As a law enforcement officer or spouse, you know that trauma has the potential to impact you as a parent. When raising a child in this lifestyle you are aware that they will be impacted as well. However, when children are impacted, they can't always communicate or understand what's going on. Situations that may not impact us as adults with adult brains can impact children in greater ways or ways that we might not be aware of. Today, Chad Bruckner talks about his mission to help officers and law ...
May 19, 2023•48 min•Ep. 107
You may have heard me talk about how if we don't pay attention, we can wind up off course in this lifestyle. The sacrifices that you make as an officer or as a spouse are more than just your time. We wind up slipping away from our values. Family is number one, yet there is so much time away from the family and when we are together, the impact from the job spills over and still keeps us disconnected. We want to get outdoors, but to our exhaustion, we just watch tv. We want to be adventuresome, bu...
May 12, 2023•50 min•Ep. 106
For years, my hubby and I thought and talked about what it would be like when we finally crossed the finish line into retirement. In fact, I had a countdown app on my phone that I started long ago that would tell me when the date would be when he would be eligible for retirement. We leaned on that a lot when we were tired, frustrated, or irritated about the job. I see posts of people saying, six more years, five more years, 12 more years. I also have couples that tell me in session about how muc...
May 05, 2023•42 min•Ep. 105
Law enforcement and first responders are not destined to walk away with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They are, however, more likely to struggle with PTSD than the general population. As a spouse, you may be impacted by a situation or an incident and struggle with trauma yourself. Or maybe you're concerned or worried about your officer as you see them continually impacted day in and day out. There is absolutely no reason for someone struggling with post-traumatic stress to suffer and co...
Apr 28, 2023•47 min•Ep. 104
A couple of episodes ago, I gave you the first part of my interview with Kelli Lowe. We talked about how Kelli showed up as an advocate in her local community and department after the events of Ferguson occurred. She is also a national advocate for policing and goes to Washington DC with other wives to lobby for benefits and legislation to protect our officers and blue family. As spouses, we need to be aware of legislation on a national level that could affect our departments on a local level. R...
Apr 21, 2023•1 hr 18 min•Ep. 103
Being a new law enforcement spouse can be difficult. There can be feelings of apprehension and fear every time your partner walks out the door. Many times, it can leave spouses feeling like this wasn’t what they signed up for. Jen Gudat felt this exact way as her husband transitioned from being a reserve police officer for free on the weekends to a full-time officer with a metropolitan police department. There was an adjustment period for her family to adapt to shift work, missed family dinners,...
Apr 14, 2023•40 min•Ep. 102
Trigger warning: before listening to this podcast or reading the show notes, please be aware that the content discussed involves sexual abuse and suicide. Adam is a former law enforcement officer and an FBI-trained hostage negotiator. He knows the challenges that law enforcement officers face in their careers and holding their relationships and personal lives together. He left law enforcement in 2015 and devoted his time to creating tools and resources to impact the minds and souls of law enforc...
Apr 07, 2023•1 hr 4 min•Ep. 101
In episode 100 Cyndi reflects on the journey from 2017 with her first podcast to now. To celebrate this milestone, Cyndi’s husband, Bobby, interviews her and asks his questions as well as those submitted by the law enforcement community. Listen in to see if your question was answered! Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Protecting Your Law Enforcement Relationship
Mar 31, 2023•52 min•Ep. 100
We've heard the common story of an officer-involved situation and the occupational stress injury that follows, which commonly leads to suffering in silence. This particular story diverges when a wife decided she'd had enough and threw a book at her husband. That moment woke up this officer to see the impact that he was having on his family and himself. It led to a singular decision that guided him on a journey of recovery and resilience, including authoring a book and starting a company with his...
Mar 24, 2023•1 hr 2 min•Ep. 99
When people are struggling, it's hard to ask for help. As an officer or spouse in law enforcement, we often think we need to be strong, which makes asking for help even harder. As officers climb the ranks, asking for assistance can be almost nonexistent. There tends to be a focus on making sure that those you supervise, or support are okay and ultimately, you put your emotions and feelings aside. As departments and the law enforcement community continue to admit that there are many struggles wit...
