she'll probably need to be on a low dose birth control, and I said, you know, I don't really want to do that. Are there have to be other options for us other than just throwing us on birth control pills? And if that is my only option, then so be it. But I'd like to think that there's other resources and other things out there to help them well.
First of all, First of all, an ablazion, in my opinion, would be a great thing for you to have because it stops your period for ninety nine percent of women, so then you don't have to deal with I mean, it blanches your uterus, so your uterine lining you don't have.
I got one. My sister got one. I found out about it.
I'm like, what, you could stop your period and she's like, yes, you could get your uterus gorch.
I'm like, I signed me fucking up.
And my guynecologist was like, Chelsea, it's not really elective.
I'm like, you want to make a bet.
I'm like, if you don't do it for me, I'm going to go to the next guy and he'll do it for me. So she did it, and I don't get my period anymore. I mean, I'm probably going through perimenopause. I'm sure at my age because I just turned fifty. But it's been a joy. And it also like that that's half of your problems. It sounds like, so you should inquire about that. Is there a reason you don't want that?
No?
No, I had no idea that that was an elective thing either.
I thought it was just you know, I have a friend that just had it done, but I had no.
Yeah, I'm going to do a public service announcement on my Instagram to make sure every fucking woman knows that they don't want to have children and they have bad periods. I didn't have a bad period. I just don't want my period. Why would you want your period if you're not gonna have children. Well, I mean, it doesn't affect you hormonally. It only affects your your own lining, so you don't bleed.
And you know what else I just learned too, is that they can do I mean this might be a little too far for what you're experiencing, but they can do a hysterectomy but leave your ovaries so that you still have your hormones coming in, so it like doesn't throw you a media into metamahaze like I used to.
So I know somebody who had that and it's all going well.
But what I would say in terms of helping other women, First of all, I would be very loud about it. I think women need all the help that they can get. I would I would contact your local Planned Parenthood and have a conversation with them and see how you could be like a mouthpiece for them and figure out a way to either start a newsletter or to you know, even starting small in your community, starting or tapping into their networks or other women's networks, because right now is
the time. I mean, our healthcare is very much at risk, and that's a very understood problem that we're dealing with. So I would talk to as many medical professionals. I understand that the medical community has kind of run you around, but there are good people within that community who do want want women to be more educated and know what their options are.
And I've heard this story so many times.
Even some of my celebrity friends have dealt with this, and you would think that they would be getting better attention from their doctors.
It's not true. It's simply just not there for women.
So I mean, I think it's great wanting to be an advocate for women's health, and I think there are a million ways to go about it. So I would really just start talking to everyone you know, every woman you know about what they know, and really think about using your social platforms, using like maybe you write a newsletter, maybe you connect with a women's group or multiple women's groups in your area.
Or I like what you said about writing a newsletter because she's such on her previous call that she's a writer, so like maybe a substack, so like that or TikTok.
I mean, yeah, I think that's great.
And Michelle, I know that you have advocated for like melanoma awareness. Can you talk to us a little bit about your experiences with like getting the word out about getting checked and that sort of thing.
Yeah, I mean as just becoming an advocate for your own healthcare is the best thing that you can do. I was diagnosed with melanoma about ten years ago. My husband actually found it. Fortunately I discovered it at an early stage and removed all of it and I was cancer free. But it was a huge wake up call through me because actually initially the doctor didn't even want to remove it. The doctor was like, I think it's fine.
And my husband is Australian, it happens to be very well educated in what skin cancer looks like, and he was like, no, no, no, you need to have that biop so you need to have that removed. And I too, as an American, I had like a lack of sun sense. If you will. I had a lack of awareness kind of growing up, didn't wear a lot of sunscreen, and when I found out it was melanoma, I was actually shocked.
I didn't even realize melanoma could be fatal. And so once I started doing my due diligence and really started to educate myself about the dangers of too much sun exposure and ingredients safety and wearing sunscreen and how important that is, I went, wow, like, I need to share this information because I'm learning a lot and I need to impart this not not only onto my children. You know.