Mar 17, 2023•58 min•Ep. 98
The impact of being exposed to the negative side of the world day in and day out takes a toll on law enforcement and their spouses. We become more cynical and push past emotions to be able to keep showing up. If you're a spouse, there is an expectation to put any fears aside and let them walk out the door. We can start to lose our humanness. That is exactly what happened to Scott Medlin. He now shares his story about the impact of his journey as an officer and how he, and you, can get your human...
Mar 10, 2023•43 min•Ep. 97
Kelli Lowe is a national speaker, advocate, and one of the first people that her local department calls during crisis situations. She is a valuable member of our blue family community for many reasons. Kelli serves as a Board member of the National Police Wives Association, and advocates nationwide for law enforcement. She is an LEO wife who has had a unique experience with the culture of law enforcement as a black woman. Through her advocacy and determination, she was able to influence and insp...
Mar 03, 2023•27 min
You hear your spouse's phone ding, and you lean over just to catch the first couple of lines of the text message coming in. You unintentionally read it, but after you do, your heart stops. Your stomach sinks. You feel sick. You realize they've been unfaithful. Your world stops. Between shifts, stress, and sleep, connection can be challenging in law enforcement relationships. The challenge with connection can lead to problems with intimacy and sexual relationships. Affairs start as a slow slide a...
Feb 24, 2023•46 min•Ep. 95
As an officer or a spouse, there is a mutual agreement to make personal commitments and sacrifices when entering a career in law enforcement. Many couples do not realize the health risks or the emotional harm that could come with the job. When you add the social and political situation over the last several years, the impact of low recruiting numbers, and potential safety risks due to being short on shifts or required overtime, the impact is making many consider retirement. There are many differ...
Feb 17, 2023•53 min•Ep. 94
Law enforcement couples commonly have the problem of staying connected. It can be tough to make sure that relationships and connections stay strong enough to have passion, intimacy, and sexual activity in the bedroom. Both sides of the couple can feel like they're making efforts to stay connected and feel that those efforts aren't seen or they're not noticed by the other party. Sometimes it can feel like both people in the relationship are volleying the ball, but they are on different courts. Th...
Feb 10, 2023•45 min•Ep. 93
When our communication or connection breaks down, it can break down our sexual drive or our sexual connection with each other. When our sexual connection breaks down, it can also spill over and impact the rest of the relationship. It's difficult for us to talk about sex. Most couples don't have regular sexual conversations. When couples are so uncomfortable talking about sex with each other or other people, it winds up impacting their relationship. With the added struggles of stress, sleep, and ...
Feb 03, 2023•54 min•Ep. 92
Policing changes you. I was told early on that policing would change my husband, and that was just the way it was. His career would impact him and together, we would just have to accept that fact. It was like hearing that he had a permission slip to behave however he wanted because of policing. Are we both officers and spouses going to be impacted by policing? Of course. Does that mean we have to take it sitting down? No. We can make decisions to be aware of the impact and at any time start to s...
Jan 27, 2023•50 min•Ep. 91
Toward the end of December and the beginning of January, I approached my husband a couple of different times with New Year's resolution types of conversation. I mentioned 3-4 times that I wanted to talk about something regarding that idea. I was asking questions like “What’s your vision?” “Do you have any goals?” “What’s your word for the year?” and it was met with a flat response. My mom always used to tell me if you don't know where you are going, you will wind up where you have been. She taug...
Jan 20, 2023•36 min•Ep. 90
As we start the new year, fitness, and “New year, New me” is a focus for many. We all know how important being physically fit is for officer safety, but how does exercising and meal prep fit into their limited off time? Does this impact their relationship with family? I’ve heard complaints from spouses about hyperfocus, how working out feels more important than family and takes time away, separate meal planning which contributes to the feeling of separation again, supplements, and tailoring of u...
Jan 13, 2023•44 min•Ep. 89
Nick Daughtery realized that financial health is an officer safety issue.He is a retired Sergeant from the Grand Prairie Police Departmentand now owns and works for FinancialCop,the largest wellness training group in the country, as well as one of the largest law enforcement-owned and operated fiduciary-only financial planning firms.He teachesall over the country to helpofficers have financial health and wealth,2500 first responders from over 3000 agencies nationwide andcurrently has 136 classes...