Simultaneously happened as I was becoming a mother, but with my friends, because I'm seeing all my friends like sitting out in the sun and not really fully grasping the dangers of the impact of what the sun can do to you. So I started, as Chelsea was just saying, you know, talking to my friends and my family about how important it is to get your skin checks and things like that. And so now I would consider my
self as skin cancer advocate. And I love like every May comes around and you know, I like to shout it from the mountaintops because it's skin cancer Awareness month. But you know, the most important thing that we have as women is our ability to communicate with each other
and amongst our friend groups. You know, one of the latest things is like I'm in the middle of perimenopause and I didn't even know it, and all of my symptoms were dismissed by like my GP and my action gynecologists because like I didn't have hot flashes, but like I had all these other things, And I was like, what is this. This is so weird, This is not like me to have this kind of anxiety, Like why do I have this more modal acne? Why do I feel? Why am I not sleeping? Well? All of these things?
And it started with a conversation with my friends and they're like, well, I guess we're like in perimenopause because we're in our mid forties.
And I was like, wait, what is this thing?
You know?
And so I think that's our greatest superpower is to be able just to share the knowledge that we have and that we learn, and like we don't gatekeep on things. And I'll say, in terms of endometriosis, I have so many friends that have also endured that. And now I'm seeing the conversation a lot more. You know online and people are talking about it. I'm from Iowa and there was a great state representative that like put a bill through through the Iowa Congress to add more funding into
the research of endometriosis. So even where you're at, I would look into kind of state you know, as government is defunding their folks out there that are actually as you know, Chelsea said, there's these like strong, like little coalitions that are actually trying to help people. So maybe even look into do that into just even in your local kind of policies and see if there's people out there trying to to motivate the research forward.
And also, Kim, really like this is this is a huge opportunity for you, Like it is a huge opportunity to get your message out and also having real conversations with these doctors and saying, you know, it doesn't have to be confrontational, it doesn't have to be argumentative.
You can just be like, listen, this information, this is not cool.
There are so many women out here dealing with this problem, and you, as a medical professional need to hear from your patient that you guys need to do a better job of actually taking our concerns seriously, taking our pain seriously and really go through it with them. So as a learning moment and a teaching moment for the doctors. I mean, this is their profession and some won't be receptive to it, but I'm sure one or two will be, and you're going to kind of change the trajectory of
how they treat their patients moving forward. So it is a worthwhile endeavor for sure to have these honest conversations with anybody and everybody you can.
Yeah, that's huge, that's huge. Actually.
Yeah, and the political aspect is great too, because there are going to be representatives in your state who are very concerned with women's healthcare.
So, like, get into it. It seems like a big hill to climb, but it's really not.
Once you make a couple steps in the right direction, everything kind of comes together and you know they're going to be grateful for the information.
I agree.
I mean, so many parts of this journey have just been wild, and you know, they just dismiss your pain and tell you it's a bad period and that's it. They just knock it up to it's a bad period and you'll deal with it.
It's so interesting. I just had this conversation with my daughter this past weekend. She's sixteen, and because I know that this is such a pervas issue for women, I said, let's talk about your period. Let's have a real conversation about your period, Like I want to know, like, are you having bad periods? Like what do you have cramps?
So how long are your periods? Like I wanted to have an understanding because I feel like once someone gets their period, you're like, Okay, you got your period, and then the conversation ends, right, And that's part of the problem. I think like a part of the education is talking to a younger generation and saying like, this is what a real period should be and feel like, and if it doesn't feel like this, then we need to know
about it. Because a lot of young women start their periods but don't necessarily start seeing a guydecologist until later in their teens, and so by that time they're enduring kind of enduring this pain and these are you know, things that they just think, I guess are normal and attributed to being a woman, you know. So I think the education starts from the time that we're talking kind of about the birds and the bees, you know, and what's normal. So I think the whole narrative needs to shift.
So for any dear Chelsea listeners that want to follow Kim, I'll put a link in the description, but you can just follow her on Instagram at Kim dot versus dot endo. That's at Kim dot vs dot e end o.
Awesome. Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
I mean, my goal throughout my whole life was I don't want people, and Chelsea in your in your book he said, I don't want people to feel alone, like you're not alone. And I read that in your book and it was just like that was the That was that driving force. That's like, you know what, I'm not going to shut up and I'm not going to quiet and I'm going to talk to everyone and I'm going to do something about this. So thank you for being an inspiration and giving people like me a voice and
an opportunity to try and change the world. Because without you, I wouldn't be here right now, and I wouldn't have this drive to just really change things.
Really well, you would be here. You would be here without me, So let's that can be too much credit.