Jan 06, 2023•45 min
Cyndi Doyle LPCS and LEO wife updates you with where she has been and what has been going on in her life. Part of the story involves her husband, Bobby Doyle, and she needed and wanted to extend some time to him until he was okay with sharing. She doesn't share all the details, but he agreed that he needs to share his story at some point in time and the impact it had on him. He's not ready yet, but he will at some point. What she does share is that he had a major medical issue tangentially relat...
Dec 06, 2022•8 min
What is an extreme event and how do you handle them when they occur? As schools have started the new school year, Uvalde has been on my mind. When Dr. Katherine Kuhlman offered to come on and talk about mass events, I moved to get her on the podcast. She has been speaking on national media outlets about these events and the impact on communities and law enforcement. It's possible that this one may be triggering. Today, Katie discusses the impact of these events on law enforcement families and ho...
Sep 09, 2022•40 min•Ep. 85
Curmudgeon: a bad tempered person, especially an old person. This episode is a conversation with Cyndi and her husband Lt. Bobby Doyle (Ret.) where Bobby admits he is a recovering curmudgeon. Bobby shares his story of why he needed to make a change. His old school mindset needed to shift into one based off the needs of the younger generation of officers as well as the impact the curmudgeon had on his marriage. Bobby offers solutions on finding the joys in life after witnessing the bad and evil a...
May 13, 2022•32 min•Ep. 84
Behaviors that keep officers safe of the job can have negative impact on relationships with those they love. The command presence that officers must have on the job is conditioned and can occur at home in certain situations. This episode is a conversation with Cyndi and her husband Bobby (ret). They share not only information about how authoritarian spillover presents at home but how, why, and the impact in their own relationship. Cyndi and Bobby offer several solutions so you can negate the imp...
May 06, 2022•51 min•Ep. 83
Parenting is hard. It can be even harder when you are trying to parent in a Law Enforcement Family. Our officer's brain needs time to come down from the hypervigilance high that keeps them safe on the job. Their authoritarian mindset that keeps a scene under control during shift needs to shift to one that is condusive to a parenting approach. During today's episode, I have brought on Lynn McLean to help us understand how officers can have better relationships with their kids, understand the impa...
Apr 29, 2022•37 min•Ep. 82
Cyndi Doyle, LPCS and LEO Wife talks about issues that impact law enforcement relationship issues. This week is an encore episode of Shut Out and Shut Down Communication. Learn what causes the communication pattern and how to address it in your law enforcement relationship. Hold the Line: The Essential Guide to Your Law Enforcement Relationship (Click here to buy) Free Workbook click here IG: code4couples For speaking or training click here...
Apr 22, 2022•29 min
We experience different types of grief as law enforcement couples, including the grief of the life we may have dreamed such as having dinner and holidays together. You may be grieving the support of a community or safety you once felt. You may be also grieving the death of an officer you know personally or in the community. For that reason, I have brought on Jill Johnson- Young, the grief guru. Jill is a LCSW, former hospice and child welfare worker that has worked very closely with law enforcem...
Apr 15, 2022•49 min•Ep. 81
Communication can be difficult when you never see each other, deal with hypervigilance, and stress. Cyndi give you 5 easy communication hacks to keep you connected through the ups and downs. Be sure to check out the free download at holdthelinebook.com Check out other episodes at code4couples.com Pick up the book Hold the Line on Amazon or any online retailer.
Apr 08, 2022•40 min
You notice you spouse texting and smiling. You lean over and notice it's someone from the opposite sex. You start to wonder if their relationship is more than just friends. In a environment that has the potential to leave us feeling lonely and disconnected, it is important that the connection is not filled outside of our relationships. In this episode, Cyndi talks about the slow slide of friendship turned emotional affair. Find out if your friendships with the opposite sex is really more than "j...
Apr 01, 2022•24 min•Ep. 79
Do you want to make sure your law enforcement relationship is strong enough to endure the ups and downs of life and the career? Cyndi shares the 5 essentials skills that skills that every law enforcement couple needs to have to stay connected and resilient! code4couples.com
Mar 25, 2022•36 min•Ep. 78