But she makes it more fun, doesn't she.
But yes, I'm I'm so happy you called in and yeah, go and run with this, okay, exactly, Yeah, make this part of your purpose in life.
It is.
It is one hundred percent. Thank you all so much. I really appreciate it.
I can, I can nice to meet you.
I can't tell you how many. I mean, obviously we're all women.
We know how many women could have that have endometriosis and go on it.
Yeah, oh yeah, and go undiagnosed.
I mean, I remember when Amy Schumer was pregnant, like they I don't even know what the term is for what she has where you're nauseous every day for your pregnant throughout your pregnancy.
Yeah, it'll come to me.
It starts with an E, but it's got about forty seven syllables.
Yeah. Anyway, Yes, she didn't.
Get diagnosed until, like, you know, halfway through her pregnancy, and she was vomiting every single day.
Like no one ever told you that was an option.
They tell you about morning sickness last the first trimester, they don't say, oh, you could also be sick for dine month straight or exactly.
What it's like something grab us something I.
Don't know, grav locks, that's what you put. I think that that's what you put on your bagel.
Well, our next collar is lazette, and she says, Dear Chelsea, I have a fourteen year old daughter, and like everyone told me, my little girl has become a nightmare.
She's a good kid with.
A good hat on her shoulders, but the attitude is real.
I cannot get her to help clean up around the house, the biggest issue, or clean up her bedroom or bathroom. We have a two bed, two bath condo and it's just us two. She's just so messy and I thought by this age she would get a little better, but she's just been a walking disaster. I've tried grounding her and taking away her electronic devices, but she doesn't even care.
Please help, Lizette.
High Lazette, Highlazette, Listen, I've got a sixteen year old daughter. It's the wet it's the towels that like really do my head in that don't like get hung up right. And then I get in the shower because we share the bathroom, and then I'm like, wait, where are all the towels? And then I go into her room and they like
are scattered everywhere. But I do want to say something encouraging she's sixteen now, and this weekend we were hanging out and we were getting home and we're going to go and do something and she's like, but mommy, She's like, I want to tie you up my room first, because like my girlfriends came over last night. I mean, just like it's a disasterrous I want to tie you eat up and then I'll come down and we'll do the thing.
And I was like, whoa, wow, this is crazy because at thirteen and fourteen, I just thought like I was just raising a kid that just is like going to ignore all of the things like can you just make your bed, can you just like pick up the towels? This? And that. You're in the thick of it right now. But I promise you they come out on the other side.
And when they come out on the other side is when they start like hosting their friends and then they have like a boy come over because now all of a sudden, they don't want to live in a pig style.
But as soon as like they start to invite other people in, they like actually really start to care about, you know, the things that kind of matter, and they realize they had to start picking up after themselves because yeah, taking away the electronics and all of that stuff, Like none of that worked for us either, and then all of a sudden it just switched. She just kind of matured and evolved, which is really exciting.
How is she outside of her messiness just raging, hormonal?
No, she's not at all. Actually, he is really like a grounded kid. And that's something also that I always want to like, I kind of want to touch on. I feel like when you are in conversation with other people and you say that like I have a teenage daughter, everybody's like, oh my god, you must be going through it. How is that? And I just want to point out that nobody says that about a teenage boy. Nobody says like, oh god, you must be going through that. I think
that's such bolstit. I want to call that out and I want to stop with that narrative because I think that we're putting these things that are on realistic and not entirely true on our young daughters.
I don't know, girls do seem I mean from my experience as if I am such a fucking raging bitch from the age thirteen to eighteen, Liz, how is your daughter outside of the messydess.
Is she just hormonally out of whack? Like, because I do think girls at.
That age are having a harder time than boys at that age. I don't think they're worse than boys. I think they are struggling more than boys do at that age.
My daughter is definitely not like raging hormones or out of control. She's really grounded and.
Oh it's great, very well in school. She's in a lot of activities. She's just messy.
She's going to grow through that.
She will, she will, And does that tell them what you told me about? Like some things she's fine at and some things she has like a panic over and a breakdown.
Yeah, So, like I try to give her easy enough chores. Obviously she's learning to clean correctly still, but yeah, like if I tell her to unload the dishwasher, she has no problem with that. But if I tell her to load the dishwasher, it is a full panic attack. It's I can't do what it is. This is a huge mountdown. I don't know why you're making me do this. It's so hard, and yeah, it's just crazy.
Yeah, Well, I feel like you already have a lot going for you in terms of her other behaviors. So I mean, if this is the worst problem and it's temporary, as Michelle has elucidated, and like, yeah, so have her unload the dishwasher instead of load it. Have her do the things she's capable of and feels good about, and she will grow out of it absolutely. And she's got all these other things going for her, like she's getting good grades. That's really the most important thing. That she's grounded.
That's also the most important thing. Like those are all good qualities and not every listen. I was away with my family this weekend. My sister had a big birthday, and I went into the kitchen to try to add something to a plate, like there was all this food in this dish and it was like stripped pork, like carnitas, and I was trying to put it in the pan for my aunt who was cooking, and three of the people were like, Chelsea, don't touch anything in the kitchen.
We don't want your help.
Just go outside and use your strengths, which our personality and talking like that made me never. Something I'll never be able to do is anything that involves kitchen cooking. Da da da, Like I'm not good at that. I've never been good at that. It's like my brain freezes when I have to do anything that involves that.
So like, give her a little bit of latitude.
I know you're her mother and you don't want to be sitting around cleaning up after your daughter. But MESSI is not the worst thing in the world. And I bet you if you stop actually like trying to punish her and try and talking about it, I bet you, with out the pressure of it, she'll kind of come to it on her own at some point.
Also, Yeah, it.
Could also be like letting the pressure off by saying like, Okay, well you've got a choice, like do you want to load the dishwasher or vacuum the living room or something like that. So she's got a little bit more autonomy there, but she still has to like help out in the ways that you need her to help out.
Yeah, And I also think honesty is the best policy. You Know, there are times where I just like my husband and I've sat the kids down and just be like, hey, guys, we really need you to help contribute because we're really stressed out right now over this, or we're really busy, or I'm working, or Daddy's trying to get this finished. I'm really overwhelmed with work, I'm going to be traveling
a lot. I really need to focus on this today, whatever you can do to kind of help get us through the day or this week, and just having that kind of communication and having that vulnerability, because I think kids like see us as I always kind of run
into this problem too. I have to be really careful because I'm busy, I'm traveling a lot, and I have to be careful to like not come into the house and like if I'm just kind of passing through and like be the nagger, you know, and they can do this and do that, you know, And I want to come in and be the person that kind of uplifts them and be like hey, like wow, well done, Like you are killing it at school right now. I'm so
proud of you, like, thank you so much. And I feel like in life in general, we all we all want kind of that, we all want to be tapped on the shoulder for and get that recognition for like the hard work and the things that we are doing right. And I think at the end of the day that helps build confidence and inspires us to kind of do better or try to contribute more in other areas that maybe we're not doing so much so so that might be another approach as well.
Yeah, that's good, that's encouraging.
Yeah.
Okay, well, thank you for calling in, Liz, Yes, thank you.
Okay, have a great day. Okay, we're going to take our last break and come back to wrap up with the Michelle bought a hat. And we're back with Michelle Monahan, most recently from White Lotus.
But you've seen her a million things.
She was in a mission impossible three she I didn't know you were married to an Australian guy.
That's funny.
I have so many Australians in my life. Australians know all about skin cancer.
They know all.
About skin cancer. They really do. Ozzie's are fantastic. I mean, you know, they're just so loose and fun and a great sure. Yeah, I have a great sense of humor.
Well, it's been such a pleasure talking to you. I hope I get to see you in person at some point. I hope we get to hang out. Well we definitely, Well you will get together with Leslie also great and best of luck. I can't wait to see all the good things that come from white Lotus for all of you.
Thank you, Thank you so much. Chelsea. You rock absolutely appreciate you.
Have a great day, all right, you too. Bye bye, thanks ladies, Bye bye.
Do do do do Do do drum roll Catherine, please, Chelsea Handler abroad.
Abroad is my European tour.
So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get the help out of this fucking country.
And it's not as easy as you think.
So I'm coming to Rekuvic, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June. I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona and Lisbon.
I'm coming abroad.
Is abroad that sounds like fun. I'm gonna go see you abroad.
I know I want to go see me abroad and there all be, there all be upcoming Vegas States, April eighteenth, July fifth, August thirtieth, November one and twenty ninth at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas.
Do you want advice from Chelsea?
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